It's all my fault. Thousands, perhaps millions of lives on planet Earth have all paid for my mistake. I am also out of laundry detergent.
Did you expect me to be broken up about it? Maybe start crying about how I personally wronged you, of all people? Maybe if you had caught me in the first couple of months. By now, though, it's gotten old. I've gotten over it, and let's face it, in about a month you will have too. It's called the stages of grief, honey, and as far as I'm concerned, I've already hit acceptance.
Besides, with regardless of how angry you are, even if you managed to gain enough control over your body to pull something on me, I could just turn around and kick you into next week.
Would you look at that. Grief stage already. Guess finding out the one thing holding you together is both pointless, and impossible can really do a number on someone in a disaster. Tell you what, why don't you come with me, and I'll treat you to a bit of food. Just don't tell the other several million people, cause this is a special treatment. I'd hate to have to fork the bill for a third of North America.
It's my anniversary today. One full year of being the cause of the Quarantined Territories. One full year of being the bane of the American people, and a week away from the anniversary of becoming the same for half of Tokyo. Patient Zero. The snot heard 'round the world. Probably a hundred other, less polite titles. Hard to believe that one year and a day ago, I was just a normal junior scientist.
Don't know why you're looking so smug. I may be a bit maudlin now, but I'm going to a party this afternoon. You could even come, if you manage not to make an annoyance out of yourself. Oh, and figure out how to use stairs again. Aw, come on. It's not that tough. I did it, and so did my roommate.
Yes. That's her. The one with the songs. Oh, so you're a fan. That's pretty rich. She'll get a kick out of this. One minute ready to kill me, the next asking for favors.
Now, I didn't say I wouldn't do it. She'll autograph pretty much anything, so long as I ask, so it's as good as yours. Again, provided you can manage to avoid ticking me off. Funny how life sometimes gives you the upper... You know what, let's not go there.
Alright, getting called Patient Zero all the time is getting to me. I know that I am not legally allowed to use my birth name to protect top secret information, but I do have a replacement. Oh, you do know it. Well, start using it. I haven't been called Patient Zero so much since they let me out of the Disease Control Center when I got my brand. You like? I spent about three days designing it. They were just going to stamp the word Clear on me instead. I figured that, after everything we went through, there was no way, I was going to walk around with the word Clear stamped on me. Guess it kind of took off, huh?
When are you going in for it? The faster you get your Q.T. mark, the better, I say. People around here don't really treat you as a citizen until then. It's pretty funny when you think about it. Sort of the reverse of the rest of the states. You saw that Chrissy Lisa special report about that? Wonder how she's doing. Haven't seen her since that “cure” incident. She was not nearly as nice in person as she was on tv. Completely changed personalities.
Geez, look at how late it is. We've gotta fly if we want to make this party. Alright, poor choice of words, but can you blame me? You get two extra limbs for grabbing things. Almost like hands. My roommate thinks that's the worst part of everything. She could go on for hours about how much more difficult it is to play music without them. Word of advice that you probably won't follow? Don't mention the subject. Seriously, don't. Hours!
The party? It's just me, my roommate, a couple of our apartment friends, and a few others that we invited. And you. Nothing major. Sure some of them are celebrities, but the way they act at home, they might as well have been raised by animals, current circumstances ironically notwithstanding. Still, I love their “jam sessions”.
You'd think with all the musical talent in that building I'd at least learn how to carry a tune. I learned how to carry everything else, which wasn't easy. 'Specially in the beginning. Last year, when no one had any clue what was going on.
Right after I knocked over that stupid petri dish, I got hit with the start. I don't have to tell you about the nausea. Still had to pick up a milk and a carton of eggs at the convenience mart. That's where it started spreading. Anyway, then came a day of nearly puking my guts, right alongside my roommate, who really wasn't happy. Not that I was either. We only have one bathroom. Then came the fever when you start hallucinating. I swear that, to this day, that my roommate believes in mermaids from that. Thank goodness I called the hospital early on to come pick us up. That's when I passed out and woke up like this, a day later. Not too different from you, right? That's what I thought.
You saw sea monsters? That's strange, but no worse than most. Me? Let's just say I won't be looking at ballerina the same way again. Aaand we're here. Look, you've been a good sport, so you can come in. Wipe off on the mat. No one wants to taste dirt all over their food. Some of which I've prepared, by the way. Come on up, watch your step on the stairs, and make sure to try the bonbons.
