The Amusing Misadventures of British Teens

Chapter 2: Awakening

The Equestria sun was hanging at high noon, spreading its warmth across the land of friendship and harmony. The sky, a beautiful shade of azure, was dotted with the occasional fluffy white cloud. Giving the sky an idyllic, natural look. Birds and other creatures of flight were taking advantage of the wonderful weather, flying around, hunting or playing games with one another.

But all this was wasted upon our British friends...ungrateful gits.

There they lay, unconscious, in centre of the old royal throne ro...

The fuck happened here?

You see, our friends were in the throne room, but not as the loveable humans we know them as, instead lying sprawled across the floor were several creatures, all of an Equestrian nature. One of the creatures was staring to awaken and boy was he a big one! He was a Minotaur, tall, muscular, brown fur, darker shaggy fur on his legs, hooves and a black mane.

Basically, Iron Will that had gone down the shitter.

“Ohh fuck! My head!” He grumbled as he raised his hand to rub his aching cranium. It was then that he noticed his hand, “What the fuck?” was the only thing he said as he studied the furry brown appendage, panic gripped him as he inspected the rest of his body. He then noticed his location, the centre of crumbling ruin, “It just gets better and better, doesn’t it” he moaned. He tried to stand but found that he was a bit top heavy; he looked up and noticed he had horns “Of fucking course” he muttered.

After few failed attempts at standing up, he finally used a nearby wall to help steady him as he dragged himself over to a nearby window. What he saw didn’t help his mood; all around him was a giant forest, a thick impenetrable canopy of trees and plant life, out in the distance he could see the rooftops of a far off town and a glittering castle hanging off of a mountain in the distant horizon.

Upon seeing this he simply smacked his head against the wall and said “Oh fuck me.”

Why, I didn't know you swung that way.

He was shaken out of his sexual desires by the sound of something moving about. As he looked around he realised that he wasn’t alone. There were in fact several other bodies strewn across the floor, but before he had time to inspect the others, his attention was drawn back to the moving figure.

The creature that was making all the commotion was none other than a Griffon; he had a charcoal grey coat, white feathers with the tips coloured red and eyes of the same colour. “Ohhh, bollocks” the griffon moaned, that voice sounded familiar to the Minotaur but he couldn’t recall where...

“Ah shit! My head!” the griffon exclaimed, his eyes clamped tight and a claw grasping his head in pain. Suddenly the Minotaur remembered where he’d heard that voice before.

“Joel?” He questioned, his voice filled with relief at finding one of his friends, and shocked amusement at his current form.

Upon hearing his name, Joel tensed up slightly and opened his eyes to look upon the Minotaur. Several emotions flickered across his eyes; shock, fear, amazement, puzzlement, but in the end he decided to adopt a more cautious look.

“The fuck are you?” Joel asked, oh so delicately. “How the hell do you know me?” Once again displaying his finesse. Before the Minotaur could answer this, Joel had just noticed what his han- I mean claw looked like. “The fuck?” He turned and inspected the rest of his body, his charcoal grey coat, wings, and his white, red tipped feathers. He crossed his eyes and looked at his beak.

“Well,” he said after a few seconds of silent wonder “that’s new.”

Never would have guessed.

“Ahem,” Joel snapped his attention to the Minotaur, who was standing there with a rather unamused look on his face. “Are done ogling yourself?”

“Pfft, you’re just jealous of my incredibly sexy and beautiful body” Joel retorted, momentarily forgetting his caution towards the Minotaur. As he said this, he tried to stand up as a biped would, and promptly fell flat on his face.

The Minotaur snickered “Yeah, I’m real jealous.”

“Oh piss of!” a very annoyed Joel exclaimed, as he slowly pushed himself up to a sitting position. “I still don’t know who the fuck you are.”

The Minotaur just rolled his eyes, raised his hands up, put a big smile on his face and said, “It’s me, Lee!”

