The CMC and the Evil Pie.
Chapter 1
One day the cutie mark crusaders cheerfully pranced into their classroom in Ponyville primary school.
There were three of them there not five and they looked at the walls of the classroom. They were covered in boards, large pieces of paper and various messily drawn pictures... the walls that is not the cutie mark crusaders.
It was arts and crafts season in school and the trio were eager to get working on something.
Sweetie Belle pulled threads and glue out of a nearby drawer while Apple Bloom looked for pencils. Scootaloo noticed a pie had been left on Cheerilees' desk.
She pranced over to it, "Whats with the pie?"
"I dunno" replied Apple Bloom. "This ain't the dinner hall, nopony should leave food lying round here."
Scootaloo looked at the pie, it was in a standard foil dish and had a yellow label saying "straight from Tartarus to your doorstep."
"This is strange, I wonder if its a sweet or a savory pie?"
"Best leave it alone Scootaloo, it aint your pie."
"You don't know that, Cheerilee knew we were coming, she could have left this out for us."
Apple Bloom shook her head, "suit yourself if yer get into trouble we aint being alibis."
Scootaloo sniffed at the pie, it had an enticing aroma.
"Oh well," she lifted the pie up in her hooves, "down the hatch."
The pie slid out of the foil easily and she chomped on it tossing it in the air and swallowing one piece before it came down again, she soon finished it off.
There was a rumble.
Lightning flashed and a bolt of electricity hit Scootaloo even though they were indoors, her purple mane pulled itself back and became short and spiky. Her eyes turned a deep evil red, which is like a normal deep red but more likely to induce a bowel movement in onlookers.
She went to a cupboard and pulled out a black spandex costume with lightning bolts on it that was her size and put it on.
"MWU HA HA HA HA HA HA HA, I am now evil Scootaloo!"
Upon hearing this the other fillies trembled like jelly that was being attacked by a vibrator.
"Help shes become a bad girl," yelled Apple Bloom.
Evil! Scootaloo launched a bunch of stationary at them. "Get out of here, I am sick of seeing your faces."
The two other crusaders fled from the classroom and slammed the door behind them while Evil! Scootaloo laughed maniacally.
Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle saw Cheerilee trotting down a corridor with Snips and Snails and ran up to her.
"Miss Cheerilee, Miss Cheerilee, Scootaloo ate an evil pie that was left on your desk and became evil!"
"Oh nooooooooo!" Miss Cheerilee wailed, "Wait, what do you want to me to do about it. I never do anything useful, I'm here to mouth platitudes and look pretty."
"I thought that was Raritys' job."
"Hey!" said Sweetie Belle nudging her.
"Well maybe you should talk to someone more... practiced at dealing with these situations, mayor Mare or an Element of Harmony."
"We must act fast," announced Sweetie Belle.
"What else has she done?" asked Cheerilee.
"She pulled a black spandex costume that was her size out of your cupboard and wore it," said Apple Bloom.
There was a pause as everyone realised Cheerilee kept filly sized spandex costumes in her cupboard.
"Yeah we're out of here," said Apple Bloom, "Later Cheerilee."
Evil! Scootaloo marched into the convenience where Diamond Tiara was powdering her nose. Like seriously, like her actual nose with powder. Silver Spoon was there being unimportant as usual.
"You two, I require your assistance, you must join."
Diamond Tiara scoffed, "as if I'm gonna do anything with a lame blank flank like you."
"Silence! I have eaten an evil pie and become very evil!"
Diamond Tiara gasped dramatically.
"You done being a queen? I am going to need minions."
Silver Spoon looked quizzical. "Minions sounds pretentious and and you can't suddenly be a villain because your wearing black."
Evil! Scootaloo balanced herself on her forelegs and bucked the mirror where their reflections were hard. It shattered into pieces.
"Don't back chat me bozo or I'll bust you up. You can be proper villains instead of two bit antagonists. You in or what?"
They nodded.
"Good, follow me!"
Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle made it to the crest of a hill. Panting they looked back at Ponyville school.
"I wonder who we can get to help us?" said Sweetie Belle.
Just then Rainbow Dash flew over and then landed next to the two fillies, throwing up some dirt.
"Dash, thank Celestia. We need help, Scootaloo ate an evil pie and became very evil."
Dash drew herself up "Dun dun duuuun!" she said.
"Dash, why don't you do something useful instead of being a melodramatic foal!"
Rainbow Dash considered this and then flew up into the air and flew around in circles before speeding up and creating a sonic rainboom.
She landed again "All done."
"Uhh what?" Both fillies looked at her curiously.
