Pony by Day, Mercenary by Night

Chapter Eleven

"Twilight Sparkle!" Princess Celestia said as a purple unicorn ran up to her.

Sev saw the purple unicorn running up to the solar princess and immediately assessed her as a threat.

'Oh fuck no!' Sev thought 'This bitch hasn't paid me, no fuckin' way am I letting her die yet!'

With this, he sprung into action, he quickly tackled the town librarian and forced her to the ground, slamming her head forcefully on the dirt path as he did so.  Celestia, who was watching mouth agape all this while, finally decided to remind the nearby ponies of her existence.

"Blackfire!" She exclaimed.  "What do you think you are doing?" Her voice incredulous.

"Get back, Princess!" Sev exclaimed, the urgency in his voice rising from the threat of losing his meal ticket.  "There may be more assassins in the crowd!  Quick! Back to the carriage!"

"Blackfire, release that mare at once!" Celestia ordered, her voice taking a no-nonsense tone.

Sev complied and released Twilight from the submission hold he had her in, helping her back onto her hooves as he did so. 'The customer is always right I suppose,' he thought, 'but if this unicorn bitch tries anything I'm breaking her neck.’

"Blackfire, the mare you just assaulted is my own personal student, Twilight Sparkle."

Sev's eyes widened, the words 'oh' and 'shit' played through his head repeatedly at this revelation.  He quickly lowered his head and bowed to the white alicorn.

"My sincerest apologies Princess.  Such a mistake is unacceptable and should be dealt with accordingly, I ask for your forgiveness."

Celestia raised an eyebrow.

"I'm not the only one you should apologize to."

Sev rolled his eyes mentally. 'Are you fucking kidding me?! Is she really going to make me apologize for this shit?  Actually, this kinda makes sense I guess, what with public relations and what not.' He turned to face the mare he had just tackled.

"Miss Sparkle" he began, " I suppose that I may have used excessive force; I sincerely apologize for this recent misunderstanding."

"It's alright, it was just a misunderstanding." Twilight smiled, it was pained, and she winced as a cut she had received when Sev tackled her began stinging.

Twilight moved to hug the solar Princess. Celestia smiled as she returned the hug that was given to her. Sev and Rex raised their eyebrows at this, but quickly returned their facial expressions to the neutral ones they were prior to landing.  Sev moved in front of the princess to pave a path through the crowd.

"Alright folks, get moving.  Nothing to see here," Sev said, donning his best 'enforcer' look.  He scowled at everyone and growled as he spoke.  Most of the ponies merely laughed at his attempted show of force; some, who were smart enough to recall the event that had passed minutes ago, decided that it would be in their best interests to heed the black pegasus. Princess Celestia also chuckled at Sev's display.

"Blackfire, what are you doing?" She asked

"Clearing a path to maximize safety for your highness," he responded, slightly nervous with the recent turn of events.

'Shit, did I fuck up again?' he wondered, now beginning to question his actions.

"There is no need for that, Blackfire," Princess Celestia chuckled.

Sev was dumbfounded.  He'd heard of leaders who trusted their subjects, but this was rather ridiculous.  A crowd this size could easily contain multiple assassins.  He of all people should know.  Crowds were ideal for assassinations.  Large groups made disappearing easier and the ensuing chaos would practically guarantee an easy escape.  He was, at present, as far as the princess was concerned a bodyguard.  He was supposed to do just that, guard her body. If she died he wouldn't get paid. He couldn't just let his meal ticket die, so he decided to voice his concerns.  "But Princess," he began, "What if you get attacked by someone in the crowd?"

Celestia noticed his usage of someone rather than somepony, but decided to overlook it.

"Blackfire, I can assure you that none of my little ponies would want to wish me harm." Princess Celestia smiled at Sev as she said this.

Sev felt a glimmer of warmth and joy in his otherwise usually cold heart from this sight. Celestia's smile reassured him that nothing would go wrong and that he should have faith in his 'fellow' ponies.  Nonetheless, Sev could not allow this to happen. He took a moment to try and come up with a way to tilt the situation in his favor.

'Based on what I've gathered, the Princess here is kind and benevolent.  She seems to look down on her subjects like a mother would a child.  I only really saw any form of military or law enforcement while I was in the capital city during what they believed to be a hostile alien attack on the royal family, so this implies a rather peaceful society.  Based on this, I'd think that conflict is generally looked down upon here, unlike back home where it was just overlooked and was really only the business of those involved.  So, maybe if I show concern for the Princess' wellbeing and make it look like I'm seriously worrying for her safety, I'll be able to reach out to that assumed motherly side and make her feel sorry, then; to alleviate my concerns and appease me she will allow me to pave a path through his crowd for her.  There is no way I'm letting some motherfucker kill my meal ticket.  Besides, if she dies while I'm on the job my reputation'll be fucked and nobody's gonna wanna hire me.' All of this went through Sev's mind in less than a second. With a plan in mind he decided to use his legendary bullshittery skills.

