Chapters Achievment Hunter in Equestria
A Normal Day for These Twelve Individuals
It was a normal day in Ponyville… or was it? Things were about to get a lot… stranger in these parts.
Twilight Sparkle had gathered her friends in the trusty abode of her library. The six ponies stood down in the basement while the unicorn prepared for the experiment she and the other Elements of Harmony were doing. Some of the ponies, however, still had some concerns.
“I still don’t see what the big problem is, Applejack,” said Rainbow Dash, pausing to blow her multi-colored mane out of her face before continuing, “I for one have complete faith in Twilight’s magical abilities, and so should you.”
“Ah never said I didn’t trust her,” countered Applejack, “I just don’t feel very… comfortable with this here experiment.”
“Oh, lighten up, cowgirl! This could actually be pretty awesome.” Rainbow said.
“Yeah, I agree with Dashie,” Pinkie Pie said, jumping into the conversation, “Meeting new ponies is always super awesome!” The delight in her voice seemed to persuade the apple farmer a bit more, but she still had doubts in her mind. Applejack walked over to Twilight, who was silently studying some of her notes.
“Hey sugarcube, we need to talk,” said Applejack, her face very serious indeed.
Twilight, sensing the urgency in her friend’s voice, gave a small smile in response. “What is it?” she inquired.
“Now, y’all know how ah’m the Element of Honesty and all?” Twilight nodded. “Well, ah gotta be honest with ya when I say ah’m starting to have second thoughts about this.”
The unicron sighed, obviously vexed by her friend’s frankness. She placed the notepad down and gave her a look of sympathy. “Applejack, I know it sounds a bit… odd at first. I mean, willingly letting another being into your body can be a bit… tough, but this is a major breakthrough in the understanding of how the universe works. If we can successfully pull this off, then it will be the first time in the history of Equestria that we have contacted ponies from another dimension.” Twilight looked away, letting the words sink in before she continued. “When I first discovered the spell, I was originally planning on doing this myself. But we require a total of six ponies to sacrifice their bodies in order for this to work. I can’t think of anypony else besides you guys.”
Applejack shuffled around a bit, obviously still uncomfortable. “B-but…”
Twilight looked at her friend, her eyes full of pleading and her mouth scrunched up and shivering slightly, “C’mon Applejack. For Equestria.”
The puppy-dog face was too much for the farmer. She sighed. “Alright then. Let’s just get this over with.”
Twilight bore a smug smile as her friend walked back into position. Hah, the puppy-dog face works every time.
The six ponies stood in a circle formation, each one facing a pony adjacent to them. On the floor of the basement, Twilight had drawn a giant circle with six mini circles connected to it which each of the friends stood in currently. Twilight herself got into position as she looked over at her assistant, Spike, who was watching from the corner of the room. “Do you remember what you have to do, Spike?”
“Yeah, I remember,” the small dragon said eagerly, “Make contact with the visitors in your bodies and make sure they don’t get into trouble. Easy peezy, lemon squeezy!”
“Oh and Spike, make sure they don’t ruin my mane,” the unicorn Rarity said from across the room, “It took so long to style it, and it would be a shame if something happened to it.”
Spike rolled his eyes, “Sure thing, Rarity.”
Rarity seemed satisfied, but all of her friends gave her a couple of looks. “What?! Is it a crime to care about your own mane?”
Twilight sighed, before turning to the others. “Alright girls, are you all ready?”
“Ready.”
“Ready.”
“Ready.”
“Ready.”
“...”
“Fluttershy?”
“R-r-ready…”
With the confirmation of her friends, Twilight focused her arcane magic through her horn, which in turn started to glow a faint purple. Eventually, she had enough magic built up in horn to release at an enormous level. The bodies of the six ponies started to glow faintly as they were slowly lifted up into the air. An ominous groan emanated from each of the Mane Six as they felt the magic start to numb their minds. Eventually each of them fell unconscious, still floating aimlessly in the air.
Meanwhile, in another universe…
A slouchy and tired-looking man stood in the center of an office room, his hands gently rubbing his own face in frustration. This frustration stemmed from the stress of his job. What was his job, you ask? To play video games, record the footage, commentate, and make that footage into an entertaining video for the internet. Seems simple, right? Well, that’s not the reason he was frustrated, since jobs also meant you had to deal with… co-workers.
The man turned to the only other man in the room, who sat on a comfy looking coach. This man was a bit buffer and taller than his companion, and slightly stockier as well. An entertained smile was plastered onto his face.
“What are you laughing about, Ryan?” asked the older man, obviously irratated.
Ryan shrugged, the bemused look still in his expression. “It’s just… slightly entertaining to watch other people suffering,” he said truthfully.
“You’re a horrible fucking human being, you know that?”
Ryan once again shrugged. “I get that a lot.”
The man still standing groaned and went back to his desk on the other side of the room, where all his equipment was held: an Xbox 360, an Apple IMac, two monitors (one for the game console and one for the computer), and a microphone stand. In fact, all five of the desks shared these items. As a result of five desks, a shelf that held many games, and a comfy looking couch, the room was kind of crowded. But that was the least of the man’s problems.
“When are those assholes going to get here?” he angrily asked, sitting down at his desk, “We were supposed to start the Let’s Play thirty minutes ago.”
“Calm down, Geoff. I’m sure they’ll be here soon enough,”said Ryan, pulling up a television set with the console attached to the bottom with the microphone, “They may all be retards, but they know when to start to stop fooling around and work.”
Geoff laughed, apparently amused of the idea of calling playing a video game work. But it was true, they were paid for it. “You’re right, Ryan. They’ll be here in a bit. See, this is why you’re my favorite employee.”
“I do my best to please,” said Ryan.
“Wait, he’s your favorite, but not the guy you started Achievement Hunter with?” the door had opened and the voice had emanated from the man who just walked in. This man seemed as stocky as Ryan, but a bit shorter and pudgier. He also bore a strikingly large beard that covered the lower half of his face.
“Jack, where have you been, man?” questioned Geoff.
Jack plainly held up a paper bag as he made his way to the desk. “What can I say? The line at Wendy’s was long.”
“Did someone say Wendy’s? That’s high class McDonalds, you know,” said a much younger man who had also walked in. This man was much shorter and skinnier than his co-workers, with a pair of glasses perched upon his head. “I’m pretty sure it’s impossible to be caught up at Wendy’s. The people who work make sure you are out of that store as soon as possible.”
“Yeah, well, what’s your excuse for being late Ray?” retorted Jack.
Ray stopped, obviously hesitating to answer. “Well… you see… ugh… hey, did you guys see what Gavin and Michael were doing outside?”
“Oh yeah, you saw that too?” Jack said, completely oblivious to the subject Ray was changing.
“What were they doing?” asked Ryan curiously.
“What do you expect, Ryan? It’s Mavin we’re talking about here. They’re butt buddies!” Ray said.
“Well, they better get their asses inside soon,” said Geoff. “We need a Let’s Play for this Wednesday and they need to be here.”
The four men continued to set up for the Let’s Play. After a bit, there was a loud commotion outside. Suddenly, the door slammed open and a man not much taller than Ray burst through, soon followed by another short man who was a bit stockier and, like Ray, wore glasses.
“Gavin, you fuck, get back over here!” shouted the second man, his face red with anger. Gavin shrieked and jumped to the other side of the room, but he was cornered.
“No please, Michael!” Gavin shouted in fear, his British accent still evident in his voice.
“The fuck is going on here?” asked Geoff, who was taking no steps to help his English comprade.
“Michael’s trying to bloody kill me!”
“Oh, don’t be such a bitch about it,” said Michael, “You’re the one who decided to ambush me in the parking lot.”
