Princess Luna's Misery

     Pain. A thousand years of pain and misery. But today is the start of a new life. A better one.  After Celestia and the element holders "rescued" me, I was finally able to return home. I remember the horror on her face when she saw my mutilated body. She refused to let the others see me. Celestia wanted to take me to a a hospital to get fixed up, but I told her I'm fine, even though I'm not. I'd rather not have others see me this way, not yet. When we arrived at the castle, I went straight to my dusty old room. It's almost exactly the way I left it, aside from the thick layers of dust. It seems that no one has set foot in here since I was banished. Even my moon crest wasn't on the top of my door. From the outside it looks like an ordinary room of no importance. I used my magic to quickly dispense of the dust, leaving it much cleaner.

     My old room, many dark memories plague my thoughts seeing this room again. I push those memories out of my head and focus on the things at hand. I'm finally back, but what will others think of me? Will they hate me for what I've done? I hear a knock at the door, interrupting my train of thought. It's probably Celestia. Honestly, I'm too physically and emotionally tired to talk to her about what's happened. I quietly tell her to come in. It's then that I notice just how much bigger she is than me. I guess I never had the chance to fully develop when I was locked up. "Luna, what has happened to you. You left rather abruptly, and you look awful. Have you been injuring yourself?" she inquires with a hint of worry. "It's a long story," I reply. "Well I've got time." Clearly, she's annoyed with my short responses. "Celestia, I'm sorry, but I'm much too exhausted to talk about it right now, can it wait until tomorrow," I ask with hope of putting it off. "Ok, but I want to know everything, and I mean everything tomorrow, I will leave you to get your rest." she states with finality. She exits the room leaving me alone with my thoughts. Hopefully I can just forget about everything for now and relax.

     Sunset is nearing, I'm looking forward to seeing my night again after all these years. I take a look at myself in the mirror, realizing just how bad I really looked. My wounds still look fresh, and just the sight of them brings back pain. I begin to carefully clean up my injuries. I try to keep my sounds of agony quiet as pain once again fills my body. This is going to be harder than I thought. As I slowly clean my wounds, I wonder how much life has changed in the last thousand years. Do people ever go out at night? How will they react to my return? How much has technology improved since the olden days? It's going to take a lot to try and fit in to modern ways. I'll probably spend most of my nights researching and getting caught up. But I'm okay with that, I've always enjoyed getting lost in a book, and learning in general.

     Cleaning myself up did not seem to do much, I still look pretty awful. I use some of my best healing magic (it's been a long time since I've used magic, so it's not very good right now) and am able to clear up some of the minor scrapes and bruises. Sadly, not many are minor. Oh well, I'll look for some healing books in my library later, I plan on keeping myself cooped up the first couple of days back anyway. I need a while to get on my feet and get used to things. I take a look outside and see Canterlot in all it's glory. It's much larger than it used to be, and the buildings are so...different. Nevertheless, Canterlot is still Canterlot, it's sheer style and eloquence will never fade. I struggle to fight back tears as I remember my life before the banishment. I am going to do everything in my power to get my life back to normal, maybe it will be an even better normal than before.

     Finally, the time has come to raise the moon. I wonder if I can still do it, I am a bit weak right now. I step out onto my balcony and admire the beautiful sunset. I take a deep breath in and summon what I can from my low reservoir of magic. I grab ahold of the moon, making sure to hold on tight to avoid dropping it. I strain my horn and my head starts throbbing, but I see it slowly going up. I finish it off by setting it into movement and sit back to observe the fruit of my efforts. It's just as pretty in the night sky as I remembered it, perhaps even prettier. I summon the little magic I have left to display the stars, thus completing the beautiful portrait. I feel more exhausted than ever.

  Out of no where, I begin to feel something inside of me, a slight tingling. The moon cast an extra bright ray on me, and before I know it, I'm being lifted up into the air. It startles me at first, but then I become at peace with it, as if someone is telling me that everything is okay. The tingling increases, and I feel myself changing, maybe even growing. The pain quickly dissipates leaving me feeling refreshed. For the first time in a very long time, I can feel my wings. Previously, they were completely severed and beyond the point of repair. After a few minutes of this, I am gently placed back on my balcony. I feel very different, and I can't feel my mane. I go inside to look in the mirror, and the moment I see myself I'm taken aback. I look completely different, my fur is darker, and free of any wounds, my mane and tail are flowing just like Celestia's, but it seems as if they are woven from the night sky, and I'm much taller! I touch some of the places where my wounds were, but feel nothing! Looks like the night sky is glad I'm back! I decide to go outside and try out my new wings. I haven't flown in a while so this may be difficult. I run back and take a leap of faith off my balcony, and with a large flap of the wings, I'm off. I've always been a great flyer. The cool winds of the night gently blow across my face as I leisurely fly above the city. I feel as free as a bird, and very much alive with spirit. The soft moonlight beams fuel me with energy. It's as if pain never even existed I'm my life. The city is now dark and lifeless. It seems that everyone has already gone off to bed. Nevertheless it's beautiful, the fountains, the parks, the quiet streams, and the grand architecture. It's even prettier at night with the soft moonlight to compliment it.

