Shame and Desire

Twilight lay in her bed for a good few hours before realizing she’d gotten precisely enough sleep to keep from complete narcolepsy, but not enough to feel any sort of rest. She’d read about this, when studying the physical effects of insomnia. There was a survival gap, an amount of sleep that would allow a pony to survive but not thrive.

“I need to thrive again,” she murmured. “Maybe if I get some sleep now, I won’t get any dreams. It’s possible, right?”

The room did not respond.

“Right.” She swallowed and turned on her side, closing her eyes. She could just let herself rest for a while, and perhaps dreamless sleep would come.

She started awake what seemed like no time at all later, to a knocking on her door. “Twilight, darling? Spike said you’d be awake by now. Are you feeling all right?”

Of course. Twilight had forgotten about Rarity coming over. “Yes! Sorry.” She rubbed her face. “Come in, Rarity. I just woke up, I’ll have to get ready.”

Rarity opened the door and trotted in. “I didn’t mean to wake you, Twilight. Spike mentioned you didn’t get much sleep last night. Should we just reschedule?”

Twilight shook her head. “No, I should be fine.” For a moment, Twilight chased her mental tail. “Wait, what were we doing today, again?” She shifted in bed, covers sliding with gravity’s pull as she blinked to try to think.

“Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten, Twilight?” Rarity pouted and sat herself on the corner of the foot of Twi’s bed.

“I . . . huh. I guess I have. I’m really sorry, Rarity. I’ve just been all kinds of scrambled lately.”

“That’s all right. I’d feel more hurt if I hadn’t told you to forget, I suppose.” Rarity’s horn took on a glow, and a smile played on her lips.

“I guess that makes . . . wait, what?” Twilight watched Rarity. Did something seem off? Wrong? Out of place?

“Are you all right?” Rarity tilted her head, the smile still there.

“I’m okay. I think. What did you say?”

“I think you heard me, Twilight.” Rarity giggled and covered her mouth with a hoof.

Twilight was sure she was hearing things, until she felt the touch of something on her horn. Something that circled it, something made of cool metal. She’d seen them only in books about horrible, horrible ponies doing horrible things to each other, but she knew instantly what it was: A limiter ring.

Twilight willed herself to teleport, and felt nothing happen. She made to move off the bed and realized she could not move.

“Shhhh, that’s all right. I’ll let you know when you can move again, Twilight. And I’m sure that on some level, even if it’s just sheer curiosity, you’ll want to find out sooner, rather than later, why you can’t move now.” Rarity’s smile spread out. “You may nod if you’d like me to tell you now.”

Twilight nodded. Her throat seemed to twist in her neck and knot her stomach.

“Excellent. I do enjoy laying things out beforehand.” Rarity took a languid breath in, her eyes closing, her chest rising . . . and then falling. “You’re unable to move, Twilight, because of a hypnotic suggestion I planted during our second session.”

Second session?

Rarity smiled. “Do you want to know what happened during our second session? I can review it if you’d like, but really, this will be a short session. I’d have to leave out a lot of details, and perhaps you’d want to hear about it in full during our next session.” The mare leaned towards Twilight, letting herself lay on her tummy, rear legs dangling, one forehoof propping her head up under the muzzle, the other one settling down on top of the bunched duvet, pointing in Twi’s general direction.

Twilight felt a breath choke in her lungs.

“You needn’t be afraid, Twilight.” Rarity’s eyes seemed to sparkle. “Which is to say, let the fear go.”

Twilight’s knotted stomach untied itself. Calm did not come, not quite, but the gripping horror melted away. Twilight’s eyes cast towards the window, only to find she was looking at the wall.

“I tell you what, Twilight. If you’d like to review the details, then that would be the only thing we could do this session. But if you’d like to move on with this session, and enjoy your time more, I’d be happy to oblige that.” Rarity’s ear twitched. “You may speak your answer, dear.”

“How can I make that choice if I don’t know what generally happens in these, uh, ‘sessions’?” Twilight tried to keep talking, but her mouth simply shut after her ‘answer’ was done, as if somehow it was impossible to continue.