“THAT WAS FOR FUN!”
“Yeah well, I’ll have lots of fun tearing your limbs apart!” With that, the stronger man lunged and pinned his friend to the ground and proceeded to beat the living crap out of him. The others ignored Gavin’s cries for plead, as this sort of event was normal in Achievement Hunter.
After a couple of minutes had passed, Ray looked down at the two still wrestling on the ground. “So, you guys gonna keep on banging or are we going to get started?”
Eventually, they settled down, standing up as if nothing had happened. “So same time next week, Michael?” asked Gavin, a large grin on his face.
“Same time next week it is, buddy.”
Jack sighed from his desk. “You two are fucking idiots,” he said laughing.
The two men sat at their desks and prepared like the others. Geoff, obviously relieved that they were finally going to get started, started.
“Alright, now that we’re finally all here, we can get started…”
However, as fate would have it, Geoff would not have his Let’s Play that day. Suddenly, a blinding flash emanated from the center of the the room. All six men covered their faces as they were blinded by the flash.
“AHHHHHH! WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT!?” screamed Geoff.
“MY EYES!” screamed Jack.
“THIS WAS TOTALLY UNEXPECTED AND HORRIBLE!” screamed Gavin.
“NO SHIT, SHERLOCK!” screamed everybody.
The Achievement Hunters continued shouting as their voices grew distant and faint. The light covered the entire room, and then with a bang, it was gone and the men were nowhere to be found. After a bit, the door opened and a young lady walked in, cheerful and happy.
“Alright guys, I’m here to record Behind the Scenes…” She noticed the empty room and sighed, turning to go back out the door, “Hello? Where is everybody?”
Author's Note
Okay, before people start to hate-hate-hate in the comments, I should probably point a couple of things out:
Anyways, enough of my rambling. If you like the story, I'll try to update this as much as I can, but with school starting to take more out of my schedule with every passing month, it may be a while between updates. I'm actually almost done with the second chapter, but after that, I'm honestly not sure.
Achievment Hunter in Equestria
Back in Equestria…
The light in the center of the six unconscious ponies still shone brightly when the glowing orbs. A total of six of them; each one flew into the body of an unconscious pony and the lifeless corpses glowed slightly. The light from the center circle began to fade, and the six ponies fell back to the ground and lay there.
Spike, who had been watching in the safety of the corner, was not sure how to approach the situation. Should he walk up and wake them all up? But then how would they react if they saw a small dragon talking to them nonchalantly? How will they even react to the fact that they’re in completely different bodies now? Will they be scared? Confused? Shocked?
Fortunately for Spike, he didn’t have to decide, as Applejack soon began to stir. Letting out a slight groan, Applejack- or rather whatever was in Applejack’s body- shook its head in order to clear the stars in its vision.
“W-what just…” it began to mutter, before it felt that something was wrong. Horribly wrong. It looked down and saw that it was standing not on two legs, but rather four… hooves. It took a second for its mind to process this tidbit, but when it did, it nearly fainted from the thought.
Spike decided that enough was enough and stepped out of the shadows of the corner, extending out his claw in a manner of friendship. “Why hello there,” he said pleasantly, “My name is Spike the dragon, and I’m here to greet you to the magical lands of Equestria.”
The… thing looked at Spike and once again took a while to process what he had said. “Sp-Spike?” it murmured. It looked around and saw the five other ponies still laying there. Slowly but surely, the creature was beginning to understand where it was. And… it smiled a bit and turned back to a now confused Spike. “Hey, um, would you happen to have a… mirror anywhere around here?” it asked politely, Applejack’s southern accent completely gone but her voice still remaining.
The dragon was a bit taken aback, as it had not expected this kind of a reaction. “Um, sure, it’s right over here.” He ran over to a tall mirror that was standing up against a wall and brought it over to the still smiling pony. The creature examined itself, and its smile grew more and more as its eyes started to twinkle.
Spike, still horribly confused, tried to ask, “So, you don’t mind that…?”
Suddenly, the orange pony jumped into the air and shouted, “Aw hell yeah!” It landed back down and started examining itself. “This is just like in the show! Granted, I still have no idea why I’m here, but at least I’m in the best pony’s body! Woohoo!”
Spike could only stand there with his jaw agape as the creature danced around in Applejack’s body, so pleased and content that it made Spike sick.
The creature would’ve continued to dance around if it had not noticed the cyan pegasus begin to stir as well. It trotted over to her, knowing that if his hunch was correct, he would be talking to a very familiar person when she woke up. Under her breath, just loud enough for Applejack to hear, she was murmuring, “When… wake… up… gonna… murder… Gavin…”
The orange one’s eyes lighted up once again as it galloped over to the pegasus’ body. “Oh my God! Michael, Michael, is that you?!”
“That voice… sounds familiar…” Rainbow Dash muttered as she began to open her eyes. But it wasn’t Rainbow Dash in that body anymore, it was a crazy individual who had only moments before beaten up his co-worker. Its eyes came into contact with the orange ones’ and it jumped up, now awake and in sheer fright.
“What the hell?!” it shouted in the pegasus’ voice, “Is… are you… Applejack?”
“What?” the one in Applejack asked confusedly before it looked at itself again, “Oh! Oh no, it looks like it, but its actually me! Ray, your friend! And while I’m Applejack, you’re Rainbow Dash!”
“Wait… Ray? What do you mean I’m…” Michael said, but as he looked down at his new body, he stopped mid-sentence and stared in wonder. After a moment or two, he looked back up at the grinning Ray in Applejack’s body. Suddenly, he got a deep frown on his face and shouted, “Wait a minute! This is bullshit! Why did you get to be Applejack, but I didn’t get to be Fluttershy?”
Ray began laughing and fell to the floor, only helping in deepening Michael’s scowl. By this time, the others had begun to get up and notice their little condition.
“Holy shit?!” screamed the one inside of Rarity, “What the hell is this?!”
“I don’t know, but this is fucking disturbing and creepy!” commented the one in Twilight, observing his new body in a disgusted manner.
“Wait, who are you?” inquired Rarity.
“I’m Geoff, but what about you? I don’t believe I’ve ever seen you before.”
“Geoff? Is that you? It’s me, Jack!”
“Jack?” The two looked at each other for a while, before Geoff broke out into an insane laughter, “Holy shit! You look like a fucking beauty queen or something.”
“Wait, what do you mean?” Jack quickly pulled out the mirror, only to see how glamorous he looked in Rarity’s body. “What the fuck?”
“Damn, you’re looking good there, Shannon ,” teased Geoff, poking fun at his friend’s middle name.
“Hahaha, good one, Geoff,” a pink pony interjected.
Geoff and Jack looked in confusion at the newcomer. “Um, do we know you?” asked Jack.
Pinkie hoofed her face, which actually should’ve hurt more considering how tough pony hooves are. “You numbskulls, its Gavin.” The British accent was still present in Gavin’s speech, but with Pinkie Pie’s voice, it was actually pretty hilarious. The two ponies fell to the floor laughing, leaving a very disgruntled Gavin steaming mad.
“Why are you two laughing at me?”
“It’s probably because of how stupid you sound,” Michael commented, walking over to his friend’s side and giving him a pat on the back.
“Well you’re not too better,” retorted Gavin, “All of you sound just as stupid and squeaky as I do.”
Jack quickly got up, his laughing subsiding a bit before talking, “I think-hahaha- Gavin’s right. Where the hell are we and why are we like this?”
Ray came up behind the white unicorn and shook his head. “Jack, you don’t know yet, do you? Well, you’re in our world now. The land of magic, friendship, and harmony. Equestria!”