Heh, me, Lee. RHYMES!

Joel’s face was inexpressive as he studied Lee. Starting first with his face and looking all over him before looking back at his face, which was still holding the same goofy expression. Joel continued to stare at his face for a few more seconds, as Lee began to feel a little uncomfortable with his excess staring. Then, Joel burst out with laughter.

“HAHAHAHAHA! You look fucking ridiculous!”

You seriously just said that?

“Oh yeah? At least I don’t have a face that not even a mother could love!”

“I don’t know why you’re so angry Lee; your face is a massive improvement since before”

“At least I can fucking stand up properly!”

“Yeah? Well, your face!”

“What the fuck?! That doesn’t even make sense!”

“Your face doesn’t make sense!”

“Stop going on about my fucking face!”

“How can I not? It’s fucking ridiculous!”

But before Lee could come back with an insult, two very annoyed voices cut across them.

“Oh my god, will you two SHUT! UP!?”

Now, Joel and Lee had both seen small snippets and images from the show, so they both had a rough understanding as to what ponies looked like. But the two creature before them giving them death glares were a little unlike anything they had ever seen from their limited knowledge of MLP.

The one standing to the left was what appeared to be an insect like pony, big, blue eyes with no pupils. Chitin covered him instead of fur and he had two fangs jutting out of his upper lip. Upon his back were what appeared to be insect like wings, with one or two holes in the wing membrane. He also had a small Mohawk of a mane growing out the back of his neck, with a small mottled tail accompanying it on his hindquarters.

This, my friends, is what we call a changeling. DUN DUN DUUUN!

Standing next to the changeling is what appeared to be a standard unicorn; with a charcoal grey coat, pitch black mane and tail. But what strikes this unicorn as odd are his other features; his eyes were a fierce orange and instead of round pupils, he had slits instead. He also had no cutie mark adorning his flank. Lastly, he also had a pair of fangs jutting out of his upper lip.

“Honestly,” the creepy pony thing continued on, irritation clear in his voice “Not only did we die, get magically transported to wherever the hell we are, transformed into stuff from MLP and wake up with a headache that made us feel like we were on the business end of a morning star, but we also have to listen to you two arguing over your looks!”

Always looking on the bright side are we? Bastard.

“Wait a minute.” The changeling said, the reality of the situation crashing down upon him, he turned to look at the creepy unicorn guy,

“We died”

“Yep”

“We got magically transported to here”

“Correct”

“And got transformed into stuff from MLP”

“Just about covers it.”

The changeling blinked once and replied “Ah...................WE’RE ALL DOOMED!” The changeling screeched at the top of its voice. Then, despite only having recently woke up and not having a chance to get used to its new body, the changeling started to run around in circles.

Wondering just how the hell that works? Join the fucking club, biscuits are in the corner.

“DOOOOOMED!”

Lee and Joel just looked at the creepy pony guy, with rather bored expressions and said “Tom?” The creepy pony guy just nodded a smile upo-

“DOOMED!”

...A smi-

“DOOMED!”

A-

“DOOOOOOOOOOOOOMED!”

...

Asmileuponhisface

...

Seriously? Now you sto-

“DOOOOOOOMED!”

Oh for fucks sakes.

“Oh for fucks sakes” Lee muttered under his breath. He cupped his hands around his mouth and shouted “Oi! Tom! Calm the fuck down!” This seemed to work, as Tom was snapped out of his apocalyptic mindset and stopped running around and screaming. He wal-dammit, trotted up to the others, panting slightly from his recent excursions.

Serves you right, daft sod.

“Sorry...about...that...” Tom forced out, trying to get his breathing under control. When he finally reached his friends he promptly collapsed upon the floor, clearly still exhausted.

Bro, do you even lift?

