Fallout Equestria: Super Happy Raider Fun Times!

You ever wonder what it's like to be on the top of everything? Sitting pretty on the high-end of the scales where not a single thing can touch ya? Helluva a place to be; money, mares, chems, and all the booze you can drink... Too bad all eventually ends.

It was just another late evening in Traitor’s Town; a place supposedly built by deserters or someshit. What better place to waste as much money as you can in the shortest given amount of time? Well, Pegas is in mind, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves here...

‘Sides, that’s another story, Reb. Get back on track!

I’m getting there, I’m getting there. Geeze, nopony has any sense of theatrics anymore. In any case, Traitor’s Town is where I spent most of time, and admittedly, caps. But that’s nothing you don’t know already. I had a knack for gambling and often times I didn’t lose...

But let’s face it. Sometimes luck runs out, and sometimes the gallows are a calling.

The air around me was thick with the heavy aroma of alcohol and other “activities” of ill repute. Nonetheless, my attention was solely on the two-pony poker game I was taking part in. I’ll admit, I wasn’t exactly sober at the time, so my mouth might’ve ran further than you’d think...

The heavy-set pegasus I was playing against shifted in his chair and sighed as the naked lightbulb above us flickered off and on.

“Well, whatcha got?” I sneered, feeling like the big kahuna I pretended to be.

Fatty scratched his cheek with a hoof, and tapped his cards that lay on the table, face down. “You first,” he said in a fake tone of courtesy.

“Fine.” I smirked-- it had to have been at least the thirtieth smirk I’d shown that night and it was probably going to be the last. I lay my cards down, one at a time with a soft emerald glow around them as they met the felt poker table. In order, I put down two kings, two aces, and a lonely jack.

“Well, ain’t that just the darndest thing, Mister?” The pegasus said with an evil smile and put his cards down. “I just so happen to have three aces myself.” He put down the mentioned cards along with a two of hearts and a three of spades. “But the only problem is there’s only four aces in a deck...”

My heart nearly stopped beating for a moment as I gazed down at his cards. I wasn’t cheating for once. No trick cards, no funny business... But who’s everypony going to believe? Some drug-running raider, or the owner of the bar?

“Centaur shit!” I yelled, and slammed a hoof down on the table; our chips jumped up and clattered back down into a messy pile.

“You know the rules around here, Mister ‘Lucky Shot’.” He spat my name like it burned his tongue. “If that really is your name... Cheating at MY table is punishable...” He licked his lips and peeled them back into a gnarly grin. “By death.”

I was about to jump up and grab the fat bastard, but the sound of breaking glass and a damp feeling trickled down the back of my head. I couldn’t move. I just slumped to the ground, hitting the creaky floorboards like a sack of rocks.

Before I gave in to the creeping tendrils of unconsciousness, I could see Loan Shark and all his obese “glory”... That bastard cheated me.

What, does that make it my turn yet, Reb?

Yeahyeahyeah. Go ahead. Tell all the nice readers how you were about to whore yourself out for food.

… That’s totally not what happened! I swear. Totally. Not lying. Right.

Uh…

You ever wonder what it’s like to be at the bottom? To not know where your next meal is coming, or even if you’re going to get another meal? Helluva a place to be, covered in the filth of the world only thinking about how you’re going to get your next fix.

Heh. Too bad it ends, am I right?

It was just another evening in Traitor’s Town. Where better to ruin what little self respect you got left to your name? Where better to get completely lost in the ruins of civilization?

Well. Pegas. Of course. But let’s face it. Nothing beats Pegas. Why, this one time-

Hey! Fluffy! You’re just repeating what I said already! Get to the good part already!

...fine. Everyone's a critic.

Fine fine fine. As I was saying, I was in the mood to get utterly high in Traitor’s town. I had my whiskey I had totally swiped from a house I was in the other day, and I was looking to trade for a bit of Dash.

Dash. Such a great thing. I had my bags full of stuff. Like my magic pistol with it’s… five shots… and other stuffs.

At any rate, I was approaching the pub, which was called… Night’s vestige or something.

And I tripped.

Why did I trip? Because some fuck shit left a perfectly good body outside of the tavern. I mean, who does that?!

“Ooooghhh…” The drunk moaned and groaned, before hopping to his feet and glaring at me. “What gives, puss?”

“Did you just call me puss?” I screeched at him, puffing up. “Get the fuck out of my way you piece of shit!”

“You first, bitch!” He was kinda… unimportant, so I don’t remember what color he was. Yeah.

I drew my gun and the moron shut the fuck up. Then ran off. I swear, he almost wet himself. It was hilarious!

It was so hilarious I almost threw up. Okay, I forgot to mention I was also kinda drunk at the time so… I walked over to side of the pub. It was dark and I couldn’t see a thing, but I can recognize an alley by the thin space between the two buildings.

And then I slipped.

Why did I slip? Pool of blood. Pools of blood suck. I mean, they stick in my fur, and getting them out takes forever, and I can never afford to have my feathers shampooed…

Oh, and there was totally a dead unicorn in the alley. I didn’t care less. He was blue, though it was hard to tell from all the blood.