“Equestria?” Jack thought the name sounded familiar, but before he could figure it out, Gavin groaned loudly and did another face-hoof.
“Argh, are you god damn kidding me? You mean we’re stuck in your stupid little brony world?”
“How dare you call Equestria stupid! It’s beautiful!” shouted Michael.
“Oh shit, I thought you looked familiar Ray,” Geoff commented, “You’re in the form of that pony doll you have on your desk back at the office.”
“Yeah,” Ray said rather proudly, “Applejack. The best pony.”
“More like the best background pony,” muttered Michael.
“And if you’re a character from the show, then that must mean…”
“Yep,” Ray interrupted, “You’re all characters from the show. Jack, you’re Rarity, the most fabulous and majestic pony in Ponyville.”
Jack bowed his head in what seemed like shame.
“Geoff, you’re in the form of Twilight Sparkle, master of magic and ringleader of the Elements of Harmony.”
Geoff seemed to perk up at this a bit, possibly because he knew he could still order around his compadres even in this world.
“And Gavin, you’re Pinkie Pie, the… the…”
Gavin seemed confused, “What’s that, Ray?”
Ray seemed to think for a bit, before giving up. “Ah, fuck it. Point is you’re Pinkie Pie. And then that would make Ryan…”
Everypony looked over at the only pony who hadn’t spoken yet, which was the shy yellow pegasus. He stood a bit off to the side, still kind of dazed from the transformation. He seemed to perk up at the name ‘Ryan’ and look around, becoming aware of his surroundings for the first time. He looked at the six ponies, the down at himself, then back at the ponies, then back to himself. Quickly, he trotted over to the mirror, looking over himself for a good minute or so. Finally, he turned back to his friends, opened his mouth and said quietly, “Shit.”
Everypony fell to the ground laughing, leaving Ryan to bow his head in shame.
By this point, Spike the dragon could not have been more baffled. You would think that waking up in a body that was not your own would be at the very least shocking. But these… things were treating it as if it were some kind of game.
Disturbed by the men-turned-ponies’ actions, Spike slowly started to back away from the group, thankful that none of them were paying any attention to him whatsoever. Slowly but surely, he backed away towards the base of the stairs. Unfortunately for him, Michael noticed the small dragon and decided to have a bit of fun with the unnerved assistant. Suddenly breaking from the group, he quickly flew over in front of Spike, blocking his descent up the stairs to safety, and gave the poor bud a big toothy grin.
“Spike, where are you going?” asked Michael innocently, “The fun’s just starting, buddy.”
Spike screamed in fright and turned around, now facing Michael and backing away towards the group. The others looked in anticipation, waiting to see what exactly Michael had in mind for him.
“Spike, don’t be scared,” Michael said, slowly creeping towards Spike with his unnerving smile plastered onto his face, “After all, it’s not every day a tasty little dragon comes along for us.” A larger gasp sounded from Spike as he bumped into the group of ponies behind him, whom by then had caught on to the joke.
“Yes, it has been a while since I had dragon-tacos,” said Jack, rubbing his hooves together.
“Oh man, with a bit of garlic and pepper, he would cook to perfection,” said Geoff, slowly walking towards the little dragon.
“Are you kidding me? It all depends on whether or not we got any BBQ sauce in this world,” interjected Ray, also closing in on the dragon.
Spike now found himself trapped by the ring of ponies looking at him. The ponies that had once held the minds of his friends, now holding the minds of creatures that wanted to eat him. He was quickly running out of options. Suddenly, he was lifted up into the air. Spike looked up and was terrified to see Ryan holding him up, gently flapping his wings to keep a bit airborne and held Spike a couple feet off the ground. Turning the baby dragon over and inspecting him, Ryan rubbed his chin in thought.
“Hm, he certainly seems fat enough,” he said aloud quietly, “And with all the scales he has for insulation, the meat underneath is sure to be slim and juicy.”
Spike was now frightened beyond belief, but he figured he could at least try some fast talking. “Nononononononono. You wouldn’t want that. As a matter of fact, it’s a well known fact that dragons are actually quite dull and stringy, not at all tasty in any way shape or form.” He gulped as Ryan contemplated the idea, before bearing another wide grin. “Nice try, but it’s not gonna work.”
Ryan then turned to the others, held the dragon way over his head, and said, “Men, tonight… we dine like kings!” Spike screamed in his shrill little baby voice, and the others burst into laughter, once again taking to the floors in sheer hilarity. Spike was now very confused.
Michael got up from the floor, wiping the tears from his eyes before facing the dragon with a more serious look, “No, but seriously, you’re not going anywhere until you tell us how this happened.”
Sighing in both relief and defeat, the dragon was lowered to the floor by Ryan and walked over to the group and began explaining.
“Okay, so basically, my friend Twilight Sparkle...” Spike cast a quick glance at Geoff, who stood in the unicorn’s body, “...wanted to cast a spell that would allow other beings from other dimensions to communicate with us. Unfortunately, the spell requires six ponies to basically give their bodies up in order for those other beings to… um, take over their bodies.” The men-turned-ponies looked at the dragon in confusion. “Yeah, I know it sounds really weird, but that’s magic sometimes. Useful in some ways, random in others.”
“Kind of like Gavin,” said Ray, “Except actually useful and not downright retarded.”
“So then you’re friend cast the spell and teleported us here?” asked Jack.
“Yeah, and now that you guys are here, I can start to get to know you and where you come from,” said Spike, “Now, who exactly are you?”
Ray was about to speak up, but Gavin jumped up and stood next to Ray as he began to talk. “Well, this here is Ray Narvaez Jr., resident Hispanic and has one hell of a boner for men. The one in the lavender coat is none other than Geoff Ramsey, a man with many goals in life but absolutely no ambition (otherwise known as my roommate). The one in the pretty white coat is Jack Pattillo, the generic beard-faced monstrosity of a man. The one in the light blue coat is my little boy Michael Jones, constantly red-faced from all the shouting he does at the office. The one in the yellow coat is Ryan, serial killer and animal abuser and proud to be both. And me, I’m Gavin Free, the best and most handsomest English man ever to roam the world. And together, we are...” Gavin paused for a moment to leap into the air, “THE ACHIEVEMENT HUNTERS!”
The room stood silent and still for a moment, each person processing what they had just witnessed. Finally, Ray was the one to speak up and say, “That may actually be the worst introduction I’ve heard in a long time.”
“Seriously, you made it sound as if we were some mighty hero group. You know we aren’t the Avengers, dumbass,” said Geoff.
“Well, come off it. I was trying to make it sound as cool as possible!”
Spike stared in half-shock and half-amusement as the men-turned-ponies argued and exchanged bitter remarks. “Man, these guys have some serious problems,” he said to himself, but managed to get overhead by a still nearby Ryan.
“Naw, they’re just being them,” said Ryan, approaching Spike from behind, “This kind of stuff goes on in the office every day.”
“But aren’t you guys supposed to be friends or something?” asked Spike.
“Of course we are, it’s just that… well… just because people argue a bunch doesn’t really make them bad friends,” said Ryan, evidently finding it hard to put his thoughts into words, “We still maintain a good relation with each other, it’s just that… the relation tends to show itself in special ways.”
“Hm” was all the young assistant could muster. He got what Ryan was trying to say, but still didn’t really grasp it. How could fellas with such strong words and opinions of bitterness towards each other be friends?
“But, in all honesty, that’s the least of my worries right now,” said Ryan, once again turning towards the more serious subject, “How long do you think we’ll be stuck in these bodies, little guy?”
Spike thought back before the experiment to when Twilight was explaining to him how the spell worked. “I’ll say that you guys have about a day until you can return to your own dimension.”
