Sergeant Johnson's New Gig

It was the late morning when Johnson had begun to prepare for his journey out of Canterlot to his new post in the heart of the country. Celestia and Luna had been efficient and thorough in explaining what he was to do and the responsibilities they were counting on him to maintain.

Celestia had issued a constant barrage of pointers to the Sergeant about the best ways to communicate and cooperate with the locals, all the while the younger sister had stood by the sidelines, concealing her embarrassment over Celestia’s persistent emphasis on the importance of Johnson making good first impressions, and apologizing to the human soldier silently with her eyes.

After Princess Celestia had finally relented and allowed Johnson leave to take on his duties, Luna had sent him off with a few final brief words and some parting royal gifts. Johnson’s eyes had lit up at the sight of them.

“Sweet Williams? How did you know?” The Sergeant exclaimed cheerfully as he donned a perfect replica of his marine corps hat. He straightened the hat with his thumb so that the UNSC patch aligned perfectly with the bridge of his nose, before taking the brand new cartonful of cigars into his hands.

Luna had smiled and watched amiably as he fumbled with his lighter. “We have no idea what it is about these toxic things you and the earth ponies find so pleasurable, we personally find that they smell as if a pile of manure hath been set ablaze.”

Johnson tilted his head slightly and raised an eyebrow while taking a drag of the fresh cigar. “Yeah, they’re not exactly for everyone. Thank you kindly, Princess.

“Nevertheless, you appear to enjoy them, and it’s the least we could do to express our appreciation for your assistance. Try not to exhaust them all before the end of your journey, won’t you? Tis not as if we can make them regenerate infinitely, Sergeant Major. You will have to find others elsewhere later on somehow.” Luna said.

“Or, perhaps you could build and open your own tobacco plantation.” She added jokingly.

“Aw, and just when I thought I was finally complete.” Johnson replied. He then took the cigar out of his mouth and blew smoke out an open window nearby, then looked to Luna and shrugged.

Then, he approached the alicorn and held out a gloved hand, his face awash with seriousness and gratitude. “I wanted to say thank you again, not just for this...” He waved the cigar around. “But also, all of this...” He motioned towards himself, and then to everything around him. “It just feels mighty wonderful to be moving around breathing decent air again, even if there aren't anymore dumb bugs to send to hell with the front-end bumper of a ‘hog.”

Luna’s smile turned to a full grin as she placed a hoof in Johnson’s outstretched hand, and the pair shook. “You have no need to thank us. We are simply happy that we have given a worthy hero a second shot at greatness, and helped to ensure the world’s safety, both all at once. For these reasons alone, we are content.”

Both the alicorn and the human nodded respectfully at one another, before finally parting ways.

With everything prepared and ready, and having expressed his gratitude to the Princesses for their hospitality during his brief stay at the castle, Avery Johnson then took his leave of Canterlot, en route to his new destination via train.

***

Around half an hour past as Johnson observed first the retreating form of the city, then the cliffs and tunnels of the mountain slope, and then finally the rolling woods, grassland, and riverbanks of central Equestria.

Being on the ground, and yet in a moving train, Johnson could finally witness in detail the layout and character of the land itself. What he saw took his breath away even more so than when he had seen it from the lofty sky. Looking out the window adjacent to him, the Sergeant witnessed dozens of animal and plant species, quite a few of them were practically identical to various species found on Earth and the colonies.

“That there’s Saddle Lake, Sergeant Major.” A passing earth pony soldier on patrol declared, pausing to look out the window on his side. “The waterfalls of Canterlot feed right into her. Ain't she a beauty?” The stallion had a slightly rural accent to his voice.

“Sure. Looks good enough to swim in, I’ll have to remember that whenever Princess Luna gives me some R&R.” Johnson replied.

The soldier gave him a friendly half smile and nod, before continuing on his patrol, whistling a tune. Returning his gaze to the window, the sights of nature combined with the quiet clatter of the track pushed him into a mental vacation.

I can’t say I’m surprised the inhabitants of a place like this would have magic. Hell, this place almost puts the whole beauty of Coral, Harvest, Arcadia, and Reach combined to shame!

Johnson scoffed at the thought as he pondered it again. On second thought, this place ain’t got nothing on the Great Blue Marble. As far as I’m concerned, Earth and here are in a dead-lock tie for prettiest planet of the year. Ah, but the Earth, that old girl is beautiful for more reasons than just geography.

Seeing as how I’ll probably never see Earth again, I might as well find new vacation prospects here for my future down time. I wonder if any of the ponies in the next town listen to Flip music. If so we’re gonna get along just fine.

