It’s not unusual for me to feel lonely.
I often do, even when I’m surrounding by the gleaming faces of my friends and when I’m being praised by my idol.
But I always hide it behind a smile.
A smile makes it easy to hide the pain.
But today, it was a real smile. Today, I didn't feel lonely.
Today, I was going to feel alive.
Few clouds drifted across the blue sky. The sun was high and bright. It set the town in a blistering heat, but that didn't stop ponies from doing their day to day duties.
I was currently standing on my favorite scooter. My purple helmet with white stripes was placed on my head with a look of determination plastered across my face, My eyes locked on the ramp in front of me.
Today, I was going to fly.
Maybe not fly. Maybe not even glide. But I was going to try. I had fun in riding my scooter, so it didn't matter to me either way. I'd still feel free from everything. Free from the pain I often feel.
Other ponies had stopped. They were watching me. They were observing me. Curiosity was overwhelming them. I swear I even saw a cyan pegasus with a rainbow mane and tail out of the corner of my eye.
She was watching me too.
I knew I couldn't fail now. Not in front of her. It'd be really embarrassing.
My friends were ahead of the ramp, standing next to the mattress that was set there. They were waiting for me.
If only I had ponies waiting for me to come back home.
I licked my lips, something I often did to prepare for something like this. I don't know why. It's just a habit. I have yet to find out how it started.
I was ready.
Using my back leg, I pushed off the ground. And I continued pushing off the ground. I was picking up speed quickly.
Once the wheels started running over the wooden planks of the ramp, the ride became a bit bumpy. But it didn't bother me. Not at all.
And then, I was in the air.
Time seemed to slow while I was in the air.
I pushed myself off the scooter. It fell to the ground, bouncing a few times on the mattress before coming to a rest. I remained in the air for a few moments longer. I even spread out my wings in hope that I would glide a bit further. It worked for a few seconds before I too plummeted toward the mattress. I bounced myself a few times. Then I came to a stop on my back on the springy surface, my eyes looking up at the sky. A grin spread across my face. I was breathing heavily.
For a few moments, I was able to feel free.
Alive.
Happy.
I was suddenly lifted back into the air by Rainbow Dash. My friends Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle were cheering. Rainbow nuzzled me.
"That was awesome, Squirt!" she praised me.
I smiled in return. "You really think so?" I already knew the answer.
"Of course I did!" She grinned.
These were times I wish I could have more. These were the feelings I wish I could have more. But I didn't tell her that.
I simply smiled.
* * *
King Sombra watched the young filly and chuckled darkly. His plan to gain his rule was again was forming. And he was sure this one would not fail.
Ponies who knew about Sombra would be shocked to see him standing there. Afraid, too. He was destroyed, after all.
But Sombra knew how to piece his body back together again, so that's what he did. He used the black magic he knew. And now, he was standing there. His magic was slowly but surely recovering.
As the former tyrant was watching the filly, he could sense it. He sensed the emptiness in her heart. And he planned to fill the void with darkness. And with that darkness filling her heart, he could use it to his advantage. He could gain his rule once again.
Sombra slipped back into the shadows, chuckling darkly once more to himself.
Phase one would begin tomorrow.
* * *
It was nighttime now. The full moon had risen, and stars twinkled beside it. The moon wasn't lonely.
I am, though.
I was currently sitting in front of the window. My elbows were propped up on the windowsill with my head resting in my hooves. The other fillies who were assigned to this same room were already fast asleep.
But I didn't want to sleep. Not yet.
If I went to sleep, the memories of today would fade away. I didn't want that. Not yet.
I kept replaying the day in my head. For the first time in a while, I didn't feel lonely. I felt real happiness. The smile I had today was real. I didn't have to force a smile for once.
My thoughts trailed to my parents. I didn't like thinking about them much. If I thought about them, I thought about how they were dead. As if them being dead wasn't enough, the way they died only added to it.
The way they died was too... horrible.
I didn't like thinking about that.
I decided to finally crawl in bed and go to sleep. I didn't want to think about my parents anymore.
Once in bed, I curled myself into a ball, and fell asleep.
* * *
Another day. Another day of pain. Another day of loneliness.
But it's okay. I'll make it through the day like I always do. I don't have to put on a fake smile today though. Today, I'm spending the whole day at the orphanage. I'm not going anywhere today.