“A day?” asked Geoff, slamming his hoof into his face, “Great, just great. What are we gonna do for a day?”
“C’mon Geoff, it’s not that bad. I mean, look at me,” said Michael, unfolding his wongs and letting them expand to full size, “These bad boys are going to serve me well to explore a bit. C’mon Ryan, let’s go on an ADVENTURE!”
“Wait, why…?” Ryan started before Michael abruptly grabbed ahold of him and flew off, up the stairs, through the library, and out the door. All that was left was a faint rainbow trail, and even that dissipated after a while.
Gavin turned and looked at Ray, an idea forming in his head, “Ray, you know what this means, right?”
“That I finally get to know how females strut their stuff without having to worry about a wanker in tow?”
“No, think bigger. Haven’t you always wanted to become X-Ray?”
“Wait a minute… you don’t mean-”
“Yes, that’s exactly what I mean,” Gavin exclaimed excitedly, “In a world of magic and stuff like that, we can finally become the superheroes we’ve always dreamed of becoming: X-RAY… AND VAAAAAAAV!”
“Um, Gavin… sorry to burst your bubble, but we we’re Earth ponies. We don’t use magic,” Ray pointed out.
“Really? Well, what the hell is the use of being an Earth pony?”
“Well, for starters…”
“There’s no time for that, Ray.” Running up to his friend, Gavin grabbed ahold and quickly led him up the stairs. “If we can’t use magic, then we must think of something else. Let us be off, boy!” And with that, the two wannabe superheroes disappeared.
Jack let out a long sigh. “Well, I guess that leaves just you and me, Geoff.” He turned to look at his friend, but didn’t see him. “Geoff?” His eyes scouted the room and found the unicorn also at the base of the stairs, preparing to go up. “Wait, where are you going?”
“I’m going to find myself a bar,” responded Geoff.
“I thought you were trying to limit your drinking habits.”
“Well Jack, desperate times call for desperate measures.” Geoff flashed him a sly smile and added, “Plus, it’s not my body I have to worry about.”
“W-wait for me!” Jack shouted as he chased after his long-time companion, leaving Spike totally alone in the basement of a treehouse. He yawned and stretched, the also proceeded to head up the stairs.
“I think it’s time for a much-needed map on my part. I’ll let those guys roam around for a bit before the spell wears off. I mean, how much trouble can they possibly get into?”
Author's Note
Oh boy, I had a lot of fun writing this chapter. There's just something about the the idea of the six lads and gents running around in Equestria that makes me smile.
Achievment Hunter in Equestria
Pointless Shit in Ponyville
Two pegasi both stood on a small cloud, looking down at the city of Ponyville below them and chatting at the same time. To all the ponies that happened to catch sight of them, they just saw Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy having a normal conversation. But by now, I bet that you know that that’s not the truth. At all.
“Isn’t it amazing, Ryan? Just look at it. A place where people can settle down, meet others, and just relax, all while doing the things they love to do,” said Michael, his eyes lit up as he talked.
“I would be more impressed if I knew how the fuck I was standing on a raincloud,” said Ryan, worryingly looking down at the cloud they used as ground.
“It’s just one of the many wonders as living as a pegasus,” Michael replied, before once again turning his gaze to the town below them. From here, he could spot a couple of the ponies he saw in the show: Thunderlane, Cherrilee, Lyra, Cloud Caster, Bon-Bon. It was amazing.
Ryan couldn’t help but notice the delight in his friends’ face, something that was not all that common. “Man, you and Ray must really like the show, huh?”
“I don’t think ‘like’ cuts it, Ryan.”
There were a couple of moments of silence and peace, something that wasn’t too common back at the office. That is, until Ryan brought up a good question. “So what do you think the others are doing right now?”
“I don’t even want to know…”
“... what do you mean you have no idea?!” yelled Gavin.
“Look, I may be a fan of the show, but that doesn’t automatically mean I know everything about this universe. Up until a couple of minutes ago, I didn’t even know it existed,” shouted back Ray.
The two were situated upon the top of the tallest tree they could find, surveying the town of Ponyville from a distance. If wings weren’t going to be a use to them, they had to find some way to get a high view.
“Well, this is just great. First the whole Earth pony thing, and now the fact that there are no super villains to defeat. Everything is trying to stop X-Ray and Vav from realizing their full potential.”
“Well technically, there are a couple of super villains in this universe, but those are like gods and supernatural entities that a couple of guys in costumes would be powerless to stop.”
Gavin stood silent for a moment, before he asked, “So, if we aren’t able to control magic, then what can we do?”
Oh no, he just asked what he’s able to do, Ray thought silently to himself, Should I tell him? Tell him about the… things that Pinkie Pie has done?
“What do you mean, things? Who am I, Ray?” Gavin asked.
The orange pony looked at him, shocked, “Wait, how did you do that?”
“Do what?”
“Gavin, I didn’t say that out loud. I was thinking it! ”
“Really?” The Brit was now excited. Very excited. “So Pinkie Pie does have powers?”
Ray sighed in defeat, “Yes, she does. But what they are, I don’t exactly know. She can read minds, pull random objects out of nowhere, predict the future and…”
Suddenly, Gavins puffy tail began to twitch vigorously. Ray’s eyes grew wide in fear.
“Ray, what in bloody hell is happening?” asked a nervous Gavin.
“Twitchy-twitch-twitch… that’s your Pinkie sense activating, and it’s how Pinkie Pie is able to predict the future. But I forgot what exactly the twitching…” Ray was interrupted, however, by a large CRACK! The tree branch the two of them were situated on had begun to snap under the pressure of two fully-grown mares.
The two looked at each other, then screamed as the branch gave away, sending X-Ray and Vav plummeting to the ground below.
Jack eventually caught up to Geoff, who was very quickly trotting down the street and ignoring the pleasant greetings by fellow ponies.
“Jeezus Geoff, will you slow the fuck down?” asked Jack, who was huffing and puffing from the constant walking.
Geoff stopped in curiosity, “Why are you so tired already? We’ve only been walking for a couple of minutes.”
“I don’t know, this body probably isn’t used to exercise like this,” stated Jack, “Besides that, do you even have any idea where you're going?”
“Well of course I… actually…”
“Yeah, that’s right; you don’t. So how about we slow down for a bit.”
Geoff sighed, “Look, I’m sorry Jack, but this whole pony thing just doesn’t sit well in my head. I mean, it’s pretty hilarious to see you walk around in that overly-glamorous body, but when it’s also me in a pony body, then that’s just not fucking right.” That statement got a quick eye-rolling from Jack. “I need some alcohol. Fast.”
“But what do you think will happen then? How do you know if the pony you’re in even drinks?”
Now it was Geoff who was rolling his eyes. “Nice try, asshole. A better question would be who doesn’t drink alcohol?”
Jack groaned in defeat, “Fine. The how about we ask some of the locals for directions to the bar. Like those two over there.” He pointed to two ponies sitting over at a bench near a small park before them.
“Alright then.”
The two men-turned-ponies trotted over to the other pair of ponies. One pony had a very light blue coat with an even lighter mane, with the symbol of a musical lyra pasted onto her flank. The other pony had a healthy shade of light caramel on her coat, but a more complex mane colored differing shades of red and purple. The symbol of a piece of candy was pasted onto her coat. They both smiled as the pair approached them.
“Hello there, Twilight Sparkle. How are you doing today?” asked the one with the colorful mane.
Geoff looked behind his back, looking for the pony she was talking to. Then Jack decided to rudely nudge Geoff on the side to get his attention
“She’s speaking to you, dumbass,” he whispered quietly, making sure the two ponies of the bench couldn’t hear him.
“Oh-um, I’m doing fine, thank you,” sputtered Geoff.
