Fire and Ash

Meeting A big pigeon

I awoke quickly from my dream clutching my chest, the same dream almost every night. It would begin with me walking through what appears to be a castle only to find Twilight and her friends dead. And just before I find out who killed them I wake up, it was driving me insane.

My stomach grumbled waking me from my thoughts, I'm starving. I get out of my bed and walk over to my wardrobe. The wardrobe is small and can just hold my clothes. Rarity had created many new clothes for me since I had arrived here, even if she didn't seem to like me that much. Most of the clothes she has made for me are hideous, coming mostly in the colour pink. I picked out my only pair of blue trousers I had, they were very similar to pair of  baggy cargo trousers. But that's when I noticed something terrible, so terrible it would make Stalin look like a good guy. My Bright pink top,to make matters worse it had a love heart in the centre of it. Twilight got it made for me when I was thrown into the library wall by princess Celestia – only she didn't know that – and I made a joke about gremlins making the hole. She got very very pissed.

Well I guess I have nothing else to wear then. I reluctantly pulled the shirt on and walked to the door. I glanced in the mirror before leaving hoping my beard had started to grow back, it hadn't. Before I got scent to Equestria I had a rather large beard growing, well large for a seventeen year old any ways, and I wanted it back. It has been about five weeks since I ended up here and I haven't even got a bit of a stubble, I miss my beard.

I began walking down the sat airs to find Twilight sitting in her usual seat nursing a cup of coffee, she was not a morning pony. Her hair was a mess and she just stared at the same spot on the table every morning. I had very little sympathy for her, when you only get about four hours sleep a day it will come back to bight you.

Spike walked in from the kitchen wearing his signature apron and began laughing historically when he saw me, god he sounds like one of the hyenas from the lion king when he laughs.

“haha , dude what are you wearing!” he said in between laughing fits.

“Shut it puffy, you cant say shit, your wearing a frilly apron with a heart on it.”

We stared at each other, we both stood our ground until Twilight turned to us. “Boys, stop that!, Jake come sit down. Spike can you go to the washing up please.” spike grumbled something about being a slave and walked off, trust me buddy you know nothing of it.

I grabbed a glass of water before sitting down opposite Twilight. She had a large grin on her face.

“So how do you like your top I think it is rather fitting of you” she was giggling now, damn you twilight, damn you.

I sighed “why is this the only shirt I have left, I'm sure I had a lot more.”

“Oh you did but after you told me about your races gender stereotypes I decided to get it made for you, after you smashed a hole in my wall.” I sighed. I could see no way of wining this fight without pissing of Celestia, she did throw me into the wall after all.

“Fine, I'll wear it but ONLY for today. After that I'm burning this infernal thing.” she smiled

“Aww does the big strong human not want to wear pink?” she asked mockingly

“I hate you” she just smiled. “So what's on the agenda today, all might overlord.”

“Not much other than going to Fluttershy's to document a new butterfly species, after that I have some studying to catch up on and so do you.” I sighed first I need to go talk about fucking butterfly’s for an untold amount of time and then to make matters worse Twilight is making me read everything she can find on ponies and Equestria, and I mean everything. Not that I did anything during that time any way. Day dreaming was so much more fun than reading ' one hundred ways to cook dandelions'.

It would be nice to see Fluttershy again though. Out of all of twilights friends she has been the nicest to me. I would even go as far as saying we were friends, not close friends but just friends. The others on the other hand were a different story. Rainbow Dash and Applejack avoided me as if talking to me would bring upon the apocalypse. Rarity wasn’t at all interested in me, even when I said I would tell her everything I knew about fashion from my world, it wasn’t a lot but at least I was something. Pinkie Pie talked to me sometimes but not much. Even twilight said that it was very unlike Pinkie Pie not to like some one. I would need to try something to gain her trust. She likes parties, maybe I should throw her one?

“When are we going to Fluttershy's?”

“In about thirty minutes.”

“OK, think we could stop of at sugar cube corner firs?” I asked.

“No”

“aww come on, we haven’t been for a while.” I pleaded to her, giving her my pest puppy dog face, it wasn't very effective.

“We went yesterday and the day before that, and they day before that.”

“Like I said we haven't been for a while.” I grinned, her eyes narrowed

“No, and that’s final.” I guess it was worth a shot.

=====================

We were soon on our way to Fluttershy's cottage. We decided to take the longer route bypassing many of the main streets. The ponies here didn't run in fear when they saw me any more but they still were terrified of me. There was a rumour going around town saying I brainwashed Twilight into letting me stay with her and that I kidnap ponies at night to do evil experiments on them before I eat them, alive in some cases depending on who you hear the story from.

