In a Strange Land

By: The Fanfic Stealer

Harry Potter X My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic crossover

Disclaimer: Harry Potter is owned by Rowling and WB. MLP:FiM is owned by Hasbro. I claim nothing from either of them.

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Chapter 2: Guilt and Caesar Salads

Harry frowned as he sat in the room occupied by his two patients of nearly two days, contemplating the mystery that literally laid before him: two beds containing a woman each, bandaged where magic-- even the magic of several demigods, celestial beings, and one full-blooded god-- had failed to heal the tainted wounds.

One woman was a statuesque beauty, probably four or five inches shorter than his own 6' 2", and was, in the words of his lovely little Luna, "proof that the young MILF exists." Her hair, hip-length and flowing, was a pastel rainbow of pinks, purples, and turquoise streaks, and she had the strangest tattoos on her: two on the upper thighs in the shape of a blazing sun, and two on her back in the shape of angelically white wings. She had been found with a golden jeweled crown, a strangely shaped golden necklace, and a remarkably long, white wand shaped like a unicorn's horn.

The other, in contrast to her companion, was petite, almost doll-like-- Harry probably towered head and shoulders over her if they were to ever stand back to back. Further contrasting the other woman, her hair, also hip-length and flowing, was a purple so dark it might as well have been black, with specks of silver scattered throughout, so that the overall impression was that of a piece of the star-studded night sky had become attached to her scalp. She also had the strangest tattoos on her, though these, once again, contrasted with those on her companion: on her upper thighs were two crescent moons laid on splotches of black, a design that gave the impression of seeing the moon through a break in the clouds on an overcast night, while on her back were purple wings only a shade or two lighter than her hair. She had been found with a black jeweled crown, a black necklace of the same design as the other woman's gold one-- both of which were composed of a unidentifiable metal-- and a dark purple unicorn-horn wand that, while long, wasn't as long as the white one.

With them had been six other girls, all magicals, with two of the Western type, judging by the wands found on them. They had been unconscious, as well, though at least they were unharmed, just suffering from some seriously drained mana reserves. Their appearances ran the gamut of just about every female stereotype between them: the trim, athletic-looking tomboy with the honest-to-goodness rainbow hair (and it was natural, too!), the violette supermodel, the buxom, rough-and-tumble blonde with the mile-long legs, the cutely mousy girl with two-toned, purple-and-pink hair, the motherly-looking pinkette, and the other pink-haired one-- a darker shade of pink than the first, and so curly it was almost bushy, much like his Hermione's-- who somehow gave the impression of the "cute-but-crazy" party girl.

Much like the two injured women, each one had strange tattoos somewhere on their bodies: all of them sported tattoos on their upper thighs, in exactly the same place on each of them, and two of them, the tomboy and the motherly girl, had tattoo wings on their backs-- sky blue and butter yellow, respectively. Each one had been found with gold necklaces mounted with various magical gems cut to resemble their tattoos, all except for the mousy-looking girl, who had a gold tiara mounted with a… ruby? some kind of highly magical pink gem cut into a starburst. The mousy purplette and the supermodel had the afore-mentioned wands-- purple and white, respectively, and both much shorter than the ones found with the injured women.

The most obvious questions, of course, were: who were they? How had they ended up in the forest that surrounded Potter Manor's current location, naked but for various accessories? Why were two of them injured, and the others not?

Also, what were those tattoos? Strangely enough, that was one of the more pressing questions. It seemed rather superficial, considering the circumstances-- eight naked women appear form nowhere, and he's worried about tattoos? But he couldn't help but be curious, especially because they corresponded to the ones he and his girls got after they attained their Animagus forms. There had to be a connection, there… perhaps it had something to do with how all their Animagus forms were equine in nature? Did that mean the forms his guest currently had were not their normal ones? But they read as human even to deep scans…

Harry gave a mental shake of the head and put aside his train of thought, moving on to what could possibly be the most important question plaguing him:

Why were there two goddesses in his home, injured by some serious Chaos Magic?!

