Acheron, Meet Equestria!

I stood there, mouth open in utter shock as skeletons of ponies galloped around, incorporeal laughter seeming to echo from their frozen countenances. Chrysalis stood there with a look of utter confusion. My mind raced through memories to see if I had any data on how to defeat skeletons. I know it seems odd, but I have a near-eidetic memory. Faces are really problematic, but I remember almost everything else, some things right down to the accent.

“Acheron... why are there skeletons running around?” Chrysalis' voice resonated with shock. I stood there simply aghast. I rubbed my forehead, staring at where I assumed the laughter was coming from.

“Something's here. I know it. Wait right here.” I waded through the writhing mass of ponies – not easy, considering some were about half the height of me. Hooves collided with my toes, my poor shoes losing pieces wherever they struck. Chrysalis stared as I made it to the middle, where skeletons ran in a circle. “Skeletons, even the ones which shouldn't exist, have to have a summoner... aha!” My hand shot out, grabbing something that shouldn't have been there, my hand disappearing as it gripped.

“Wah! Who dares grab me!?” I turned to see that Chrysalis had made her way over. I looked down at her feet. They were red and torn.

“Chrys, you're bleeding.”

“And that's a unicorn you're holding.” Her hand snaked out and grabbed hold of something imperceptible. Almost all at once, the skeletons vanished within puffs of smoke, and my hand was revealed on a sky-blue unicorn's... flank. Chrysalis was holding her horn with a death grip, staring down with irritation. I looked down at Chrysalis' feet. There was no wound. I shrugged, looking at the unicorn. The ponies all around stared angrily.

“How dare you grab the Great and Powerful Trixie in such a... disturbing way?!” Chrysalis and I retreated a few feet back, staring her down. She really did not seem all that great, but powerful? What little I understood of magic had her pegged as definitely that. I stood back, the looks on the ponies' faces registering under one I knew very well.

“You're one to talk, with the locals detesting your very existence. Come on!” I hoisted Trixie onto my shoulder, running away as fast as my panicking legs could take me. She was not all that heavy, far from it, to be honest. Either that, or it was the adrenaline pumping through my veins as myself, Trixie on shoulder, and Chrysalis sprinted away. To be perfectly honest,  I doubt I will ever forget the absolute look of terror on those ponies' faces when I, an absolute stranger, hoisted Trixie after revealing her, picked her up and ran away. Chrysalis caught up and sped beside me.

“Why did you do that?” Laughter escaping my mouth did not seem to answer her question.

“Because I think it's funny! To leave them absolutely confused is a great way to provide entertainment!” Chrysalis glared at me.

“The changelings despise this one greatly. She does not feel love, nor compassion. She only cares for herself.” Her point did make itself across. With a leap, I jumped from a stone walkway in what I assumed was the middle of the town. I would have to ask the name sooner or later. With another leap, roll, and sliding on my stomach for about three metres when I hit a banana cart, I had returned to my temporary home, the basement of the house. With that, I set Trixie down. Her white hair was frazzled as she sat there in shock.

“Y-You... took me away from them...” To be fair, half of the stuff I do is just for the absolute fun of it. I do not do it for reward, which is why Trixie's reaction took me by surprise. She hugged me – at least, I assumed it was a she. I was not very good with those pony voices. Her hug was like a pair of vice grips clamping down a piece of metal at home: tight, confining, and painful if you try to make it release. “Thank you! Thankyouthankyouthankyouthank-” I pushed her away as hard as I could.

“Y-You're... not... letting... me... breathe!” At once, she let go, letting me cough up both lungs in an effort to keep breathing. Chrysalis ran out to drag us both inside.

“Both of the occupants of this household were masquerading changelings. The originals have not returned, it seems.” Trixie looked at the house, a look of disgust crossing her face.

“You cannot stay here! The Great and Appreciative Trixie will let you board with her at the hotel!” Chrysalis and I stared at each other. Every building looked the same to me: colourful walls, colour-streaked roofing, it was amazing that anyone could find anything in that place.

“Really.” A thought crossed my mind. There was something I had always wanted to do, and this was my chance to cause some major panic as well. Two things, then, that I had always wanted to do. Trixie looked up with a questioning look.

“Yes really!.. why?” A smile overtook my face.

“Does the hotel have clotheslines from one building to the next?”

The hotel itself was quite extravagant. Silk banners floated from balconies, while maids flitted from door to door, their cleaning carts following. I stared in shock. It was an obvious structure, the colour contrasting to the other, extravagant structures around it. It was reminiscent of some Mexican architecture I had seen for villages from some of the movies I had watched.

“I guess you weren't kidding. So, where's this room of yours?” Trixie trotted along, silently leading myself and Chrysalis into the extravagant-appearing hotel...