The blue pony rolled her eyes at her companion. “You try to hard, Bon-bon. Poor Twilight was caught off guard by your genuine naivety. ”
Tears began to form in the pony’s eyes. “You’re so mean, Lyra,” she said softly.
“Ugh, anyways, we were wondering if you two knew a good bar anywhere around here,” asked a confused Jack.
Now it was the other pair’s turn to be confused. “You don’t know?” asked a concerned Lyra, “I mean, you two have been living here for how long now? And you still can’t navigate the town?”
Crap, I forgot , thought Jack. Quickly, he let out a nervous laugh and said, “I’m sorry. It must’ve slipped our minds, I guess.”
“It’s quite okay,” said Lyra, “While the town doesn’t exactly have a bar per se, Berry Punch has some doozies in her collection at her shop. You should try them, they're really good.”
Geoff and Jack only responded with looks of confusion.
“Her shop is down that street and to the left,” said Lyra, pointing.
“Thanks!” Geoff loudly exclaimed before grabbing his friend and turning to trot down the street. The bench ponies watched the two Elements of Harmony run off into the distance.
Author's Note
Oh boy, this is a serious downgrade from last chapter, don't you think?much better.
Achievment Hunter in Equestria
More Pointless Shit in Ponyville
“...think they’re okay…”
“...bad luck on their part…”
“...waking up, y’all!”
Gavin only heard bits and pieces as he struggled to get up. The voices appeared to belong to kids because of their high pitched tones. Gavin always adored kids, especially Geoff’s daughter.
After a long bout of silence, Gavin finally opened his eyes to see three small fillies standing in front of him. Cute, adorable fillies. Each of them stood at half of Gavin’s height. The first filly had a yellow coat with a cute bow on her reddish-magenta mane. The second filly wore a white coat with a mane of varying shades of violet and a small horn sticking out of head. The last filly was a darker shade of orange than Ray, and had a even darker shade of violet as her mane. This filly also had two small wings attached to her back. All three of them had worried looks on their faces as Gavin struggled to get up.
“What happened here, Pinkie? It looks like you and Applejack had a really big fall here,” said the white filly. Dear God, their cuteness is going to flummox me, thought Gavin.
“Well, I guess the tree branch sort of plopped out from under us,” said Gavin, rubbing his head. He was genuinely surprised that the fall hadn’t killed the two of them. It was the tallest tree in the area, after all. Then again, this is a land where unicorns and pegasi exist.
Meanwhile, Ray had begun to stir a few feet from where the group was standing. The yellow filly with the bow noticed and ran over to his side. “Applejack, wake up. Are ya’ okay, big sis?”
Big sis? Is that Applejack’s sister? though Gavin.
Ray, still not fully conscious, mumbled, “Gavin… kill… Gavin.”
The little filly was apparently confused, “Wha? Who’s this ‘Gavin’ you’re speaking of, sis?”
Ray opened his eyes when he heard the familiar new voice, and saw the little filly staring at him with empathetic eyes. He quickly sat up, startled by the sudden appearance, but gained his composure enough to answer, “Ugh, nothing, I just kind of bumped my head a little bit on the way down, Applebloom.”
Applebloom looked unconvinced, but at least she wasn’t asking anymore. Before the former human could relieved, however, another one of the fillies asked, “Are you sure you’re okay, Applejack? You’re talking kind of funny.”
“What are you talking about, I’m speaking perfectly nor-” he started, but stopped when he realized that Applejack had a southern accent. Quickly, he cleared his throat and began again, “Ah mean, that was a mighty rough fall I ‘dun had. Maybe we ‘oughta be mo’ careful ‘round here. Right Pinkie?”
Ray waited for Gavin to reply, but the Brit was too busy silently snickering due to his friend’s horribly fake accent. Only a jab to the side and a quick “that’s you, assshole” from his friend got him talking.
“Of course! We should really be more careful about our exploits, my good lad,” Gavin said with confidence, only to have that confidence shattered when the three fillies started laughing.
“What? Why are you laughing?” asked a confused lad.
“It’s that funny accent you’re talking in, Pinkie Pie,” said the white filly, still chuckling.
“Yeah, keep talking like that. It’s funny,” added the orange winged-filly.
Ray leaned towards his befuddled friend and whispered into his ear, “Who’s got the stupid accent now?”
“Come off it,” he angrily whispered back, then turned his attention back to the three laughing fillies. Ray had called the yellow one Applebloom, but he still didn’t know the other two’s na- no wait, he did know their names. The white one was Sweetie Belle, the sister of the pony Jack was in. The other one was Scootaloo. But how did he know their names if he’d never heard them.
Maybe it has something to do with those powers Ray was telling me about , Gavin thought to himself. The idea greatly excited him. Maybe they would get their chances at being superheroes after all.
His thought was interrupted, however, when Ray began speaking in his fake Southern accent again. “What are ya’ three doing out ‘ere, anyhow?”
“Just going over to our treehouse to come up with more plans for crusading,” stated Sweetie Belle, obviously excited about that day, “We came up with this awesome idea to try and get our cutie marks.”
“Ah still think that that the Cutie Mark Dust Sweepers would’ah worked,” said Applebloom sourly.
“C’mon guys, we can’t waste any more time!” shouted Scootaloo, who was impatiently waiting on her mini-scooter. The two fillies quickly hopped on and the three shot away, shouting “Cutie Mark Garden Hoses!” all they way.
Gavin couldn’t help but smile as he looked at Ray. “Those three are adorable. I’m kind of starting to see why you and Michael watch this show.”
“Yeah well, it’s no Sailor Moon,” commented Ray.
“Alrighty then, back to business,” said Gavin, eager to start talk about his new-found powers, “We can most definitely use my powers to our advantage, but what about you? Can Applejack do anything extraordinary?”
Ray thought for a second and nodded, “Well, she can buck. Not that kind of bucking, Gavin! What I mean is that she’s pretty strong.”
“Alright, perfect! Now all that’s left are the costumes! Are there any ponies in this part that can make suits or shit?”
“That’s a retarded question; there’s Rarity… fuck! ” shouted Ray as he face-hooved, “Jack’s in Rarity’s body, and she’s the only seamstress in this town!”
“Bollocks!” The Brit pouted for a few seconds until an idea came to his head and face lighted up as the wheels in his brain began turning, “Oh wait! If I still have my Pinkie Sin…”
“Pinkie Sense !”
“...whatever! If I still have that, then maybe Jack will have some of that Rarity’s suit-making skills!”
Ray couldn’t help but roll his eyes, “Please, Jack has never sewn in his life. How does being in a different body uummggpppphhhh !” Gavin had already covered the Hispanic’s mouth as he dragged him off towards the vibrant town.
“...and why exactly are we going to Flutting-sheer’s house anyways?” asked a curious Ryan. He and Michael had left the skies long ago and now calmly walked up a short dirt trail towards a cottage at the edge of the forest.
“Fluttershy, Ryan! And we’re going to test something out, alright?” said Michael angrily. He was beginning to regret bringing along the whiny man-turned-pony, because the the whole magic-controls-the-world concept just didn’t present itself to Ryan in a good way. Unable to wrap his head around the mechanics of this world, he’s been incessantly clinging on to Michael for help, asking him question after question after question. Needless to say, it was starting to tick him off.
How strange, Michael thought to himself, Back on Earth, I almost depended on Ryan’s help with computers for everyday work in the office. Now it’s the reverse.
“Test what exactly?” asked Ryan.
Michael sighed, “Alright, let me explain. In the show, Fluttershy has the ability to communicate with woodland creatures for some reason. Since you’re in her body, I just wanna see if you can talk to animals as well.”
