In a Strange Land

By: The Fanfic Stealer

A Harry Potter X My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic crossover

Disclaimer: Harry Potter is owned by Rowling and WB. MLP:FiM is owned by Hasbro. I claim nothing from either of them.

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Chapter 5: The Return of the Q and A Session (Part 3)

Harry sighed at the greeting. "So you know, huh? Pity. I was hoping you'd just think me an impudent mortal. It would have been a nice change," he bemoaned half-jokingly—he knew he should be used to it, and he was to a point, but really, was it so hard to ask for SOME normality in his life? Even if it would have been a faux normality? Ah well, at least his comment disarmed them.

The elder of the two goddesses gave a good-natured chuckle. "I can relate," she said, "Sometimes I think it would be nice to just… get away from it all, even if it were only for one day."

Harry grinned, happy to find a kindred spirit. "Amen, milady," he praised, before giving her a bow deep enough to pay respect, but not enough to show deference. "I am Aspect of Death Lord Harold James Potter, of the Combined Most Ancient and Noble Houses of Potter, Black, and Peverell. But please, call me Harry."

"I am Goddess of the Sun Celestia the Life-Bringer, Princess of the Court of the Sun. You can just call me Celestia, Harry."

"And we art Goddess of the Moon Luna the Rest-Bringer, Princess of the Court of the Moon. You may call us Luna, Lord Harold."

Harry momentarily paused at the use of Elizabethan English and the "royal we," but chalked it up to a personal quirk and forged on to the more important matter.

"Err... it's just Harry, Luna. Please," he told-- almost-begged, really-- her, "Lord Harold was my grandfather, last I checked."

"B-but," Luna disagreed, obviously uneasy with the requested informality, "Thou art an Elder God, and a noble of this world. ‘Tis would be most uncouth for us to--"

"It's not uncouth if I'm asking you to," Harry said, giving her his most disarming smile in an effort to her to relax on her formality, "Besides, Celestia has no problem calling me by name, just as I have no problem calling you by name, despite both of you technically outranking me-”

"But we art not Elder Divinity! How dost we outrank you, milord?"

"If I'm reading the impression from Twilight correctly, the both of you lead Equestria in a theocratic diarchy, despite your titles of 'Princess.' I am merely a lord, hence the both of you outrank me."

"But--!"

"Harry, if I may?" Celestia interrupted. Turning to her sister, she pointed out, "Dear sister, think of it like this: he outranks us, and he has requested something of us. It would be most insulting of us if we don't honor Harry's request, no?"

Luna gave her sister an uneasy look, then looked at Harry, who ignored that little bit about him outranking the two and just shot her an encouraging smile. "...Well, if you insist... Harold," she finally conceded. Harry fought the urge to cringe and/or sigh (and growl at the feminine snickers in his head)-- "Harold" sounded so uptight, but it was better than "Lord Harold." Besides, if the suspicions brought about by his recent conversation with Twilight came to pass, he would have plenty of chances to get Luna to relax around him in the future.

"A pleasure to meet the both of you," he continued with another bow, "Are either of you hungry? You've both been unconscious for quite a while."

Celestia gave him a gracious smile. "Thank you, Harry, but I am fine. Luna?"

Luna shook her head. "We are in no need for sustenance, as well. Our thanks, though, Harold."

She had scarcely finished speaking when, as if on cue, loud, twin growls of empty stomachs sounded in the room. Harry quirked an eyebrow at the sisters in the (multi-)universal gesture for "oh, really?", causing both to duck their heads and blush in a strangely synchronized movement.

"On second thought, if we could trouble you for something to eat?" Celestia asked sheepishly.

"Excellent. Do either of you have any preferences?"

"Urm... some hay would be fine, thank you."

"The same for us as well, Harold."

Harry blinked at the strange request, before remembering the two goddesses used to be equines. "Sorry, but I don't think I can do that," he told them.

"And why not?" Luna asked, an eyebrow raised in inquiry, "Does thou not have a supply of something so simple?"

"Actually," Harry informed them, "It's because, even with your divinity, your current body isn't capable of digesting hay. In fact, eating it would, aside from muddling up your digestive system, just leave you as hungry as before you had it... more so actually, as your body will waste energy getting rid of it."

