When in Equestria

I was right, I was too damn right to even bare it. This was by far one of the most boring walks I had ever taken in my life. I looked up, they were all ahead of me, showing no signs of boredom, lucky fuckers. I looked to my left, the forest that I assume brought me here, I should probably check that place out sometime soon. I looked to my left, grey...honestly what was I expecting? It is the side of a mountain after all. I kicked a rock, and it somewhat unintentionally ended up bouncing off of the purples horses horn.

"Ow! Don't do that!" I looked at her sheepishly.

"It was an accident, I swear." I put up my hands and made a defensive/sorry gesture.

"Suuure it was." That was the rainbow maned one, she had been looking back at me the entire trip, like I was going to suddenly get the urge to attack them or something. I began to look out over the forest again, slowing losing sight of it due to the path on the mountain curving, I had to go back there sometime so as to see if I could go home.

"Okay girls...er, and...whatever you are, we're nearly there, just another hour of travel or so!"...A fucking hour...is nearly there to these things? Fuck this. I began to walk faster, rather quickly passing up all the small horses.

"Hey, where are you going?"

"To the top, you things travel waaaaaay to slow for me."

"WE are not things! We are ponies." Well, that means nothing to me. I began to think of a song that would be good to beat a dragon up to. I put in my in my head phones for some good old pump up music to get myself ready, right before the music started I could hear them beginning to yell at me, time to turn the volume up...now that I think about it, how is this thing still charged?

(*About twenty minutes of jogging later.*)

I had finally reached the source of the smoke, inside I could see a rather large pile of gold, golden items, jewels, and precious stones...mine! I picked the song that I was going to listen to whilist kicking this things ass if it decided not to go peacefully. I pulled my ear-buds through the head entrance of my shirt, setting them to hang there while my MP3 stayed paused.

I walked over to a very large red dragon, I noticed that the spikes along the top of it's head were a pinkish color very similar to those of the one pony that was a creamy yellow color...wait...I turned my head to the area between my left arm and the left side of my body, in-between was said pony...fuck.

I walked back out of the cave and put the semi-conscious...pony, yeah that's what it was, down behind a large boulder. I then proceeded to walk to the mouth of the cave again. I walked right up to the things snout and kicked it, hard.

"Hey!" It lazily opened its eyes. "What do you want?!"

"I want you to leave, simply as that." I crossed my arms and looked down on it, don't ask, I just did.

"And what if I don't you little puny...thing?" I smirked a little bit.

"I was hoping you would say that, you have until the count of three."

I grabbed my ear-buds. "One." It simply looked at me as though I was insane to challenge it.

I grabbed my MP3 player. "Two." At this point it became quizzical as to what I was doing.

Stooping down, I grabbed a rock and channeled some magic into it, it slowly grew larger and took the form of a rather large sledge hammer. "Three." This was the point where it began to worry, I could see an un-easy look in its eyes.

"You really should have gone." I began to laugh manically

(*FLASHBACK MOTHERFUCKERS!*).

I looked down the schools parking lot and noticed my tormentors, those that constantly harassed me and took what was mine, today was the day that this would stop. I walked down to four of them.

"Well look who it is boys, the four eyed money bag." The only reason that they called me ""money bag"" was because I almost always had a few bucks on me if I needed something at a moments notice.

"Everything you four do is wrong, it stops now. Now then-"

"I'm sorry, what was that, is it speaking?"

"Now then! It can be done peacefully, or it can be done in a...more fun way." I grinned a little bit, it showed all of my teeth, so maybe more than a little bit, this seemed to upset all of them except their little leader.

"How about the more fun way!" The lead dumb-ass charged at me, trying to throw a wild hay-maker my way, I easily sidestepped, fully allowing my instincts to take over. I hit him with the tips of my fingers in the muscle right in his armpit, effectively stopping pretty much all function right arm movement. He screamed out in pain, I simply laughed. I was practically born for this.

Two of them charged at me this time, perfectly parallel with each other, as though that would help them though. The one on my right aimed for my face while the one on the left tried to go for a gut punch. I felt my knees give out, not because of any of them, it was simply my bodies natural response to their attack, if I am to low to hit, then they can't. As soon as they had thrown their unsuccessful punches my hips exploded, throwing me upwards, essentially making my shoulders get very acquainted with their faces, this however did not fully incapacitate them. After being hit back some by my shoulders and the instinctual need to bring their hands to their faces to cover the pain, their guts and legs were left wide open.

I kicked in the left knee of the one that was on my right, he bellowed out with pain. As soon as he did the one to his right looked at me, tears in his eyes and an obviously broken nose. He tried throwing another punch at me, this one was significantly less coordinated and missed me without me having to move an inch. I delivered a swift punch to his already broken nose. I think he went down due to pain, or maybe I killed him, either way he hit the ground with an audible thud.

The last one had literally pissed himself, I had just taken out his three friends, well not really, their ring leader was still able to use his left arm. I should probably deal with him some more once I am done with this one.

"Boo!" He screamed and ran. I turned around to look at the groups head honcho. He was crying, having your arm not work and being in some serious pain really does suck. I walked up to him, I made sure to kick the two that were down. When I reached him he was cowering into a car. "What the fuck is wrong with you!" I simply smiled again.

"I am what you should not mess with." I brought my leg up as high, and as swiftly as I could, and threw it down onto his head with as much force as I could. It was one of the best high-kicks I had ever done.

(*Back to the present.*)

I pressed play on the MP3 player.

Youtube Video

I Brought the hammer up and brought it down, the dragon attempted to block it with its hand, un-luckily for him though, it seemed to have broken some of his bones. It cried in pain, then roared in frustration. With its right hand, the un-damaged one, he swatted at me, I jumped over it by channeling some of the magic to my legs, with some of said magic I turned my pant legs and shoes into a metric ton weight, this things hand was probably beyond repair. Once again, it roared out.

For once I was wrong on how my opponent was injured, it brought the seemingly still function hand up, throwing my straight to the ceiling, due to my pants conveniently being a one ton weight, I went straight back down. I turned them back into a good old pair of black jeans. With the hammer still in hand I charged it, this should be interesting.

(*Inside of his brain is a convenient conversation between himself and himself.*)

Now then, who would like to hear a little bit on the mechanics of how I fight? Don't like the way I am introducing how I fight, shove a cactus up your ass because no one cares!

Whenever I fight, my instincts take complete control, I am still there and if I wanted to I could take over, though I would be much less efficient in these kind of proceedings, I normally have an idea what it is that I will be going on next, however now that this whole magic dealio has been added into the mix, I will have absolutely no fucking clue on what's going to happen.

(Meanwhile outside his brain a dragon is getting smashed with a very large (INSERT SONG NAME HERE.).)

While I was thinking on the mechanics of my fighting I had run up a wall, presumably via magic making me stick to it, and had jumped onto its head, this cause it to violently shake its head around, if it weren't for my hammer being lodged into the area between its scales I would have probably been thrown off. With my free left hand I began to punch it, each one getting stronger than the last, slowly, yet surely it began to slow down.

I hopped off of the dragons head. "Okay, would you like to leave now?!"

I think it attempted to shake its head, but ended up grimacing instead. Yeah something tells me that it has a pretty bad headache right now. It began to gather the gems and gold in the cave...with his mouth. "OYE, what the fuck do you think you're doin!? These are mine now, you didn't leave peacefully, and now you have to pay for your mistake."

"Bu-" I hoisted up the sledge hammer. At this point it began to blink, probably pondering how such a small creature made it hurt so bad, and left the cave via a mixture of wing flaps, misplaced foot steps and hands guiding it along the cave walls. All in all, not a bad day.