Rainbow Dash seemed suprised, "What are you implying that a sonic rainboom did not immediately solve everything? Don't be silly. I'm sure everything's fine. Catch ya later."
Rainbow Dash flew off before they could stop her.
The two CMCs looked at each other.
"Should we check?" they said.
The arts and crafts classroom had been barricaded. Diamond Tiara looked nervous as Evil! Scootaloo marched up to her.
"Give me that mangled metal excuse for a girly crown you wear on your head."
"But thats my tiara, its the same as my name. Without it ponies will think I'm good for nothing."
"You are good for nothing you foal!"
Evil! Scootaloo snatched the tiara from her head. She took it to her desk and shoved it into a drawer and locked it.
"Minions! Bring forth the map."
Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara obeyed laying a large map out on the desk.
Evil! Scootaloo took a red pen and marked out a small circle surounding Ponyville school. She took a yellow pen and marked out a larger circle around the town. Then she drew three red arrows (by swopping for the red pen obviously, do I have to tell you everything?) inside the yellow circle.
Her minions sat down in front of the desk. Evil! Scootaloo pulled up a chair and made herself comfortable resting her forelegs on the desk. She pored over the map, planning her conquest of Equestria.
The CMC and the Evil Pie.
Chapter 2
Under the guidance of Evil! Scootaloo the fillies had built a small fire in the school playground. Curious foals had gathered round.
"Who will be a willing follower in my army of darkness?" shouted Evil! Scootaloo.
"Its army of darkness now, I thought we were just minions" muttered Silver Spoon. Diamond Tiara hushed her.
Snips and Snails moved forward and bowed readily. Evil! Scootaloo looked completely disgusted. "Does anybody competent want to join the army of darkness?"
The foals shook their heads, some giggled as they weren't taking this seriously.
Evil! Scootaloo moved forward and snatched a doll from the saddlebag of Cherry Plant, a small dull white filly with a short black mane.
"Hey give that back!" she yelled.
Evil! Scootaloo clutched the doll between both her hooves. "swear allegiance to me?"
"What? No you're a thief. Please give it back, its my favourite doll. I've had it since I was newborn. That doll kept me company when I suffered from the pony pox. I have fond memories of it, I won't interfere with you but please give it back and I'll be on my way."
Evil! Scootaloo grinned and moved the cute pony doll back and forth as if considering. Then she took it in her mouth and tossed it into the fire.
The wail from Cherry Plant told everypony that she had in no way been expecting that. She leapt forward to try and save the doll but the whole thing had already caught alight.
She looked at Evil! Scootaloo and tried to stop herself crying as the evil one made an announcement.
"Everypony here, you may not want to join my army but you WILL work for me and obey my two assistants or we will be burning more of your things."
She turned away from the horrified ponies to see Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle staring at her from a distance. Both fillies were scared. The sonic rainboom hadn't done anything to solve the problem. She looked at them with evil red eyes and laughed maniacally.
This caused Sweetie Belle to have a bowel movement. "Cah mohn Sweetie Belle, we hafta git outah here" yelled Apple Bloom. They both fled. Evil! Scootaloo turned to Diamond Tiara, "look after things here, I have something to take care of."
The two cutie mark crusaders rushed into town and then headed straight for the town library. They started to feel better just by seeing it, it was a huge repository of knowledge and home to Twilight Sparkle the towns' premier magus. If she could throw off a rampaging Ursa Minor then surely a corrupted cutie mark crusader with flaming demonic eyes shouldn't present too much of a problem.
They both knocked at the door desperately. Twilight opened it with her telekinesis from the center of the room and bade them come in.
"Girls what's the problem?"
"Twilight Twilight! Scootaloo ate an evil pie and became really evil."
"Gracious! I've never heard of a pie that could do that."
"Can you fix her up Twi? You're the best heroine ponyville has."
"Oh girls you're sweet. Let me see what my books have to say on the issue."
Twilight magically levitated several books from various sections of the library and started photo reading them.
After a while she paused and looked up with a concerned expression. She looked around at the shelves and the expression changed to one of alarm.
"All of the books on mind control are missing. As are the ones on basic elemental summoning and a couple of others."
"And you won't be seeing them any time soon" bellowed the voice of Evil! Scootaloo. They looked up, she was dangling from the ceiling on a ninja rope and had a set of library books tucked under her forelegs.
"Scootaloo, I mean Evil! Scootaloo, put those back at once" shouted Twilight. "How did you even get in here? Ahead of these two as well."
Evil! Scootaloo cackled "I got me a scooter ya foals. I just outsmarted you, I'm the new boss you dig."
