Day one: Night of red snow

"Ooh, this looks like a good one." Twilight almost had to stop herself from putting a hole in the ceiling of the "Starswirl the Bearded wing". Then overloaded from adrenaline rush from finding a dusty old book that she hadn't come across, Twi jumped through the building, making a nice hole in the process.

"I have got to show this to the girls!" With that obvious statement out of the way, she needed to get back to her home, and fast. Nothing is worse than being absent from a party that you are holding, Pinks told her that multiple times. She was still recovering from the eggnog, so flying straight and fast was out. Which left her with the only option: winking out.

"I'm not sure if i can use that spell under this condition, BUT I'm not going to be late for cuddling!" Focusing all her strength she could muster, a blinding ball of light appeared and she was gone. Twilight had been right about her difficulty using magic at this time, because she ended up in Celestia's master bedroom, other places included.

"Twilight Sparkle, my most "favorite" student, have you come to share some more lessons on the magic of friendship with me?" The ruler of the sun had a seductive look to her. As cute as it was, Ms. Sparkle had to return to the party, fearing the worst from what her friends might do. Mostly Pinkie Pie though, she scared her the most.

"Ooops, sorry Tia, I must of missed my mark I guess. I'm just a tiny bit drunk at the moment." Suddenly, Tia had changed her demeanor from one of lust, to one of seriousness.

"Twilight, I'm very disappointed at you. You come to my room without my approval, intoxicated no less. But, I can forgive that. What I shall not forgive is you not sharing your booze with me. That is very naughty, my dear student." Her face turned back to her sexy stare, but there was a hint of sadness to it.

"Hey, you know full well that a princess can't just go wild all the time, this is my only night to cut loose. Wait, come with me."

"W-wha...why?"

"I'm having a hearts warming eve party at my place, and I would love it if you would be my date tonight."

"Um, Twilight, hearts warming eve isn't for two more months."

"DON'T YOU DARE RAIN ON MY MERRY PARADE!" the sudden outburst made for a bit of a awkward silence. Realizing that she blew up Celestia's bed, the young purple alicorn scrunched down to the floor in embarrassment. Tia gave a small laugh.

"Well Twilly, that is twice you amazed me in my sleeping chamber." offering her hoof, she pulled the sad looking mare off her floor.

"I'm so sorry Celestia, I didn't know what came over me."

"It's alright. You are still very young, but with time you will be able to control your actions. Now, I don't see why you couldn't have this party this early, so I would be honored to be your date. But I must ask you, what about your marefriend, Pinkie Pie?"

"She holds the key to my heart. No really, I made her a key and told her as long as she holds on to it, my heart belongs her. It's strange, but ever since I became a princess, I've seen her in a whole new light. The way she moves, acts, everything. She reminds me of myself, young, bold, not afraid to do her own thing even though she might offend some pony. No pony can take her spot, but you have been my teacher for as long as I can remember. I feel a special connection between you and I, that is why I want you to come with me. Not only to share time with you, but get you out of this old castle. Pinkie Pie will understand perfectly."

"You are a good friend and a very talented student, if you know what I mean. I am proud of you for finally finding a special somepony. If it helps, you have my blessing."

"Thank you mother...well enough of the sappiness of this conversation. We better go, or we'll be late."

"Take my hoof, my sexy daughter, I'll be the designated driver." Without any hesitation, the student and love interest to the ruler of all of Equestria happily gripped her teacher's hoof, and then they were off in a flash of blazing glory.

* * *

"Yes yes yes yes yes, we made it just in time!" gazed upon the clock, the hands read 7:29.

"Um, Twilight, why is Spike dead on the floor?" a very worried princess of the sun motioned with her horn in the direction of the fallen dragon."

"Oh, don't worry, each time one of these things goes into shock, it immediately dies. This is the tenth time this week. Hmm... maybe I should look into that."

"Twilight?"

"Don't worry, that was just clone number 626, number 627 is already awake I assume. Yep, right on time." as out of nowhere, number 627 appeared at the base of the steps. By the look of it, he just had barely woken up. Seeing himself dead on the floor, the little dragon started to shake uncontrollably.

"...TWILIGHT!!! Who's that dead guy and why does he look like me?!"

"The Princess caught this changeling snooping around and turned him into a solid gem stone." With a look of confusion, the whitest princess ever to rule a kingdom nodded. Looking back at the lifeless creature, he indeed was a gem.