The Sergeant broke out of his musing when the train jolted suddenly without any prior warning, shaking him in his seat. No longer daydreaming, he decided to review what the Princesses had told him, to help pass the time.

Reaching into one of his largest pouches, he produced a rolled up piece of parchment. Johnson broke the wax seal with the blade of his combat knife and analyzed its contents.

As per the document, he has been instructed to report to the youngest of Equestria’s alicorns, Twilight Sparkle. Ponyville, being in the heartlands of Equestria and within convenient distance to Canterlot, would be his default posting while on the lookout for potential military threats, skull manifestations that were certainly an inevitability, and any other strange phenomena that could be a potential danger to the country.

Twilight, the document said, was to provide a safe house or headquarters of sorts for Johnson to operate from, ensure he has whatever materials he might need, and that he and the local citizens were cooperating to the best of their ability to help counter Discord’s activities, regardless of what form that may take.

In return, Johnson had to be ready to help mobilize Equestria’s military at a moment’s notice in case of a perceived or very-real threat from the Zebras in Roam. Additionally, it was the Sergeant’s responsibility to help locate and contain active skulls, and to assist Princess Sparkle in keeping the town’s Army garrison at peak combat readiness.

One additional note Celestia had added in read: ‘Try to make some friends and allies as soon as possible, it will help you settle in faster. Friendship can be a very potent force. Good luck to you Sergeant.’

Luna furthered the note by having added: ‘Thou shalt enjoy thy selves as well! Overworking can instigate fatigue, which can be a grievous weakness in any army, as you should know! Stay vigilant, but don’t be afraid to make merry with our subjects from time to time. Lastly, be wary when in midst of the one called Pinkie Pie! She is a bit of an...eccentric.’

Finished reading, Johnson raised an eyebrow at the final part of Luna’s note, then chanced a look around the passenger car. Flash Sentry, whom had accompanied Johnson on his way to his new posting, had his back to the human, presumably daydreaming himself. In the seats nearby, a small contingent of Royal Guards chatted quietly with one another.

“So, Mister Sentry.” Sergeant Johnson said suddenly as he reclined semi-professionally in the fine velvet upholstery of his seat. “How long have you been in Equestria’s Royal Guard?”

Flash Sentry, who like Johnson had been gazing out the windows for a significant portion of the journey, turned to look at him. He curled his mouth into a small smile. “Ah yes, my career. I’m pleased to know that someone such as yourself is curious about my modest background.” Captain Sentry sighed nostalgically and stared into space as his memory kicked into gear.

“Not much to tell. I was born to a moderately successful middle class family in Canterlot. Mom is a blacksmith and jeweler by trade, Dad a tailor, and most of my brothers are guardsponies and soldiers, so I figured I’d follow in their hoofsteps. ‘Been in the guard for nigh five years now. I started lessons at the Canterlot Officer Academy when I was ten, got enrolled in basic at fifteen, and then got officially inducted into the ranks as an honorary guard at seventeen, youngest of my class.”

He spoke with a hint of pride in his voice. “I was appointed captain of the Guard after the previous one, Shining Armor, the older brother of Princess Twilight Sparkle, took leave to live in the Crystal Empire far in the North with his wife Princess Cadence. Such a beautiful place, I might add. Quite unlike the snowy polar wastes surrounding it.”

Johnson took the information in with genuine interest. This was the first time he had ever heard anything in detail regarding the lives of Equestrians. “You have any combat experience?” Johnson inquired.

Sentry nodded, running one of his hooves thoughtfully over the stock of his rifle-musket. “I’ve witnessed and fought in a few major incidents. Three years ago: a minor land dispute between some miners and a Diamond Dog clan in the sticks outside the city of Fillydelphia. Luckily, the dogs wizened up and left when they saw the Royal Guard and the Army marching.”

Hearing the name of the city, it sounded oddly familiar to Johnson, like a certain city he knew to exist on Earth. He filed the odd bit of trivia away for future reference.

The Captain’s face orange-coated face twisted slightly in sadness. “Turns out that the ‘miners’ though, were all actually a group of unicorn anarchists from the nation of Bauhaus, illegally acquiring gems to fund a rebellion of theirs back overseas. That’s near Prance, Griffonia, and Trottingham, which are all over two thousand miles to the Northeast...all the way across the Crystal Ocean. We had to clean them scum out of the mines with explosives, lost a few damn good ponies in the process.”

“And then there was the Changeling Invasion of Canterlot a year and a half ago, that’s where most of my field experience originates, and where I earned Shining Armor’s blessing to be his successor. By Celestia, you should have seen the swarms of those insect-like monsters! I could have sworn they would have blotted out the Sun if the The Elements of Harmony hadn’t stopped them and their evil Queen in time.”