Very few could wield Chaos Magic, and the ones that he knew were powerful enough to go toe-to-toe with not one, but TWO goddesses could be counted on one hand, and all of them were gods that knew better than to mess with the Balance between Order and Chaos.

Harry sighed as he checked the monitor charm once again-- unfortunately, the only ones who could answer his questions were his guests, and the only way for that to happen was to wait for one of them to wake up, which might be a while as mana exhaustion-- especially at their level-- . took a while to recover from…

"Dear? One of the girls woke up."

Huh. Well, speak of the devil. Harry perked up as Susan's mental "voice" echoed down from their soul bond. "Really? Excellent! Which one, and how is she?"

"The one with the purple and pink hair. She says her name is Twilight Sparkle, and she currently wants to see the two with you. She, err… claims they are royalty of whatever place they come from."

Harry blinked, then fought back the urge to face-palm. He succeeded, if barely. "…Royalty? Oh, bugger me…"

There was a giggle from the other end of the bond. "Don't let Luna hear you say that. She's likely to actually try it."

"…Right, shutting up now. So, Twilight Sparkle? She wouldn't happen to be a fan of a certain literary abomination, would she?"

"…No, I don't think so. Fairly certain it's just an unfortunate quirk of the Multiverse. So, what should I do with her?"

"Bring her here. I have some questions to ask her anyway."

"Alright. See you later, then."

"Take care, love."

The bond quieted, and Harry quickly conjured a chair for his nearing guest. A moment of thought, and he conjured a desk as well before calling one of the Potter Elves and ordering a salad be brought to the room-- the poor girl had been unconscious for nearly two days, now, so she was probably ravenous. And if his guess about her original form was correct, she would probably be sickened by the thought of eating meat.

Preparations done, Harry sat back and waited. A smile of anticipation bloomed on his face-- finally, answers! Nothing on the Creator's green earth were as horrid as unanswered questions!

A blink as that last thought registered, then a groan and a face-palm.

"…I thought obtaining attributes via injection was supposed to happen the other way? When did I get as knowledge-obsessed as Hermione?"

Much to his chagrin, the only answer he received was six simultaneous mental giggles.

Bah. Minxes, the lot of them.

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As soon as Twilight entered the room, she rushed to Princess Celestia's bed and looked her over. While it wasn't as bad as she imagined, the sight of her teacher and princess lying there, bandaged and helpless, shook her to her core. A quick look at Princess Luna showed her to be in much the same state, and Twilight felt a moment of hopeless despair-- Discord had held against and beaten all of them… what hope did they have of freeing Equestria from his mad grip?

"It looks a lot worse than it actually is, you know."

The male, Trottingham-accented voice made Twilight jump in shock, a squeak escaping from her lips. She turned around to see that Susan had left, leaving her in the room with her unconscious princesses and what was obviously a specimen of a male of her new body's species. And my, what a specimen.

Broad shouldered and well muscled, but not enough to make him bulky. Messy black hair that looked like it was styled to be so, rather than made like that due to poor upkeep. He had features she recognized as aristocratic (despite having never seen any example of his species before…), but they weren't ruined by the perpetual sneer the upper-crust ponies of Canterlot always sported. And finally, emerald green eyes that were warm and open, yet seemed to bore into her soul. He was dressed in a crisp, white button-up shirt and black slacks, and she suddenly felt woefully underdressed in his presence.

"Please, do take a seat, Ms. Sparkle," he offered, gesturing towards the unoccupied chair across from him. Twilight cautiously took the seat, a million questions running through her mind.

"I took the liberty of ordering your dinner earlier, and it should be arriving soon. I hope you don't mind?" he asked, offering her a boyishly mischievous smile that sent her stomach fluttering. She fought it down with a gulp.

"N-not to be rude or anything, but how did you know my name?" she asked. She didn't remember ever offering it…

"My wife told me, of course." Oh. Right. Of course. Susan must have told him while she was checking on the Princesses.