"Oh, COOL! Can I eat him then?" the purple scaled clone sat there, with big puppy dog eyes.

"Why of course Spike, just make sure to eat him upstairs, we have guests coming. Seeing yourself eating yourself would tend to freak somepony out."

"Way ahead of you Twilight!" the short creature out of a fairytale waddled over to his snack, eager than ever to take his prize and slowly chew him up. But something didn't feel right about Twilight's explanation, so for good measure...

"Um, Twilight. Why was a changeling here in the first place?"

"Spike, do really have to explain THIS plot line to you?" She could feel her blood boiling again. She didn't have time to tell him every last detail of why, when or how things were the way they are every time he died. That was the problem with clones, they just are not linked to each other or the original. But she did have a thought that could explain this confusion.

Sometimes "chaos" is the only logical thing that can keep a story like life intact and progressing. Twilight remembered all those books that waste time explaining every last bucking detail and when finally something exciting happened, it would be glossed over within a paragraph. But, they did have those chaotic parts to it, were everything and anything could happen. That is why she liked books so much. No matter how crazy her life got, there was always something crazier in the literature she indulged in. It seemed to explain so much and yet so little at the same time.

Within this train of thought, she forgot that Spike was still waiting for a answer. Celestia was sweating bullets as she started to slunk to the ice box to see if she could find something to drink. Lord knew that it was needed for a night like this. The rest of her friends, donned with festive wear, just stood in her doorway, holding back giggles as they saw the seen before them. Pinkie, on the other hoof, started to poke the corpse with a stick she found laying on the ground outside in Twilight's non-existing lawn.

She was very happy with meaningless plot devices, Ms Pinkameana Diane Pie, because they were her favorite way to deal with the boredom in Ponyville. She stopped poking the stale lizard, dragon thing and looked up, puzzled. Was she mad at something? No, she was the very embodiment of happy. Well, except that one time at gummie's after party that wasn't actually his after party, more like pre-after middle shindig because she had a little bit of what the ponies in white coats she visits occasionally called a hyper depressive, schizophrenic moment of split personally.

Little did the nice ponies with the big needles know, right after Spike told her the horrible truth that her friends were tired of her antics, she sniffed a good amount of cocaine she found in Mrs. Cake's closet. So, that whole second half of the episode she had didn't really happen. There was also a twelve pack of beer, a shotgun, a set of shrunken pony heads that Zecora must of given her at nightmare night, and a "how to be a hick for dummies" book. Pinkie with her Pinkie mind must of forgot that she already was going out with Twilight and that AJ was a one night stand. But it was nice of Mrs. Cake to have that stuff ready, just in case things got out of hoof with Twilight. Although, she did see Mrs. Cake eying Big Mac like he was MMM for the longest time, which made her challenge her previous statement to a staring contest. How was this possible? When she was splashed with Discord's chaotic magic on his return, there was bound to be some lingering side effects.

It was so hard to remember where this thought process was going that she just sat on the floor, mouth open and drooling everywhere. Rainbow, wanting to get things going again, dashed past the malfunctioning pink mare and over to the dazed element of magic. Thinking like a boss, the amazing rainbow Pegasus of awesomeness picked up the still shaking dragon standing next to them and promptly squib kicked him back upstairs, right into his basket, out like a light. Feeling satisfied that she still was in fit conduction to tryout for the Fillyadelphia Eagles (not sure if this is a new career choice or maybe she wanted to show Spitfire she still had the moves after she dropped out of the Wonderbolt academy after breaking both wings while trying to do a sonic rainbow, while spinning like a drill. Let's just say that there was tears shed and a certain stallion with brown fur doing mop up duty, protecting the training camp from giant weird metal dildos and repairing a tear in the fabric of space and time. As for why she did such a dangerous stunt, Soarin bet her a pie and a happy ending if she could do it. Now she knows not to mix sweat, lust and pie.) turned to the mare with wide, beautiful, shocked eyes and swiftly bitch slapped her in the face.

"OUCH! What the hay Rainbow! What the buck was that for."

"For being so damn adorable...oh, and we are supposed to be having a party." the sound of that phrase both brought Pinkie back from her self induced coma and reminded Twilight of a very special book.

