Sergeant Johnson's New Gig

Light was the first thing Sergeant Johnson detected as he exited his dream-like state and into what had to be reality. The light was almost blinding. That was not the worst of it, however.

What really kicked Johnson’s mind into gear was an itch. A most profound, unbearable, itch.

“Where the hell did you teleport me, Princess? Do you people live in some kind of world made entirely of fluffy-puffy wool sweaters?”

Promptly, Luna’s disembodied voice replied back to him through the air. “Nay, Sergeant. The intense itching sensations you are experiencing are simply your body being reconstructed. You have to forgive us, for the process requires massive amounts of magic be spent. As such, the energies are going to leave your skin feeling...rather prickly. Fear not though, it should subside momentarily.”

Moving his eyes around to take a closer look at his body, Johnson was left completely taken aback. Sure enough, his right arm was now there as normal, while the rest of his left arm, much of his waist, and his legs all were surrounded by a beautiful golden aura.

The entire process could likely only properly be described as the opposite of disintegration. As the gold swirls of energy continued on with their motions, Johnson found that it had perfectly reconstructed his armor as well, everything down to the patches, insignias, straps, and even pouches.

When the energy ceased, Johnson stood up on whatever surface he was one, inspecting the results of the energy’s work. “Well would you look at that?” Johnson remarked. “Now I really have seen everything!” He rolled his shoulders around and wiggled his fingers about, looking at his body with newfound admiration.

Johnson then flexed his biceps like a professional body builder, somehow looking far more imposing then one.“I feel like a new MAN!” He exclaimed.

Princess Luna cleared her throat. “Technically you are now, Sergeant Johnson, considering the new body. Fair warning to you however, thou shalt prepare. You are almost fully teleported here, and you should be commencing  your descent down to Equestria any second now!”

This brought Johnson’s attention away from his body and finally to his new surroundings. Long gone were the silver and blue walls of Forerunner structures, or the glow and other worldly chiming of holographic control panels.

Instead, Johnson now found himself suspended in what he could only describe as a cobalt-colored bubble shield...one that was apparently floating in the air. The Sarge ventured a glanced at the surface beneath his feet, and he almost got vertigo. All Johnson could observe was a sea of white clouds, with the occasional smudge of green showing through breaks in the cloud layer, providing tiny glimpses into the world that laid in wait below.

“My...magic...cannot...hold you in the shield anymore, Sergeant.” Luna warned between labored breaths. “You are on...your own for now, BRACE THYSELF!”

“Goddamit, I’m not that aerodynamic, Princess....waaah!!” The Marine Sergeant’s voice gave way to a shriek of full blown panic as the solid surface of magical energy he rested upon quickly began to flicker and dissipate. The wind blew in his face, as gravity inevitably took hold.

Following Luna’s advice, Johnson braced himself. Thanks to his NavSpecWar training alongside the techniques granted by Project ORION, instead of flailing his arms about frantically like the average civilian would, Johnson knew to adjust his body while plummeting.  This gave him the invaluable ability to slightly modify his speed and trajectory as he prepared for a likely rough landing.

It would be rough, but nothing is rough enough to stop something like the Sergeant for long.

Johnson calmed down as he neared the cloud layer. “Never thought I’d have the opportunity to get a face full of cloud. I wonder if they’re of the warm and buttery type like how Auntie Marcille always said.”

“Actually Johnson, they are. Some of the pegasi often talk of it fondly during their weather patrols. Tis one of the perks of possessing wings.” Luna declared jovially, recalling nights she would spend flying over Canterlot after raising the Moon.

Of course, Johnson had no idea what Luna was talking about. “Pegasi...what in the... Are you yanking my chain, Princess?”

“Oh...you don’t know about us do you, hmm that’s right...” Far from Johnson’s sight Luna frowned and nervously put a hoof to her chin. “Well, thou shall see for thine self our true nature when you make your way to Canterlot”

“Oh c’mon now. You brought me back to life, and I agreed to help your people in their quest to kick some...alien, err..whatever your fighting’s ass. So, why don’t we throw off the masquerade costumes and silly jokes, and show each other our fine, fine bodies!” Johnson was grinning, and his teeth nearly made a ‘ding’ noise from their exquisite shiny brilliance.

Luna blushed, unsure of how to continue the conversation amidst the Sergeant’s...flattery. “First thing’s first Sergeant: Landing! We are tracking you, but unfortunately we have to look into something before we can speak with you again. You are on your own for now. Oh, and you should be at the cloud layer....NOW!”

Clouds gave way without resistance as the Sergeant blazed through them at dazzling speeds. Johnson squinted his eyes as he went. “This day just keeps getting better and better. Ha, ha! Auntie, Princess, you were both right. Now all I need is some friggin' popcorn, and I’m happy as a...WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!!!”

Something roughly Johnson’s size and winged nearly collided with him. “WHOA, what the hey?” It stopped to look at Johnson’s quickly descending form. “Watch where you’re flying you bozo!” The creature shouted, agitated.