“Don’t worry Captain, I’ve fought through my fair share of freak swarms.” Johnson replied with absolute certainty in his voice. “I can easily imagine what your describing, and then some.” Based on his facial expression and eyes, Sentry was willing to bet half his month’s pay that the human was making far more than a mere understatement.

“I can definitely believe it, Sergeant Major.” Sentry replied.

At that, the Sergeant jumped to a different thought. “Elements of Harmony? Hmm...Elements of Harmony.” Johnson rubbed his chin. “Aren’t those the six ponies I’m supposed to meet with in the next town?”

Sentry set his rifle down on the empty seat next to him and moved from sitting on his haunches to laying down and reclining. Not the greatest lover of travelling in the world, he was starting to develop train lag, and was feeling weary. “Yes, actually. The main one of their circle is actually the local ruler of the town and its environs now. She will be meeting with you when we arrive in Ponyville.”

“Princess Twilight Sparkle?”

“The very same.”

In astonishment, Johnson got up out of his seat and folded his arms over his chest. “I’ve been in this world for only two days, and already I’ve met–and are heading to meet–two, three, four. Four royal people?!”

“So it would seem.” Sentry replied with a yawn.

“Who are the other five then?” Looking down as he asked, Johnson noticed the tip of a black felt marker sticking out of one of Flash’s bags next to his rifle.

“Hmm, that would have to be the mares Fluttershy, a miss Pinkamena Diane Pie...Pinkie Pie for short, if I recall correctly. Then there’s Applejack, Rarity, and finally Rainbow Dash.”

“Rainbow Dash? Huh, what do ya know? She’s actually the first of you ponies I met in the flesh. That girl has got one fiery temper, and is a bit on the cocky side, but I sense the potential for a war hero in that one. Believe me, I can smell soldier material from a mile away...among other things.”

“That’s right, I saw her with you on that damn dragon that you flew in on! Nice entrance, Sergeant Major. You about gave me and the Army generals all heart attacks.” Sentry replied with mock irritability.

“Maybe you all just need to lay off the chocolate pound cake-rations then.” Johnson jeered.

“Actually, we discontinued cakes and pastries of all kinds from the military food supply, sometime ago. Our own Princess kept sneaking into the Army kitchens and eating entire boxes of them.” Flash retorted with a lazy chuckle. “Of course, being one of the Diarchs, we obviously couldn’t arrest her for it, and it kept on happening despite her royal promises that she would try to control herself in the future, so....yeah.”

“Which Princess was this?” Johnson asked incredulously.

“Celestia.” The Captain mumbled back. He laid his head on his seat, eyelids growing heavy.

The Sergeant grinned. “Well ain’t that something.”

Flash Sentry did not respond this time, letting out a single loud snore as he instantly fell into a cat nap. Checking for sure that the stallion was asleep, Johnson grinned and fished out the marker from the pegasus’ bag. Raising it, the marine brought the writing utensil silently towards Sentry’s snoring face.

“Payback for earlier, jackass.” He whispered mischievously. Seeing that his work was complete, Johnson put the marker carefully back where it had been found, and then casually walked out towards the middle cars, where the train’s restaurant could be found. The other Royal Guards had noticed his prank, and secretly knew why Johnson had done it.

They watched the Sergeant go indifferently, then snickered quietly amongst themselves as they looked back over to stare at their Captain’s face.

Two plates of stacked pancakes with maple syrup and three coffees later, Sergeant Johnson looked out the café window and noticed the buildings of Ponyville beginning to appear beyond the railroad bridge spanning the town’s narrow river, which originated at Saddle Lake, the direction he had come from.

While a few of the other passengers had looked at him curiously for being a non-pony, the vast majority either paid as much attention to him as they did the other passengers, or instinctively saluted or nodded respectfully at him when they noticed the armor he was wearing. All in all, things were going quite well for Avery Johnson as he gathered his things from his portion of the passenger car and made his way out. The train had at last, finally arrived at the Ponyville Central Station.

***

Stepping out onto the platform, Sergeant Johnson was immediately surrounded by the hustle and bustle of Ponyville at its busiest. Dozens of ponies were hurrying to board or get off. Many had business in Canterlot or Ponyville, while some others were tourists and sightseers. A few still, were there simply  using the station's open spaces as a spot to lay back and have a coffee or tea and chat with friends, sharing the news and gossip of the day.

In a few specific places, Equestrian soldiers and Royal Guards from the train marched about or stood in place, spears and muskets held in neutral positions, surveying the areas like birds of prey.

For Johnson, the entire area had a strange scent. It was a half-sweet, half-bitter mix of flowers, mare’s perfumes, oil lubricant, and steam engine fumes. The whistle of the train blew several times, loud but unable to match the combined volume of the vast number of Equestrians talking at once.