The two princesses blinked, visibly surprised. "Truly?" Luna asked, "Then what art we to sate our hunger with?"

"Well, since the both of you were equines previously, I can assume you would prefer something vegetarian?" he asked them. When both nodded, he continued, "I can always have some salad made for you both, if that is alright?"

"Like the one Twilight had?" Celestia asked, "Because that one looked rather good.”

“Alright,” Harry agreed before turning to Luna, “And for you?"

"The same for us, we think," she replied graciously.

Harry nodded and sent off a mental request to the girls, who would order from the House Elves in his stead. He was sure to specify that they could serve in person if they were so inclined, as, unlike with Twilight, the two goddesses would be more understanding of the House Elves and their nature-- with how similar Twilight was to Hermione, he suspected that she would probably throw quite a bit of a fuss if the situation were not explained to her in the correct manner, with undisputable evidence and anecdotes from the House Elves themselves. He really didn't want another S.P.E.W. fiasco, even if it was well intentioned.

While waiting for the food to arrive (which wouldn't take very long-- not only was it basic Caesar Salads, which was already simple to make, but they were being made by House Elves, which were wizards ["Heh heh... wizards." "...You're such a goof, Harry."] in the kitchen), he asked, "So, how much of the conversation with Twilight were you two awake for?" He kept his tone light to show that he wasn't accusing them of anything, but Celestia's grin was still the slightest bit sheepish at being caught eavesdropping.

"Pretty much all of it," she replied, "And I must thank you for comforting her. After everything she's been through… she needed to hear that from someone."

"We awoke sometime during thy explanation of thy species. We did not want to intrude on the conversation. It would have been most improper."

"Though it would have been fine, I nevertheless appreciate your discretion, Luna," Harry returned lightly. It was at this moment that the orders arrived via Dobby and Winky-- both dressed in butler or maid uniforms (depending on gender, obviously) and looking far different from their days working in Hogwarts, more resembling slightly smaller humans with large, pointed ears and slightly-larger-than-normal eyes, than the caricatures most House Elves looked like-- who popped in, set down some bed tables, the dishes, and some silverware, gave a polite bow, and popped away, all within seconds. Celestia and Luna's jaws were left hanging at the efficiency of the actions... before their eyes hardened as they noticed something else about the two House Elves. They both turned on Harry, who chose to preemptively respond to their reprimands.

"Yes, there's a slave contract between us," he admitted, "Unfortunately, it cannot be helped-- the House Elves-- or Gremlins, as they used to be called-- have been enslaved to wizard-kind for millennia, and over that time have evolved both a mind-set and a physiology centered around the bond. Nowadays, they are symbiotic manavores with a society that glorifies the honor of serving wizard-kind, and those that remain unbonded for any significant amount of time slowly go mad before dying. Even the most rebellious House Elf on record, Dobby-- the male House Elf that served you, incidentally--rebelled not because he was a slave, or even because his previous owner was an abusive ass-hat, but because said owner was out for my life; as soon as he was free, he bonded himself to me without me knowing, and only told me several years after he started serving me."

Both goddess visibly calmed down as his explanation continued, until both were merely upset with the situation, rather than apocalyptically furious and ready to visit righteous punishment on the House Elves' behalf, Elder God or not.

"Is there no way to free them completely?" Celestia asked, a concerned frown marring her beautiful features.

"We're working on it, but it's slow going," Harry replied with a helpless shake of his head, "Not only do we have to find a way around their dependence on the bond, but we also have to convince them to accept our aid in the first place. We've been working on it on and off for years, and will probably continuing doing so for a very long time to come."

"I see..." murmured Celestia, looking pensive, "Then I wish you the best of luck, Harry. If there is anything we may do to help, please let us know."

"My dearest sister speaks for us as well, Harold," Luna added.

"Thank you. Now, eat! Eat! We can continue our conversation while you fill your empty stomachs!"

Harry smiled as they tucked in, slowly at first, then quicker as their hunger overrode their caution and even a little of their propriety. As they ate, Harry started up the conversation again:

"So, as you've no doubt gleaned from the earlier conversation with your lovely High Priestess, I know about this Discord fellow, what he has Authority over, and, judging from the state of both of you after your altercation with him, I think I have a fair estimation of his power. Now, what I want to know is this: is he an Elder God, and will I have to worry about him following you and the girls here?"