“Oh! What generally happens? I can cover that in two sentences.” Rarity’s smile spread wider and she shifted on the bed, somehow getting closer despite making no obvious effort to do so. “I use implanted triggers and the limiter ring to make you feel absolutely, utterly helpless. Then, we experience mutual pleasures of the flesh while you are controlled.”

What.

“I can see this is one of the times you’re disbelieving. Allow me to help you. Twilight, remember the afternoon of Wednesday three weeks ago.”

A memory floated into place. A memory of Rarity’s scent in the fur of Twilight’s muzzle, of the primal taste of sex, of the touch of a hoof that sent her body into convulsive orgasm. A memory that explained all the sore muscles the next day, as well as the spa visit with Rarity that alleviated those same muscles. Knowing winks. Jokes that Twilight must be seeing somepony to have been exerting herself that much.

“Yes. That’s the truth, Twilight.” Rarity’s eyebrow lifted up, as her free hoof traced a circle on the duvet. “You gave yourself to me, out of trust and love, and I have taken what you have given.”

This has to be it! This has to be why I’’m having these dreams! Why on earth would I ever have done this with Rarity?!

“Perhaps you’re wondering where that started. I could just make you remember, but I’d rather tell it. I certainly can’t tell anyone else, since little miss princess has to have her royal privacy.” Rarity giggled. “While I was three cosmarepolitans in one day, I confessed to you one day that I had an interest in erotic hypnosis. All utterly consensual, of course, but it hardly seemed like the sort of thing you’d be interested in. You claimed you were curious for ‘scientific reasons’, but once you were under you admitted urges and feelings that actually made you ask. Things progressed from there, and rather rapidly, I must say.”

Twilight simultaneously didn’t believe it was even possible, but everything in her head agreed with the statements.

“You requested that it be kept secret, and since you have issues blurting out thoughts at times, you asked that I tuck all this information back away in your memory when we aren’t having experiences. You also indicated you enjoyed the ‘newness’ of it, so you didn’t want full memory of previous sessions. I’ve explained this to you every time after the sixth session.” Rarity chuckled. “Oh, Twilight. If you could remember what we have done and when. Your tongue has found its way into every crease and fold.” Rarity’s hoof took a long, slow stroke along Twilight’s rear leg. “And every time, it is like the first time, with you hungry and needing and novel.”

Twilight quivered under the duvet. Warmth seemed to grow deep inside her lower abdomen, the sort of warmth reserved for bad dreams and bad touch from her own hoof. I shared myself with Rarity?! Why would I ever do that? Why would I give her control over this?

“You think too much, Twilight.” Rarity chuckled and shifted on the bed so that she was laying besides Twi, on top of the duvet. “I think you’ll agree that, with the choice of relaxing and accepting now or later, now would be preferable. You’ll enjoy yourself so much more, I assure you.”

Thoughts fled Twilight’s mind, to be replaced by dirty, dirty things. The memory of her muzzle between Rarity’s legs, warmth radiating from the other mare’s sex, scent drawing Twilight to use her tongue, taste drawing Twilight to use it more.

I should be a good girl.

“And what do good girls do, Twilight?”

Good girls eat pussy. Hunger gnawed at Twilight’s brain, the starvation of need. “Please, Miss Rarity, may I serve you with my mouth?”

“Really, three weeks of not eating pussy must be terrible for you.” Rarity pulled the duvet off Twilight’s body, then laid back on the pillows right next to Twilight. “I know you’ve come to love the taste so much that you beg for it if I go two weeks. Here we are at three. I cannot imagine how much need has built up in you. Get in your position for this service.”

Twilight trembled. Her muscles worked again, but not for her, against her. She got on all fours on the bed and arranged herself between Rarity’s hind legs, and her eyes could not move from Rarity’s sex if she tried. Pale white flesh met at the cleft in the middle. The dirty word ‘lips’ floated to mind, and somehow only made her want to kiss it more. She knew the taste behind them was just the flow of Rarity’s Skene glands, intellectually, but right now that was a footnote to the surreal knowledge that the flavor told her she was where she belonged.

“Bring your muzzle closer, Twilight. Take in the scent of your owner.”

