Eternal Love

Love...what a wonderful thing. Yet, sometimes...it is painful. Why does it feel so good...yet hurt so much? Why does it fills my heart...then shatters it? Leaving me with nothing...nothing at all. Life now holds no meaning for me.

I should be accustomed to it, shouldn't I? Having lived for thousands of years, having loved hundreds of ponies. But somehow, this time...I can't help but keep thinking about it. The love we once shared, the moments we experienced together...

They are still so fresh in my mind, lingering so tantalizingly close. Every night, when I dream, I think of them. I can see, hear, smell, even taste them. But I cannot touch them. It only serves to torture me, to remind me. I may never feel her beside me again. Never will I have a comforting shoulder to lean on, a smile to look forward to. A sweet voice to soothe my nerves.

Maybe I had took our love for granted, blinding myself to the truth. That we would last forever, locked in an eternal embrace of love. The painful truth that she would leave me someday. And I tossed it away into the dark, empty corners of my mind, ignoring the fact, foolishly, yet blissfully, forgetting that Twilight would one day leave my side.

My mind feels like exploding right now. Every time I think of something, Twilight is always there...laughing happily at me, smiling at me so innocently. But when I try to grasp her with my mind, she always disappears. Just like a fleeting memory...everyday, her face becomes harder to remember...

I am truly afraid that I might one day forget how she looks like.

And a nagging question keeps buzzing in my head, refusing to dissipate, engulfing every part of my mind. And it makes me sick, just to think of it.

Did I ever...regret loving Twilight?

It has been a year since Twilight died. It was such a horrible experience...my heart was torn to shreds. You can never imagine how painful it is, to cradle your loved one as he or she died in your hands. Her dying breath, her frail body...it was the inevitable, wasn't it? So why do I still feel this hole in my heart? The unmendable tear in my heart, the place that once held Twilight dearly. Empty. Desolate.

Twilight...why? Why did you have to leave me behind to suffer?

I loved you too deeply...when you died, Twilight, I felt a piece of my heart dying with you. You took it away unwillingly along with you. I know you never meant to hurt me...it wasn't your fault. It never was.

My heart is still broken. And it can never be repaired.

Never.

-Celestia

Celestia was in her bedroom, lying on her bed, inebriated as she took another gulp of the foul liquid inside the bottle. It didn't taste great. In fact, it was vile and disgusting...but it took away all her troubles. So she continued drinking, the liquid washing away all her troubles, all her pain, leaving behind an empty husk devoid of emotion. It was so addictive, she could not stop herself from greedily emptying the bottle.

A knock on the door momentarily brought her back into reality, and Celestia looked at the door with concentration, as if it would open with the sheer power of her mind. The door did not budge. Celestia grumbled, but made no attempt to open the door. She was so tired...so, so tired. She laid down on her bed, hoping that anypony outside would think that she was asleep. But it wasn't her lucky day.

"I know you're not asleep, Tia...what's wrong?" The unmistakable voice of Luna rang out.

Celestia groaned. This was definitely not one of her lucky days. Still, she made no effort to reply Luna in any way, praying on the slim chance that Luna might think she was asleep.

The door opened, and Luna stepped inside with worry on her face, with soon transformed into shock.

"Tia...what...what happened?" Luna asked, her eyes widening in disbelief.

Celestia was lying on her bed in an un-ladylike manner, her body sprawled face up over the bed. Her left foreleg was still holding on to a bottle of wine, and even more half-finished wine bottles were strewn all over the bed and even the floor.

"Leave...me...alone..." Celestia slurred, her speech impeded by the alcohol that had now intoxicated her. Celestia raised her foreleg again, drinking the remaining contents of the bottle.

"Stop it!" Luna knocked away the bottle, which shattered on the wall with a loud sound. Celestia just grumbled in frustration and reached for another bottle.

"Stop." Luna said with such authority that Celestia froze.

Luna looked at her with a cold gaze before speaking.

"This is all about her, right? About Twilight."

Celestia nodded slowly, her eyes now watery and threatening to burst into tears.

" It...was...always about...her...it ...always...was." Celestia stammered, her alcohol-intoxicated mind not doing any good to her thinking.

"Please, Tia...it has been so long since she...died. Why haven't you recovered yet? You were never like this, Tia."

"I...don't know...I...really...don't...know..." She finally let go of her tears, which was now followed with choking, uncontrollable sobs.

"Please, just let go of her. She's dead, and there's nothing we can do about it. I was hurt too, Tia. But I managed to recover. And I believe you can, too. Just do it for me, Tia. Or for yourself." Luna stated with a somber tone.

Her mind suddenly became clear, the words puncturing her heart like knives. Her face was contorted with anger as she used her hindlegs to sweep away all the wine bottles on her bed, causing a symphony composed of shattering bottles.

"Let go of her? I will never, ever let go of her. Do you hear me? I loved her before, and I still love her now. And I swear on my life I'll continue to love her in the future." Celestia's nostrils flared as she shouted.

Luna took a step back, cowering from her fury. "Tia..." she weakly responded.

Celestia continued her relentless barrage of words, her shout now becoming more of a bellow. " Who are you to tell me to let her go? You will never know how much I love her, how much it hurt me when she left. Maybe you're right, we should move on. But I can't. There is no future for me to move on..."

Celestia looked away from Luna and into the night sky, her tears shimmering in the night, slowly dripping onto the bed, the bed getting wetter as the seconds passed.

