The Criminal Escapades of Thick H. Boner and Running Riot!

Clip clop! Clip clop! softly tapped a set of hoofs as the body they were attached to slowly (and not as quietly as he would have liked) but surely made its way across the cobblestone road of Manehatten to the darkened on the other side.

The gate was well-cared for and not the least bit rusty, though really there was no reason for it to be due to it not being made of iron or steel. It was instead made from copper, and due to it being polished once a week there was not a single spot of green on it even though the gate and the fence it was attached to were well over fifty years old. Thankfully it had not rained recently and both the hinges and the latch had been recently greased. There was a lock in the latch, but it was a simple one, and in a few short seconds it clicked open and was carefully lowered and placed on the ground next to the fence where he would not trip over it on his way back out from the house.

The house’ owner was currently away in Fillydelphia attending an aunt’s funeral, and according to the thief’s information, was not due to be back for at least another week due to there being an argument as to whom was to inherit what. It was specifically for that reason that this house was his target: he simply despised those that had been hoofed everything they’d ever wanted while growing up. He’d not once robbed someone that could not recover from the loss (except for those four times he’d robbed graves, but since nothing short of a demonic ritual would help them recover anything and the dead had no need for the five hundred bits’ worth of jewelry on them he’d had no moral conflictions with it.

Lifting the latch and pushing it slowly inward, young Thick stuck his head inside and looked around, turning his ears as he did in search for guards. Nothing. He smiled a little, and then let the rest of his body in and shut the gate behind him. Anypony passing by would probably not notice the lock was missing, and if they did, so what? The house would be locked as well, and all the windows were barred.  What chance would any everyday Pony have of getting inside?

Good thing I’m not an ordinary Pony! He chuckled as he trotted around the house to the back.

He’d scoped the place out a few days before by disguising himself as a servant. Most of the snobbish Ponies paid little to no attention to their servants unless they were looking for a cheap ride, but thankfully, the mare who lived in this house was more into other mares rather than stallions. Though the windows in the front were barred and so were the windows in the back, one in particular was normally left unlocked so that the owner could let out her birds once in a while. The birds were an energetic bunch, so she always had to make sure she held the cage outside before opening the little door and setting them loose. This was where he’d try to get in.

Dodging a decaying garden hose reel, Thick gave the yard another survey and then walked to the possible entrance. Rearing up on his hind legs and standing on a sculpture of a Pegasus, Thick powered up his horn a little and began fiddling with the lock on the inside. As soon as the nob turned he nodded to himself and then tried the bars. Sure enough, it swung open, but unlike the gate , these hinges squeaked a bit. Freezing in place for a few seconds, Thick sighed and rolled his eyes. That little squeak wouldn’t have woke even a Diamond Dog.

Leaning back, he swung the bars all the way out, lifted the window with telekinesis, and then hauled himself inside.

As usual the shinies were locked up in a small safe embedded in the floor, and as usual it was a simple number lock with only three numbers. Rather than try his hoof at tempting Filly Luck, he instead whistled a merry tune and pushed the bed out of the way and then yanked the entire safe out of the floor. It made a horrible racket, but if the hoof cuffs attached to the bed frame and the cloth attached to the bottom of the door was any indication, the room had been sound-proofed. Flipping the safe over in his telekinetic field, he again rolled his eyes. It was cheap lock, and a cheaper safe. The bottom of it was made of wood painted black, and after a brief scan with his magic he detected a very thin layer of metal covering the inside.

The wood on the bottom was attached via screws, so with a cheap magic trick he spun the four screws (one in each corner) and separated the wood from the thin plate. They probably bought this from some tourist store. He frowned. I don’t get how this richlets will spend thousands of bits on one dress, which they don’t even need, and yet they don’t invest in a reliable safe! Oh well, he shrugged. Just makes it easier for me, I guess.

Coming up to the gate once more, this time with the intent of going out and the saddlebags he’s come in with now full of loot of several types, Thick once more swung the gate inward, only to freeze. The Lady of the house was home! Now! Thick stopped breathing, his head slightly dipped.

The Lady stopped briefly and looked at him, then kept on walking as if she’d expected him to be there all along. Holding his breath until he suspected he might be turning blue, Thick watched her go up into the house followed by another two servants who opened the door, nodded to him, and then followed the Lady inside.

Exhaling his held breath and quickly breathing in more, Thick continued off the Lady’s property and began heading down the street. A few seconds later he smirked a little as a scream burst out from the window he’d left open.

I think I’ll buy a Dandelion Delight tonight!