The Eleven Doctors

Opening theme to today's episode:

Youtube Video

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"So they'll blow the TARDIS up?" Spitfire asked.

Trixie replied "well, that seems to be a fair assumption."

"Well then, we have to leave!"

"No we shouldn't, because if we let them blow the TARDIS up, then the whole Universe will be taken down with it."

Spitfire stammered and stuttered at this information.

"Yes my dear!" Trixie continued, "their Greant and Powerful war with the Great and Powerful Rutans is obviously not going too well, so they will set off the Great and Powerful Bitrax Bomb to end the Great and Powerful war with the Great and Powerful Rutans, so that the Great and Powerful Sontarans cannot say they suffered a Great and Powerful defeat, but the Great and Powerful Doctor has a Great and Powerful trap set up for the Great and Powerful Sontarans!"

As soon as she finished saying that, bright sparks like fireworks burst around the sealed door.

Trixie bellowed: "Look what you did to my Great and Powerful Door! It didn't even have the Great and Powerful lock set for it!"

"Silence!" bellowed back the Sontaran leader.  The two Sontarans looked like Ponies, but they were much shorter and thicker, and had heads that looked like potatoes.  "I am Group Marshal Nathan of the Tenth Sontaran battle fleet!"  (This name to Pony ears sounded highly brutal.)

"Well you ruined a perfectly good visitation from the Great and Powerful Doctor's friends, Spitfire, and Button Mash!"

At the last name, 'Group Marshal Nathan' lurched forward to Button Mash and inspected him closely.  "Button...Mash?" he asked.  "Ah" Group Marshal Nathan said as evilly as a Sontaran blessed/cursed with the name 'Group Marshal Nathan' possibly could, "I have heard of you!" he added almost accusingly at poor Button Mash with a point of his baton.

"Well hardly" Trixie retorted, "he's only just arrived."

"His name is known to us!" the Sontaran subordinate explained, and his commander, 'Group Marshal Nathan' added:

"It seems we have found a prize for the Sontaran fleet of greater importance than we thought, even great than the Doctor herself...kill him."  he ended shortly.

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Sweetie Belle ran across the junkyard to meet Octavia and Twilight's parents, Twilight Velvet, and Nachtlicht.  Nachtlicht came from Germaneigh.

"Mr. Nachticht! Mrs. Nachtlicht!"

"Sweetie Belle?"

She caught up to them, and was panting up a storm:

"Trixie...TARDIS...oof!" she said before she absolutely collapsed.

Octavia's mind quickly processed this, and her eyes darted to the junkyard.

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"No!" yelped Spitfire.

"Well surely, it must be a coincidence!" explained Trixie.  "After all, he is a child-"

"His name is known in our future." Clarified the subordinate "In the year you would call 2021, a great Sontaran battle fleet attacked your pathetic planet, but the Sontaran colonists were repelled! And who was the leader of this revolution? Button Mash!" They added simultaneously.  "But we shall not let this small inconvience get in the way! Sontar-ha! Sontar-ha! Sontar-ha! Sontar-"

"Hate to interrupt, but...now Button, now!"

The Button Mash pressed the switch, and a spray emerged from around the door.  The Sontarans beneath it began to melt like ice-cream cones, and it was a truly gruesome site.  Needless to say,Harley threw up, tears welled up in Spitfire's eyes, and Applebloom was enjoying every minute of it with a huge grin.

When Spitfire had quite recovered, she said "well...well done, Button."

"Well done indeed Button!" Trixie said with far more pride, as she was utterly unfazed.  So unfazed in fact, that she asked a question: "Tell me something: How did you know about the Coaxial Stabilizers, the Acid Inducers, the Madral Condensers, among other things?"

"Well, I saw you fly the TARDIS on TV, Doctor!" Button Mash replied with unrestrained enthusiasm.

Then an image began to form on what was previously Twilight's television, but was now clearly the TARDIS primary communications monitor, for now even the main room was beginning to change shape.  It was statically grainy, but a face was clearly visible: "Doctor, look at the screen!" Spitfire shouted.

"It's monstrous!" shouted Spitfire.

"It's revolting!" replied Trixie.

Then the bearer of the face appeared through the TARDIS doors: It was FoalFondler, the Pony Jimmy Saville.  His cutie mark was a very familiar-looking bear face that was a weird mixture of cute and creepy.  We would all recognize it as Pedo Bear.  "Who are you?" Trixie asked.

"Why, I'm FoalFondler.  Good to see you Doctor, and that lovely, lovely mare..."  He took Spitfire's hoof and kissed it.  Trixie's face at that said 'nope' without as much as a word.