A small silence elapsed; Lee and Joel were carefully studying the creepy pony’s body, whilst Tom caught his breath. “So,” Joel started, breaking the silence, “If that’s Tom then you are...?” he said leaving the sentence hanging, directing his inquiry towards the creepy pony that had remain still and silent ever since Tom’s little outburst. The pony took a moment, clearly considering the question. Whilst he was doing this, Tom had finished gathering his breath and had dragged himself over to Lee’s side.

Damn Tom, I bet there are dead bodies with more stamina than you.

After a couple more moments of deliberation, the pony spoke. “Now, I could tell you,” as he was speaking the pony raised his one of his forelegs, getting ready to move closer to the others, “But, that would be – umphf!” And as he tried to walk he decided to do a perfect re-enactment of Joel’s earlier acquaintance of face to floor.

The pony stayed on the floor for a full five seconds before very slowly opening his eyes. He lowered his gaze down to the floor. As he glared at the floor, his eyes were filled with anger, rage, and cold fury. He slowly stood up, his death glare never leaving the ground. Then before anyone else could do or say anything, he started to jump up and down, smashing the stone beneath his hooves with as much force as he could muster.

“FUCK YOU GRAVITY!” The pony bellowed angrily at the floor. “I SWEAR WHEN I GET MY-“

Whilst he was ranting and screaming obscenities at the harsh bitch that was gravity, Lee and Joel simply turned to look at Tom and said, “That’s Connor, isn’t it?”

“-AND THEN I’M GOING TO BEAT YOU SO HARD THAT WHAT YOUR PARENTS DID WILL FEEL LIKE A FUCKING MASSAGE!”

“Yep” Was Tom’s simple reply, they all turned to look at Connor who was continuing to pound away at the floor whilst shouting various threats towards it. “Why is he shouting at the floor?” Lee questioned, observing Connor’s actions in an equal measure of amusement and concern. “I think that gravity somehow wronged him.” Tom answered watching on with a rather neutral expression. Joel winced ever so slightly upon hearing this “I feel sorry for gravity now.” He said as Connor’s exclamations took on a more gory turn.

“I’M GOING TO STRAP YOU DOWN, GET AN ICE CREAM SCOOP AND TAKE YOUR EY-“

“Do you think we should stop him?” Joel asked, torn between amusement and disgust. “I suppose it would be for the best” Tom sighed.

“-THEN I’M GOING TO GET YOUR DICK AND A CHEESE GRATER AND I’M GOING T-“

“Connor.” They all called in unison.

“I’LL GATHER UP THE SHAVINGS AND STUFF ‘EM DOWN YOUR THR-“

“Connor!” They tried again, this time louder. But it didn’t work as Connor couldn’t hear them over his insanity driven rage.

“-AND THEN I’LL GET A POTATO PEELER AND RAM IT UP YOUR-“

“CONNOR!”

This time it worked, Connor stopped shouting and froze in mid-bounce.

I’m sorry, Physics isn’t available to take this call at the moment, please try again later.

Connor turned his head to look at the others and asked, with an inquisitive look upon his face, “Yes?”

They just stared at Connor and his blatant disregard for the laws of physics, their minds momentarily disabled. However it was Joel who was the first to snap out of his shocked state. He rubbed his eyes, to make sure that he wasn’t actually hallucinating. “How the fuck are you doing that?” He asked, once again showing off his fineness.

“Doing what?” Then Connor looked down and saw that he was in the air about two feet above the ground. Then, as if a spell was broken, the moment Connor noticed his disregard for gravity, the mistress of mass herself enacted upon Connor the punishment of disobeying her law. Namely, by slamming him, face first, into the ground.

“Ow” Was Connor’s only utterance, as his face and the ground had another friendly reunion.

Lee, Joel and Tom were barely even containing their laug- no scratch that, they weren’t even bothering to contain it, they openly laughed at Connor’s misfortune. Connor just grumbled as he pushed himself up to a sitting position.

Connor just kept an unamused expression upon his face whilst he waited for the others to finish laughing, or to inhale something, choke and die. Whichever came first.

Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on who you ask, no one choked and died. The laughter simply died down after awhile. “Are you quite finished?” A rather annoyed Connor asked. Whilst there was the occasional giggle or laugh, it had for the most part finished.

Connor put on his best serious face and decided to get things going .“So, first things first,” he started, looking at Lee and Joel, “Do you two know what you are?” They took a moment to ponder the question, Lee was the first one to speak up first. “I think so, I’m a Minotaur, right?” Connor nodded and replied “Yep, that’s right. How ‘bout you Joel? D’you know what you are?” Joel seemed to take longer answering than Lee, you could practically see him thinking.

It’s rather funny actually, reminds me of someone who’s bad at Tetris.

“I’m not sure, I want to say Hippogriff but I don’t think that’s right...”

Harry Potter reference, typical. Bitch, you’re not Harry Potter, get over yourself.

“Close,” Connor corrected. “A Hippogriff is half horse – half eagle. You’re a Griffon, half lion – half eagle.” He explained. Joel blinked as the realisation hit him, “Ah, that’s it, Griffon, knew it was something like that.”

Clearly you didn’t, or you would have fucking said it. Moron.

Now though, it was Joel’s and Lee’s turn to ask the questions. “So if we’re a Minotaur and a Griffon, then what fuck are you two?” Lee oh so nicely asked. Tom and Connor turned to look at  each other for a second before looking back at Lee and Joel. “Well,” Tom started “I’m am changeling. They have a pony like appearance with insectoid features. They also feed on love.” Lee and Joel raised their eyebrows at the last part (Do griffons even have eyebrows? Eh, they do now) but didn’t make any comments.

“But for Connor,” Tom continued, “We’re unsure of his species.”

“What do you mean unsure of his species?” Joel asked.

The fuck do you think he means? He doesn’t know what fucking species he is!

Connor was the one to answer this time “Well, just look at my body, I have the body like that of a normal pony and I have a horn, that would make me a unicorn” he said indicating the body parts as he said them “But, I also have fangs and slits for pupils. Those are either found on Nightmare Moon, Queen Chrysalis or Bat Ponies.” Again indicating to his eyes and mouth as he continued to explain. “Seeing as I’m neither a changeling queen or an evil, twisted alicorn that would only leave bat ponies.” Connor had adopted a more monotonous voice that one would expect from a teacher, “But-“

Ohhh, there’s a ‘but’! The plot thickens!

“-Bat ponies don’t have horns like I do, they have bat like wings, hence the name bat pony.” Connor took a pause, seemingly gaining his breath and gathering his thoughts. “So you see my predicament,” Connor continued, after a couple seconds of silence, “ I have no idea what species I am and there is no mention of anything like me in the show at all.”

“What the fuck do you want us to do about it?” Lee asked, looking rather bored after Connor’s impromptu lecture.

“I don’t know!” Connor said, annoyance creeping into his voice “Just sit down and think, it can’t be that hard!”

What can’t be that hard? Trying to figure out your species, or asking them to think. Both are equally hard for them.

And so they did just that. They all sat down and thought long and hard about just what Connor could be. Well, Connor and Tom did, Joel and Lee knew fuck all about the show so they just pretended to look like they were thinking.

Whilst Joel and Lee just sat there looking pretty (and failing massively at it), Connor and Tom were deep in thought, pulling up every episode they had ever watched, fan art, fan fiction, conversations with other bronies, etc.

It was a couple of minutes before someone came up with an answer. It was Connor who came upon a conclusion first, “No, surely not...” he muttered under his breath, “That was only in a fanfic...”. Nobody else had heard Connor’s comments and so remained in thought. But Connor was now staring at Lee intently, seemingly debating something in his head.

It was another ten seconds before Lee noticed that Connor was staring at him so hard that metal probably would have snapped under his gaze.”Um Connor? Why are you staring at me?” Lee’s sudden interruption of the silence seemed to snap Tom and Joel out of their thoughts. However, it had no effect on Connor who just continued to stare at Lee.