To find what appeared to be a motel on the inside. I worked on a road crew, so I had seen my fair share of motels. I do not like them. It was about as dingy as one, with a few cracked walls, peeling wallpaper, and shot lights. Trixie looked down at the ground.

“I stayed here to keep a low profile. They all hate me...” I glared at her as she levitated a key, using forces beyond me, turning it in a lock for the second door we had found. The room itself was a stark contrast to the absolute garbage corridor.

“I wonder why. Oh, I have a request to make.” Trixie turned, a scowl of irritation on her face. Her cape floated onto a nearby hat rack, hanging down limply as she laid upon the main bed in the room.

“What do you request then, minotaur?” I took off my glasses, wiping my hand down my face.

“No! I am not a freaking minotaur! I can use it as a lie to get past guards and the like, but for anyone, or pony, to call me one... that's just taking the joke too far.” I panted as I regained my composure. I straightened out my shirt, breathing slowly. “All right.”

“Then what do I call you, hmm?” Trixie stared me down with a glare not unlike the various girls I had known throughout high school when they wanted me to leave. I looked down, flexing my wrist. The idea returned.

“First, you call me a 'human'. Bipedal, insane creature. That's... pretty much me in a nutshell. Crazy. Now, the request.” A Cheshire Cat grin replaced the frown across my face, creepily enough that Chrysalis and Trixie backed away.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” My smile only stretched further.

“I need small metal plates, preferably a sixteenth of an inch thick, metal nails, tools for bending and so forth, a few metal springs, and some leather.” Chrysalis stared at me while Trixie wrote the items down. With a flash, she was gone, while I sat there, quietly snickering.

“That was... quite a specific list. What are you planning?” I turned to bear my entire grinning face onto her.

“Chrysalis, have you never tried a zipline?” With a flash, Trixie had returned, items held within her telekinetic grasp. I quickly snatched them, looking through them all as they tumbled one by one from their place in midair. “These will work just nicely.”

I stood upon the roof of the dingy hotel/motel that Trixie was staying at, staring at the various clotheslines that stretched from roof to roof. I flexed my hand, a brand new metal contraption, attached to my wrist, extending as I did so. A leather-covered bend in the end of it attached to the springs that were inside. I was silently happy that Trixie had acquired high-tension springs. The entire device was spring-loaded, so when I gripped a certain part of it, the device would clap together, hopefully launching me with enough force to clear the line I was using. Staring down, I could see several open-air markets, with many ponies of various colours and fashions staring up at me. Trixie cleared her throat, garnering my attention.

“So, what is the point of this 'Zipline Tool', or whatever it was you called it?” I spun around on my heel – not an easy task, unless your shoes have no tread on the heel – and faced her.

“It allows me to hang from the clotheslines, hopefully allowing me to slide along it without any issue.” Chrysalis approached, pointing at several makeshift wheels within.

“What about those?”

“Those are what allow me to build speed. They're simple wheels, but they will do the trick.” I stared down, breathing deeply.

“Are you sure this is safe?” I turned to Trixie, a maniacal grin crossing my face.

“I've got no idea.” With that, I sprinted to the edge, leaping as hard as I could to end up on a line moving downwards. The metal wheels contacted, clacking as they spun. Building up speed, I was vaguely aware of the ponies below me panicking and scurrying around. With a squeeze, the tool clasped together, the sheer tensile force of the springs launching me. I was certainly a far ways above the ground, which worried me, since I had just missed the clothesline I was going to hook to.

“What is that?!”

“Somepony call the guards!”

“Think of the children!” Without warning, another clothesline simply appeared in my vision, my tool hooking on before I realized. It was also quite short, so I was heading straight for a stone building directly in my path.

“Come on, come on, come on! Dagnabbit jammed!” The device had locked itself, forcing me to hit it repeatedly with my fist in an attempt to unlock it. The building came closer. I dislodged the problem. It was right on top of me. The springs squeezed, launching me up, but also down. Bouncing off the wall, I landed face-first on a cart of cabbages.

“My cabbages!” I looked around. There was a strangely familiar pony who was weeping over his destroyed organic produce. I picked one up, looking it over.

“You've got some good quality cabbages here, I'll give you that. Also, I did not intend to fall on your cart, it just sort of... happened.” Heavy stepping behind me alerted me to something of a large amount of danger. I faced a large detachment of guards, their spears, swords, and crossbows ready to kill me at a moment's notice.

“Stop right there, criminal scum! No one breaks the law on our watch!” I was presented with two options. The first one was to give up and go with them, barring any way for me to figure out a way to get home. The second was- I turned. There was an edge. What seemed like a cliff... and there was a convenient rope going from it down to some other area. Smiling, I turned.