Sev pulled on his best resigned face, his eyes conveying a defeated attitude, his lips curved downward, his voice, submissive.

"Princess," Sev began, "if you'd rather I not pave a path through the crowd, then I will happily obey you; however, it would put my mind at ease if you  would kindly oblige me this and allow me to clear us a path.  I can understand your trusting of your subjects, but I'd prefer to expose you to as little risk as possible."

A look of annoyance briefly flashed across Celestia's face; it disappeared, but not before Sev noticed it.

'He's doing what every guard has done. This routine is getting annoying, but I suppose it's for the best.  That changeling invasion from Cadence's wedding won't let me forget that I'm not omnipotent, despite what most ponies may think. Still, I will need to have a talk with him about this.' Celestia resigned to Sev's request mentally.  She sighed and began speaking.

"Blackfire, I can understand your concern, and seeing as this is your first day on the job, I suppose I'll allow it this time.  You are permitted to make a path through this crowd."

Sev cheered mentally, but his facial expression only slightly changed.

"Thank you Princess." With that, he turned to face the crowd, only to see that a path had already been made.

'Oh, what the hell!' Sev thought.  'I went through all that bullshit to get authorization to make a path, and I don’t even get to make it!' He sighed. 'Well whatever, I'm still getting paid in the end.'

"Princess, are we ready to move then?"

"Yes, in a moment." She turned to face Rex.  "Blue Cross, I trust you are aware of the current situation?"

"But of course, Princess.  Your sister informed me of my temporary transfer to the Ponyville hospital.  I trust my pay isn't being changed any?"

Celestia laughed. "Of course not, Blue Cross," she began, “you are still considered a member of the royal medical staff, you've simply changed location is all."

"Additionally, Princess Luna made me her student so to speak, she was providing me with lessons on the magical arts, might I inquire as to what will become of my lessons?  She had to go to night court before I could ask her."

"Blue Cross, you are here as a member of the royal medical staff, not as the student of Princess Luna.  You should feel free to study magic in your spare time, but do not forget your reason for being here," Princess Celestia admonished before turning to face Twilight.  "Twilight, would you be willing to give Blue Cross a tour of Ponyville?  He's going to be here for a few weeks and it would be best if he knew where everything is."

"Of course, Princess." Twilight smiled.

Celestia then turned to face Rex, she levitated a bag of bits to him.  "Use these to find a place to stay."

"Thank you Princess, but before I go, I left my first aid kit in the carriage. I'm going to go retrieve it." With this, he bowed and went to the carriage.

Celestia then turned towards Sev, who was watching her intently, and nodded.  Sev took the cue and began walking through the path that had been formed in the sea of ponies, Celestia following immediately behind him.  The crowd dispersed nearly immediately after their departure.

Twilight turned to face Rex.  "Hello, my name is Twilight Sparkle. I'm the local librarian here in Ponyville." She offered the orange unicorn her hoof.

Rex took her hoof and firmly shook it, then looked down, into her eyes.  "Blue Cross, temporary employee at Ponyville Hospital," he said.

"Well then, let's get going." She smiled again but quickly winced from the pain.

"With all due respect Miss Sparkle, your face looks like crap.  You have multiple lacerations and on top of that, not only are you bleeding, your horn is also chipped.  Blackfire really messed you up.  Miss Sparkle I feel obligated to provide you with assistance, so before we begin our tour I would like to ask you to follow me to that bench over there." Rex said, gesturing towards a nearby park.

Twilight sighed, resigned, she agreed and they both began making their way into the park.  As were walking, Rex decided to initiate the conversation.

"So Miss Sparkle, what do you do for fun around here?"

"Well, as I said, I'm the town librarian, so I usually read in my spare time. But sometimes I conduct magical experiments and send my reports in to the Royal Canterlot University.  Aside from that I also have some friends around town."

"The Royal Canterlot University?  Impressive." Rex nodded his head as he played along, hoping that the Royal Canterlot University really was a place of merit.

"Oh, it's nothing really," Twilight said, blushing as she did so.  She winced again as a cold gust of wind blew by, causing her cuts to sting.

Rex's face brightened up as they reached the bench.

"Now, Miss Sparkle, if you would be so kind as to take a seat, we can get started with this little procedure."

Twilight sat down on the bench, folding her legs under herself as she did so.

'So that how they sit here. Interesting,' Rex thought. 'Wait, if they curl their legs under themselves then what is the point of the bench?  A mat would do the same thing!'

