Visitors from above

Twilight Sparkle, Princess Celestia's most prized student, owner of the Element of Magic, and third biggest egghead in the universe, the second one being Voltar and the first Hawkins, was having a most pleasant day. But good things don't last long, as while she was re-shelving her library, a dust cloud appeared, revealing a being that long was imprisoned : Discord, the Spirit of Chaos. "Hello !" He said, a bowtie and a fez materializing on his body. "I'm Discord. Basically ..." his accessories disappeared, replaced by sunglasses. "... come with me if you want to live." He declared, his voice sounding more ... metallic.

Of course, Twilight knew nothing of the Internet, and instead of calling her friends for help as the original script - which I ripped off - said, aimed her horn at Discord. Yep, she tried to defeat the God of Chaos. With her magic. Needless to say, that didn't work, and Discord simply yawned, before snapping his fingers, teleportating Twilight with him. And, like in any stereotype piece of fiction, she blacked out, simple as that.

-Later, Ponyville-

It was Froggy G's turn to buy food in town. And he didn't want to. Unfortunately, his disapproval was welcomed by a suit of events leading him straight to RESPAWN. So he accept, under the condition that he could get whatever he wanted from the shop. However, when he arrived, he did not expect to see a panicked mob around the library. Tornado-ing his way through the crowd like a baws, he saw a piece of paper stuck on the door, reading :

'I have the Elements of Harmony. If you want to see them again, bring your best warriors to the heart of the Everfree forest, send them to my castle ( you can't miss it, really, it's big and flashy ), and show me your skiills in the numerous trials I have placed.

-Discord

P.-S. : Tell Tia I said hi'

This day was getting less boring for The Frog. After stealing ( since nopony was guarding them ) hay fries, he headed back to the manor, ready to announce the quest to his partners in crime.

-Later again, Canterlot, throne room-

"THE ELEMENTS ARE WHAT ?!"

It has been a while since Celestia hadn't used the Royal Canterlot Voice, and, seeing how the messenger in front of her was sent flying to a wall, she got the confirmation of how strong it was again. But she didn't care, as she was really, REALLY pissed off. As said previously in the story but to remind the reader in case he's got a short memory, the Elements of Harmony were foalnapped by Discord, the Spirit of Chaos. Of course, she would have to ask how he escaped in the first place, but there was no time right now, so she decided to fetch her personnal guard to rescue her most faithful student.

"Hank on, prinzess !" Said the messenger, some teeth missing from the crash. "Shixsh shtallionj haf already voluntsheered for Dishcord'j requesht, and are on feir way to fe Everfree Foresht !"

She stopped. Rapidly, she thought of all the ponies in Ponyville. Vinyl Scratch ? No, she was a hard rock DJ, but she knew next to nothing about fighting. Big Macintosh ? Even if his sister was taken, he still had a farm to run. Time Turner ? He was a mystery to all, and though he proved himself to be unpredictible, he wasn't seen anywhere near Ponyville for ages. Celestia finally gave up and asked the messenger "Who is brave enough to engage Discord ?"

The messenger, after unsuccessfuly trying to snap his jaw back, replied "Shixsh shtallionj, I shaid, the firsht one waj a unicorn wif a glash bulb for a head and three eyej, the shec-"

This was enough for Celestia. Some of her doubts were confirmed : of course, who else would be crazy enough to try and fight Discord on their own ? She disappeared in a bright flash, leaving the messenger to her best surgeons. Without the Elements, nothing could seal the God of Chaos. So she packed the royal treasure, and went to the Everfree Forest.

-Meanwhile, in a very dark and spooky forest-

The 'Nauts were already deep in the forest, since nothing, NOTHING could stop them. Not even a cockatrice, as they were immune to its stare for some random reason I won't explain. Or maybe because they're cyborgs. Or cyponies ? That works too. Before too long, they were here. In front of them, proudly stood a giant atrocity of a fortress. I mean, people can have their own tastes in colors, but who would make bright green walls ?! Discord did, and it looked like vomit ( sorry if you were eating while reading ).