"Discord is an Elder God, yes, but I can tell you right now that he won't be following us here," Celestia assured after swallowing a bite of salad, "For whatever reason, he is attempting to plunge our world into a state of constant Chaos, thus violating the Law of Balance. So, even if he knew we had survived his attack, he wouldn't risk coming after us for fear of reprisal."

Harry frowned grimly, "Not that his caution will do him any good. He probably didn't consider the possibility of you two meeting another deity."

Celestia and Luna stopped eating momentarily to shoot each other a look of honest confusion. "...No offense meant, Harry, but why would meeting you matter? Since Discord is of our pantheon, he is our problem, isn't he?" Celestia asked. Harry shook his head in response.

"Not quite. Aside from the fact that helping all of you free your world is the right thing to do, Discord is actively trying to upset the Balance, and that's a High Transgression-- what he's attempting to do could irrevocably damage Creation. Hence, now that I have been made aware of the situation, I am inclined to get involved and aid you both in stopping him."

Here he hesitated-- now would be the perfect time to tell them of his suspicions. But should he? On the one hand, if they proved true, it would directly affect the goddess sisters and their domain. On the other hand, though, he would just be causing needless trouble for them if the suspicions proved false. Hmm... decisions, decisions...

"You should tell them, Harry," he heard Susan say over the bond. Harry hummed in thought at her suggestion, not surprised by it in the very least: Susan, being a former Hufflepuff and the niece of the former Magical Law Enforcement Head, Amelia Bones, highly valued honesty, as dishonesty was anathema to loyalty, the cornerstone of Hufflepuff philosophy.

"I agree with Susan, Harry. I mean, you hated how Dumbledore always kept you in the dark, so why do it to someone else?" the soft mental voice of Neliel added. Again, Harry saw the answer coming-- the value Neliel placed on honesty and loyalty rivaled that of any Hufflepuff, despite being a former Gryffindor (which made one wonder: if she ended up in the House of the Brave despite exemplifying the traits of the House of the Loyal, what did that say about her true nature?)-- but he was pleasantly surprised that his shyest wife was contributing in the discussion; she usually just listened in, content to be in the background as her sister-wives made the decisions.

"Holy shite! Neliel talked!" Scylla exclaimed, half in jest, "Quick! Someone check if the Strange Eons have arrived!"

“Behave, Scylla," scolded Daphne, and all in the bond felt as the more regal of the two blondes softly smack the other upside the head, causing Scylla to yelp, "Excuse our resident jester, Harry. She meant to say that we both agree with Neliel and Susan."

Now that surprised Harry-- Scylla and Daphne, while in no way selfish, were not what one could call altruistic; Slytherins born and bred, the two made sure every action benefitted the family in some way, whether it be economical, emotional, or whatever else they could wring out of the situation. What they were suggesting this time, though, seem to have little to no benefit for either parties, as the worst outcome meant they were embarrassed while wasting the goddesses' time, and the best outcome meant the goddesses had a heads up with something that they wouldn't be able to do anything about anyway. Also, both outcomes meant Harry might potentially have to give up several of their trump cards. Just what were they planning?

"Honestly, Harry! Engage that inner Slytherin I know you have buried in you somewhere!" Daphne groaned, "If what we suspect comes to pass, you will need them to trust you with little to no hesitation, or risk going the way of some of your predecessors."

"Yeah, we don't want another Kratos Incident, do we?" Scylla added. There was a collective shiver in the Bond-- the Kratos Incident(1) was a prime example of why infighting amongst deities was a VERY BAD THING (yes, it is bad enough to warrant all capital letters).

"To facilitate that," continued Daphne, "We must show we are willing to trust them first, and what better way to do that than to willingly give up information?"

"…Well, we could always throw them a party involving massive amounts of booze. That’s a great way to build relationships,” Luna offered. There was a moment of awkward silence as everyone involved wondered if the youngest of them was kidding-- Luna got serious about the strangest of things.

“…Also, I want to snuggle in Celestia’s awesome breasts, and getting her completely wasted is my best chance for doing that without it looking awkward.”

“…No, Luna, just… no. No parties, or snuggling in the cleavage of the resident goddesses,” Harry sighed.

