The Amusing Misadventures of British Teens

Chapter 1: An Eventful Walk Home

It was your average November day, cold, windy; the sun was out, the winter air giving its light a sharp appearance. The cloud cover, enough of it to look gloomy, yet not enough to block out the sun’s icy rays. Overall, a bloody miserable day.

It is upon this bloody miserable day where our story begins, in your standard school courtyard. The benches unoccupied, cold and unforgiving. Cars parked outside the foyer, engines still, silent. The entire scene could be considered serene, quiet, peacef-

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!

-ul.

The school bell, loud, high-pitched and ear splitting tore through the silence of the courtyard as it signalled the end of yet another gruelling school day, that the students were free of their teacher’s cruel tyranny of algebraic equations and language analysis. Students were starting to pour out of the various exits situated around the courtyard, some waited in the courtyard giving their friends a chance to catch a lift or to talk with someone on the way home. Others were by themselves listening to their MP3s or in groups of two or three, chatting animatedly about their plans for the weekend as they walked out the school gates.

Let us turn our attention to the exit closest to the foyer, ‘twas a simple doorway, blue and a handle on the left-hand door. This door had faced many challenges in its lifetime; wind, rain, snow and hail, over enthusiastic students and the idiots who used it as an improvised weapon in fights. It is through this doorway of trials and triumphs where our first character will walk through in...

Three...

Two...

One...

...

Well, it seems that he’s a lit-Ah! Here he is. Allow me to introduce Matty as he is called by everyone who knows him. He’s a rather tall chap; short ginger hair gelled ever so slightly to give it a spiky appearance, ice blue eyes and a clean shaven face. Matty squinted against the sudden burst of sunlight assaulting his sight, as he made his way into the courtyard. A brief look around confirmed that he was the first of his friends to reach the courtyard. So he walked over to the usual spot that he waited in, turned his MP3 on and plugged his headphones in.

He was half way through Opeth’s “Drapery Falls” when our next two characters decided to show up. One of them was Lee; a rather small guy, blonde-brown hair roughly four inches long and light blue eyes. Also, with a clean shaven face. Next to him was Tom, taller than Lee yet smaller than Matty. He has medium length brown hair and brown eyes. Yet again, he was clean shaven.

Matty, however was a little too absorbed in his song and failed to notice Tom and Lee approach him. Tom, noticing that Matty hadn’t seen them, felt a smile tug at his face and decided to take full advantage of the situation. Tom nudged Lee and made tip toeing motions at Matty, catching on Lee felt a similar grin spread across his face. And thus, they began to sneak.

They managed to get all the way around Matty without him noticing and were now standing directly behind him. Tom raised his hand, first three fingers erect, and started to count down. The first finger fell, Matty was still painfully oblivious to what was about to happen. The second finger was retracted, Lee and Tom tensed, ready for the act. The final finger was brought down.

Both Lee and Tom leapt forwards, clamped down their hands on Matty’s shoulders, one to each side, and shouted at the top of their adolescent lungs.

“BANG!”

The reaction was just as desired. Matty jumped almost a mile off the ground. When he returned to the lithosphere he turned around to look at Tom and Lee, who could hardly breathe for laughter, and shouted at them...

“Jesus Christ! You bastards don’t do that!” A smile on his face despite what they had just done.

“Haha! Oh God, your face was hilarious” Tom replied, trying (and failing) to get his laughter under control.

“Oh piss off” Was Matty’s only reply as he punched Tom across the arm.

But before Tom had a chance to retaliate another voice cut across their conversation.

“Hey, what’s going on?”

This voice belonged to none other than our fourth character, Joel. He was roughly the same size as Lee, with short black hair, glasses and green eyes. The beginnings of a moustache upon his lips. He was often called Harry Potter by other because he was a lookalike to the wizard that we all know and love, a rather poor lookalike mind you but a lookalike nonetheless.

“Nothing, nothing happened” Matty said, failing rather epically at concealing the truth.

“We scared him and he absolutely shit himself.” Lee choked out through his chuckles.

“I did not shit myself!” Matty exclaimed, his voice laced with exasperation.

But, alas, it was too late for Matty as Joel was now laughing alongside Lee and Tom. After a few more seconds of joy at Matty’s humiliation they managed to get their laughter under control. After a few moments of awkward silence Joel decided to break it by asking a question, a very important question, a question of such thought, such philosophy that it may never be answered...

“Why the fuck are we still standing here?”

They all turned and looked at each other, all seemingly in deep thought at such an intelligent and philosophical question. It was, however, Tom that answered this bombshell of dilemma.

“I thought we were waiting for Connor.”

“Oh yeah, so we were.” Replied Matty.

And so they waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And wa-You know what? No, fuck it, they’re done waiting.

“Fuck it, I’m done waiting!” Joel exclaimed. He turned around, ready to take the long walk home, his stride full of-

OH SWEET DEAR LORD!

Standing directly in front of Joel, his face inches from Joel’s face, was Connor. He had short blonde-brown hair, light blue eyes and more facial hair than someone his age should have and his face was twisted into a bemused smile. Naturally, having someone that everyone else considered crazy no more than an inch in front of you face is going to, most likely, scare you shitless, and so it did.

“ARRGGGHHH!” Joel, for want of a better word, screamed like a little girl and backpedalled so fast that he tripped and fell over. Matty, Tom and Lee promptly burst into uproarious laughter.

“Hello Joel” Connor said his voice both unamused and yet full of mirth at the same time, “Did you have a nice trip?”