“Sorry, gentlemen, but I have things to do. If I had the money, I would pay for the damages to the cabbages!” With that, I sprinted off, spears clashing against the ground, bolts slamming into houses, and swords missing me by mere inches. “At least they aim like Stormtroopers. That's a plus.” I jumped, the tool grabbing onto the rope. Below, another section of Canterlot lay before me. The speed I was moving at was incredible... and slightly concerning. I chanced a look up. The wheels were moving so quickly, that sparks were flying off, and setting fire to the rope! “Oh no! Oh no no!” My screaming was heard for a long ways as I sailed down the ever-burning rope. “Nonononononononononononono!” With a sickening snap, the rope split, sending me careening towards what I assumed was a pool down below. Oh... how wrong I would be.

“Oh, darling! You really should come to the spa more often!” A certain white unicorn with a frilly purple mane was fussing over her companion, a cerulean coloured pegasus pony with a rainbow-hured mane. I will just say, I am very, very glad that it was deeper than I thought it was, because when I hit-

“What the-”

“Get out of the way!”

“What hit the pool?!” With an unceremonious coughing, I rose from the depths like some sort of sea monster, sputtering and slightly choking on my crawl out. I flexed my hand, making sure the zipline tool was still operable. It clanked with protest, meaning it was operable, but just barely so. The realization that I was somewhere I probably should not have been dawned on me. Looking around, I saw jaws drop and pupils shrink as fear set in.

“Well, this is certainly a predicament.” My sentence was punctuated by what seemed like an entire legion's worth of pony guards entering through any opening they could use. “This... doesn't bode well.” My eyes scanned the room wildly, looking for an exit. Conveniently, there was a window that was not covered, with a clothesline attached to the wall just above it. Perfect.

“Stop right there! We don't know who you-” One of the guards stared at me blankly, recognition slowly coming to him. “That's the albino minotaur who was seen assisting both the changeling Chrysalis and the rogue unicorn Trixie Lulamoon! Arrest him!” I smiled, backing towards the window. They advanced, their weapons at the ready. My grin grew only wider.

“Sorry, gentlemen. Though, you will remember this as the day you almost caught me, Acheron!” With that, I charged to the wall, jumping through the window and latching onto the clothesline. The wheels began to catch, ripping out of the tool as I continued along. The leather began to smoke, prompting me to press the spring-trigger. A few seconds later, the springs flew out, leaving me still sliding down a very long clothesline. Flapping behind me alerted me to something worse than I expected. “They have wings?! Dagnabbit, and here I was expecting to at least outmaneuver them for a while!” An arrow flew past, severing the rope before I slammed into an oncoming structure. I fell quite far into a pile of hay. With a single roll, I stood up, looking around. A crowd had gathered around me, allowing me to hide from plain view as they flew overhead. Crawling, I made my way past the various pastel ponies around me. With a quick breath, I stood up, leaning against a shadow-covered wall. With a flash, Trixie and Chrysalis were standing directly behind me.

“You know how to stir up the wrong crowd. We should get moving. My cart is on the edge of town, and I'd rather say goodbye to this place than stay here any longer.” I laid my hand on her side, pulling her back.

“Where is my bag? Where is my case?” With a flash, those items were deposited beside us, no worse for wear. “Chrys, you grab the case. I'll grab my bag.” With a fluid motion, I slid the backpack on, shifting it so it was comfortable. I smiled. “Last one to the outskirts of Canterlot's a rotten egg!” I sprinted off, leaving Chrysalis and Trixie to attempt to catch up to me. Leaping over stalls, ducking under low-hanging awnings, and sliding across wet stones, it was almost like I was the outlaw running away in one of those incredible pirate movies. Laughter came from close behind. Turning around, Trixie was following close, tailed by Chrysalis. I faced forward to land on my stomach in an empty cart.

“Whoa!” Chrysalis and Trixie landed beside me in the cart as it began to travel down a long flight of stairs. Bounce, bounce, bounce, I felt every bump and shake as the poor wooden cart groaned and creaked on every hit of the stone steps. I looked up to see the guards flying right at us.

“Well, looks like we've got company! Come on, you stupid thing, move faster!” I began to slam my torso onto the cart to bounce it higher, attempting to get it to go at a slightly quicker pace. The guards flung their spears, narrowly missing my pack, the pocket where the CO2 canisters were held. One lucky shot, and it would be like an explosive detonating on my back. Various houses zipped by, most with their windows open.

“Acheron, whatever you're planning, don't even think about it. Your zipline tool is missing the springs!” I smiled, pointing at the various open windows.

“On the count of three, I'll jump for one of those open windows. I'll try to meet up with you outside of Canterlot! If I don't meet you there, wait five minutes, and then leave!” With a silent breath, I calmed my nerves. What I was about to do was incredibly foolhardy and reckless, and could possibly kill me... the hallmarks of an insane plan. “Count me off!”

“Three!” I stood up, bracing myself.

“Two!” I made my way, staggering and shaking, to the edge of the cart.