After a few more seconds he seemed to have made up his mind, “Only one way to find out.” (Fight!) He said to himself. The other were confused at this statement, Joel raised his eyebrow and asked “Connor what the fuck are you-“

But before he could finish his question, Connor launched himself at Lee and pinned him to a nearby wall.

How he pinned a fucking Minotaur to a wall is beyond me, just bloody roll with it.

Before Lee could shout or swear or do anything to retaliate, Connor bit down on Lee’s neck, sinking his fangs into Lee’s skin. Lee didn’t even feel Connor’s fangs enter his neck, the moment Connor’s fangs entered his body Lee felt himself go numb, his arms wouldn’t respond, his legs felt weak and he found he couldn’t move his head more than a few centimetres or say anything beyond incoherent mumbles. Tom and Joel just watched on in silent horror, frozen in place by pure shock.

For Connor, however, he was having the time of his life. The blood he was drinking from Lee tasted magnificent to him. He did, unfortunately, realise that he had to stop soon or he would drain his friend to the point where he’d be too weak to survive. So, rather reluctantly, he removed his jaw from Lee’s neck.

Well, that escalated quickly.

When Connor released Lee’s neck, you could clearly see where his fangs had been. There were two holes which Connor noticed had sealed themselves up after he had removed his fangs. Other than the fact that the area around the puncture marks was red raw, Connor couldn’t notice any other lasting side effects.

“Well,” he said as he turned to look at his other horror struck friends, “would you looky at that, I’m a Vampony.”

[insert advert here to serve as a dramatic pause between shocking revelation and friend’s reaction]

Lee could sense feeling to returning to his limbs, he shakily pushed himself off of the wall and gave the back of Connor’s head a glare full of pure, unbridled rage.

“WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT?!” Lee bellowed as loud as he could. Which was pretty damn loud, if I do say so myself.

Connor stiffened when he heard Lee’s ferocious shouts. He slowly turned around only to find Lee’s angry face gazing down at him with murderous intent. “Oh, dear”

Friends and family, we are gathered here today to mourn the loss of our good friend Connor.

Before Lee could do anything to stop him, Connor took off in the opposite direction, running as fast as he could. Lee gave chase, the floor thundering as his considerable mass hit the ground. Tom and Joel, no longer in their shocked looked at each other, then to Lee chasing Connor around the ruin, then back to each other. “Ten quid says Lee throws Connor out the window.” Joel said a smirk on his face. “Fifteen quid,” Tom countered “that Lee beats him to death.”

“Deal” Joel agreed, holding out his claw to Tom. Tom, in turn, offered his hoof and they shook, closing the bet.

Lovely lot aren’t they? Betting on each other’s demise.

“CONNOR! GET OVER HERE!”

“Why should I?!”

“BECAUSE I’M GOING TO BREAK YOUR FUCKING LEGS!”

“Not really a good reason to get me to stop!”

Lee continued to chase Connor around the ruins of the castle, whilst Tom and Joel commentated on it as if they at a sporting event.

“Hello world! It is a beautiful morning in Equestria and boy do we have a show for you today!”

“That’s right Tom, we have two new competitors here today. We have Lee the Minotaur and Connor the Vampony.”

“Well Joel, this is certainly shaping up to be a very interesting event as it appears that Lee is out for blood.”

As Joel and Tom continued to natter on like the retarded idiots they are, Connor was starting to get tired of running whereas Lee looked like he could keep at it for hours. Connor saw only two options ahead of him; stop, catch his breath and then get beaten to death or keep running, eventually collapse from exhaustion and then get beaten to death.

Decisions, decisions.

“Wait a minute,” Connor said, as he realised something “I’m a fucking unicorn, I’ll just use magic.” A proud smile across his face for thinking of such a brilliant answer. The smile then slid off his face just as quickly as it had arrived as he realised something that made his plan about as useful as a bottle of Drench in a rainstorm.