"Wow, thanks Rainbow, I completely forgot. I am so brainless sometimes. It's a good thing that I have friends such as you to keep me grounded, I don't know if I could rule without you gals. Now, on to the business at hoof." she then produced the book she crammed between her butt cheeks. Instead of being grossed out, each pony had the look of dread.

"Twilight, darling. I know that you live in a house full of books and Celestia is going to make you Equestria's new "Princess of reading and scientific development", but could we have one day without having to read some boring, overused story that somepony must of thought of within the time it takes to, umm, use the bathroom?" Rarity, with her long, majestic purple mane, had been true with her words. They had been listening to really old, really unoriginal tales of death, love and something about strange creatures called "humans" entering their world and causing havoc everywhere they went. Now, she did not despise these reads, in fact some of them were actually rather riveting. It was when she was bombarded with these tells over and over again that it truly wore her out. Still, it was better than listening to Twilight on how wonderful it was that she was SO MUCH BETTER than everypony else and ruining their lives and careers.

"But this time is different, I actually found evidence of human life!"

"Uh, pardon me sugarcube, but ya startn' to act like that Lyra filly." Right after AJ's words left her lips, Twilight ripped her head off, reviling that she was indeed Lyra Heartstrings."

"Hey, what's up everypony?" It was like they all were high or in the twilight zone because in the moment, the rest of the mane six truly didn't know what would happen, and their stoned/confused faces proved it.

"Sorry everyone for the little scare, I had to take some aspirin, my head was killing me. I see you met Lyra." The real Twilight Sparkle, now fully recovered from the previous experience, walked down the steps to stand to one of her new friends with a smirk on her face. Celestia soon emerged with a look that said "what hell have I gotten myself into?"

"Wait, so let me get this straight, I tried to seduce somepony who I thought was my daughter but turns out that she was just a pony who was a part of some twisted convoluted trick? Well, sounds like just another night for this lonely soul. But how did you do It?"

"Didn't you learn anything from Shinning's wedding? The art of deception? It was simple, after butchering my first attempt to bring myself home, I wound up at Lyra's place. We got talking and I explained to her that I found this book that might be from humans and she was hooked. I then decided to play a joke on you all by making a Twilight suit for Lyra to wear. I got that idea from my sweetheart Pinkie Pie, Thank you by the way." Just one wink gave Pinkie mixed feelings of joy, embarrassment and indigestion. She had a feeling that burrito was a bad idea. She gave a nervous giggle/snort, giving Twi her cue to continue.

"...Anyways, I told her all the information she needed to know and I guess she fulfilled her orders like a pro. I had time to get to my bathroom, puke, use a shower spell and take some meds. It's weird, I thought I would be somehow immune to alcohol."

"Somethings you just can't figure out. I'm sorry about earlier Ms. Heartstrings."

"No, no, not at all your highness. I thought it was actually kinda fun." Now fully Lyrafied, the mint unicorn turned to a still shocked and red faced cryan pony.

"I'm flattered that you think I'm adorable, but sadly this one is taken. Oh, and if you ever hit me like that again, I won't hesitate to rip your wings off and use my magic to turn you into something more, tasteful." Looking back at her bandaged wings, Dash simply nodded with a look of "please don't hurt me" or "dump bonbon and take me out for a spin". Either way, Lyra seemed to get Dashie's response and smiled. There was one thing still bothering Rarity though.

"Uhm, Lyra. Why did you stick that book up your...plot?"

"Twilight said that it would give her plan a added boost it needed and that it feels good. Turns out she was right on both accounts."

"Alright, with another useless side story out of the way, I can now show you all what I found earlier. Lyra, that means it's your turn to speak now."

"Yes, of course my queen." Lyra looked like a mindless zombie-pony, why she did it was anypony's guess.

"Care to explain this one, Twilight?" Celestia is not amused.

"...um, aah...GAH, I guess now this is a good time as ever to use it...SIM SALVALINE URMAKTA TATUS VEE!" and then everything went black. No pointless side comments, no Lyra, nothing. All was calm, all was right. THEN everything came back, except for Lyra, Celestia and the Spike clone that nopony remembered or cared about.

"Uh, what just happened?" RD could of sworn she was threatened by somepony, she only wished who so that she could kiss whoever it came to be.

"Oh, nothing. I just got rid of some unnecessary details so I can finally read this stupid thing. Power of Sombra be praised."