Ryan gave Michael a quizzical glance in response, which infuriated Michael to no end. If you fucking ask one more question, I’m going to have to rip your fucking throat out , he thought. Thankfully, Ryan said no more, though he still looked confused.
By then, the cottage had appeared in their fields-of-vision. Ryan thought it to be a nice house, with slanted white walls and an accessible bridge leading to the front door. Before they could approach it, however, three small birds swooped down from a tree next to the two ponies and hovered in place in front of Ryan and began chirping. But Ryan somehow understood these animals to be saying “Welcome back, Fluttershy!” His eyes widened as he realized this.
“Holy shit, I understood them!” It was the birds’ turn to give a quizzical look, but Michael only gave a look of satisfaction.
“Well, look’s like this experiment’s a success,” he said contently.
“Fluttershy, are you okay?” the birds seemed to say as they chirped their concerns.
“I-I-don’t even… How is this…?”
“Face it, Ryan,” said Michael as he wrapped his hooves around his astonished friend, “You’re stuck in a world where magic dominates. Open your eyes to the light, bitch!”
Something unexpected happened, though. Ryan’s face slowly morphed from an expression of shock and fear to something a bit more bemused, malicious even. The Mad King had emerged, and he smiled up at the birds with a hideous grin.
“Why hello, my pretties. Would you by chance happen to have any cows around these parts?”
The birds tweeted out and flew off in one direction, quickly followed by Ryan shouting something along the lines of “I’m coming, Edgar!”, leaving Michael to stare in their direction. After a moment of silence, he finally muttered, “Fuck.”
Author's Note
I'm back! Like I said, I've been busy with schoolwork and what-not. Not only that, but I've also been busy writing up an entry for the Fluttershy Fan Club's 80+ Members Contest, which you can check out right here . I think it turned out pretty good, and I would really like your guys' opinion on it.
Achievment Hunter in Equestria
Trixie's Triumphant Return
“That’s it! I’ve had it with your hay! Get out of my shop!”
A door to one of the many multi-colored houses in Ponyville slammed open, and two unicorn mares flew out almost immediately, the purple-coated one still holding a half-empty glass of booze. Another mare appeared at the door, one with an ever darker shade of violet coat and a bright tangerine mane. She seemed flustered as she stared down the two ponies still on the ground, and only kept shouting as they struggled to get up.
“Serves you right, coming into my shop and making a mockery of my wares! Get out and stay out !” With that said, she turned and walked back into the building, slamming the door shut.
The mare with the bottle, now back on her hooves, did nothing but wobble slightly in place and stare dumbly at the closed door. “Fucking bitch…” she mumbled.
“I don’t know about that, Geoff. You did sort of break into half of her collection of beer and down it all down. We’re kind of lucky she didn’t call the cops on us,” said her companion, dusting herself of dirt. “If this world even has cops,” she added as an afterthought.
Geoff still said nothing, but rather taking the time to take a long swig from his bottle and burping. “Naw, she’s just a *hic* bitch, Jack. They all are. C’mon, let’s see if we can find any other *hic* places to drink.” He started to walk in one direction, but slipped clumsily and once again fell to the ground. Jack hurried to his side and helped him up, a worried expression now evident on his face.
“Geoff, are you sure that you’re okay?”
“I’m fine, girl. What *hic* makes you think that I’m not?”
“Well, first, you just called me a girl,” Jack stated plainly, “Second, you can’t even take a step without falling down. And third, YOU JUST DOWNED OVER 10 BOTTLES OF BEER! And in a body that most likely has never drunk alcohol.”
“...That’s fucking *hic* bullshit. I’m fine.”
All Jack could do was face-hoof out of sheer frustration. He knew that Geoff was an alcoholic, but he wasn’t a bad one. He was still his normal self with a beer or two, and he never indulged too much at work. Which was good. But now… now he was just a complete jackass.
“Alright, how about we just go back to the library?” said Jack after a moment of consideration, “Then we can…”
“Well well well. If it isn’t Twilight Sparkle.”
The two men-turned-mares turned to see who just talked. It was a blue-coated mare with a pale-white mane and tail. Unlike most other ponies they had seen that day, this one actually wore clothes, with a long, flowing cape on her back and what appeared to be a crooked magician’s hat covered with stars for it’s design. She was glaring at them with an irrefutable hatred, almost as if she was staring at her two mortal foes.
“And who exactly are you?” asked Jack, still a bit confused.
The blue mare seemed astonished, almost insulted by the remark. “What?! You dare say that you do not remember The Great and Powerful Trixie?! Why, Trixie thinks you have some nerve, missy!”
She would’ve gone on, had Geoff not interrupted her with a sudden outburst of laughing. “Wait, what *hic* did you call yourself?” he said, wiping tears from his eyes.
“The Great and Powerful Trixie?”
Now Geoff was on the floor, hugging his sides as he cackled like a madman. It was now Trixie’s turn to be confused at his performance. After a little bit, he got up, still giggling. “Oh my God, that’s such a retarded *hic* name.”
Confusion turned to pure anger in Trixie’s expression, “Wh-How dare you! Trixie knew you were nothing but an attention-hungry pony, but she never knew that you were also ill-hearted!”
Geoff’s smile now soured and died as he gave Trixie a glare, “Hey, I am not ill-hearted! My *hic* doctor said my heart was pretty healthy, thank *hic* you very much!”
Trixie smiled at his anger, “No matter, Sparkle. I can see you are under the influence right now. How embarrassing, a miserable little pile of dung like yourself can’t even compare to The Great and Powerful- AAAAGGGHHHH!” Her little speech was interrupted as she was tackled to the ground by an outraged Geoff, who proceeded to pummel her to the ground. Jack could only watch as his friend beat up the Not-So-Powerful or Great Trixie. Other ponies came to watch and cheer as the laughing-stock of the town was put in her place.
“Man, what a spectacle! Kick her ass, Geoff!”
Jack turned and found Ray and Gavin standing right next to him, watching the fight along with him, “What the fuck? Where did you two come from?”
“The top of a tree. Oh shit, that looked like it hurt.” commented Ray.
“The top of a… You know what, I don’t even care.”
Gavin turned his attention away from the fight for a moment, “Jack, we need your help! We need you to make us some costumes so that we can finally become X-Ray and Vav!”
“Costumes? I can’t make any costumes.”
“Sure you can,” said Ray, “You’re Rarity, the seamstress of the town. If Gavin can predict the future like Pinkie Pie can, then maybe you can cook us up some nice suits to fight crime. C’mon, time’s a wastin!”
“Gavin can predict the- waaahh!” Before he could finish his statement, Jack was whisked away by the pair of super-heroes, leaving Geoff to deal with the bruised show-mare.
...
And over by a farm known as Sweet Apple Acres, the sound of cows mooing got a certain pegasus smiling in glee...
Author's Note
I feel so god damn guilty when I don't update a story regularly. Or keep a promise like I should.
Achievment Hunter in Equestria
The pasture was, just like any other day, filled with all the relaxed cows that lived near Sweet Apple Acres. It was usually like this, as cows really had nothing to do inside the fenced gates. They didn’t mind, though, simple conversation was enough for them.
“Yo Bertha, did you hear what happened Marissa the other day?” inquired one of the cows, looking to her friend expectantly.
“What happened, girl?”
“Well apparently, one of the bulls from across the pasture decided it would be a good idea if he strolled on over to her and started chatting it up, speaking all fancy-like and shit, asking if he wanted the “D”.”
The cow looked flabbergasted, then angry. “Aw hell naw!”
“Aw hell yeah ! The bitch ain’t got no ounce of courage though, ‘cause he ran like a pussy when Big Mac started hollering at ‘em.”