“How the fuck do I use magic?”

Connor risked a glance back at Lee, he really wished he hadn’t. Lee was closer than he was a minute ago and he was gaining, fast. “Bollocks!” Connor shouted. “Alright Connor, think! Think! How the fuck does magic always work in fanfictions?” He said, speaking out loud in his panic. He did his best to recall as much as he could about how people had theorised magic worked. “Alright, just visualise the target and concentrate, better fucking work.” So he did just that, he visualised Lee stuck, trapped in a magical grip. As he did so he felt a small tingle in his horn and a tug on his brain. Keeping the image firmly locked in mind; Connor experimented with the tingle and found that he could direct it up and down his horn, a bit like a slidey whistle.

However, Connor could still hear Lee’s thunderous hoofsteps behind him meaning that his little experimentation hadn’t worked. He pushed the magic (I mean what the fuck else could a tingly feeling a unicorn’s horn be?) all the way up to the top of his horn, but he didn’t stop it there; he kept pushing the magic until he felt it leave his horn. When Connor felt the magic leave him, he saw his horn light up a fierce orange, similar to his eyes.

Lee had finally caught up to Connor and he raised his hand, a fist forming in it, ready to smash it down on Connor’s back. Just as he was about to bring down his fist, he found that he had stopped moving. He tried to move his arms, legs, anything but, alas, he was trapped in place. Lee looked down, to see if he could spot what was holding him back and discovered that his entire body had been encased in an orange glow.

“HA! BITCHES! I HAVE MAGIC NOW! WHAT CHA GOIN’ DO ‘BOUT IT?!”

Burn you at the stake.

“Goddammit Connor! Let me go!” Lee shouted, once again his anger building up inside of him.

“That depends, are you still going to kill me?”

Lee looked like he was having a difficult mental debate, try and kill Connor or have the freedom to walk. On the one hand, if he managed to kill Connor, he would be celebrated eons from now as the one who saved them from a psychotic tyrant. On the other hand, he was rather fond of moving. In the end Lee just sighed heavily, “Fine, I won’t kill you. But if you try that shit again, I’ll punch you so hard I’ll send you to another reality.”

“Well okay then.” And with that, he cut off his magic and Lee was rather unceremoniously dumped on the floor. Lee just grumbled under his breath as he got up and brushed himself off. Connor and Lee went back over to Tom and Joel, who were in the middle of a rather strange conversation.

They walked in just as Tom had started to speak, “All right, my son: I could've had it away with this cracking Julie, my old China”

To which Joel replied, “Are you telling pork-pies and a bag of trout? Because if you are feeling quigly, why not just have a J. Arthur?”

“What, billy no mates?”

“Too right, youth.”

“Don't you remember the crimbo din-din we had with the grotty Scots bint?”

“Oh, the one that was all sixes and sevens!”

“Yeah, yeah, she was the trouble and strife of the Morris dancer what lived up the apples and pears!”

“She was the barrister what become a bobby in a lorry and...” At this point they had descended into talking complete gibberish, their words coming out as an unintelligible slur. They continued on like this for a second or so before they both exclaimed “-tea kettle!”

“And then, and then-” Tom started, giggling as he said it

“She shat on a turtle!” The exclaimed together.

I...I don...I don’t even know what to say to that.

Connor and Lee were just standing there, mouths agape as their brains tried to process what they had just heard. It took a grand total of no time at all for Tom to notice them, he waved at them in a jovial manner and said, “Oh hello! Are you two done killing each other yet?” They shock their vigorously and looked at each other, silently agreeing to just forget what they had heard. They walked...trotted?...Goddammit! They went over to Tom and Joel and took a seat on the floor of the ruins. “Eh, we won’t be killing each other any time soon.” Was Connor’s reply to Tom.