"Allow me to introduce myself," the man continued, "My name is Harry Potter, and you and your friends are currently in my home in France. I found all of you near here nearly two days ago, unconscious and naked."

Twilight gapped, shocked. Two days? She'd been unconscious for two days? "Are any of my friends awake?" she asked, somewhat dazed. Two whole days already… how much damage had Discord already done to Equestria?

"No. You are the first," Mr. Potter said, "And before you ask, they are all fine, just magically exhausted."

"Oh…" Twilight whispered absently, still trying to come to terms with just how badly she had failed, "T-thank you, for taking us in."

"It was no problem," Mr. Potter replied warmly, amiably waving off her gratitude. There was silence for a moment, as Twilight continued struggling with her thoughts. Their uncomfortable silence was broken by a small pop as a covered silver tray appeared on the desk between them. Twilight was shocked out of her depression by the sudden appearance.

"W-what?" she squeaked, her mind trying to comprehend what she had just witnessed-- How did--? Was she just served food via the highly complicated Teleport spell?

"I ordered you a Caesar Salad, since… well, due to some things I've noticed, I believe you are probably vegetarian," Mr. Potter told her as he lifted the tray's cover to reveal a salad of Roamaine Lettuce and croutons, flavored lightly with some kind of cheese and an unidentifiable dressing. Twilight looked blankly at it for a moment, not quite seeing the salad before her as her mind tried to wrap around the thought of using such an advanced spell for something so trivial.

"Err… is something the matter, Ms. Sparkle? Is the salad not to your liking?" Mr. Potter asked, concerned, "Because if it isn't, I can get something else made for you…"

Twilight looked up to see her host looking genuinely concerned. She looked back down at the salad, finally registering its presence… and felt a wave of nausea bubble up from deep within her. Without the momentary shock of teleporting food distracting her, thoughts of her failure once again hit her, killing her appetite. And now the guilt of failing all of Equestria was compounded by the guilt of being rude to her more-than-generous host.

"I…I'm not hungry, thank you," Twilight managed to get out, "And you can just call me Twilight, Mr. Potter."

"And you can call me Harry-- Mr. Potter was my father, the Creator bless his soul," he replied warmly, before his face took on a serious continence. "You've been out for two days, and all you had for sustenance were the nutrient potions we've been Switching into your stomachs to keep you in good health," he continued, "You need to eat, Twilight."

"N-no, thank you," she whispered, unable to look Harry in the eye-- she didn't want to see those warm, inviting emeralds turn cold with judgment. Judgment she deserved, sure, but that didn't mean she wanted to see them.

There was another moment of uncomfortable silence, before Harry broke it with a sigh. "Look, it wasn't your fault," he said out of the blue. Twilight's shot up to face him, surprised by the seeming non-sequiter that hit her troubles dead-on.

"W-what-?"

"I've seen the look in the mirror way too many times to not know what it is: you're blaming yourself for whatever happened," He continued, giving her a warm smile that, despite her current state of mind, set her stomach aflutter and her cheeks aflame, "Well, I'll save you the trouble and just tell you what my wives were eventually able to drill into my rock-hard head: it's not your fault. The injuries on your, err… princesses? The fault of whatever it was that decided to cast Chaos Magic against two goddess of Order. Your current situation? The fault of whatever Chaos Adept you girls were obviously fighting. The state of your friends? The fault of whatever Chaos Adept decided to start a situation in which you all were forced to use so much power against them. Unless I am completely and utterly off my mark and you girls are the antagonists in this story, it's the other guy's fault, not yours. Now," he took the fork that had been provided with her meal, speared several leaves of lettuce and a crouton, and held it out to her, "Eat. I'd rather a pretty girl like you not starve to death on my watch. My wives would have my hide if I did," he ended with a chuckle.

Twilight gapped as his words sent her mind careening in multiple directions. She was certain she hadn't mentioned anything about their battle with Discord, yet Harry seemed to have gotten the general idea of what happened. And what did he mean, he'd seen the look on her face too many times in the mirror? Wouldn't that imply he'd previously been in a situation similar to her's? Was she sitting with a veteran of some sort? And… wait.