What the two cows, as well as all the others in the fenced area, didn’t realize was a certain yellow pegasus smiled down on them from one of the many clouds above, a sizable grin spread across her face. Or rather, his face.
“So… many… cows,” Ryan muttered quietly, contemplating the huge number of animals below him. Texas cows had never interested him as anything special; after all, they were just ordinary animals. It wasn’t until he had met Edgar 1 that it had all changed…
No, he couldn’t think about that right now. He had to make a choice.
He had to decide who was to be his Edgar 14.
Without hesitating, Ryan leaped off the cloud below him and fell slowly until he was hovering just in range of the pasture. Drawing in a breath, he announced loudly, “Hello, my precious…es!”
The cows below him looked up, and once he was sure he had gotten most of their attention, he continued.
“Today is a glorious day in Equestria, for it is the return of the one and only King Ryan. I plan to conquer all and leave no ponies to die. However, in order to restore myself to full power, I need an accomplice. One who will stay by my side at all times, will follow my every order, and will always be there is the situation calls for a bucket of milk. Fear not, though, for one of you may serve me well. Come with me, and we will rule the world! The Mad King has returned! Wahahahahaha!” He began laughing maniacally, and almost as if it were in a cartoon, thunder came down behind him and the crack of lightning boomed in the pasture. Eventually, his laughing died down and there was no noise as the cows silently stared at the strange pony. Then one of them spoke up.
“Why King?” she asked.
This was not a response that Ryan was expecting. “Wait, what?”
“I said, why King? Last time I checked, you ain’t no boy. You’re a gal, which means you should be a Queen…”
“Silence!” shouted Ryan, “No one tells the Mad King what to do! Not even Mogarus Tartarus!”
Another cow spoke up. “What exactly is in this position for us?”
“Besides mass power and influence over all?”
“Yeah.”
The expression Ryan gave the innocent cow could not have been any more deadpan. After a moment, he sighed and said, “I’ll give you lots of wheat…”
Immediately, all the cows began mooing uncontrollably and started to crowd around the pegasus, who had begun to look over the vast amounts of cows. A short distance away, Michael watched from the safety of a nearby cloud up above, his eyes wide in horror.
“Fuck… this is not good… not good at all…” he silently muttered, before taking off towards the distant town of Ponyville.
“Here we are!” exclaimed Ray, as he led the two other ponies into the fancy-looking building. The room they found themselves in looked like something out of the backstage of a fashion show, with mannequins, stands, mirrors, and fabrics everywhere. The whole place smelled of eccentricity. “Welcome to the Carousel Boutique!”
“It looks pretty,” said Gavin, before catching the odd stares he was receiving from his friends, “Ugh, I mean, this is totally prissy and not at all manly in any way, shape or form.”
Jack rolled his eyes, wondering how he was friends with the idiot before him. “Anyways,” he started, “What the heck do you want me to do again?”
“Simple, all you have to do is make us a few costumes, preferably something close to the costumes we have back on Earth,” explained Gavin, “Now go!”
A few seconds passed by as Jack looked on blankly, “I said go!” shouted Gavin, getting a bit frustrated at the big beard in front of him. Again, Jack only stared. Gavin was running out of patience. “God damnit, Jack, what do you not understand about GO?!”
“What do you expect me to do?! I told you, I’ve never sewn anything in my life!”
“Use your bloody unicorn magic or some shit!”
Jack slammed at the floor with his hooves; he had clearly had enough. “Ok, listen here, you two. I don’t care what kind of fucked up idea you two got going on in those tiny brains of yours, but if you expect me to make two random costumes out of nowhere, with no experience whatsoever, then I’d say you two have officially lost your minds! You can’t possibly expect me to pull this off just because I have the body of a pony who makes dresses! That’s just retarded! And also...”
Jack continued to ramble on, not noticing that the two superheroes were no longer paying attention to his words. Instead, they were more interested in the glowing horn atop Jack’s head, and the multiple tools being lifted into the air by the same glow. Silently but quickly, the tools began to weave different fabrics together at an incredible rate, until a few minutes later, two full-fledged suits set up on mannequins stood behind Jack as he finished up his lecture.
“...thus, you two are fucking morons!” He stopped to catch his breath, and only then did e notice the lack of attention from his friends. “What are you two looking…?” The question was never completed, however, as a quick look behind him revealed two spandex suits. One was a bright green, with a long over-flowing cape and a pair of goggles atop the head. The other was similar in style, instead utilizing a color-scheme of red and blue, with a picture of the British flag on the side of the suit.
The silence in the room lingered on for a few seconds, before it was finally interrupted by Gavin and his bright, wide smile. “Mother of God, look at this! It’s beautiful! Come along, X-Ray, our destinies await us in the dressing room!” With that, Ray and him collected the suits and made their way into two of the many stalls that served as dressing areas, leaving a very confused Jack in the room alone. Slowly, he walked up to one of the many mirrors and took a long look at his reflection, a sort of awe in the apparent glamour of the pony striking him for the first time. Hm, maybe it’s not so bad to be a Rarity after all , he silently thought to himself.
Meanwhile, the crowd of cows before the Mad King had diminished; there was only one left. Ryan looked the one over top to bottom, a slow smile creeping up on his face. Yes, he had found the one…
“You…” he started, “What is your name?”
“I’m Emily,” said the obviously eager cow.
“Emily, huh?” Ryan thought for a second, before saying, “No, that will not be sufficient enough. If you are to be my companion in my conquests, you must bear a name worthy enough to strike at the souls of our enemies and produce the deepest, most sinister fear ever imagined. Your name must be… Edgar!” Ryan once again began laughing maniacally, the thunder and lightning once again illuminating his dark and evil face. The laugh echoed throughout the pasture, and it was then that the Mad King fully returned. Nopony would be safe.
And Edgar, with her newly-given name pronounced, looked at her laughing master in confusion, muttering to herself, “Fuck.”
Chaos was about to spread through the town of Ponyville, but little did Ryan or any of the other Achievement Hunters know, there was a certain rule in Equestria: Wherever there was chaos, he would be there. And he just happened to be a good friend of Fluttershy, closely watching the laughing form from a few meters away, hidden as a conspicuous tree. A malevolent laugh arose from the tree, and two yellow eyes were produced out of nowhere and glanced at their possessed friend.
“Well, this is certainly going to be interesting…”
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Author's Note
Boy, are things really starting to pick up. I'm actually genuinely excited about writing the next few chapters. Granted, I have no idea where this is still going, but I feel like I set up a lot of possibilities.Rooster Teeth Bronies group story collection. If you want any other stories regarding ponies and Achievement Hunters, feel free to check those other stories out. Or if you want to hang and chill out with other Rooster Teeth fans, then go there as well.
Achievment Hunter in Equestria
“Do you remember what you have to do, Spike?”
“Yeah, I remember,” the small dragon said eagerly, “Make contact with the visitors in your bodies and make sure they don’t get into trouble. Easy peezy, lemon squeezy!”
Make sure they don’t get into trouble… trouble… trouble…… Oh crap, what have I done?!
The startling realization came to Spike in his sleep, and promptly awoke him in a nervous sweat. He had let six crazy individuals out into a world that desperately needed harmony and order.
Quickly, he jumped out the basket that served as his bed and ran for the front door, hoping he wasn’t too late to stop anything. In his mind, the only thing he thought was, When Twilight finds out, I’m in big trouble.
“How do we look, Jack?”
“Well, let me just get a good look of- wow...”
Gavin and Ray stood side-by-side in their newly created costumes. Long capes flowed from their backsides as Jack got a good look of the superheroes. With a mighty leap, both of them leapt into the air and shouted, “X-Ray… and Vav!” It was…
“... the most pathetic thing I’ve ever seen in my life,” mumbled Jack aloud.