Twilight could not help but obey. On some level she was aware and horrified, but the voice telling her it was wrong was too small to hear properly. Her nose came to within a centimeter of Rarity’s warm, soft sex, and stopped. Twilight’s lungs drew the scent in, and she felt her mouth water.

“Is this not the meal you desired, pet?”

“Yes,” Twilight whimpered, knowing her breath would wash over the delicate flesh. Somehow it was true, or else she wouldn't have said it. Right?

Rarity made a vague, pleased sound. “You may serve now.”

Twilight’s muzzle came ever so slightly closer, and her tongue slid out. She pressed it flat against the bottom of the cleft, and slowly brought it upwards. The slightest of leaks came as she did, the labia flexing, the taste of the fluids mingling with a thick moan on Twilight's lips.

“Mmmmm, yes.” Rarity breathed the words out, watching Twilight close. “That’s the taste of the one who owns you. The one you allowed yourself to be addicted to. My taste lives in your brain, and always shall. If you’re good, it’ll stay on your tongue, always.”

Twilight heard the words and wanted to say something, anything, but could not find a way to do so. Not while a delicious, pristine, perfectly seasoned cunny was here in front of her, and not while her tongue was directed by her owner. She applied more pressure with her tongue and the tip slid between the flesh.

Rarity’s body flexed, her hips shifting forward. Whether it was conscious or not, it was clear Twilight was doing something right.

The cognizance of that drew another moan out of Twilight, one she could feel in her face and muzzle as her body started to work without conscious thought. Twilight stroked her probing tongue along inside the labia as if cleaning the petals, hungry but thorough, knowing somehow that it had been laid out for her by her owner.

Shame blossomed for a moment as Twilight tried to force herself to focus on her movements and thoughts, but her mouth did not stop.

“Sometimes you actually orgasm just from this, Twilight. You have come to enjoy worshipping my sex -- hnnngh -- to such a degree that you orgasm from it sometimes.”

Twilight knew in an instant that it was the truth. Snaking touches of memory, of crying out into Rarity’s sex in ecstasy while every muscle in her body sang in tension, told her it was the absolute shameful truth. And, as much as she felt broken for realizing how much she enjoyed eating Rarity’s pussy, she could not stop herself. She brought her tongue up in another stroke across velvety flesh, her eyes shut in reverence now, the scent and flavor and texture her entire world for the time being.

“That’s my girl. That’s where your mouth belongs. Oh, the world has demands and responsibilities but nothing has ever given you so much pleasure as this, I think. Even the dreams you had about Celestia didn’t compare, from what you told me.” Rarity made a stifled choking sound and rolled her hips, snugging Twilight’s muzzle against her flesh, seating her nose against the outer labia.

Twilight whimpered into Rarity, her tongue snaking between her own nose and the flesh, her head shifting back slightly. The entire front of her muzzle was wet and smelled of her owner. Logic told her those weren’t the right words, but logic had no foothold to try to tell her anything else at all, and logic’s assurance fell away almost as soon as it arrived.

“I think you’re rather close now, Twilight.” Strain had leaked into Rarity’s voice. The flexing tension in Rarity’s hind legs suggested she was enjoying the ministrations, but Rarity seemed to gain pleasure from not displaying it openly, somehow. “I know I am.”

Twilight moaned into Rarity’s sex. Need eclipsed all else, and she needed to feel the mare she served bucking against her face.

Her tongue stroked upwards inside the labia, parting between the smallest of folds surrounding and protecting the clitoris. It drew a sharp stifled gasp from the mare she served.

“Good girl.” Finally, Rarity was breathless and losing composure. “More. Focus your attention, there -- nnngh! -- there shouldn’t be much more!”

Twilight’s tongue took the gentlest pressure to stroke along the center of the hood, and a thick, raw moan floated out of the idol she worshipped. She probed slowly downwards until she found the spot, and instantly it was new and familiar at the same time, strange echoes of it casting through her memory.

Twilight flexed her tongue into a tip to try to stay inside the hood as much as possible, then traced the tip around the nub. As she did, a hoof settled onto the back of Twilight’s head.

Rarity bucked and howled, pressing encouragement on her possession, leaking fluid that Twilight’s chin caught. The free hoof whacked into the pillows while Rarity’s howls broke into sharp squeals and cries, shudders pulsing through Rarity’s body at will.