The doors opened, and the guards immediately went inside, instinctively asking, "Are you alright..."

They stopped as they saw the scene in front of them, the countless shards of glass on the floor, Celestia lying on the bed and looking away with tears on her face, Luna with tears of her own, though not as much as Celestia. And when both rulers gave them a look of pure hatred, the guards immediately ran outside and closed the doors.

Celestia's voice was sure to have woken at least half of the castle, and soon more ponies would be rushing here, trying to find out what happened. Luna sealed the doors with her magic, which she reckoned could at least buy some time. She then looked at Celestia, who was also staring at Luna. It went on for a few seconds, the silence overwhelming Luna. It was with much effort that Luna spoke.

"You're right, I will never know the love between you and Twilight, how deep the bonds were. But we have to look forward, don't we? Our empire is crumbling without your leadership, your wisdom. And maybe I will never know how deeply you were hurt. But we have to continue living...please. It's what Twilight would want, what Twilight would expect."

"I know...Twilight would want me to continue without her, to live on. But I can't seem to find any meaning in life anymore...The future looks so dark, so bleak...it's not worth living it out..." Celestia cried even more.

"You have to, Tia...I've also been affected...The past year I have been covering your duties, and I'm so tired everyday...I'm going to go insane at this rate, Tia...I need you. I beg you...I want my loving, caring, responsible sister back..." Luna rushed forward to hug Celestia, the two sisters embracing each other, their tears mixing.

"Luna...I...never meant to hurt you...I'm...so sorry...I failed as your older sister. You did so much for me...I'm so ashamed..." Celestia closed her eyes, the words just flowing out of her mouth.

"No, Tia...You haven't disappointed me at all. You're the best sister in the world...I love you so much...you were always there for me, even when I did things so horrible, so cruel. So please, I need you back, to guide me...I'm so lost without you..." Luna sobbed wildly, her embrace becoming even stronger.

A loud knock on the door resonated in the room, and a commotion could be heard outside. But they didn't care. They continued embracing each other, enjoying each other's warmth, and the consolement it brought. Even when the voices of ponies shouting their names echoed in the room. A muffled scream could be heard, and the door started to crack as it was being knocked down by the ponies outside. The magic Luna casted was strong, but it was only a matter of time before the door broke. And if they were caught in such an awkward situation...it was going to be bad.

Luna slid out of the embrace, her eyes locking with Celestia's.

"Just don't do anything stupid, Tia...promise me." Luna whispered.

Celestia looked at Luna with a mix of sadness and hurt, her eyes glimmering in the moonlight.

"I wish I could, Luna...I don't know...I don't know anymore."

Luna hung her head lowly, and started to unfold her wings.

"Whatever you do, Tia...just remember...I love you."

Luna jumped out of the balcony, her wings spreading majestically as she flew away into the night sky.

Celestia closed her eyes, her choking sobs suffocating her.

"I love you too..." Celestia muttered with a weak breath.

As the door gave way, Celestia collapsed.

"On god...what happened..." was what Celestia first heard as she roused from her sleep, her head still spinning and her vision only just becoming clearer.

She looked around. She was in a hospital ward, that was for sure. She caught Shining Armor pacing about the room, frantically muttering incomprehensible words. It was a few seconds before Shining Armor realised she was awake, and immediately asked a flurry of questions.

"Princess Celestia, are you alright? What happened? Did an invader sneak in? Were the guards posted too..."

Celestia interrupted him, asking him to find the doctor instead. Shining Armor wasn't one to question her, so he nodded and went out of the room. Just when he left, a figure materialised in the corner of her eye, seemingly coming out of the shadows.

"Luna..." Celestia muttered.

Luna immediately embraced Celestia again, crying hysterically.

"What's wrong?" Celestia asked, concerned.

"I thought...when you said....you couldn't promise me...that you decided...to take your own life. I was so scared, so afraid when I heard that you were found unconscious in your bedroom...I thought I had lost you." Luna was crushing her with her hug, tightening like a vice grip. But it didn't hurt. Instead it felt reassuring and tender.

"Luna...don't cry. It hurts me to see you cry..." Celestia cried too, returning Luna with an embrace of her own.

Hoofsteps could be heard outside, and it became increasingly loud. Luna perked her ears, and looked sadly at Celestia. "Take care, Tia." Luna disappeared back into the shadow.

Celestia just smiled sadly and nodded.

Shining Armor had brought the doctor back, and as he saw the fresh tear stains on Celestia he asked.

"Are you okay, your highness?"

"I'm fine, thank you. Now when can I be discharged?"

Shining Armor decided not to press the issue, and stayed silent as the doctor looked through his clipboard.

"With your current rate of recovery, you can be safely discharged tonight. But you have to watch out for alcoholic drinks. Your liver has been partially damaged, and you have to abstain from alcohol for at least a month after your liver heals."

Celestia nodded, thinking about Luna. She hoped Luna was okay...she had hurt Luna badly, and she cursed herself for that. Luna did not deserve this...she was such a failure as an older sister.

She smirked. Yes, she was a failure. She promised Luna, when Luna was a filly, that she would protect her, love her, forever. And she broke it. Her own promise. And it felt so terrible yesterday, the broken promise was shoved directly into her face when Luna cried, asking for her help. She had broken down on that day. But never. Never again will she break Luna's heart.

She sat up, her eyes steeled with determination.

Never again. She was going to repay Luna with all she could.