We soon arrived at Fluttershy's cottage, It was only a fifteen minute walk from the library. When we were about to knock on the door something came to my attention. Everything was quiet, too quiet. Not even the birds were making any noise. Twilight knocked on the door and we waited for an answer.

The door opened to reveal a red eyed Fluttershy. It looked like she had been crying. It was at this moment me and twilight noticed the cut on her foreleg.

“Oh my, Fluttershy are you OK?” Twilight asked worry evident in her voice.

Fluttershy let out a sniffle before speaking “Yeah I'm fine. I just tripped on my way back.”

“Can we come in?” twilight asked

“Yes, please come in.”

she opened the door fully and allowed us to enter there was a few droplets of blood In the centre of the room next to a first aid box.

“Fluttershy please sit down and I will have a look at the cut.” She just nodded before limping over to her couch. I walked closely behind and picked up the first aid box on the way taking out a cloth and a small bandage.

I inspected the cut it wasn't to deep. It was more of a graze that a cut. I put some disinfectant on the cloth that was in the first aid box before dabbing the small cut. Fluttershy winced and it looked like she was going to cry again. Twilight sat net to her and hugged her.

“Fluttershy what happened?” twilight asked as she held a crying fluttershy in her hooves.

“It started when I was helping a family of ducks through ponyville, a big Griffin walked up to me and started shouting at me. She made me slip and cut my leg.” this started a new wave of crying. “She started laughing before flying of, I don't know what happened to the ducks, they might be hurt!” she began crying again. Yeah I'm going to kill the big pigeon. No one makes fluttershy cry. I quickly finished bandaging her leg.

“Fluttershy, where is this griffin?” I asked, I wonder if they taste like chicken.

“I... I don't know, I.. I think she flew off towards Rainbow's home.”

Twilight must have noticed the look on my face. “don't worry fluttershy we will talk with her later” she said as she glanced at me.

“Yeah, talk” I said as I looked back at her. Fluttershy was still sobbing but she had cammed down a bit. Now what’s the best way to commit murder and get away with it? Use a spade to bash the persons skull in then bury the body? Or maybe acid in a bath tub? I ponded this for a few moments before there was a knocking at the door.

“I'll get it” I said as I got up and walked to the door. I was met with a spray well more wave of confetti from some strange contraption pinkie was wearing.

“Hi do you know were fluttershy is ?” she asked in a very cheery voice

“Yeah she's inside”

I moved back into the house to let pinkie enter. She bounced right past me over to were Fluttershy was sitting she had thankfully stopped crying. One thing I wouldn't want to see is an angry pinkie pie. If she can shit all over physics on a normal day she might end the world if she was angry enough.

“Hey Fluttershy, Hey Twilight I was wondering if you wanted to come to Gildas welcome to Ponyville party?” She said as she made two invitations appear out of no where. This was Pinkie Pie we are on about here. “You can come as well Jake.” she said turning towards me, she pulled another invitation out of no where and handed it to me. It was pink with love hearts on it. It simply read.

'You are invited to Gildas welcome to Ponyville party at sugar cube corner, the party starts at 3 pm'.

I looked at the clock on the wall. The party was in two hours. Could I dig a big enough ditch in two hours?

“Thank you Pinkie Pie” we all said in unison. It was kind of freaky but the girls either didn’t notice or didn't care.

“We will be there” I said with a predatory grin. We most definitely will be there.

OKIE DOKIE LOKI!” She cheered before hopping out the house. She hopped like

Pepé Le Pew from the loony tunes.

“We are going, right Twilight?” I asked turning away from the direction the crazy party pony jumped off to.

“Yes we most certainly are, I would like to have a word with this Gilda.”

===================

We arrived at the party rather early, the three of us were the only people there, excluding Pinkie Pie. She was putting the finishing touches to the decorations, The room was filled with cakes and other assorted party food. Streamers littered the walls, along with dozens of balloons.

“Oh you guys got here early!” Pinkie chirped when she saw us.

“Hey Pinkie, do you have a spade?” Twilight hit my shoulder, I had told her my plan on the way down, she wasn't pleased.

“Ignore him Pinkie, just some silly human joke.” Twilight glared at me “Right”

“Yeah just a joke, but seriously do you have a spade?” twilight hit me in the shoulder agin but this time it was a lot harder, “Owww that hurt.” She just smiled.

Pinkie just looked at us confused. “So” Twilight spoke up. “who have you invited?” Oh god, why did you have to ask.