“One!” I threw myself from the cart, plunging headfirst through a window into what appeared to be a sort of hat shop. Landing on a pile of material, I stood up to come face to face with perhaps the most shocked pony out of any I had ever met. Without a single word, she returned to work, silently stitching together some kind of leather cap. As I made to leave, she cleared her throat.

“No pony has ever done that and actually landed in the window. Take this aviator's cap.” I held it in my hands. It was the perfect size for me.

“Why... would you give something like this to me? I just fell through-”

“You did something incomparably incredible. Now run. The guards might catch you.” Without even a single word in edgwise, I was ushered out quickly, wearing a rather comfortable leather aviator hood, similar to the ones flying aces wore during one of the world wars. With a breath, I was off, sprinting towards what I assumed was the edge of Canterlot. If I had been paying attention, I would have seen that darn hat maker blowing kisses at me. I saw it in my peripheral vision, but thought nothing of it at the time. I stopped, staring around. I appeared to be in some sort of weapons market district. Various vendors hocked their wares, dickering with the various ponies that wandered about. Two left their stalls, approaching me.

“Looks like he met Shuffling Crimson. She's right messed in the head, but that cap... she knows how to pick 'em, huh.” The one on the left finished speaking, putting a bow at my feet. The one on the right nodded.

“She really can pick 'em. You'll need these. When you reach the edge, there should be some rope, and a small knife. When you slide down the rope, cut it before you hit a tree.” Without even an answer to the various questions now popping into my head, they left, leaving me with a bow and a quiver of arrows.

“Would anyone please explain to me what just happened?” Before I could even garner a response, a spear landed not five feet from me. The guards were back. “Maybe it's better not to ask!” I rolled away, grabbing the arrows and bow before I charged out of there, spears impacting houses right and left. The wall was close. I could see it. A ladder was guarded by some pony who also had a leather cap. She motioned to the ladder, staring back at the guards with a look of utter contempt. I nodded.

“Get moving. They'll kill you if they catch you.” Geez, give me another incentive to run like I just murdered someone. Scaling the ladder, I looked out. There was a long incline, impossibly tall trees near the bottom. I tried archery once before, and was quite mediocre. Silently praying that I would have better luck, I tied the rope that had been spoken of to an arrow and notched it to the string. With a single pull, I drew the bow, aiming for the thickest tree I could find. With a swish, the arrow was away, the rope quickly zipping away. I grabbed the end, securing it to the nearest fixed pole. With an unceremonious sigh, I waited. Hooves impacting the ground brought my attention back to my rear. Spears aimed at me as arrows were notched. I sighed.

“You're nothing to mess with, I can see.” I smiled, backing up. The edge was near, my freedom was close. I looked at them, the fear in their eyes. “Well, I'd like to stay, but I have an appointment to keep! Ta-ta!” With a motion, I fell backwards, letting my zipline tool catch on the rope. The speed at which I began to move was incredible. It was almost like- I forgot the knife.

“He's gone! Where does that rope lead?! Find out!” Something impacted my back. With a flash of light, a knife had been tied to my back. I was beginning to question whether or not I was sane. It was like a chase straight out of Pirates of the Caribbean. Something began to move around on my head, as if it was alive. I felt my hat once more. It was not really an aviator's cap anymore... but more like... a pirate... captain... hat. I was wearing Captain Jack Sparrow's hat. The feeling of complete joy filled my entire being. I had outwitted guards of Equestria, all while wearing a hat that Johnny Depp had worn to be one of the most peculiar characters of all time.

Far below, Chrysalis and Trixie had gotten to talking. Trixie had become interested in the facets of the universe of the “Warhammer 40, 000” that Chrysalis yammered on about. As they spoke, a rope sank into a nearby tree, coupled with the maniacal laughter of a human having entirely too much fun. With a single swipe, the rope was cut, leaving the human to swing towards the ground, nary a scratch. Chrysalis was the first to notice my new head attire.

“Nice hat, Captain. Steal anything good?” I held up the knife, watching it sparkle in the light.

“Just a knife. Those guards are probably freaking out right now. Also, this hat is incredibly awesome!” I removed it, almost tossing it up before I noticed the message inside. Removing the piece of paper, I held it at arms length to read it. “'So, you have finally arrived. It appears that you came from places unknown, but have come through my window. That must mean you know, and therefore, those of us who harbour resentment towards certain nobility will aid you wherever you go. The hat will be the message.' Well, that's not cryptic at all! No sirree bob!” I sighed, crumpling the paper and tossing it to the ground. With a flash, it changed. No longer was a sheet of paper there, but another pony... a lavender unicorn, dazed and confused.

“Acheron, did you do that?”

“What's going on?”

“What the- what?” The lavender unicorn's eyes narrowed in on me, staring intently.

“You're going to tell me who you are, and what I am doing so far from my studies in Ponyville.”