Sky Does Science

Carbon had really done nothing to deserve this. He did try his best to be a good pony, and couldn’t recall knocking over any enchanted artifacts, or otherwise inviting ancient and terrible curses upon him.

Nevertheless, here he stood, accosted by Sky Runner, wearing two pieces of paper over her cutie marks. Upon them was scrawled “4H” in black marker.

“Hey Carbon.” She smiled sweetly, flapping her wings as she approached him. There was something overall predatory about her expression and gait. It wasn’t some unholy mix between a trot and a prowl.

“Uh...hey…” Carbon replied anxiously, backing up with more than a little nervousness. His flanks bumped against a market stall, leaving him trapped between a pony and a hard place.

“Do you know what I am?” She grinned evilly, biting her lip a little as she took his forehooves in her own. She had a vice-like grip that seemed impossible for a pony her size, and there was something about her apparent apathy for the ponies gathered in the marketplace around her that gave Carbon a deep sense of foreboding.

“Um...scaring me?” He ventured, gulping. The look on Sky’s face was making his wings feel weirdly warm. Her breathing was far deeper and more deliberate than it should be.

Sky gave a particularly loud laugh that turned a few heads in the nearby market stalls. Some of the mares sighed understandingly, realising just what time of year it must be, but the stallions looked on with confusion and a few mutters of “That bitch must be crazy.”

“Oh Carbon, you’re so silly!” Sky giggled, nuzzling his neck and gazing at him through half-lidded eyes. “Don’t you know basic chemistry? I’m only a little compound called tetrahydridocarbon! That’s science for methane!” She added with a particularly loud whisper.

“Is that why you’ve got that scribbled on your ass?” Carbon cocked his head, somewhat suicidally going into “lecture Sky about chemistry mode.” “You know you’re missing a C, right?”

“I guess I am…” Sky giggled, rubbing her chest against him a little as she raised her head to whisper in his ear. “You wouldn’t happen to know where I could find a Carbon to bond with, would you?”

“You know those glasses you’re wearing don’t even have lenses, right?” He gulped weakly.
Sky pulled back and pouted as hard as she could, before starting to repeatedly bump his chest and neck with her muzzle. “Come ooooon, bond with me already!”

“Um, Sky...you haven’t joined any cults lately, have you?”

“Well, I did pick up this one book lately, and it tells me all about the wonderful things that I can do with you…” Sky giggled a little maniacally, rubbing one of her forehooves over his cheek.

“Ooookay…” He gave the smallest reluctant squeak, willing his wings to stay down by his sides as he looked into her hungry eyes. “Well look, I’ve kind of...got somewhere to be right now, so I’ll see you around Sky, okay?” He sidled his way past her, before galloping off as fast as legs could carry him.

Why the hell isn’t he tackling me? Is he really that oblivious, or am I not a complicated enough compound? Sky thought to herself, frowning internally. She could see it in his eyes. He wanted her and she knew it, but maybe he wasn’t certain that she’d be a good mate. Clearly she had to try harder.

“Smooth, casanova.” Shadow commented from atop a nearby stall. She was cunningly hidden amidst some life-sized plushies, giggling at Sky triumphantly.

“Hey, I totally had him in the bag!” Sky replied reproachfully. “I just...wasn’t a complicated enough compound, okay? There’s no way he could resist me if I was something with more hydrogens in it! Nothing’s sexier than hydrogen!”

“If you say so.” Shadow deadpanned after a while. “Um...sis?”

“Yeah?”

“You’re doing the hyperventilating thing again.”

“I was SO CLOSE!” Sky shrieked, bouncing up and down and flapping her wings irritably, to confused glances from all the assembled ponies. This was starting to turn into a pretty decent show. “What’s the matter with me? I’m not ugly, am I?”

“I dunno, maybe methane’s just not a very sexy compound.” Shadow shrugged.

“You’re right!” Sky barked. “Quick, give me the book again!”

Shadow tossed it over. “There you go...probably not the last time somepony’s gonna throw the book at you today at the rate you’re going…”

“What was that?”

“Nothing.” Shadow gave an innocent little squee. “So what do you think you’ll go as next?”

“Well, he clearly wants me to be something sexier, but what?” She gave an unconscious little giggle as she flipped through the book, before squealing loudly. “Shadow, I’ve found it!”

“No sis, you’ve lost it.” Shadow sighed.

“I mean I’ve found what I’m gonna go as! Carbon said ‘see you round,’ right? Well what if he meant that I should be something cyclic?”

“I’m sure he’d prefer it to psycho…”

“Well look at this!” Sky grinned thrusting the book into Shadow’s face and nearly braining her.

“Benzene.” She said simply. “It’s hexagonal.”

“But it’s also kind of round!” Sky beamed, fluttering her wings excitedly as she bounced up and down. “It’s perfect! If I dress up as benzene, Carbon’ll jump my bones before you can say hydrodealkylation!”

“Hydrode...hydra...hid...I’ll take your word for it.” Shadow rolled her eyes, more than a little exasperated. “So you’re sure that he wasn’t just a little intimidated by the idea of you jumping on top of him and fucking his brains out in the middle of the damn marketplace?”

“What’s your point?”

“My point is that maybe you want to ask him in private whether he wants to fuck you, and when he says yes, because you’d stick him with a lust dart like you always fucking do, you’ll save yourself a lot of effort.” Shadow exhaled, flopping down onto the counter and glaring up at her big sister.

“Oh Shadow!” Sky beamed, ruffling her sister’s mane. “If it was that easy, anypony could do it! Attracting a stallion is a subtle science. You’ve gotta be really careful and intricate about it. You can’t just trot up to them and yell “Hey, wanna fuck?” It doesn’t work that way!”

This coaxed a few disbelieving chuckles from all the married stallions present.Their wives quickly slapped them back into line.

“Sis, your eyes are kinda pointing in different directions…” Shadow cocked her head, concerned.

“No time for that now, sweetie! I’ve gotta do science!” Sky giggled madly, starting to half-gallop, half-bounce back to her hideout.

“Fuck me…” Shadow sighed, hopping off of the counter and following behind at a distance. “If this is what adulthood’s like, then I don’t wanna grow up.”