Looking about the crowded platform, Johnson was looking for one of two things: the nearest information desk, or Princess Twilight and her retinue that was supposed to meet him upon arrival.

As he wandered about with his hat in his palm and the other rubbing at his head, Johnson caught tid-bits of some of the commuters’ conversations. Many of the higher class ponies seemed focused on Equestrian politics and diplomacy.

“Did you hear what the Royal Court announced today? They said that the situation in Roam is getting worse.”

“That’s nothing. I heard a rumor that the Caesar might secretly be a distant cousin of Her Majesty Celestia, and Discord is trying to cause an international war to humiliate both monarchs over some secret grudge he has with their families.”

“Oh chaps, the whole Zebra-Discord affair may be all well and dandy, but what about the recent odd behavior of the guards in Canterlot Castle?”

From the more ordinary citizens, Johnson was still able to pick up other interesting bits of news from the land, arguably more interesting than those from the aristocrats.

“Hey, hey Crescent! Did ya hear about that new type of firearm Princess Sparkle’s unicorns are working on over at her workshop? They say you can fire six to eight shots before having to reload, and it even uses conical bullets! The loading mechanism is lever action, like a crossbow.”

“Apparently, some archaeologists stumbled upon some kind of ruins in the swamps near the Badlands. They say they might date back to the time of Discord’s rule, or perhaps earlier.”

“You think it might be from the Legendary Folk? Or...or the lost cities of Atlantis and Pegasopolis perhaps?”

“Look Derpy, I think you may have been reading too many Daring-Do novels. Everyone knows those are just myths.”

“I’m telling you, stay away from Sugar Cube Corner, unless you have the patience of a stone! The Cakes aren't being their usual selves, and that Pinkie Pie girl has been acting all crazy, crazier than normal! All that darn colorful confetti....”

“IWHBYD inactive. Birthday Party Skull nearby.” The skull icon appeared in the corner of Johnson's vision, much like it had earlier that same morning.

Sergeant Johnson froze in an instant, holding a hand to his head in shock. The whispering voice had returned. “Oh c’mon... Give an old sergeant a break will ya?” Feeling dizzy with a slight headache, Johnson took a seat at the closest bench. His number one priority now was to find Twilight Sparkle as soon as humanly possible. From what Johnson could gather, the Princess was also a scientist and wizard. She would likely know how to cure the effects of the skulls on his mind and body.

“Birthday Party Skull nearby.” The whispering voice repeated. Johnson felt like shouting out in annoyance, but simply stared at the ground, rubbing his forehead irritably.

A loud sneeze brought his attention back up to his surroundings. To the human’s utter surprise, a mare with a bright pink coat and vibrant blue eyes stood uncomfortably close to his face. Johnson looked down again, and discovered his lap to be covered in a large amount of colorful confetti, like one would find at a child’s birthday party.

He quickly snapped his attention back to the pony, his face contorted in shock. “What the hell....?”

“Hi there! I’m Pinkie Pie!” The party pony continued to stand in front of him, grinning sweetly and awaiting his response. Johnson was silent for awhile, slowly changing from shock to casual surprise. Pinkie Pie suddenly sneezed again, covering a nearby wall in confetti. She giggled each time it occurred.

A few passing commuters flashed Pinkie Pie and Johnson bizarre looks.

Before Johnson could reply to Pinkie Pie in kind, he was cut off by the sudden arrival of Flash Sentry and a company of Royal Guards, the same ones Johnson had seen earlier.

“Sergeant Johnson? Where were you? We were supposed to escort you to see Princess Sparkle." Sentry had begun to use his posh Canterlot accent once again, on account of the massive amount of civilians around him. "She just told us via communication spell that she can’t make it here to welcome you to Ponyville, on account of an ongoing incident in one of the town’s local businesses...a bakery I believe.”

Flash Sentry looked from Johnson to Pinkie Pie. “Ah, hello Miss Pie, how convenient! You're one of the six ponies we're looking for. Having a lovely day I hope?” Sentry cleared his throat, and looked to the Sergeant. “Shall we take our leave of the station and go to see Her Majesty, Sergeant Major?”

It was then that Sentry finally noticed everyone staring silently at him. The pegasus scowled in outrage. “Oh brother! What is it this time?”

“Weird day, but a lovely one Mister Sentry, thanks for asking!” Pinkie Pie said cheerfully, unfazed by the guardspony's sudden bout of anger. She pointed a hoof at his face, and he narrowed his eyes in confusion. “That’s a funny looking black mustache you have there Flashie! I thought your mane was blue!”