She grinned wildly “I invited lots on ponies!. Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Rarity, Beery Punch, Lyra, Bon Bon, Lyra...” And so the list went on and on and on.

Me, Twilight and Fluttershy sat and swapped idle chit chat as we waited for the other guest to arrive, it didn't take long. They arrived in droves, most of them didn't even notice me until someone pointed it it, thankfully none of them ran for there lives but they did stay as far away from me as possible, even with my pink shirt on.

I just stood in the corner waiting for the bid pigeon to arrive, I wanted to have a private word with her. Twilight and Fluttershy went off and began conversing with many of the ponies at the party. I tried talking to a few of them at the start of the party but they instantly backed of, so fuck it I'll just wait in the corner until our 'Guest of honour' shows up.

When gild showed up I was rather disappointed, she fit most mythical descriptions of a griffin but she was a lot smaller, maybe only about five foot tall. She was immediately greet by pinkie pie who offered her hoof for a hand shake Gild took it she yelped as electricity surged through her body. I laughed fell for the oldest trick in the book. Pinkie had used one of those hand shake buzzer thing's, and to great effect.

Gilda had a crazed look on her face but she was saved when Rainbow Dash walked over laughing. They talked for a bit before Rainbow walked off towards a table with a punch bowl set out. Pinkie quickly put a leg round Gilda's shoulder before shouting “ Everyone I would like you all to meet Gilda, a long time dear friend of Rainbow Dash...” blah blah blah you get the picture. It was quickly met with cheers from all the ponies.

It was at this point she noticed me. Her eyes went wide and her mouth, well beak, hung agape. Pinkie noticed this and started to push her over to where I stood. “Gilda I would like you to meet Jake. He is our resident human.” she looked terrified.

“Hello” was all she said as I stared down at her. I didn't say anything I just looked away from her. I had no interest in talking with her... not yet any ways.

She took that as a sigh to fuck and quickly left. She walked over to where Rainbow Dash was standing, Rainbow was talking to Twilight and spike. When did spike get here? Meh what ever.

A cake was quickly presented, it was huge, it was just as big as Gilda was. She tried to blow out the candles but they quickly relit. She was soon out of breath from her attempt and everyone started laughing except Twilight. She hadn't stopped staring at her since she got here.

Spike jumped into the cake and quickly appeared at the top of it. He was met with looks of disgust from everyone around him. “What? It's good!” he shouted as twilight glared at him.

“Come on every pony lets play pin the tail on the pony” Applejack shouted followed my a murmur of agreement. Really a children’s game? How old were these ponies?

Pinkie quickly placed a blind fold over Gilda's face and spun her round leaving her to face the wall. She quickly turned round and walked in the opposite direction, was she fucking retarded? She quickly slipped on a piece of cake that was on the floor and went flying through the front door. It was like something out of a tom and jerry cartoon. Everyone, including me, burst into tears. I must admit that was hilarious.

A roar broke us from our laughter as gild jumped up and hovered in the air. She began shouting obscenity’s at everyone around her. Oh yes, she was pissed. She moved right in front of pinkie raising a talon to strike. Her attempt was cut short when she was hit in the face with a table that I had so carelessly dropped, in her direction, aimed perfectly at her face.

The ponies gasped when she fell to the ground. She got quickly got up, holding her face with a talon. She glared daggers at me. I just grinned it was incredibly funny when an over grown chicken was angry at you. The ponies just stared on with worrying looks, when the only two predators in the room – not including spike –  where getting ready for a fight things were bound to get messy.

She roared and lunged at me, using her wings to get as much speed as possible. She smashed in to my chest forcing both us into the wall behind me. She swiped her talons at me, cutting a big line across my chest. I roared out as felt burning pain in my chest, some of my ribs must have been broken. She got ready to take a swipe at my face but I was quicker. I smashed my fist into the side of her beak. And she went flying to the side in a heap.

We both quickly got to our feet at stared at one another. Most of the ponies had fled the room. Only Twilight and her friends remained.

I charged at Gilda sending another fist straight into her face. A loud thunk echoed through the room as she dropped to the floor, she was out cold. I clutched at my chest as I waddled away from her and sat down on a small chair next to me. My chest was hurting like fuck. Rainbow quickly flew over to Gilda and checked if she was OK. I on the other hand was met with a very angry Twilight.

“Why did you do that!” she screeched.

“She was going to hit Pinkie!” I recoiled “What was I supposed to do? Let her get hit?!” My chest was really hurting now as most of the adrenalin began to ware off. “Now if you don't mind call a doctor my chest hurts like a bitch.” She growled before ordering spike to go get nurse red heart.

You see everything went better that expected.