I entered the dining hall for breakfast. All the other fillies and colts were already there, shouting and creating a ruckus. Some odd things were being thrown around too.
Just as I took my regular seat in the dark corner, the owner of the orphanage entered. "Quiet! Quiet!" her voice cracked. All the ponies immediately shut their mouths. They knew it wasn't good to get in trouble here.
No pony knew what the old mare's name was. The owner had a gray coat and her once blonde hair had grown white due to age. Her hair sprawled out in many directions and tied into a messy bun. Wrinkles adorned her once beautiful features. Her sapphire eyes had lost the life they once held. A smiling face of a filly and colt was shown on her flank, proving working at the orphanage was what she was meant to do.
Though she didn't seem to be happy with doing so anymore.
I heard she used to be beautiful and cheery, but something happened that turned her into an old grouch.
She stood there, glaring at everyone for a few seconds before she opened her mouth and let her husky voice ring through our ears again. "Today, we have someone new joining us. Don't ask me how or when, but one of the assistants found 'im in front of the orphanage sometime last night. He has no parents or other relatives to stay with, so for now he's staying here." As the owner was speaking, I swear the colt was staring right at me, smiling the whole time.
He had a gray coat with the darkest of black hair. He had emerald eyes and a gray horn was planted on his forehead.
"Well, go on! Aren't you going to introduce yourself?" That voice crackled again.
"My name is Shadow Heart!" he said keeping his eyes on me.
He kept on looking at me. I don't understand why though.
Maybe it's just a misunderstanding. Maybe he's smiling at the fillies or colts in front of me.
But I was wrong.
The grouch pushed him forward telling him to find a seat and stomped out of the room, mumbling to herself. She mumbled to herself often.
He still had that smile on his face as he began walking toward me. All the other fillies and colts had already gone back to their usual shouting. A few fillies called for him, obviously growing a crush on him. But for the most part he was ignored. And he ignored the fillies that did yell for him to sit by them.
He continued walking toward me. It was as if I was in a trance. My eyes were locked with his. I couldn't seem to move my gaze at all.
He took the seat in front of me.
"Hi! I'm Shadow Heart!" his cheery voice.
"S-Scootaloo," I replied. I didn't quite understand why my voice was shaky. It could be that I was surprised somepony had chosen to sit with me.
With our names said, the food was brought out by the chef. It was all on many plates, rolling on a cart. It was pancakes and eggs, as usual. Once everypony had their plates, we said our thanks for food like we had to do before starting to eat.
He swallowed a bite. "So, what are the other fillies and colts here like?"
"They're alright, I guess," I answered. I didn't really know what else to say, since I hadn't gotten to know the others.
He only nodded in response. I guess he didn't know what else to say, for we ate the rest of our breakfast in a silence.
* * *
Every filly and colt, including myself and Shadow Heart, were now outside, playing. Many fillies and even a few colts were surrounding him, asking him many questions.
"Where did you come from?" they asked.
"The Crystal Empire," he answered.
"Then why isn't your coat all... crystaly? I thought everypony from their had their coats all sparkly," they asked.
"They are, until you exit the empire, that is," he answered. They continued to ask, and he continued to answer. Their faces would gleam in admiration at every answer he gave.
I, however, was sitting on my swing again. Alone.
I sighed. I knew that little spark me and Shadow had wasn't going to last long.
I guess I was wrong about that.
Shadow must've grown bored of the questions, for now he waved them off with his hoof, shaking his head no saying he didn't want to answer. After many repeated attempts, the fillies and colts gave up and instead starting playing with each other.
Shadow, on the other hoof, walked toward me, and asked me a question I never thought I would hear. At least, not at the orphanage.
"Would you like to play with me?" He held a hoof out.
I was shocked at first, but I slowly nodded and put my hoof in his. He pulled me off the swing and we began playing tag. Soon, the other ponies started joining in too.
I was smiling.
I was laughing.
I think me and Shadow are going to be good friends.
It's not my fault.
I tell myself this often.
It's not my fault. It's not my fault.
I often have doubts though, because I know that it is my fault. I've hidden it deep in the depths of my mind, but somehow it always works is way back to the front. I guess there is no hiding from the truth.
It's the middle of the night. I should be asleep, but I'm not. Insomnia, I guess.