Twilight couldn’t be certain how long the climax lasted, somehow. Her sense of time seemed to be a casualty of whatever suggestions Rarity had loaded into her head. She knew, however, when to stop.

Rarity pushed her head away, panting and shuddering. “Enough, pet. Stop.” She struggled for breath, staring down at Twilight, her eyes nearly shut. “If you can, you may cum now.”

At the end of the sentence, Twilight spasmed. She couldn’t tell how long she’d been here, lapping at Rarity’s pussy like a feral animal finding food, and somehow that only made it more intense. Muscles gripped tight around joints that felt like solid bone, and pleasure tore through her flesh.

For a bright, bizarre, shining moment there was nothing in the room, nothing in the world, save for Twilight and Rarity.

“Twilight?”

The moment faded and her body felt as though she’d never move again. She was out of breath, she was spent and shuddering and pain tugged at her left fore haunch as if it were sprained.

“Twilight, sweetheart?” Rarity’s voice was soft, her breath caught again. She seemed almost concerned.

Twilight opened her eyes to see her ceiling.

Oh no.

“Twilight?” The voice was more distant, and muffled.

Twilight got on unsteady hooves. The vague memory of drowning in pleasure faded with every movement, but real life was calling and the sooner she could put that horrible dream behind her, the better.

“Darling, are you all right?”

“Yes! Yes, I’m okay.” Twilight pulled back the duvet -- no spots, no signs. Good. The scent that washed across Twi’s nose told her that there had been some physical reactions. Paranoia reigned. Twilight fetched a towel and wiped her face in case of drool or sweat, then pressed it against her rear, just to be certain. She tucked it into the hamper and turned to face the door. “Come in, it’s okay.”

Rarity slowly opened the door, her brow furrowed. “If you were getting sleep, then I can let you get back to it. I know you’ve gotten very little rest lately.”

Twilight felt her throat spasm and shook her head vigorously. “No! No, no, no.”

Rarity tilted her head. “I take it you were having a nightmare?”

“Yes.” Twilight forced her breathing to slow and swallowed saliva, hoping to calm her insides. “Yes, I was.”

Rarity shook her head. “I’m sorry. It must have been terrible.”

Twilight forced herself to make eye contact with Rarity. This is the real world. This is the real Rarity. Maintain this and act normal. Act normal! She felt muscles pull a smile into place, and after a moment, it almost felt genuine.

Rarity’s mouth opened and closed for a few moments.

Twilight swallowed. Was it a prophetic dream? Wait -- had she actually woken up? Or had Rarity plugged that into her memory, somehow? Rarity had made her forget about so much, in the dream. Right?

A hoof touched Twilight’s left forehaunch, and she whipped her gaze back to Rarity. Rarity’s foreleg was extended. Rarity was touching her.

Twilight heard the shriek before she grasped that it was her own, and felt the room shift around her as her legs folded up.

Rarity’s mouth hung open. Her eyes were wide, her ears laid back and trembling, and her brow was furrowed deep. “I was . . . I was only trying to demonstrate that I care, Twilight. We’re all worried about you these days.”

Spike shoved through the door a moment later. “What is it? What happened?”

Twilight swallowed and shook her head at Rarity. She was trying to think but blood was too loud in her eardrums, and she couldn’t focus enough to understand the words.

Rarity and Spike looked at each other, mouths moving, sounds coming but strange.

Twilight took a few hard deep breaths, and words became words again.

“ -- realized it’d gotten so terrible. Has she told Princess Celestia?”

“No, but Princess Luna knows.” Spike sighed and came towards Twilight to help her get back in bed. “I don’t think it’s helping yet. I -- I don’t really know what to do, Rarity.”

“It sounds like perhaps Luna’s underestimated Twilight’s situation. Maybe you should send Celestia a message and ask for it to be relayed to Luna?”

“Yeah, maybe I should.” Spike wasn’t looking at Rarity as he said it. His eyes were fixed on Twilight, who was in the bed now.