Since they couldn't see any kind of front door, they blew up the wall. For some reason, Froggy G didn't look at the explosion. Strangely, the very wall they blasted to pieces seemed to lead to a main entrance. There was a set of two doors. They stood there for a moment, thinking about what to do. "Clunk says we go left." Said ... Clunk.

"Nah, I say we go right." Said Yuri. Thus began another argument between the 'Nauts.

Until a weird neutral voice said "The 'Nauts came to set of two doors. The 'Nauts took the door on their left." Voltar decided to spliit the group in two, like any horror movie noob would. Left went Clunk, Lonestar and Froggy G. Right went Voltar, Yuri and Leon.

-Clunk's group-

"The 'Nauts ended up in meeting room, with a pointless broom closet next to it, which was firmly locked so some stupid achievement hunter wouldn't bother me with it." Said the voice once again. It belonged to Discord, but they didn't know that, and nor did you. The Spirit of Chaos decided to waste the brain of this group, since they didn't look like they had much of it anyway. So he put a riddle on the only exit door of the meeting room : "When is a door not a door ?"

The 'Nauts thought for a moment. Until Clunk seemed to have been struck by a bolt of pure genius energy, and declared "Clunk knows answer ! Step back." Lonestar and Froggy G did.

Clunk's hoof opened, and a small rocket was sent from it, successfuly blasting the door to ... nothing. And that is why particle dissociating rockets are best rockets. "Door is not door when door is blown up." Said triumphantly Clunk, moving on. This might have been a bad idea to try to reason with feather brained mercenaries, but it was worth a shot. Kinda. Discord decided to place an endless staircase, similar to the one in Super Mario 64, to focus on the other group of mercenaries. Hopefully, they would be more open minded.

-Yuri's group-

"The 'Nauts were so bad at following directions, it was a miracle they weren't fired years ago." Said Disc- the voice. NOT Discord. No fake.

"Who are you calling bad at following directions ?!" Yelled Yuri angrily.

"He's provocating you, Dummkopf." Said Voltar. "Ve should focus on vhis corridor. Ich mean, doesn't it look a bit too terrian for a Spirit of Chaos's fortress ?" The walls and the ceiling were indeed made of wood, while the floor was made of ... wood. Yeah.

At the end of the corridor, the 'Nauts met with a wonderfuly simple door. Except it was locked. Damn. On it was a sheet of paper, reading 'What is the answer ?'

"An interesting Frage," declared Voltar. "Vhis asks uns vhat vhe Antwort ist, however, ve veren't asked any question. I vonder ..." they stood there for a minute, thinking deeply. Discord was satisfied. The answer to his glorious and well thought riddle was '42', and nothing else, but nopony could know. They would be stuck here for hours, eventually going mad, and-

"Starite." Said Leon. A clicking noise was heard, and the door was no longer locked. "Allons-y, now !" Said the green earth pony, followed by his comrades. Discord's jaw dropped. Literally. Twice. This wasn't supposed to happen. Apparently, these years of seducing terrians were rewarding for Leon, as he learned a thing or two.

-Meanwhile again, the fortress's entrance-

Celestia was finally there. Not that teleporting took her long, but she had to convince Luna that everything was going to be fine, even though the Elements of Harmony's lives were now in the hooves of either the God of Chaos or six crazed murderous mercenaries. Entering the building after considering the big hole that could be called a door, she was welcomed by a voice she hoped never to hear again. "If it isn't Celestia ! Life in stone was so boring, I swear ! How have you been ?"

She wasn't amused. "Release the Elements this instant." She ordered.

She felt Discord's smirk, even if she couldn't see it. "I politely decline your offer, Princess" he said. "These hostages bring so much chaos to this land, it is so exciting ! No no no, I can't, really, my sincere apologies, your majesty."

"Then be so." Said Celestia, entering the fortress. She wasn't greeted by a set of two doors, but by a single door, reading '437'. Determined to rescue her most faithful student, she opened it.

"All of her dearest subjects were gone," said Discord in a neutral, narrative tone. "What could it mean ?"

This was the beginning of a long day for Princess Celestia.