“For fuck’s sakes Connor!” A very irate Joel exclaimed, “Will you stop fucking sneaking up on me?!”

“Awww, but Joel, where would be the fun in that?” Connor asked, still wearing the same bemused expression.

“I swear, you’re going to give me a bloody heart attack one of these days.” Joel muttered as he stood back up and brushed himself off. Connor just laughed at this and moved to stand next to Matty.

“So” Connor started after everyone else had finished laughing themselves silly, “Shall we be off?”

“Yep” Was Tom’s simple reply. And so, they were off.

They talked as they walked and walked as they talked. Many topics were brought up; Games, politics, random stories from their lives, their jobs. The list goes on and on. But eventually they came across a topic that Lee, Joel and Matty had hoped they wouldn’t, My Little Pony.

“I can’t wait for Season four, how about you Connor?”

Connor just rolled his eyes and said “You clearly can wait, else what have you been doing for a year?”

“Oh shut up” Tom rebuked, “You know what I mean.”

Connor just sighed “Yes Tom, I know what you mean and yes, I’m excited” he replied, putting emphasis on the ‘excited’.

It was now Tom’s turn to roll his eyes as they started to converse about what they wanted to see in Season four.

As the others suffered in silence, a bit further down the road a bus was trundling along at a steady pace. The bus driver, an elderly man with grey hair, was humming a happy tune to himself as he approached a decline, he went to apply the brakes to keep the bus from picking up too much speed and found them to be unresponsive.

“Oh, dear.” He muttered under his breath.

He searched frantically for a place to pull over but found only terrace housing on either side of the bus. Regardless he tried frantically to turn onto the pavement but found that the bus was unresponsive to his attempts to steer it. He summed up his entirely gloomy and doomful situation in one word.

“Bollocks.”

Matty, Tom, Joel, Lee and Connor were now engrossed in an argument about whether bronies were, in fact, creepy and weird. With Tom and Connor arguing for the ‘Not’ side, things were looking bleak for the brony collective.

As the bus began to pick up speed Lee started to get a feeling of unease in his gut, but he simply brushed it off as something he had at lunch. As the bus picked up even more speed, it began to veer to towards our group of oblivious friends. Lee’s feeling of unease increased even more and he felt that this time he should listen to it.

“Um guys? I think something’s wrong.”

You don’t say.

Connor turned and arched an eyebrow at Lee’s comment “Such as?” he inquired.

“I don’t know.” Lee replied a little bit exasperated, “I just feel like something’s off.”

Connor just scoffed, “Pfft, come on Lee we’re in an empty street what could possib-“

And that’s when they all noticed the bus flying towards them, the driver frantically gesturing for them to move. Yet they could not, they were like deer in the headlights, frozen with either shock or fear. Despite it all, despite their impending demise Lee turned and gave Connor a deadpan look and said “Told you s-“

CRASH!

***

Meanwhile, in Equestria

“NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Nightmare Moon’s scream of defeat pierced the serene night as a ribbon of pure magical rainbow friendship energy thingy tore the evil and corrupt visage of Nightmare Moon from existence. Banishing with it the threat of night-time eternal. As the light reached its brightest point and the screams of Nightmare Moon started to decline six mares, the elements of Harmony, the closest friends could be, Equestria’s first and last line of defence, were knocked unconscious by the sheer amount of energy from the blast that they had created in order to defeat Nightmare Moon.

An undisclosed amount of time passed, let’s say twenty minutes, before they started to show the first signs of consciousness, the first one to properly awaken was a cyan Pegasus with rainbow mane, let’s call her Rainbow Dash, you know for shits and giggles. The next to awaken were the pink and orange earth ponies, let’s call them Pinkie Pie and Applejack.

Applejack spoke up “Is everypony okay?” in a very southern accent. She got various nods and murmurs of afferma-

Hang on, you know what? Fuck this; I’m not retelling this scene. If you want to know what happens then go to YouTube, lazy sods.

Anyway, everyone’s alright, Luna’s back, Celestia and her are sisters (shock horror), everyone celebrates, whoop-de-fucking-do break out the booze, etc.

But, unbeknownst to the celebrating ponies, things had not finished happening. The sheer massive amounts of magic that had been cast in the throne room of the old royal palace had not yet dissipated, in fact one could say that it was clumping together, being drawn to one point.

Now then, what could happen to this giant influx of magic in the throne room? Well, if you’ve read the damn description you ought to fucking know where this is going, but for those of you, who can’t put two and two together, allow me to elaborate...

It’s a fucking portal.

Now, this portal is, at least partially, made up of Element of Harmony magic. As well as beating the baddies like their parents did, the EoH (you damn well know what that’s short for) magic is also all about redemption and second chances (or so I say it is) which means, naturally, that the magical influx is going to be directed towards those that deserve it most.

Who do we know that has been unfairly ripped from their lives? That deserves a second chance? That’s right! Our British friends are coming to lil’ old Equestria.

So, with the targets lock firmly in its magical crosshairs, the giant influx imploded inwards and created a portal to Equestria, dragging our favourite teens into a new world.

...

What? Did you perhaps expect a detailed account as to how the portal was made, with gripping and entrancing imagery? The fuck do I look like to you? J.K. Rowling? Honestly, some people.

Next time in The Amusing Misadventures of British Teens:

Humans get transformed and sent to Equestria

Bickering ensues and insults are cast about

The narrator continues to be a dick