Deadpool In Equestria

Awakening from his unconscious state, Deadpool slowly opened his eyes, his vision blurred. It slowly started clearing. The first thing he noticed was the pink hyperactive pony he had talked to earlier, now staring at him with a bucket of water next to her hoof.

The room he was in looked to be made of cinderblock and down below he could see a multitude of ponies, that were as tiny as ants, outside the window. He was on a table.

Everything began to fade back to black as his eyes got heavy before he heard a female, rather excited voice.

“Poor more water on him!”. In his current state it took him a second to comprehend what he had just heard, and by the time he did it was too late.

He was soaked and got up, before being knocked back to the ground by a mint colored unicorn.

“Hi Mr.Human! What’s your name? I’m Lyra, Lyra Heartstrings!”, the unicorn said as she wandered around him, studying his hands.

“Please tell me where my weapons are so I can shoot this kid.”, Deadpool spoke in a raspy voice before clearing his throat.

Lyra completely ignoring his statement, did an excited giggle at the fact he could talk.

“Hey! Lyra’s in the royal symphony! Wait, shouldn’t you have guessed that by her cutie mark and the fact that you were in a castle?”, Pinkie said, before raising an eyebrow.

“You mean that tattoo on her ass? I thought that was for horse sex appeal or something.”, Deadpool replied.

“No, Pinkie, humans don’t have cutie marks in their world.”, Lyra said.

Deadpool cringed at the word human, and decided to correct Lyra.

“Don’t call me human.”

Lyra showed a confused expression, before questioning his morals for saying this.

“Why, isn’t that what you are? You’re human, unlike us ponies, you’re world relies on technology, and doesn’t know who their god is, only that he or she cares for them.”

Deadpool sat up.

“I’m a mutant, I rely on brute force and God gave up on me a long time ago.”

He finally got up, and left to search for his weapons. The ponies did not try to stop him as he seemed strong enough to handle them.

“Amazing, he just...  got up, after a 3000 foot fall into the Everfree forest, and being manhandled by a manticore.”, a purple unicorn walked into the room and made a note on how his healing worked.

“Any other living thing would be dead after that.”.

“Twilight, are you sure you should be writing this down, he doesn’t seem to be the type we want to get angry.”, Pinkie asked.

Deadpool walked through a blue door to see a muscular red stallion with an orange mane guarding his weapons.

“Hey, my weapons!”, he said before running towards them.

The stallion only sighed and said a single word.

“Nope.”

He held out a hoof and stopped Deadpool from going towards his weapons.

“What the hell is your problem, keeping a man from his property?”

“Well, Ah was asked to keep an eye on these weapons by mah sister, and to make sure specifically that y’all did not touch them.”

“Listen, I was created by Rob Liefield. That means, no matter how muscular you are, I have more muscle in my pinkie finger.”

The stallion knew what was coming next and geared for battle along with Deadpool.

Deadpool thrusted forward into a leap and pounded the stallion straight in the jaw.

“Street fighter combo crap!”, he yelled before throwing a second punch, and a third, and a fourth.

The stallion caught Deadpool’s fist before a fifth blow could be landed, and then hit back with astonishing force. This blow effectively knocked Deadpool straight to the ground.

“You’re tough, I’ll give you that.”, the stallion said, before seeing get Deadpool get back up.  3 teeth were missing, however they grew right back.

“The great thing about this healing factor is it saves me a trip to the dentist.”, Deadpool wise-cracked. He merely leaped over the stallion and grabbed the katanas.

“But playtime is over.”, Deadpool said, before getting ready to stab the stallion.

Deadpool was not surprised when an orange mare with a stetson bursted through the door.

“Anything to keep me from killing a cameo character, eh author?”, he said as he raised an eyebrow, lowering the sharp blade.

Loki looked at Discord’s statue.

“Soon my other worldly companion, you shall be free of this wretched stone imprisonment. Maybe I can curse the obnoxious one to look like Tom Cruise again, or better yet, make him look like the ‘Stan Lee’ fellow he is always pointing at in crowds..”

The statue’s eyes glowed.

“I’m thinking about giving that Ghost Rider fellow you told me about a tricycle, and maybe that Deadpool guy would have more fun if he had his mouth stitched shut, and the green guy needs anger management from a general. Oh, the chaos!”

Deadpool shook his head in disbelief.

“So the orange pony, despite the lack of any genetic traits other than eye color shared between the two, is related to the red pony?”, Deadpool was baffled.

“Fer the gosh dern millionth time, YES!”, the orange mare, named Applejack, replied.

Deadpool scratched his head.

“Genetics here are more effed up than I am.”, he said before the ponies looked at him in disbelief considering what he had just been through. “Anyhow, got any chicken chimichangas?”

This comment made the ponies recoil in shock.

“Great, a carnivore! Fluttershy dun went and rescued a carnivore!”, Applejack.

“Omnivore.”, Lyra corrected, calmly as ever. “They’ll also eat plants.”

This comment made a yellow pegasus in the background calm down slightly.

“Great, now that we know what he’ll eat and what he is , I think it’s time we learn WHO he is.”, a white unicorn with a purple mane chimed in.

Twilight walked in.

“I’m guessing you’re a soldier of some kind?”

Deadpool shook his head at the soldier comment.

“All I ever wanted to do was travel to far off exotic places.”

The ponies raised their eyebrows.

“Meet new exciting people.”

They then tilted their heads.

“And then kill them.”

The ponies were stunned. they couldn’t believe their own ears. A man who took pride in murder.

“So I became a mercenary.”

Twilight quickly calmed down, but gave Deadpool a rather suspicious look.

“Okay Deadpool, as a mercenary, what were you doing in Equestria?”

“This guy named Loki sent me through here via a black hole of sorts,  I was at SHIELD headquarters at the time.”

“Now tell us, how do you heal so easily?”