"Praise Him!" everypony in the room said with righteous flare.

"OK, now before I read this thing, does ANYPONY have anything to say? Maybe some more crazy nonsense that has nothing to do with anything? No? Good, now sit down, shut up, and listen to me talk."

"Wait I have a question for the narrator." Pinkie Pie, I love you but please don't.

"Hey Mr. if I'm going to be in this story, we are going to need a discussion on how things are done here in Equestria. I think it was super-duper mean to have Twilight do all those things in the last chapter. It didn't make much sense and another thing..."

Sadly for Pinkie pie, her mouth got removed. Your welcome Twilight Sparkle.

"What are you?"

A friend, now finish this chapter. Not wanting to delay any further or in-rage the unknown voice, she began to read:

Top Christmas songs to get into the season:

"Um, sorry but what is Christmas?" Fluttershy, you're so cute. Christmas is like that mushy holiday we have called heart's warming eve. I for one don't think it's that Great, but I guess I could see others enjoying it. And I'm not sure if that song can be in this roster.

"...Oh... thank you?" Not at my dear, dear Fluttershy. Twilight, I would like to move on with my life making you all my puppets, so...

"Right, sorry."

Jingle Bells:

Dashing through the snow...

"Hey, hold up, is this a song about me?" RD you are really thick headed some times...hmm, yes, on second thought, this is about you.

"Ah ya! I knew my awesomeness was bond to be immortalized in a song. Go ahead Twilight!" Yes, Twilight, please do.

In a one-horse open sleigh

O'er the fields we go

Laughing all the way

Bells on bobtails ring

Making spirits bright

What fun it is to ride and sing a sleighing song tonight:

Oh, jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way.

Oh what fun it is to ride in a one horse open sleigh...

STOP!

"WHAT'S WRONG?" Twilight almost wet herself at that moment...

"No I didn't!?!"

WHO IS THE GREAT AND POWERFUL GOD OF THIS STORY?

"You are?"

That's right. Now, I think I dragged this story out long enough, so now it's time for one of you pony's to die.

"Wait, what about my party?" That has nothing to do with my master plan to finally get take you ponies down.

"PLEASE?" Fine, in the next paragraph there is a scene change, but you all shall remember the night you had here, with all the booze, drugs sex and other stuff. Satisfied? Good, goodbye Element of Loyalty.

***

Rainbow Dash thought to herself, if she were to die due some twisted holiday song by some twisted unsee force that seemed to govern her world, then it would be alright. She had fun preening wings with Fluttershy and Twilight. Although, it was hard to cuddle with AJ when Pinkie and Twilight started making out by the fire. But right here, right now she was settled with taking her sister Scootaloo on a sleigh ride through the Everfree Forest. Through the soft downfall of snow, she thought she could here singing.

Dashing through the snow,

In a one horse open sleigh

... laughing all the way

Rainbow then started to giggle as she picked up speed.

"Hey Rainbow, whats so funny?" the small filly didn't know to laugh with her or to be scared.

"I have no idea!" she hummed the strange melody in her head, still giggling to herself. Right up until...

"What fun it is to ride and sing a slaying song tonight!" she didn't realize that through her humming, a pack of Timberwolves had been following them. Too weak for some reason, Rainbow just stood there, helpless at the end.

"RAINBOW WHAT ARE YOU DOING, RUN!" but, unfortunately for Scoots, her Sister and hero fell to her demise. With each sound of flesh being slowly removed and screams of pain from the victim, all the orange filly could do was watch sprays of crimson and hear the most awful sound she could think of: Rainbow crying. Satisfied that their target was dead, the creatures of the night sped off to a unknown location, leaving the two alone. Alone in the freezing snow and the blood of one of the greatest flyers of Equestria.

***

"Well, what do you think?"

"Hmm, storyline seemed off and all over the place."

"I thought you liked that sort of stuff."

"Well, yes but even chaos has it's limits."

"HEY, I got the job done alright?"

"I guess so, but next time make it work a bit better. I want to be able to read this while sitting on Celestia's throne, taking a nice dump on it."

"Yes, master."

"Good, now make preperations for the next pony and this time, stick to the point."

"Of course."

"Oh and Trixie...make sure it's nice and gory."

"With pleasure..."

Author's Note

Yep, I'll make sure to help these two with all their bloody escapades, so if anypony knows a song that could work, please let me know."