Rex shook his head to clear his mind and reached for his First Aid kit. He opened it and reached for the antiseptic.

"Now Miss Sparkle, hold still, this may sting a bit." He took the antiseptic in his hoof and sprayed it onto the librarian's face. Twilight winced as the antiseptic took effect.  Rex then reached for some band-aids. He opened their packets and applied them.

"Now I know you probably could have done that yourself, but it's a psychological thing for me.  I prefer not seeing others hurt while I'm off duty."

"Duty?  Were you in the royal guard?"

Rex's eyes momentarily widened as he realized his verbal slip.

He rubbed the back of his neck with his hoof while he made an amendment to his earlier statement. "Oh, err no.  When I said off duty I meant as in while I'm on break or on vacation."

There was an awkward moment of silence before it was quickly shattered, this time by Twilight.

"So you said you were Princess Luna's student?"

"Oh, well, I wouldn't exactly say student.  I just had a quick lesson in magic from her last night and she agreed to teach me more whenever she saw me next. Unfortunately, with my transfer to the Ponyville Hospital I won't be receiving my lessons anytime soon.  Oh well, I suppose that I'll just continue them when I return to Canterlot."

"Anyways Miss Sparkle let's get his tour started."

"Oh right, yeah let's get started right away, and please, call me Twilight; there's no need for titles among friends." She smiled as she said the last part.

"In that case, please call me Blue, all my friends do." Rex smiled as he said the last part.  'Well that's another thing I'm going to have to keep track of and another thing I'm going to have to tell the squad.' As he found himself getting lost in thought he didn't notice Twilight trotting away.

"Blue!" she called. "Are you coming?"

"Oh sorry!" came the response. Rex began trotting at brisk pace to catch up to Twilight.

As they made their way through town, Twilight listed the buildings and occasionally the owners, along with her recommendations.  Eventually they came upon a massive tree in the middle of town.

"This is The Books and Branches Library. I live here with my assistant Spike. If you ever need a book to read or want to talk, be sure to stop by.  Well, anyways, let's keep moving." The purple unicorn continued trotting, past the library and towards a building with a sign shaped like a dancing mare hanging from its front.  "This is The Dancing Mare. It’s the one of the local bars and it provides lodging, but I usually don't visit it. The stallions inside are usually really touchy." The librarian donned a look of distaste on her face as she said the last part.

"Bad experience?" Rex asked.

"You could say that," responded Twilight, a cross expression on her face. "Anyways let's keep moving."

"Look, I know I'm still basically a stranger, but want to talk about it?"

"NO!" Twilight spat out forcefully.

"Alright, sorry, didn't mean to offend." Rex stepped back, surprised by the librarian's outburst.

"It's alright, let's just keep moving. Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you, I just don't like this place."

"No problem, I apologize as well, this was a touchy subject and I had no right to ask you about it."

The duo continued moving until they arrived at the Town Hall.

"This is the Town Hall.  If you're ever planning on moving here you should check in with Mayor Mare."

She then moved to what looked to be a house made of gingerbread.

"This is Sugarcube Corner. One of the best bakeries in town.  They have some of the best cupcakes I've ever had.  Would you like something to eat?"

"Oh no, I couldn't, we've just met and-" Rex was interrupted by the growling of his own stomach. 'Right, I didn't have breakfast this morning. Curse you stomach.' "Actually a snack right now sounds lovely," he amended.

Twilight walked into the building and Rex followed.  They were greeted by a plump sky blue mare with a pink mane.

"Hello Twilight, who's your friend?" she asked.

"Hello Mrs.Cake.  This is the new doctor at the hospital, I'm just showing him around town." Twilight responded.

"Temporary," Rex interjected.  He then took Mrs. Cake's hoof in his and kissed it. "Blue Cross, a pleasure to meet you Mrs. Cake."

Mrs.Cake blushed. "Please, call me Cup." She giggled.

"So Mrs.Cake, is Pinkie in?" Twilight interrupted.

"Oh, sorry dear, you just missed her.  She stepped out a while ago with Rainbow Dash.  Something about Ghastly Gorge.  I do hope they'll be careful, that place is full of nasty monsters. Is that all dear?"

"Actyally Mrs.Cake, could I have two vanilla cupcakes please?"

"Of course dear, here you go."

As Twilight attempted to levitate the appropriate amount of bits to the counter she found her payment being rejected by the blue baker.

"Now Twilight, you know I can't take payment for a pair of cupcakes from one of Pinkie's best friends!"

"Oh, alright then.  Bye Mrs.Cake!"Twilight smiled as she began making her way out of the bakery, Rex following in her wake.  As soon as they were a safe distance from the bakery, Twilight turned to Rex.

"Alright, now let's go to the hospital."

"Yeah, knowing where I'm going to work would probably be a useful tidbit of information."