Standing outside a gated building in Georgia, notable reporter Chrissy Lisa was getting the go-ahead from her studio, signalling the start of her broadcast time. She did a quick check to make sure her wardrobe looked good, and ran a hand through her hair to smooth out the few strands that the evening breeze had flown out of place. She nodded a few times as her cameraman gave her ques, took a deep breath, and turned to face the camera. Eyes were on her, now.
“Thanks, Mike. Hi, I'm Chrissy Lisa, and I'm reporting from the CDC, or center of disease control, where scientists say they have found a possible cure for the E-virus that has swept over North America. I'm here to speak to lead scientist and director of the CDC, Tom Frieden. Tom, you've just released a press statement that you may have fixed the “Equestrian flu”. Would you care to give an explanation?”
“Of course, Chrissy, and thanks for the interview. I'm sure that all the affected are looking for some form of hope to end this nightmare.”
“It's my pleasure.”
“Well, where should I start? Hmm, how much do you know about reverse engineering a vaccine?”
“Not all that much, I'm afraid. I just get the shot once it's done,” she chuckled.
“Well, what we do, is we take the original virus, in this case the E-virus, and modify it. By genetically engineering a strain of the virus to disrupt or eat the previous virus strains, we can target the areas where the E-virus makes it's home in the body. It turns the virus against itself, and assists the body in fighting off the effects. That's what we've done here. It has been done for hundreds of viruses before this outbreak, and we are very optimistic about the success.” Tom smiled as he spoke, and his voice was filled with the confidence of a Nobel Prize candidate.
“You say you are optimistic, but what does that mean? Aren't you sure?”
“As much as it pains me to admit, the E-virus is something completely new to modern medicine. We've all had to throw out some long held concepts and basically start from scratch where it is concerned. One example is how the virus doesn't affect any other species, regardless of genetic closeness to humans. Without that, our ability to test has been greatly reduced. We would start testing on guinea pigs and chimps, but since it doesn't do anything to them, our only test subjects are volunteers. We've had some near terminal patients apply, but they are all outside the US, and with the lockdown of the country, we haven't been able to bring any of them here. What we need is a volunteer who is in good health otherwise, and has recently been infected for this testing to work. Since the infection is so quickly acting, we would need to inject the virus, and the vaccine within an hour of each other.”
“And what about those who have already succumbed to the disease? Will this work on them?”
“We are actually going to start testing that as well. We did get volunteers from the Quarantine; so many, that we actually had to turn most away. We do hope that we can reverse the radical effects of the virus, but our chances of success are much slimmer than simply preventing them altogether.”
“Thank you Tom, you've answered questions that America, and most of the world are asking. Now, before I sign off, I'd like to know if you wouldn't mind a camera crew videotaping the process?”
“Chrissy, it would be a great boon to have the event televised. With the way that things are now, hope is all that keeps some people going. I'm sure that the first to get the treatment will become as famous, if not more so, than Patient Zero.”
“I've had the chance to interview “Miss Sweetie Drops” myself. Criminal how she unleashed this menace to the whole planet, and received such a light punishment. Well, if it can remove that glory-hog from America's celebrity, then I'll just have to take the job, myself!”
The scientist looked at her in shock. “Are you serious, or just joking?”
“We are still live, sir, and I wouldn't joke about something like this. You said it yourself. America needs hope. Who better to inspire that hope than me?” She gestured emphatically at both the scientist, and the camera. Smiling dramatically, she could almost smell the high priced wine she would get from her boss for pulling this stunt. First her exclusive, and now this? She was going to be immortalized.
“Well, if you are that sure of it, then I have some waivers for you to sign.” He lead her into the building, her camera crew trailing behind, making sure to sweep the interior for better shots.
“We will have to place you here for observation and testing,” Tom was explaining,” for at least a few weeks after the vaccine is administered. You are going to have to undergo a full physical check-up, and the shot will be given a full day after that. This is going to be a tough haul, so this may be your last chance to back out.”
“Don't worry doc, I've never been scared of a needle in my life. I practically have holes all over the place from allergy medications I've been exposed to in the past, all of which are noted in my medical history.” She handed him the clipboard.
“Thank you. Really, thank you. I swear that you will have the love of the entire country for this.”
“Doctor, if we succeed, I’ll have the love of the entire world.”