“How about the pink-haired ones, then? Or the blonde farm-girl-looking one? Their breasts look very snuggle-able, too.”

“Yeah, they do make you want to just... glomp on and bury your face in them, don’t they?” Scylla agreed, sending the impression of a sagely nod through the bond. Harry resisted the urge to facepalm at the decidedly vulgar turn the conversation had taken. He wasn't the only one, if the feeling he was getting from Hermione and Daphne were any indication. Susan and Neliel just "watched" on, the former amused and the latter steadily growing more embarrassed. Her embarrassment took a sudden up-turn as Luna turned her attentions to her.

"Not that we're not saying your breasts aren't incredible as well, Neliel!" Luna hurriedly assured, despite Neliel's emotions making it abundantly clear she was more mortified by the conversation than feeling left out. The girl in question squeaked in response and attempted to mentally shrink into herself (it was endearing, how she was still so shy after some of the things they’d gotten up to in the bedroom… and the living room… and the kitchen…), a feeling that could only be described as strange, as the physical action had no clear mental translation. "You have magnificent breasts, we can never deny it," Luna continued, as if the target of her “pacification” wasn’t trying her best to become mentally invisible, "But, well..."

"New boobies," Scylla finished unashamedly.

"Yes, new boobies," Luna agreed, equally unashamedly.

"Girls! Can we please get back to the topic at hand?" Hermione huffed, finally fed up with this all-too-familiar tangent—as the resident blatantly bisexual nymphomaniacs, any conversation involving both Scylla and Luna somehow always managed to devolve into talk about hot girls and the parts that made them hot. The blondes in question just gave the impression of amused grins, with Scylla also projecting a sense of smug satisfaction (despite being in the same bond and having long ago worked out most of their issues with each other-- threesomes tended to be an excellent way of working out aggressions in a [relatively] harmless manner-- the animosity from their school days never did quite disappear; rather, it had evolved into a lighthearted rivalry, complete with opposing-but-complimentary talents and interests, competitive streaks, and friendly ribbing) while Luna… started mentally humming Sir Mix-A-Lot’s “Baby Got Back.”

“While I will admit that Neliel's also got an amazing arse, I think you've got the wrong body part in mind, Luna,” Scylla said, not even bothering to hide the fact that she was purposely trying to keep the conversation on the tangent it had taken purely for her own amusement. Hermione groaned and swore to get back at the blond at a later time while Susan continue to radiate unabashed amusment. Daphne had just given up at this point and, with a long-suffering sigh, sat back to wait out the conversation, occasionally trying to comfort the ever-more-embarrassed Neliel.

“Not if you change the words around!” Luna sing-songed… then proceeded to actually sing:

“I like big breasts and I cannot lie

My other sistahs can’t deny

When Nelly walks in with that itty-bitty waist

And those round things in his face

Harry gets--”

“Okay!” Harry cut Luna off, flustered—knowing Luna, that song was about to take a very R18-turn, “Right! Earning their trust by showing we are willing to share information! Good? Bad? Other idea? And no, no parties involving alcohol!” The last comment earned a momentary pout from Luna, who, in true Luna fashion, shortly got over it and returned to softly humming “Neliel’s Got Rack.”

Hermione gave a mental “ahem.” “I, for one, agree with the general consensus: tell them, as not doing so could potentially cause a rift between our groups later on, and the situation calls for, if not complete trust, then at least enough so that they won’t automatically suspect us at the first sign of trouble.”

Harry gave a mental nod of acknowledgement. “So that’s five votes for disclosure--”

“I still say we should all just get piss-drunk. Nothing brings people together like waking up in compromising positions!”

“—And one vote for a party. Vote carried in favor of disclosure,” Harry declared, before turning his attention back to the real world. By his estimates one, maybe two seconds had passed… so why were the two sisters looking at him like that?

…Oh right: Divinity. Different perception of Creation, including perception of the different levels of Creation. Just as they had sensed the slave bond between Harry and the House Elves, they probably sensed the activity going over the Bond. Harry couldn’t believe he’d forgotten that.

Well, looks like he was going to be giving up a little more information than he’d originally thought.

“My wives and I are bonded on a spiritual level, due to a rather strange innate ability unique to me,” he explained, “Among the perks that manifested, we can communicate telepathically over the bond. What you just witnessed was a discussion about… well, first I have to know: does your pantheon have a God of Death?"