They all sat in silence for a few seconds, seemingly at a loss for something to say. It was, however, Lee that broke the silence first, “Is it me, or do any of you feel like we’ve forgotten something important?” They all turned to look at Lee as he said this, and then all adopted looks of thoughtfulness as they wondered if they had indeed forgotten anything.

Joel was the first to realise what was missing, he brought his claw up to his face in the first of would be many facepalms...faceclaws? Fuck you Equestrian terminology! “I can’t believe it-“Joel muttered under his breath, he looked at his friends addressing them head on this time, “We forgot about Matty.”

It seriously took you until now to figure that out? Idiots.

Looks of realisation spread across the faces of Tom and Lee, whereas Connor just gave Joel a deadpan look and said, “I thought that we had forgotten something important.” The others all turned and gave Connor and unamused look, “I was kidding! I was kidding.” Connor sighed, his own unamused expression upon his face.

Tom just rolled his eyes, well he felt himself roll his eyes but being a changeling and all makes those sorts of expressions rather invalid. “Come on, look around the room, he’s got to be here somewhere.” Tom said as he stood up and made his way over to a pile of rubble in the centre of the room. The others just murmured a quite acknowledgement to what Tom said as they spread themselves out across the room.

Connor was the one to find Matty, he was sprawled out over near the doorway, it appeared he had hit his head on the doorframe somehow. “Guys!” Connor called out across the room, “I think I’ve found him!” The others quickly stopped looking around and huddled over to where Connor was.

Matty’s form was...interesting to say the least. In front of Connor and the others was a pitch black Pegasus with a blood red mane and, like Connor, also lacking a mark (I refuse to say cutie mark). No, what was really strange about Matty’s appearance were his wings. They were completely skeletal. No skin, no muscle, no feathers, nothing. The only thing that was there were the bare white bones. They all stood there for a while, simply looking at Matty’s body or more specifically, his wings.

“I swear,” Connor started, talking to no one in particular, “If he can fly with those wings, then I’ll walk up to Princess Celestia, wearing a frilly pink dress and declare my love to her in the form of on the spot poetry.”

...It is now my life’s goal to make Matty fly.

“Why is he still unconscious?” Joel asked, “We all woke up at pretty much the same time.”

I don’t know Joel; maybe he’s unconscious because he HIT HIS HEAD ON THE FUCKING DOOR!

It was Lee who replied this time “I’m pretty sure he banged his head on the door.” He said.

“Well what are we going to do? None of us know how to give medical attention.” Joel asked.

“Actually...” Connor started, but was cut across by Tom who gave him a flat stare and said, “No Connor, amputation is not going to work here and the day I let you near a scalpel is the day I go to Narnia and have tea with a talking lion.”

“Awww...” Was Connor’s disappointed response.

“Does anyone have any ideas that aren’t lethal to Matty and everyone in a kilometre radius?” They all stood there, trying to come up with an idea about what they could do. After a minute Lee remembered what he had seen outside the window earlier on.

“I think I saw a town off in the distance a while ago, before any of you were awake.”

Tom and Connor simultaneously slapped their hooves on their faces, shocked at their own idiocy. “How could I have forgotten that Ponyville was on the edge of the Everfree?” Tom asked, wondering how he could have forgotten such a crucial piece of information.

“Come on, if I remember correctly there’s a hospital in Ponyville. Matty can get help there.” Connor said, already heading towards the exit of the ruins. “Lee, you carry him.”

“Why me?”

“Because you’re the strongest out of all of us now, and I’d rather not test mine or Tom’s magic durability whilst carrying Matty through a monster infested forest”

“Goddammit, fine.”

Logic : 1 – Lee : 0

Once Matty was ‘securely’ slug over Lee’s shoulders, the group of friends headed out into the forest, the destination; Ponyville. I feel sorry for Ponyville already.

Next time in; The Amusing Misadventures of British Teens:

Forests and walking

Tempers are sent skyrocketing

Joel joins them shortly after

Violence!