The moon is the only thing giving any life to this dull room if you don't count the other breathing fillies and me.
My eyes drift to the photo album resting on my small bedside table. I sit up and reach for it. I might as well do something if I can't fall asleep.
I first blow off all the dust that has collected due to its minimal use. I cough a bit, but I do my best muffle them. I shouldn't even be up. I can only imagine what will happen should I be caught.
Opening it up, I find that's it's pretty easy to see. My bed is close to the window, so I have plenty of moonlight to help view the pictures.
All of the pictures are of my parents and I before those... unfortunate events happened.
Every. Single. Photo.
We used to be so happy--living in Cloudsdale together. But when they died and I was forced to move to this orphanage on the ground, all the happiness seemed to slip from my hooves.
I don't think it's just because they died I feel this way. I mean, there are plenty of other foals who don't have any parents and they're still really happy, right?
I think it's mainly because of the way they died. And because I didn't have any friends here until Shadow Heart came along.
Looking at all these pictures of how happy I used to be makes me want to cry. I even feel one tear slip and fall down my cheek to the bedspread below. I close the photo album and set it back on the bedside table before anymore can start though. I don't want to cry.
"Psst! Scootaloo. Scootaloo!" I hear a voice whisper. I turn my head to the doorway and it's a bit hard to see who it is at first. I squint my eyes and notice it's Shadow Heart.
Why is he here? He should be in bed! What if he gets caught?
He must have known I spotted him, for he called out once more. "C'mere!"
I crawl out of bed slowly and carefully, as to not creak any of the floorboards and disturb the others who rest temporarily.
I make small movements over to Shadow. I really don't want to get caught, and waking up the other fillies won't aid with that.
Once I'm standing in front of him, he says, "Follow me! I have something to show you! But you have to close your eyes!" He holds out a hoof so he can guide me. I'm reluctant to take it at first, but I finally come to the decision. I nod my head, close my eyes, and take his hoof.
He leads me for a minute or so, then I hear a door creaking and feel a cool gust of wind.
He's taking me outside! Why? Doesn't he know what'll happen if we get caught?
But we don't seem to get caught at all. He leads me down the path and not once do I hear an angry, cranky, husky voice shouting at us to get our flanks back inside.
Shadow leads me for about five more minutes before finally stopping. "... Okay," he says. "You can open your eyes now." I slowly open my eyes and I see the most beautiful sight I've ever seen!
In front of us lay a giant lake. The moon reflected off the water as well as the stars. The lake water was lapping the shore. Behind the lake were some trees. Pine trees, to be exact. But we couldn't really see them. They were like shadows: They were completely black.
Fireflies were flying everywhere--some in the back with the trees, some to the side, some hovering over the lake, and some were no more than a few feet in front of Shadow and I.
I couldn't help but smile at the sight. But who wouldn't? It was absolutely the most amazing sight ever.
"Like it?" Shadow asked.
I turn to Shadow only to find he was already looking at me. "Like it? I love it. How did you ever find a place like this one?"
"I may or may not have snuck out a few times to escape that grouch of an owner." He tilts his head to the side and gives a soft smile as he speaks.
I giggle and turn my gaze back to the wonderful sight. We sit down, just watching the fireflies and making small talk.
A firefly hovers right over to me and lands on my nose. I sneeze and the small bug flies off. Shadow laughs and I laugh along with him.
A while later, he tells me to hold my hoof out. I turn to him and see he has a firefly crawling around in his own hoof. I reach my leg out and he puts his hoof right next to mine, letting the insect crawl onto my hoof. It tickles and I can't help but giggle.
Right now, I'm so relaxed. I'm so happy. But it's a real happy. Right now when I smile, it's a real smile. I don't have to fake right now.
This place is just so... calming. We must have been there for a few hours, just talking, enjoying the view, and playing with the fireflies. I decide we should be heading back.
I stand up and Shadow, taking notice of this action, looks at me. "We should be heading back," I say.
"No... stay," he commands.
"But if we don't head back--"
"It'll be fine. Lay down and close your eyes. I'll protect you." He smiles.
And I don't hesitate. I know we'll both be in so much trouble tomorrow, but I think it's worth it. Just this one time.
I lay down like Shadow told me too, and close my eyes, letting darkness envelop my world.
But I fall asleep with a smile on my face.