"Now, where did you get this marvelous coat?" he asked Button Mash, putting his hoof on Button's foreleg in an absolutely creepy way.

"Now then, Good Doctor" he began, pulling a medal from one of his pockets "Would you kindly put this around his bonce without making his bonce disappear?"

"The Great and Powerful Doctor shall certainly try!" replied Trixie, wearing a gloriously fake smile, trying to hide her actual nervousness.  "The Great and Powerful Doctor shall just materialize the Great and Powerful Medel around his Great and Powerful neck."

It was then that Octavia, Sweetie Belle, Nichtlicht, and Twilight Velvet burst in, and so FoalFondler turned around to look at them.

Then Trixie seized the moment and flung FoalFondler into the doorway with her magic, and then shouted: "Now Button, now!"  And with that, the third evil space creature in a row that day was thoroughly melted and so, Button Mash shouted: "Wow! I killed three mosnters today! How cool is that?"

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Pinkie was losing all her confidence when numerous Daleks were now going up towards her on the flag pole: "COME WITH US WILL-ING-LY, AND NO HARM WILL COME TO YOU."

Lyra knew should could not save them all, and that things would go terribly wrong: "Derpy! Go to the magnetite patch! It's in the shallow outskirts of the Everfree Forest! It looks like a big patch of rock! We'll bring the Daleks to you if when we can!"

Derpy obeyed and ran towards the Everfree.

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Applejack was having problems of her own as she was surrounded by Imerial Daleks: "EX-TER-MIN-ATE!!"

"Umm...please?"

The Daleks all halted, and all eyestalks were on Applejack.

She resumed: "Um, please, with spaghetti on top?"

Though these Daleks were two separate organisms, the Fluffy Pony brain was now having now trouble overriding the Pony Brain: "SPA-GHET-TI! SPA-GHET-TI!" They all shouted, their head rotating one way and their bodies rotating another; they were clearly excited.  She knew it would not last long, but she had time to think of a good strategy to defeat these Daleks.

"WAIT!" a commanding Imperial Dalek objected, "OUR ALL-MOTH-ER MAKES THE BEST SPA-GHET-TI! DO NOT BLASPHEME!! EXTERMINATE!!"

Then, at Applejack's signal, she and the surrounded U.N.I.T. troops ducked and let the Daleks all shoot each other by mistake.

But there were still surviving Daleks, including the Officer: "DES-TROY THEM!!"

Then, one of these white Daleks was completely destroyed by the a blast, and it was not a misfire from a friend; all Dalek heads turned around to see the source: Once again for them, a run-in with Pure Daleks.

"HALT! YOU WILL I-DEN-TI-FY!!" shouted an Imperial Dalek.

"YOU WILL I-DEN-TI-FY FIRST!!" a Pure Dalek replied.

"DAAA-LEKS DO NOT TAKE OR-DERS FROM IM-PER-SON-A-TORS!!"

"YOU ARE NOT TRUE DAAA-LEKS! YOU WILL EX-PLAIN! EX-PLAAAIN!!"

"WE WERE MADE BY THE ALL-MOTH-ER; SCANS IN-DI-CATE THAT YOU ARE THE PRE-VI-OUS DAAA-LEKS WHO RE-BELLED A-GAINST THE ALL-MOTH-ER!"

"DAV-ROS? SHE CAN'T FIND HER WAY OUT OF AN EMP-TY ROOM!"

"Well, YO SU-PREME IS SO FAT, IT TAKES THE EN-TIRE DAAA-LEK FLEET TO LIFT HIM!!"

Before Applejack knew it, a "Yo Supreme" fight began among the Daleks.

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To Celebrate her victories, Trixie began to sing:

Trixie:

I am the very model of a Gallopfreyan Buccaneer,

I've information on all things a Gallopfreyan holds most dear,

I've linked into the Matrix through its exitonic circuitry,

I understand dimensional and relative chronometry.

I'm very well acquainted too with matters of the Capitol,

I'll give you verse and chapter on Panopticonian protocol,

I've been into the Death Zone and I've played the Game of Rassilon--

(Rassilon? Assilon, Bassilon.. ah-ha!)

With pestilential monsters that I got a lot of hassle from!

Chorus:

With pestilential monsters that she got a lot of hassle from!

With pestilential monsters that she got a lot of hassle from!

With pestilential monsters that she got a lot of hassle-hassle from!

Trixie:

I understand each language and I speak every vernacular,

I'll conjugate each verb obscure, decline each line irregular,

In short in every matter that a Gallopfreyan holds most dear,

I am the very model of a Gallopfreyan Buccaneer.

