Enter Equestria

I woke up in my bed, except Derpy wasn't in it.

I heard weird moans coming from Discord's dream room.

I got off his couch and I walked toward his room, I opened door and couldn't believe what I was seeing.

Discord was getting it on with Celestia.

I decided to ruin the moment.

"Come on Discord, you can pump faster than that!" I exclaimed, they both jumped and looked in my direction.

"Uh, hey Dill, how's it going?" Discord asked liked nothing was happening.

"Its going good, the town got covered in Parasprites, I patched up Derpy after a nasty fall, and I just caught you and Celestia getting it on . . . pretty normal week." I said, sitting on the corner of the bed.

"M-my apologies for having you see me in this state Dylan, its just that, well I, you se-" I cut her off.

"Hey, as long as your enjoying yourself, then that's alright with me, now Discord, if you want to please your princess, pump faster." I said, before walking toward the door.

"Will do." He replied.

I left the room

After ten minutes, the door opened.

"So, how was it?" I asked, Discord chuckled while Celestia blushed.

"Marvelous Dylan!" He exclaimed.

"It was, well, oh who am I kidding, it was the BEST thing that's happened to me in years." Celestia said, I chuckled.

"I'msurprisedyoudidn'tgetmorepleasurefrommorelikelymolestingyourguards ANYWAY!" I exclaimed, Discord busted out with laughter while Celestia looked confused.

"You regret putting him in stone now?" I asked with a smirk, she smiled.

"Only ten percent." She answered.

"Good enough for me." Discord said.

"So Dylan, you and Discord are friends?" She asked, I smiled.

"Well yeah, and by the looks of it, so are you." I answered, she blushed again.

"Don't tell anypony about this, or I'll banish you to the moon." She said with a smile, I returned it.

"You know, I hear the moons a great place this time of year." I answered, she blushed more knowing what I was getting at.

"I'll find a way Dylan, I'll find a way." She said evily, I backed up a bit.

"WHOA WHOA, now I see why you gave up the elephants of harmony to somepony else."  I said. "Especially kindness." I finished.

"Elephants?" She asked.

"Yeah, so what?" I asked, she just rolled her eyes.

"So, Dill, any other video games you can show me?" Discord asked, Celestia looked confused.

"Video games?"

"I'll show you." I said, walking toward my Xbox, and turned on Skyrim, where I left off.

I explained to her about the main plot of the game, and showed her my weapons and magic.

"I thought you said that you were the only human who could do magic." Celestia said.

"Video games can add anything that's not real, now, let me show you some of this games magic, lets practice on this Whiterun guard." I said, she watched as I cast a simple flame spell, engulfing the guard in flames, the princess looked horrified.

"Why is this game so violent?" She asked.

"Because I'm human, we like violent things." I said, shocking another guard with Sparks.

"Any other spells?" She asked.

"I can do this." I said, hitting the 'RB' button, and transforming into a werewolf, she looked shocked.

"How did you do that?" She asked.

"Now I know where Twilight gets the 'Many Questions Game' from, I got the blood of a werewolf." I said, she smiled sheepishly at what I said about the many questions game.

After about a half hour of Skyrim, I decided it was time to wake up.

"Alright I guess I should wake up now." I said, pulling out a gun.

"Alright, see you Dill." Discord said.

"I look forward to seeing you later Dylan." Celestia said.

"Oh before I go." I went up to Discord. "Did you pull out?" I asked.

"Yes." He replied, I sighed.

"Good." I said to his answer.

I took the gun and shot myself in the head.