"Wives?" she choked out. A small part of her mind face-hoo-palmed, muttering about how, of all things, THIS was what she latched on to.

Harry chuckled again. She noticed that, much like everything else about him, it was warm, even comforting. "Yes, wives. I have six beautiful ladies that were gracious enough to wed me, and I thank the Almighty Creator everyday for them. Now," he jabbed the lettuce-and-crouton-filled fork in her direction, "Eat, before I literally take matters into my own hands and hand feed you." The last comment was said in an obvious joking manner, showing he actually had no intention to force feed her.

Twilight looked at Harry for a moment, contemplating the man before her. As open and inviting as his posture was, he was an enigma wrapped in a riddle wrapped in a mystery. For all of her current situation, for all of her self-loathing… she couldn't help but be intrigued by him. Her attention turned to the fork in his hand. If she conceded and took one bite, would he allow her to ask more questions, she wondered…

…Eh, what the hay. He had no reason to harm her with poisoned food (if Harry was to be believed, she'd already spent almost two days in his family's care), and she had something to gain from indulging him. Mind made, she slowly reached up and, with some slight fumbling, took the fork with her new hands, then looked him in the eyes as she took the offered bite.

And then she was scoffing down the salad like a po-woman possessed, her stomach reminded by the first taste of perfectly-seasoned Caesar Salad that, nausea caused by guilt or not, she had not had anything substantial to eat in two days-- more than two days, as she hadn't had much to eat on the day Discord broke free-- and she was bucking STARVING!

Before she knew it, the plate was scraped clean, and she was wonderfully full and surprisingly content. Of course, that was when her brain decided to inform her that she'd shown a horrendous lack of table manners with that atrocious display. And, just to be spiteful, her stomach decided to add on to her exponentially increasing mortification by sending up a small belch too fast for her to stop before it escaped her lips in a almost-dainty "erp." Cue moment of shocked silence as Twilight practically slammed both of her hands over her traitorous mouth.

Then Harry broke the silence with a surprisingly rich belly laugh, and Twilight found herself torn between trying her best to curl up and die, and throwing whatever dignity she had left to slam her head against the table repeatedly. She compromised by freezing in shock while her cheeks quickly became warm enough that she suspected she could probably cook an egg on each side.

"Full, are we?" Harry quipped, his smile telling her that he wasn't insulted. Despite that, though, she could only find it within herself to nod, not trusting her mouth at the moment.

"Excellent!" he said, snapping his fingers. Twilight jumped back a bit when her tray, dirty plate, and utensils vanished with the same pop from which they arrived. She made a mental note to ask him about that-- really, a Teleport spell for dining services? That seemed so… wasteful!

Harry sat back and got comfortable, and continued, "Now that you're nice and full, do you mind if I ask you some questions?" Then, as if reading her mind, he offered, "If you do, I'll promise to answer any questions you have to the best of my ability."

Twilight perked up at those words, her worries and embarrassment and self-loathing momentarily forgotten as her inner scholar focused on the potential for new knowledge. It gave a mental cheer.

Finally, answers!

Author's Note

A/N: Before anyone gets on my case about this: my personal stance is that, despite looking like young adults, The Mane 6 will initially still act like they're barely teenagers. The reason for this has to do with the environment they grew up in-- our favorite "little" ponies live in what is essentially a utopia, a world plagued by none of the violence and corruption our world suffers from. Hence, they could afford to grow up a little slower mentally and emotionally, as they don't have to adapt quickly to a dog-eat-dog world. Of course, that's about to change, now that they're in a world where magic is actually a corrupting influence more often than not…

On another note... I tried to write Twilight as being somewhat shell-shocked while staying in character, and Harry as similar to the Harry from selector's Harry Potter and the Witches' Secret trilogy. How do you guys think I did?

…Oh, and that bit that says they're in France? That's not a typo. You'll see why soon enough.