Celestia seemed confused by the non-sequitur, but nonetheless shook her head as the two continued their meal. "No," she replied, "We're still running on the automated system. Why?"

"Well... here, it would be better to show you two."

Taking a step back to give himself enough room, Harry took a deep breath… and shifted-- he fell on all fours, his limbs changed in length and width, and his clothes melted into what seemed to be coat of fur as black as his mane (still stylishly messy, though slightly longer to keep in proportion to his new form) at first glance, but on closer inspection was revealed to be translucent fur on black skin. His face elongated and grew fine black scales as a strangely knobbed horn grew from his forehead, and the emerald green of his irises bled into the surrounding scleras and, somehow, the pupils, turning them into twin glowing pools of green eldritch power. Six large feathered wings flared out from his shoulder blades, shining silver against the black of the rest of his body. In the blink of an eye, Harry was replaced with something akin, but not quite identical, to an alicorn, broad-barreled, well-muscled, and slightly taller than Celestia, with the emblem of the Deathly Hallows emblazoned on his flanks in silver. He was vaguely amused when the sisters dropped their forks in shock as their minds locked up in a mental blue screen of death, but didn't let that deter him from continuing his explanation.

"What I just did is a particular school of transfiguration magic we call 'Animagic.' In a nutshell, it allows us to transform into what we would have been if we had been born an animal. Usually the animal form is a type that is non-sentient and non-magical-- though there have been cases of magical Animagi. In our animal forms, while we retain our intelligence, we do not retain the ability to speak. It goes without saying that the form we take is a species native to this world.

"Notice that, not only am I speaking to you, but I have taken the form of a magical being that technically does not exist— tests read me as partially thestral, but thestrals usually have white eyes, draconic wings— and only one pair, at that— no horns, and look emaciated," Harry informed them, "And even if I was a true thestral, I shouldn't look like this: equines of this world have longer snouts, thinner, less flexible legs, smaller eyes, and various other physical differences. Based on these differences, I can only assumed I transformed into an equine that follows the evolutionary conventions of your world, making this form not only a magical form that does not exist in this world, but a sentient magical form that does not exist in this world.

"Also, nothing in this world has anything approaching... Cutie Marks, and my family and I had no idea why we all suddenly developed tattoos on our thighs after achieving our Animagus forms.

"Last but not least, the coup de grace: this world already had a God of Death stationed here when I ascended. As you both well know, each world only really needs one God of Death, so, by all rights, there is no reason why I should exist, yet I do."

Harry looked into the still-shocked eyes of the two goddesses. "Do you see where I'm going with this?" he asked.

"Are... are you saying you're..." Celestia choked out as her brain tried its best to reboot.

"...Thou may perchance be Gaia's God of Death?" Luna finished for her sister, also while her brain attempted a reboot.

"I think so," Harry confirmed with a nod, "I have not received any confirmations, but the evidence seems to be pointing that way."

“So thou art helping us because thou might have a stake in this?”

Harry shrugged. “One of the reasons, yes; once again, the main reason is because I could never live with myself if I refused aid where it was needed.”

“Then… I— we— thank you, Lord Death,” Celestia said, both sisters bowing as well as they could again. When they righted themselves, Celestia sported a look of mild confusion, the cause of which became clear when she asked, "But I find myself curious: why were you not born in Equestria, then? If you were meant to join our pantheon and have a pony form, wouldn't it stand to reason that you would initially be an Equestrian or, at the very least, a Gaian?"

"I have no answer for you-- like I said before, I have not yet received any confirmation from Above," Harry replied, "For all we know, I could be horribly off the mark, and have just made a fool of myself." The last statement was said with a lopsided grin, earning small, amused grins (and, oddly enough, tiny blushes... why were his girls giggling?) from the two goddesses... who both promptly yawned in synch. Luna's yawn in particular earned coos of adoration from the girls observing from within the Bond, and Harry could see why: with her petite, almost child-like features, the action had been utterly adorable

“I think this will be enough for today,” he decided as shifted back into his base form and sent another message to his wives. Within moments Dobby and Winky popped into existence besides the goddesses, picked up the now-empty dishes, unneeded cutlery, and bed tables, and vanished back to the kitchen. Both sisters were still awed by the efficiency, though it was now tempered by the knowledge of the slave bond. “Get some rest, ladies,” he continued, “Judging by the fact that Ms. Sparkle woke up today, I can assume that your other priestesses will be awakening soon, most likely tomorrow.”