“Boy, did you just call me a... Wait! What, a freaking flyin’ horse? Princess you weren't joking were you?” He coughed as condensed water vapor got into his throat.

“Hey you, pegasus! Yeah, I’m talking to you! Don’t just hang up there gawkin’, SAVE MY ASS from the mean forces of GRAVITY!” Johnson exclaimed. Luna’s voice was absent at the moment as the Princess had stated. The pegasus he had nearly collided with however, had heard him, and decided to investigate.

“You mean you can’t fly? Just flap your wings, how hard could it be!” The mare said incredulously as she watched him fall away.

“Do you see any wings on ma back, smart ass?” Johnson shouted back, his voice now difficult to hear from the distance between the two.

The pegasus sighed angrily. Her mane billowed in the wind and the sunlight shined off her cyan coat as she suddenly soared towards the human at near record speed. She snatched him up with her hooves, holding him just under his arm pits. The effort caused her to grunt with exertion as she struggled to descend carefully with Johnson’s weight pulling her down with him. To any onlooker the scene would have appeared rather awkward, if not amusing to watch.

“What in...Celestia’s name....are you....GNAH!....doing in the air...if you don’t have...wings?!” The pegasus inquired, panting frantically. Johnson scoffed. “Maybe you should have a chat with your Princess Luna about that. She’s the one with the angel voice who teleported me up into your stratosphere in the first place!”

“Whoa...you know...Princess Luna?....That’s....ughhh!...That’s kinda awesome!” The mare replied, still hauling Johnson down through the clouds. “Yeah, I bet it is. Now, enough chit-chat. This isn’t as fun as it looks!”

Catching the pegasus’ attention, Johnson pointed towards the nearest mountain peak. “That there gigantic piece o’ rock is probably where Princess Luna said I would end up landing. So, get my ground-loving ass over there in one piece, and you can be on your merry loving way or wherever.”

His pegasus guardian expressed her compliance merely with an affirmative grunt as they continued their fall. Johnson looked up at her and nodded, satisfied. “Alright then, GO, GO, GO!” She groaned irritably and increased her rate of descent as the summit of Canterlot mountain loomed ever closer.

They pegasus and the human sergeant were both well below the majority of the cloud systems now, and Johnson was finally able to witness the breathtaking view of Equestria that spread out before him.

The mountain they were heading towards sat on its own in the middle of the land. Johnson was just barely able to make out what looked like a massive city leaning out of one of the slopes of the mountain. It’s towers, spires, marble walls, and waterfalls all gleamed in the sun as if the city were a great sentinel keeping watch over the land.

Spreading outwards from the mountain, was the verdant dark green of Equestria’s forests, the gold and light green of fields and meadows, and the gentle azure of rivers and lakes.

The shape of a medium-sized town in a large valley dozens of miles from the mountain city was also seen by Johnson. It was situated around the wide bend of a river that traced its origin to the mountain, and ran Southwest, past a dark jungle-like forest and an imposing gorge or canyon. The river ended abruptly at a small delta spilling into an ocean, the edge of which the Sergeant could scarcely even see due to the vast distance.

A great desert spread out in the distant south, and nothing but more mountains dominated the horizon on the North, Northwest, and Northeast.

Looking back at the town, Johnson  thought that the buildings appeared rather quaint, but quite cozy and welcoming in their design.

“Well I’ll be a...” If the Sergeant had a cigar in his mouth, it would likely fall. “This place makes the surfaces of the Ark and the Halo hoolahoops look like Chicago Industrial on a bad day. I would know, I grew up there!”

The pegasus broke her focus from carrying the both of them to reply. “Where the heck...is Chicago? And what...the hey... are you, to begin with?”

Johnson replied with a tsk-tsk noise. “How about we just start with names, tinker bell! What’s yours?”

“It’s not tinker bell...I can tell you that much...” The mare replied with a dangerous but exhausted voice. Recalling his earlier colorful language, “But, you certainly seem like a...uhh...bold sort. I like that. Name’s Rainbow Dash! I’m a pegasus...obviously. Future Wonderbolt, and probably the fastest flier who ever lived, thank you very much!” Johnson chuckled at her haughtiness, nodding in approval and looking up at Dash’s rainbow-colored mane.

“That name suits you quite fine, Rainbow Dash. I, am what you’d call a Type-52, DIRECTED WHOOPASS CANNON! Just point me in the direction of the enemy, and pull the trigger. Jokes aside, I’m one of the protectors of mankind, a human solider, and Sergeant Major in the beloved UNSC Marine Corps! Avery Junior Johnson’s the name, and Covie ass-kicking’s the game...” Johnson sighed sadly for a moment, finally pondering recent events. “...or at least it was.”

Between ragged breaths, Rainbow Dash was just able to let out a friendly laugh. “A...soldier? You know what...Johnson, I...like ya...Phew!...already! We seem to have a lot in common. But don’t go around calling me ‘Tinker Bell’! It sounds too...ugh...wimpy.”

The Sergeant chuckled again, reverting to his cheerful attitude. “Look at me, just now falling through Equestria’s sky, and already making its ladies fall heads over heels by ma infinite charm!”