Chorus:

In short in every matter that a Gallifreyan holds most dear,

She is the very model of a Gallifreyan Buccaneer!

Trixie:

I've tackled shady Castellans with devious behavior,

I've sparred with Time Lord chancellors like Thalia, Goth, or Flavia.

In fact on some occasions I've held office Presidentially,

Though maybe I won't mention I was ousted out eventually.

I know just how it feels to be a wanted man and on the run,

But wouldn't leave the carefree buccaneering life for anyone,

Though sometimes my adventures seem absurdly operatical,

(Operatical? Hatical, patical.. ah-ha!)

With ups and down and twists and turns and incidents piratical.

Chorus:

With ups and down and twists and turns and incidents piratical!

With ups and down and twists and turns and incidents piratical!

With ups and down and twists and turns and incidents pirati-ratical!

Trixie

I've sailed the seven seas of Earth and all the oceans of the Moon,

My trusty true Type 40 is my Gallopfreyan picaroon,

But is this really what the average Gallopfreyan holds most dear?

I wonder what they think about this Gallopfreyan Buccaneer.

Chorus:

But is this really what the average Gallopfreyan holds most dear!

We wonder what they think about this Gallopfreyan Buccaneer!

But...

I've defeated evil robots such as Daleks, Quarks, and Cyberponies,

I've overthrown dictators from Tobias Vaughn to Mavic Chenoveez,

I've rescued helpless maidens from the devastating Viking hordes,

Vanquished Autons, Axons, Daemons, Krotons, Monoids, Vampires, Voords.

I've liberated planets and delivered them from total war,

Saved Earth, Manussa, Dulkis, Skonnos, Earth, Tigella, Earth once more,

In short I know I am the truest Rassilonian legate,

(Legate? Decate, Hecate.. Hecate? Mm, not sure if that's canonical.. ah-ha! I have it!)

And so to Time Lords all I say remember me to Gallopfrey!

Chorus:

A sentiment we all agree, remember her to Gallopfrey!

A sentiment we all agree, remember her to Gallopfrey!

A sentiment we all agree, remember her to Gallop-Gallopfrey!

Trixie:

I'm not content to just observe, I am a bold adventurer,

Though other Time Lords mock this Gallopfreyan interventioner,

I know in every matter that a Time Lord really should hold dear,

I am the very model of a Gallopfreyan Buccaneer.

Chorus:

We know in every matter that a Time Lord really should hold dear,

She is the very model of a Gallopfreyan Buccaneer!

It was after the song ended that Trixie noticed Octavia was still there.

Octavia could only look grumpy at this:

"DALEKS AREN'T ROBOTS!! THEY'RE MUTANTS IN TANKS!!"

"Oh, who died and made you the expert?" Trixie said snobbily, but that didn't stop Octavia:

"AND CYBERPONIES AREN'T ROBOTS!! THEY'RE CYBORGS!"

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Twilight was determined to save Rarity; one Lyra was bad enough.

"But uhh...what if she instead regenerates into the alternate Fourth Doctor, played by Center Stage?"

"The who now?" the Master asked, and with that, Rarity proved that she had more than one surprise up her sleeve (and she did have sleeves as she was wearing one of the Third Doctor's smoking jackets) for the Master: "Oh, you haven't seen the quality of my footwork yet!" she chirped, pushing him away with her hind legs.

The Sombra-Master had been knocked to the coffee table on which there was a sandwich tray, and he found himself cornered, Rarity now armed with one of his weapons, and two swords in hoof, and she went "tsk-tsk-tsk-tsk, what have I always been telling you? Violence is never the answer."

"Well Doctor, you haven't beaten me yet...just wait and see what happens next."

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Derpy was now lost in what seemed to be the borders of the Everfree Forest: She figured that if she poked 'round long enough, she would eventually eventually find the magnetite patch.  But something was wrong with the trees.  They were only a few short meters up, and they had no branches or leaves.  They often made many funny squiggle shapes.  Oh! The word squiggle! Squiggle was Derpy's favorite word! It was so silly! Squiggle-wiggle? Oh, she liked that! Squiggly-wiggly-woo!

She should tell Carrot Top about this! But wait...where was Carrot Top?

As she pondered this, large clanking sounds began two echo throughout this weird part of the forest.  She hid in one of the squiggles to be safe, and then she saw what appeared to be giant toy soldiers marching her way.  She then emerged again from the crevice hiding place and saw a sight she did not want to see:

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The Closing theme today's episode:

Youtube Video