“What was that, Jack?”
“Oh- I mean, they look pretty good… I guess.”
Vav trotted over to the mirror to get a full glimpse of himself. “I must say, I think this costume suits me better than the one back on Earth. What do you think, X-Ray?”
X-Ray looked around in his whirly glasses, seemingly trying to locate the source of Vav’s voice. “I would say it does too, if these glasses weren’t blinding me.”
“Need some help there, Ray?” asked Jack, a bit concerned.
“No, I’m good,” Ray reassured, only to back up into a standing mannequin and knocking it over in the process, creating a loud clanging sound as it hit the floor.
Gavin smiled triumphantly, “See Jack, he’s good. Now, it’s time to cut straight to business. Let’s find some evil supervillain dude, and beat the mong out of him!”
“You idiot, this is a town full of peaceful ponies!” Jack reasoned, “What are the odds that an evil supervillain is going to appear…”
“Guys! Guys!” A plea for help outside the front door interrupted the group’s discussion. Jack quickly rushed to open the door only to let Michael gallop past him, knocking him to the floor in the process. The pegasus seemed tired and out of breath, but also desperate. “Guys, you have to come quickly! It’s Ryan! He… wait, what the fuck are you two wearing?” he asked, noticing for the first time Vav and X-Ray’s outfits.
“That’s not important right now. What was that about Ryan?” said Gavin.
Michael gulped, stopping to catch his breath, “Ryan… he’s gone insane or something. We went to Fluttershy’s house to see if Ryan could talk to animals like her, but as soon as we discovered he could, he got this really crazy look in his eyes and ran off to Applejack’s farm to get a cow.”
“But that could only mean…”
“Yes, I think the Mad King has returned. We need to stop him before he does something crazy!”
Silence filled the room, with each man-turned-pony thinking of a solution. Finally, Gavin spoke up with a determined look in his eyes, “Men, I’m pretty sure we all know what we have to do. We may be trapped inside female ponies at the moment, but that doesn’t mean we are totally helpless. I may not like this place all that much, but no dimension should have to endure the rule of the Mad King like we have. We must stop him… at all costs! Who’s with me?!”
The four Achievement Hunters cheered and went out the door, screaming loudly like a bunch of maniacs. A moment later in the boutique, three little fillies emerged from the staircase and looked on in confusion, having just heard and witnessed everything that had occured. Finally, one of them spoke up.
“What do y’all reckon that was about?” asked Applebloom.
“Nothing normal, that’s for sure.” said Scootaloo.
“I never knew our sisters and their friends liked role-playing games,” commented Sweetie Belle.
The three fillies were silent for a moment more, only to laugh it off and go back upstairs to resume playing in Sweetie Belle’s room.
Meanwhile, Edgar 14 stood patiently beside a large hole on top of a large hill. She was waiting for the strange pegasus that had offered her wheat to finish with the furious digging he was currently doing. Who knew that such a tiny mare could shovel out all that dirt with only her hooves?
“So where’s this here wheat you’ve gone and promised me?”she asked, still a bit amazed by the large pile of dirt that lay beside the hole.
“Can you just wait?!” shouted Ryan, still focused on the task at hand, “I need to finish your living accommodations real quick, and then I’ll…”
“Woah-woah-woah, hold on there, big girl,” interrupted Edgar, “Did you just say ‘living accommodations’. This is it, this hole right here?”
“Why of course,” answered Ryan, obviously flustered by such a stupid question, “Where else would you live?”
“Oh, I don’t know. In a mansion, maybe?!”
“Look, I may be an evil tyrant overlord, but I’m not that rich. Maybe after we conquer our first city I’ll have that kind of money,” the angry mare deadpanned, “Besides, if you are to be a true Edgar, you have to live in a hole.”
Edgar 14 looked furious, but only growled and muttered to herself, “That wheat better be worth it.”
After a few more minutes, the Mad King emerged from the hole he created and gestured towards the cow. “Come, Edgar 14, the hole awaits!”
Edgar 14 only sighed, stepping into the hole submissively. Once this is all over with, I might just have to consider rethinking my life choice .
Ryan looked on in sheer delight as the cow stepped down into the hole of glory. Finally, my plans are coming into fruition. I will be victorious… Now where the hell are all of those bricks i had lying around? Time to get started on my evil lair...
Author's Note
Hello again! It's been so long since I've updated this story, and I honestly have no one to blame but myself. I'm sorry to say that my drive to write this story has dimmed considerably since I started, but at the very least I can still find some way to end this epic adventure.
Achievment Hunter in Equestria
Author's Note
Quick update. I'm sorry if it's been a long time, no one to blame but myself.
Intermission
“Hello? Is anypony there?”
“Huh? Who’s there? Is that you, Twilight?”
“Yeah, it’s me. Where’s everypony else?”
“Here.”
“Present.”
“Here!”
“...here.”
“Good, everypony’s present.”
“How is that a good thing, Twi? Ah don’t even know where we are!”
“If I recall correctly, this is in the deepest recesses of our consciousnesses. This is where we’ll stay while the aliens are in control of our bodies.”
“What a nice way to put it.”
“Wait, if this is our minds, then how are we able to talk to each other?”
“Well, the arcane magic needed to cast the spell first had to bind our beings together so as to create a multidimensional drape, which is what I cast the spell on. The magic flowed through that drape, and because we were bound to each other, all of us were affected. In essence, we’re still under that drape, even if it’s just our minds. My theory is that our collective consciousnesses are puddled together in some part of space, and that’s how we’re able to hear each other.”
“...”
“...”
“So basically, magic.”
“*sigh* Yes, Rainbow Dash. Magic.”
“Cool! I always wanted to know what my friends were thinking!”
“Well, I’m still not sure how I feel about all of this. The idea that somepony else is walking around in my hooves is… repulsive. Oh, I do hope that they at least have the common courtesy to not get dirty.”
“Actually, Rarity, why don’t you just check?”
“Come again?”
“Well, our minds might be severed from our bodies, but that doesn’t mean that they aren’t still connected. I think we might be able to hone in on what exactly is happening with our bodies right now.”
“But we just can’t take control?”
“No, I placed special restrictions on that while casting the spell. I don’t what would happen if two minds were in the same body…”
“Well, let’s try it out and see what we find!”
“...”
“...”
“...”
“Hm, that’s strange. I don’t see anything. That either means the pony in my body is asleep or… What about you girls?”
“What in tarnation am I wearing?!”
“Holy Guacamole, me and Applejack have some sweet costumes!”
“Hahahaha! Applejack and Pinkie have the lamest costumes I’ve ever seen!”
“I can barely even see mah costume! These gosh darn glasses make me blind!”
“Uhm… girls…”
“Where are we running towards? We seem to be in some sort of hurry.”
“... girls…”
“I don’t know, I’m too busy enjoying the image of the Ultra Earth Pony Duo over here.”
“Why don’t you shut your yap, Rainbow, before I shut it for ya?”
“How are you going to do that? I don’t even have a mouth right now, remember?”
“...Girls… something’s wrong with…”
“I’m so confused. Where the heck am I?”
“Yeah, where are you Twilight? I don’t see you with us…”
“I don’t know. I think the pony in control is sleeping or something. I just can’t see a thing.”
“Hey, now that you mention it, I don’t see Fluttershy either. I wonder where she is.”
“Fluttershy…?”
“... I’m building some sort of wall… My hooves are really dirty… I’m muttering something under my breath… and…”
“And…?”
“... there’s a hole right beside me with a cow inside.”
“...”
“...”
“Who the buck is in our bodies?!”