They continued teotting for a bit, eating their cupcakes as they went until they arrived at the hospital where they were greeted by a frantic looking, white earth pony with a pink mane.

"Hello Nurse Redheart, what's wrong?"

"Some dark blue stallion just brought in Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie, then beat our head of staff senseless before we sedated him.  He kept yelling something about scorching something and a ghost. Additionally, a white pegasus stallion was brought in by Vinyl Scratch. He’s believed to have sustained a severe case of blunt force trauma.”

Twilight gasped and Rex just yawned.

"Nurse Redheart, was it? My name is Blue Cross. I've been transferred here from Canterlot.  I'm not supposed to start until tomorrow but I suppose I've got nothing better to do. I'll patch them up, just show me the patients."

Eight hours earlier-Zeta Campsite

Scorch woke up to the sound of frantic beeping. He tried to move but found that his limbs felt as though they weighed tons. He tried speaking but found that he could not. His throat was utterly parched and he could do nothing. He opened his eyes but found that he could see only red.

'Is this hell?' Scorch wondered. 'Heh, isn't that ironic. I do dangerous things all the time. I've stopped alien invasions, started civil wars, I've slaughtered thousands for money. I've been on missions where I was basically signing a suicide note by putting my name on the contract, but I ended up getting killed by my best friend while I'm off duty. Still, didn't think that hell would just be a bunch of red and beeping noises. I was expecting something a little hotter. Besides, if this is hell, where are the demons with the massive penises? You get anally raped in hell, right? Oh wait, that's jail. Still this seems a bit anticlimactic. I was hoping for something a little more religious. Guess that hobo pastor who always ranted in front of the academy about how we were 'doing the devil's work' really was spewing a bunch of shit. Y'know, hell isn't so bad.  This numb feeling all over my body is kind of nice.' His train of thought was interrupted by the sounds of the frantic voices of his teammates.

"Shit!" Farshot yelled "Fixer! He's destabilizing!  What do I do?"

'Wait, is that Farshot?' Scorch thought 'shit, I guess I'm not dead after all. So I guess that moment of acceptance I just had doesn't really matter anymore.'

'...' Ghost interrupted.

'Bwah! Ghost! How the hell did you get in here? These are my goddamn thoughts!'

'...'

'Wait so the red shit I was seeing was eye scabs? That's kinda gross.'

'...'

'Could you get the rest of the team?'

'...'

'Well, why the fuck not?!'

'...'

'You're an asshole! And what the hell do you mean by plot development?'

'...'

'Fuck you! I don't need this shit! This is my head! I'm gonna go pay attention to reality!'

"Readminister the d-drug Rex showed you!" Fixer stammered. He was trying to get to his hooves but found the change in his biology to be disorienting, falling down repeatedly before he was finally able to stand.  The fruits of his labor were rapidly consumed by insects as a yelled response from Farshot was enough to startle him and make him fall again.

"We ran out of that shit three hours ago!" Farshot yelled as his search through the First Aid kits for the stabilizing medicine turned up empty.

"Hey! Shniper asshole," Misha slurred, "give bomb idiot alcohol. Alcohol fix everything!"

"Fuck off, Misha! Scorch is going to die and you aren't sober enough to do anything useful!"

"What the fuck you shay?"

Farshot trotted up to Misha and jabbed a hoof in front of his face.

"Listen, you fucking drunk bastard, our teammate is going to fucking die and you're too goddamn drunk to do anything useful.  The goddamn fucking least you could do is shut the goddamn hell up and stay out of my fucking way."

Misha drew an irritated expression on his face and proceeded to walk away from Farshot, towards some crates that were stacked nearby. He came back a few minutes later with a bottle in his mouth.  He moved the bottle to one side of his mouth and spat out the cork. He then poured its contents down Scorch's open mouth.

"Misha! Kad yelled. "Alcohol is a blood thinner! You've probably just further reduced his survival probability! Why can't you follow orders!?"

"Shniper asshole ish not bossh. He not able to give me ordersh. Besides, I not give him just any alcohol, I give him Praen wine."

"Praen wine? That sounds familiar. I think Rex might have mentioned it once," Kad said.

"It make people heal fashter."

To emphasize his point, the beeping that had once been frantic immediately stopped and resumed at a much lower speed.

"Son of a blaster," Kad said

"Alcohol is best medicine!" Misha yelled immediately before stumbling back into the pile of crates filled with intergalactic beverages.

"A-anyone seen Ghost?" Fixer asked.

"Goddamnit! We solve one fucking problem and end up having to deal with another right off the fucking bat! I'm gonna go find that bastard before I pop a fucking blood vessel." With that, Farshot stormed off, hoping to find Ghost before their planetary presence was compromised.

End Chapter