"We'll see about that." Twilight powered up her horn and prepared to snatch the books from the intruder.
Evil! Scootaloo had been expecting this. "Oh you want some of what I got?" She ripped open a small satchel and released smoke bombs, they cracked and flooded the library floor with choking smoke. "Later suckers!" She clicked a button and the ninja rope pulled up into a hole in the roof.
Coughing and spluttering Twilight and the fillies exited the library in time to see Evil! Scootaloo as a small speck in the distance riding really fast.
"Sorry girls, gotta go with what I know from memory. Actually stuff that, I'll write the princess. Now where is Spike? Spiiike!
"Spike?"
"Spiiiiiiiiike!?"
Spike was currently trussed up in chains and locked in a cage. Evil! Scootaloo and two colts who liked to play rough had dragon napped him before they broke into the library.
"Easy there Spike," taunted Evil! Scootaloo. "Can't have you tattling to the Princess now and spoiling our fun can we? Be a good boy and we'll feed you."
Diamond Tiara moved Spikes' cage around and squeezed him to make him blow flames. This was much easier than messing round with rubbing sticks and flintstones.
Ponyville school was beginning its transformation to the headquarters of Evil! Scootaloo as their slave labour worked to erect barricades and paint the walls in more grim and foreboding colours.
While they did that their leader set off on another mission.
Evil! Scootaloo parked near the edge of the Everfree forest. She raised herself up on her hind legs and sniffed the air. This had to happen quickly or else she would be foiled. She raised her front hooves like an athlete about to dive and waited.
Sure enough, soon came the howls and the dim green glow of eyes. Three timberwolves crawled from the shadows making their way towards her.
Evil! Scootaloo kept her ground and then spoke.
dragzul bakka taria
zerdash ich neigh
The timberwolves paused and shuddered as a purple aura enveloped them. The biggest one lifted its head and howled. It was answered. They then trotted tamely up to Evil! Scootaloo and followed her as she headed back to Ponyville.
Meanwhile back inside the school slash headquarters Silver Spoon had placed several tables next to each other, and laid out a vast array of cutlery, mostly spoons. They were organised by their length, level of shininess and level of decoration in ascending rows on the table.
"What are you even doing Silver Spoon?" Diamond Tiara whined. "We're supposed to be assembling ponies into the army of darkness not polishing the cutlery."
"I figured that out already, in case you weren't paying attention. Also I believe you were assigned to fortification of all the walls, it will involve mixing cement."
Diamond Tiara mimed gagging "Ugh, we need more slaves, I am not getting stuff on my hooves unless its absolutely essential."
There was a crash and Evil! Scootaloo stormed into the room, the door swinging shut behind her.
"My task is accomplished. I want a progress report."
"Silver Spoon's been wasting time laying out kitchen cutlery."
"Diamond Tiara's been whinging about how people aren't paying enough attention to her, and hasn't done much work to boot."
Evil! Scootaloo placed her hoof on the table in a foreboding manner. "I do hope that the little resources we have available have been organised, like I requested."
"Already done," said Silver Spoon smartly. She produced a sheaf of documents. "Ponies who are willing and unwilling, of the willing, sorted by strengths temperaments race and so on with recommendations for a specific service. I did that and THEN started looking through cutlery for basic weapons. Naturally I enjoy polishing Silver Spoons."
"A vicarious experience for you I'm sure," interjected Diamond Tiara.
Silver Spoon stuck her hoof on her nose, "Oooh I'm Diamond Tiara, I can use words with four syllables."
"Stop that bickering!" shouted Evil! Scootaloo. "Diamond Tiara considering the way you handled the foal free press I expected more drive, I am disappointed.
Silver Spoon, you have been incredibly efficient and you will be second in command and leader of the Army Of Darkness TM."
Silver Spoon bowed, "Yes mistress, uh, if I may ask a question how can I lead the army of... excuse me the Army Of Darkness TM and be second in command?"
"Ahh yes, well you will only be second in command of the Scootaloovian empire. But you will be leader of ze army."
Okay Silver Spoon thought, it went from being army of darkness with capitals to ze army. I don't know what a ze army is, I'd better humour her though.
She just smiled and nodded reassuringly.
Evil! Scootaloo seemed to accept this. "Very well Second, show me what weapons we have acquired."
Silver Spoon gestured at the row of tables while Diamond Tiara went off to sulk in a corner.
"We have the obvious choice of knives, though those have to be wielded in the mouth. Spoons as much as I like them don't have much damage potential. What I like most are these portable waffle makers. They can be attached to the foreleg, they have sharp... er, bits to make the holes in the waffles, could leave a nasty mark on somepony if you hit hard enough. If you heat them up even better."