  After flying around a while, I find a large, puffy cloud to rest on. I'v always enjoyed laying on clouds. Even for just a moment it's a nice experience. I observe the sky and notice that all of my stars have moved around. Many have also died out. This means that all my constellations are gone. It's going to take a long time to properly restore them. Creating constellations is long, tiring work but I enjoy it. It brings me peace even in my darkest times. I always get so into it, it's almost as if nothing exists in the world aside from me and the stars. I'm going to have to start working on a map of the sky soon so I know which ones to move. It takes a lot of planning because I want to make sure that the stars I group together compliment each other. It's a fine art that I've excelled in. I think I'm going to go start on that, I'd rather not be alone with my thoughts right now...

   I've gotten quite a bit done. It's almost dawn. I've found that there are so many stars to map, it's going to take a long time. I used to just map them as I created them so I never had to take on a task like this. Good thing I've got a lot of time. I'm definitely not looking forward to my talk with Celestia later. What if she wants me to appear in public today? I'm not ready! Why can't I just stay in my room, mapping stars and reading forever?! It sure would save me a lot of pain. However, that would be selfish. I play a very important role in the salvation of Equestria and I can't just let my people suffer for my own selfish needs.

   My mind begins to wander and before I know it I'm thinking about my past 1000 years in prison. This brings tears to my eyes, but this time I let them flow. I can't just ignore my past whether I'd like to or not. I lay there for a while contemplating with silent tears streaming from my eyes. What am I supposed to tell Celestia later, the truth? Would she even believe me if I did? I doubt it. It is a bit far fetched. For her to just accept that what she's been believing for the past 1000 years is incorrect is just crazy! I venture further into my mind until I suddenly feel something strange. A rush of magical energy rushes through me. Wait, it's not strange, it's just like what happened earlier! However, unlike earlier, it's over in a second and far less grand. I look in the mirror, and to my horror I see myself in my previous undeveloped and bloody form. This is just what I feared, it's temporary. Because I was underdeveloped for so long it's now a part of me taking place when I experience similar extreme emotions as I did while in this form. I cannot risk becoming like this just whenever I think of my banishment and become depressed! I was hoping to be more open with my emotions since I came back, but it looks like I'll have to go back to bottling them up. At least I'm experienced in it. The pain catches up to me like a large wave wreaking havoc on unsuspecting swimmers. I try thinking of happy thoughts to change myself back. I play a desired scene in my head where ponies are welcoming me back and loving me as I love them. It seems to work as I feel a rush of magical energy take me over. It's going to take a while to get used to that.

   I hear the knock that I've been dreading all morning. Celestia. I use my magic to open the door and she walks in. "Luna! What happened to you? You look so...different!" Even in my new form I'm not as tall as her and she continues to tower over me slightly. "After all these years I've finally developed." I calmly state. "How?" She questions. "I'm not exactly sure. It happened directly after I raised the moon so I suspect it was triggered by my sudden use of powerful magic." I decide not to tell her that it's temporary. I wouldn't want to worry her and if I can hide well, then she'll never have to know. "Hmm, I will worry about that later. Now, I want some answers." She said with a certain seriousness in her tone. "Yes, okay." I said, prepared to dive head first into the situation. "As opposed to what you thought, Nightmare Moon is a separate entity. She once was a dark spirit that somehow escaped from the Shadow Realm and took over my body. She forced my spirit into a prison. I'm not sure how it worked having been dark magic. I believe that, in a way, the prison was in her mind." She remained silent looking as if none of this surprised her. Or, maybe she just didn't believe me and was simply humoring me. "I stayed in that dark prison for the 1000 years constantly being tortured by her. Many times a day she would visit my cell and do unimaginable things to me." I had trouble holding in my tears as I recounted these horrendous events. "She would cut the deepest wounds in me, beat me, whip me, brand me, emotionally hurt me by exploiting my darkest fears, and much more. She could do anything she pleased because of my immortality. Sadly, I had endless amounts of blood for her to tap in to. There wasn't a single day that I didn't have blood leaking out of me. I thought that over time I would get used to the pain, but she somehow used her dark magic to keep my nerves super sensitive all the time. Every day I was so unbearably lonely. Perhaps that was the most painful of everything. I was a hopeless, empty sack convinced that no one loved me. I'm not proud of that. However, as soon as I was let out, all of those feelings of emptiness washed away. I have no clue how they did though, I was so far gone. None of that matters now because I can finally live my life with happiness and love as I've only dreamed of." I end my story with that nice note and study her face for a reaction. She continues to look serious, perhaps slightly annoyed. "Well, I certainly wasn't expecting that. Would you like some breakfast Luna?" I'm started by the sudden change of topic. Is she serious? I just poured my broken heart out and she has nothing to say about it? She sees the puzzled look on my face, but chooses to ignore it. "Ummmm..." What was breakfast again? Oh man. I'm worst than I thought. I can't just ask that, she'll think I'm crazy! "No thank you, I'm not hungry." I haven't eaten in 1000 years, my hunger died off years ago. I can survive without food, but it does give me good energy. I'll start eating when I've done some research on it. "Okay. You can just find a servant mare when you're ready to eat. I figure you'll want a few days to collect your bearings here. We will announce your returning when you are ready. I have instructed the servants to not say a word about you outside the castle, so do not worry about that. Now, if you'll excuse me I have work to do." With that she left closing the door a bit too hard. I'm glad she agrees that I need a few days. Well that's a big load taken off my back.