By now, the awkward duo were finally nearing the mountain peak, and the pegasus could finally slow down enough to catch her breath and talk normally for the most part. “Ha, ha wise guy. Keep dreaming.” Rainbow Dash said, largely unimpressed.

“Trust me, I know what the ladies like.” Johnson replied suggestively with a grin.

Rainbow Dash resisted the urge to face-hoof, for obvious reasons. “We’re close to the peak. If I try to carry you anywhere further down than past that snow bank there, I’ll wear out and drop both of us to our deaths! Would you like me to take the express route down, or would you prefer we fall like a brick?”

“MIND READER!” Johnson jeered, looking up at Dash incredulously. “Send us on the expresssss way down, If you’d be so kind!”

Not being able to physically, Rainbow Dash mentally shrugged instead. “Alrighty, express it is then...too bad ya don’t have a sled!” Flying them over to the large, soft snow bank atop the craggy summit, Dash began to tighten her grip on Johnson. “Okay, ready?”

“Rainbow, I WAS BORN READY!!”

She responded with an amused chuckle and started counting down. “Three...two.... ONE! Here...here we go!”

“Get some!” Johnson roared as Rainbow Dash soared towards the snow, eager to make impact before her strength completely left her. The human and the pegasus both landed face-first, side by side in the fluffy powder. The snow had broken their falls almost perfectly.

Sergeant Johnson pulled himself up and out of it with a groan, quickly looking to Rainbow’s prone form beside him. He put his hands to his hips as he analyzed her. The pegasus must be one powerful cookie if she were able carry myself so far. Impressive. He thought.

“Damn good work soldier, now on your feet...er hooves! We’re movin’ out!”

With her own muzzle still partially buried in the snow, Rainbow Dash could only mumble and groan in return, not looking at him. “Oh, can’t I just lay here for awhile. I’ve been carrying....how much do you weigh Johnson?”

“Two hundred and ten pounds of grade ‘A’ grunt-eating testosterone! Them little pint-sized bastards can smell us a mile away and go running for the hills if their split-chin overlords aren’t around.” Johnson dug into one of his pouches, and to his astonishment, discovered that Luna had even been able to recreate his lighter and cache of cigars.

The Sarge lit a cigar and took a few puffs as he continued to regard Rainbow Dash. She shot up upon hearing the numerical value of his weight, and gawked at him.

“Gosh, you coulda killed me, making me carry that much!”

In response, Johnson took another puff, and blew out a perfect ring of smoke. “And yet, here we are. All in one piece.”

Hearing that, Rainbow Dash frantically got up and looked around her body. “Crap, I can’t hardly feel my wings, or my forehooves! Are they alright! I barely even feel my face!” Sure enough, the skin of the mare’s face was flushed red beneath her cyan fur. Johnson stifled a laugh.

“Calm down Rainbow! It’s just the snow numbing em’ down. Like I said, all in one piece. Now, Luna said this land is facing some grave ass threat, and that you all would like me to join you’re fight or something. Now I’m not inclined to keep a lady waiting!”

“Yeah, I guess you could say we’re in the middle of a war, a big one. Equestria could use all the help she can get, but I...” Dash attempted to unfurl her wings from her sides, but the attempt caused her to cry out. “UGH! Their too freaking stiff. Great! Now I don’t have the stamina to fly us out, and we’re both stuck up here.”

Leaving his cigar in his mouth, Sergeant Johnson folded his arms and watched nonchalantly as Rainbow Dash muttered in frustration, nursing her freezing, stiffened wings. “Like my dear Auntie always said, ‘where there’s a will, there’s a way.’”

The rainbow-maned pegasus frowned at him skeptically. “Oh, and what ‘way’ might that be, wise guy?”

Johnson shuffled the cigar around his mouth using his tongue. “Princess Luna had said there might be a dragon...or two that live up here. Now, I’ve of course never seen a flying fire-breathing overgrown gecko, but if you have em’ here, I’d wager they could fly us out, assuming they don’t try to sell us automobile insurance or turn us into a plate of delectable sirloins!”

The human took out his cigar and motioned towards a large cave opening in a nearby cliff face Dash hadn’t noticed yet. Torrents of smoke were billowing from the entrance.

“Exhibit A.”

Dash now glared at him, her skepticism hitting its maximum. “You can’t be serious! It’ll eat us on sight! And I can’t fight like...” She raised one of her limp wings slightly. “...this!!” Johnson returned her glare with a confident smirk, half covered by his cigar.

“Hehe! Just leave it to me then! I’ve got a dragon to ‘negotiate’ with, if you’ll kindly excuse me.” Johnson then stooped low, and cautiously began to advance the twenty feet or so towards the entrance to the dragon’s den.

Still in the snow, Rainbow Dash laid down and watched the Sergeant go. “You’re crazy, ya know that?” She called out. Keeping silent, Johnson gave her a lighthearted salute, then started to scale up the rocks and boulders fringing the mouth of the cavern.

“The good kind of crazy too.” Rainbow added under her breath.