Evil! Scootaloo nodded in approval. "Also the waffles themselves can make a good weapon if we douse them in cooking oil and set them on fire. We can launch them using spatulas. It will make a nice pyoing sound."
Silver Spoon smiled widely and nodded reassuringly.
"Very well, what we must do is assemble an elite troop force consisting of the willing and led by you. Waffles will be the weapon of choice."
Silver Spoon looked through her sheaf of documents and picked out some candidates. There were very few.
"Well I suppose Snips and Snails will have to go in for blind loyalty, although they hardly qualify as 'elite', I suppose we could use them as live battering rams in an emergency. Oh, also mistress
what shall we call the elite force?"
Evil! Scootaloo considered this carefully. "Hmm well we should incorporate the main weapon it uses and let's see. Snips and Snails and led by Silver Spoon, initials... two pairs, two pairs. Aha!
Henceforth the elite force shall be known as the Waffle SS.
In the corner Diamond Tiara facehoofed and Silver Spoon smiled and nodded reassuringly.
"OK now I have a task for you, what I want you to do..."
Alas we will not find out what Evil! Scootaloo said exactly because it is time for a scene transition. Twilight Sparkle and the two other CMCs were headed towards ponyville school. They had wasted time looking for Spike and failing to find him had gone to fetch Mayor Mare. She protested that as an elected official the one and only thing she was good at was stamping papers. They had persuaded her to come along anyway. She brought about five stallions as an escort.
"Now leave this to me everypony. My special talent is magic, I'm sure whatever force the Evil! Scootaloo has can be overcome."
"I do hope you're right Twilight Sparkle. We should be very cautious in our approach we don't know what abilities she has."
Twilight advanced slowly over the school grounds. Twilight Sparkle noticed it was getting darker and said "Wait for it to get a bit darker and then we'll proceed."
A familiar howl resounded through the air causing the CMC and Twilight to jump. "Why that sounded like..."
"... a timber wolf," said Diamond Tiara.
"Yes!" cackled Evil! Scootaloo, "They're alerting me to something, Twilight Sparkle must have assembled a foalish gang and be attempting an epic showdown."
Evil! Scootaloo tutted, "Well, we should go and confront them, I have an epic piece of trash to show them. Come along Diamond Tiara."
Twilight and the gang were surprised as Evil! Scootaloo threw back the door of the school and moved confidently to the roundabout in the playground and looked straight at them.
"Alright, playtimes over for you Evil! Scootaloo." spouted Twilight Sparkle.
"Fun has just begun Sparklebun."
Twilights horn glowed and she levitated Evil! Scootaloo. "Easy as pie, we'll get you tied up until we figure out what to..."
"Korzin thrakazog muktali."
The levitation bubble popped and Twilight gasped.
"But... unicorn, no horn, how?"
Evil! Scootaloo spread her wings. "The evil pie has given me awesome powers. I have to actually say words instead of powering a horn up on my head but I have been imbued with the essence of Tartarus!"
She threw her head back and raised her forelegs "MWU HA HA HA HA HA."
Twilight gaped at her.
Evil! Scootaloo scowled and then threw her head back again and raised her forelegs. "MWU HA HA HA HA HA."
Twilight scratched her head.
"Oh no lightning? Come on!"
"No you come on. I'm the princesses' personal pupil. My special talent is magic. I'll know something that can overpower you."
"You are aptly named Twilight, because you are quite dim."
"Your repartee can't match my repertoire."
"Perhaps," conceded Evil! Scootaloo. "Indeed if we were to duel I'm sure you would defeat me in a reasonable timeframe, but not soon enough to save... PONYVILLE."
"What are you talking about? You're here and..."
"I have sent out an elite force armed with flaming waffles. If you duel me now Ponyville will burn."
Twilight and her gang could only stare at her horrified.
"I'm sure you know flame retardant spells. Retardant being an area you're especially familiar with. You can cast those on the town or duel me but not both. That is why evil will always triumph because good is dumb."
Twilight shook her hoof at Evil! Scootaloo. "I shall go away and I shall prove you wrong."
"I look forward to your thesis paper." Evil! Scootaloo turned sharply and strutted back into the school.
She went to her office and then Silver Spoon entered through a newly created secret passage.
"The fire teams are in place in case she called your bluff. She will be back at some point. With reinforcements more spellcasters, maybe even pegasi."
Evil! Scootaloo stretched in her spandex costume and sat down and relaxed in the office chair. "It matters not" she said, pausing to cackle evilly. "Gather some extravagant items, tomorrow we begin... the summoning."