Twilight heard the responses but didn’t have words. She didn’t want to bother Princess Luna with trivialities like her mental breakdown. She didn’t want to suffer through more of this, either. Now her friends were not simply themselves, they were something far worse, something horrible. Spike’s face showed signs of worry repeated over weeks, scales dried and flaked in places where they’d never been before.

Twilight’s eyes shifted from Spike to Rarity. Rarity’s worry was younger than Spike’s, but it was definitely there.

“Contact Princess Luna, Spike.” Twilight swallowed and made eye contact with Rarity.

She could imagine all too easily the chain of events. She’d slowly become terrified of each of her friends because of these ludicrous, deviant dreams and find herself sequestered in the library. Even Spike --

Twilight gasped and shook her head. “No, no, no, no!”

“What is it? Twilight? Talk to me! Please?”

Twilight shut her eyes and covered them with hooves. She didn’t want to see his face. She didn’t want to think about what horrid things might bubble out of the back of her brain now. “Just contact Princess Luna. Please. Just do it, and -- and tell her I’ve reconsidered. Tell her I’ll join her in Canterlot.”

For a moment, all of them breathed, and then Spike spoke up again. “I didn’t know it was getting worse. I hope she can help you.” Footsteps told Twilight he walked out of the room.

“Twilight, please talk to me?” Rarity’s voice came a little closer but became softer. “I’m so sorry I upset you.”

“It’s not you, it’s me.” Twilight trembled on the bed, shaking her head, eyes still covered. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scream.”

“Twilight, would you look at me for a moment?”

Twilight took a deep breath, then brought her hooves down, and opened her eyes.

Rarity. The real Rarity, who would never do anything untoward to a friend, certainly not to a best friend.

A cautious smile brightened the white mare’s expression. “I’m sure Princess Luna can help you, no matter what. I just want you to be okay. Okay?”

Twilight tried to smile back and almost succeeded. “Yes. I hope she can. And thank you, Rarity. I’m sorry.”

Rarity shook her head. “It’s fine, really. We all just want you to be all right, especially Spike. I know he takes care of you in some ways but really, you’re a mother to him, and I can’t imagine how he feels right now.”

“No, you’re right, I’m . . . I’m just so tired, Rarity. I don’t even know if I am helpable.”

“Now, none of that. I don’t know what’s affecting your sleep, but I’d be quite surprised if the combined efforts of the Princess of the night and the Princess of friendship couldn’t handle it. Just trust Princess Luna. You’ll be all right.”

Twilight sighed and nodded. “Okay.”

Rarity smiled. “If you’d like a hug, I wouldn’t mind one myself.”

Twilight hesitated, but nodded. “Yes. I could use a hug from a friend at the moment.”

Rarity didn’t even smell the same as in the dream. In the dream there was a distinct, unmistakeable scent of need, and Rarity simply didn’t have it.

Twilight realized she was hugging Rarity while she sat on her bed a moment after she heard a sharp intake of breath through Rarity’s nose.

Rarity took a step back, and tilted her head. “Twilight, I -- no. A lady shouldn’t ask, particularly if you’re already slated to get some extra help.”

Spike came through the door, and a hesitant smile bloomed on his face. “So she’s looking at stuff again? That’s good, right?”

“Y-Yes. Yes it is, Spike. What did Luna say?” Twilight shifted on the bed.

“I got a reply back immediately. She said there’s going to be a chariot here in less than two hours.”

“Two? But -- “

“Darling, no. I cannot leave you high and dry at this point. Spike is welcome to sleep over at the Boutique some nights if he needs to, and I’ll come over to check on him regularly anyway. It’s the least I can do, considering that we’re friends.”

Twilight nodded. “Okay.” Looks shifted between the three of them. “I guess I should pack, then.”

Spike shook his head. "I got this, Twilight. Don't worry, just relax, okay? Just rest."

Rarity and Twilight watched him walk out of the room again, and Rarity shook her head. "He is really devoted, Twilight. So how long will you be in Canterlot?"

Twilight felt like she was sagging into the mattress. "I don't know. Until I'm cured. Or insane, I guess. Or dead."

Rarity held her breath a moment, brow furrowed. Then she nodded her head and swallowed. "Let us hope for the first, then."