“Will you be informing us if they do?” Celestia asked. Harry nodded in reply.

“Of course. They are your priestesses, after all. Bad form if I don’t, don’t you think?”

“Thank you, Harry.”

Harry just nodded again, this time in acknowledgement of her gratitude, and was about to bid them good night when he noticed Celestia looking like she was thinking about adding something. Noticing he was looking at her, she seem to come to a decision and said, “I feel I should tell you: Twilight and her friends are only our priestesses on a technicality, and I never told them about it.”

Harry quirked an eyebrow in surprise, having not expected something like this. “May I ask why?”

“Equestria doesn’t have a religious institution, as neither we nor our mother saw the point of forming one— there was never any restrictions for Divine-Mortal interactions laid on our pantheon, and since we’re of the newer generations, we have no need for the prayers of mortals,” she explained with a shrug, “As it is, the bearers of the Elements of Harmony are only our priestesses because they are loyal to us, and each wield an artifact created from our power.”

“And as far as the rules are concerned, that means they were blessed by the both of you, and have sworn an oath of loyalty and devotion in return,” Harry summed up, “That’s would be good to know, but why tell me this?”

Celestia gave him a smile, and he suddenly got the feeling she was entertaining a very amusing thought. “While it wouldn’t matter to me either way if they found out, as I was never actively hiding it from them, I’m fairly certain you wouldn’t make the best first impression if you suddenly upped and called them my priestesses. They might wonder if you were right in the head—something I’m fairly certain would not be good for future relations between us.”

Harry chuckled as he realized just what had been amusing the goddess earlier: the thought of the six mortal girls giving him strange looks during the awkward silence of a botched introduction was definitely amusing, he had to admit, if daunting—it was like something from a sitcom, or one of those comedic anime Scylla and Luna liked watching so much.

…Oh right, THAT’S where Luna got her laugh.

A mental shake of the head to rid himself of the tangent, Harry chuckled and replied, “Then my thanks for the warning, ladies. Now, rest. I have a feeling tomorrow will be a long day.”

The two goddesses complied, and Harry helped them settle their injured forms back into their beds. One last check on Twilight (and a monitoring charm, to inform him of when she tried to leave the bed), a bid goodnight, and he turned off the lights and left the room, planning on heading to bed himself.

…Though he had a feeling he wouldn’t be getting much sleep: he still had to make it up to Hermione for not getting that info on Equestrian weather magic, and, well… let’s just say that it wasn’t always the quiet ones—the brainy ones could get pretty wild, too. Also, she had promised retribution on Scylla for egging Luna on earlier. Perhaps she would like his help in giving the blonde an appropriate punishment…?

Author's Note

A/N: …Sigh. This chapter was hell. As it is, I’m not quite sure I’m happy with it, but I’m also not quite sure how to improve it, either. Damn Celestia… why did you have to be so hard to write for?! Everything I wrote for her either came off too informal or too trollish for a non-Trollestia Celestia, so I ended erasing and rewriting several sections multiple times. Tack on the fact that I recently got a job, and you have the reason behind my near-one month of no posts. Argh…

But look on the bright side: God of War reference and a “Baby Got Back” parody! That makes up for the late update, right? Right?

Also, many thanks to Delta Shock for pre-reading this chapter! If anyone else would like to as well, leave a note in the comments section!

(1)The Kratos Incident: began with the infamous War God Ares being killed and usurped by a Spartan warrior he had betrayed named Kratos, and ended with the near-complete annihilation of the Olympian pantheon. Only three major deities were known to have survived: Aphrodite, who eventually left Greece to travel the world as a courtesan and, with the advent of the modern era and the age of free love, a sexologist of renown; Athena, who went mad at the end of the Incident and had to eventually be put down after attempting to take the concept of "hope" from mankind; and Kratos himself, who dropped off the face of the earth and was not heard from again until very recently-- he was found writing the screenplay for a video game based on his own exploits, having mostly abandoned his Mantle and taken to living under the guise of a fairly normal game designer that focused on the violent, M-rated stuff.