I rolled my eyes and took a step forward. Something squelched unpleasantly, and I paled, looking down. Ew… More blood...

Two hours earlier

My whole world was black, spare the sliver of light coming in from my peripheral vision. Something was tightly wrapped around my head, just a bit too lightly. The only thing I could hear was my own heavy breathing, and for a moment, I thought I was already dead.

“Wakey wakey, Lucky Shot.” Loan Shark’s deep voice destroyed my hopes of escaping the wasteland once and for all. “We have a score to settle.”

The blindfold was taken off and I came to realize that I was tied down to a chair. A fucking chair! “Mmmpf!” I tried to yell at Fatty, but again, luck just went dry and a piece of rope was tightly wrapped around my muzzle.. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t speak... But at least I could see. Fucking perfect.

Lady luck is supposed to be on my side, dang it. That’s what my cutie mark is supposed to mean! What else could an empty revolver possibly mean?

I mean. Besides being unprepared.

Ha ha ha. Very funny. Do you want me to keep going or not?

Sorry. Keep going.

Loan Shark circled me, smiling widely and baring his unnaturally sharp teeth. “Ever hear of the old saying, ‘eye for an eye’?”

Considering my fucked up situation and how I couldn’t really do anything about it, I just nodded, keeping a cold glare trained on the fat stallion. Seriously, this guy was fat as hell. How could he even fly?

“Mm. Good. Then let’s get to the point, shall we?” His teeth seems to glisten under the low-light of the firefly lanterns hanging off a nearby raingutter.

I said nothing and watched him nod to someone-thing-whatever. The point is that I couldn’t see what he was looking at and it was making me mad.

“Let’s have some fun, shall we?” As soon as he finished his sentence, something struck me in the back of my head and I was seeing stars. The booze had long worn off and the massive pain shot down the back of my head faster than a pissed off rad-bat looking for it’s next meal.

“Cheating is punishable by death, Lucky Shot.” He repeated. “Maybe a small donation to the bar could make things... Not so ‘severe’.”

I grit my teeth and kept on glaring. I had a small fortune in the duffel bag I carried with me, but considering my luck, it was probably stolen, or Loan Shark already took it. Just the thought of it made me want to break his jaw even more than I already did.

“But it looks like...” He looked over my bruised and tensed figure. “You’re dead broke.”

I clenched my jaw and felt my horn grow warm as the yellowish-green light emblazened the dark alley for a short moment. I was ready to beat him with whatever was within hoof’s reach, but another thump against my head broke my concentration. A cold piece of metal gently pressed against my head.

“Ah ah ah, let’s not get too excited.” Loan Shark chided, laughing lightly.

You’re a fucking monster! I yelled in my head and struggled against the ropes keeping me still. This only lead to me getting struck again. A loud crack and a sharp, immense pain erupted from my left hind leg... And I couldn’t do a damn thing about it. The only sounds I could make were muffled grunts of pain and... A growl. A deep, hateful growl that I tore from my very soul to throw at Fatty.

Too bad he wasn’t very impressed.

“Awwwww, look’a dat, boss.” Said a dumb-stricken voice behind me. “He’s like an old dog way out of his prime.” The offending voice then lead to a solid hoof-smack across the back of my head. Just what I need. More fucking head trauma.

Loan Shark laughed and slowly plodded off into the shadows. It was too dark for me to see, but I heard him coming back shortly after. His heavy hoofsteps were a dead giveaway and as he trotted back into the light, I made a mental note to tear his throat out with my teeth.

He came into the light with MY duffel bag thrown over his dirty green wings. Every cap, chem, memento I’ve collected over the years were in that bag and he was spinning it around on the tip of his wing like it was a toy. “You know, Lucky Shot... I figured you for an honest business stallion. But-” he threw my bag on the ground before me and my belongings spilled out on the dirt in front of me. “I found counterfeit caps, smuggled chems, and worse, a list of pony’s names with CONTRACT written above them.” Again, he smiled and kicked the bag aside. “Do you have anything to say for yourself?”

Go fuck yourself with a rusty rail you fat ugly piece of shit.

I kept my glare steady and said something that would never be heard behind the bonds.

“No? Well, it looks like I’d be doing Traitor’s Town a favor by offing a drug dealing merc like yourself.” He said in one of those cliche villain voices as one of his goons telekinetically placed a battle-saddle on his a back. The dusty old barrell of a worn repeater stared me down faster than my own mother could. Funny... I wonder if Fatty had a mother or if he sold her into slavery... I’m sure he’d do it.

Ha, look at me. Staring death in the face and I’m making jokes about my executioner.

Anyway, up until now, I hadn’t really thought about what it would be like to die. That’d be it. Game over. No re-loading your save or any of that bullshit. Yet I just couldn’t-- No, I WOULDN’T die at the hooves of some slimey, cheating, ugly shithead named Loan Shark!

Click Click Click.

I winced, but my head was still intact. No bullet holes or otherwise. I figured the worst was over and I wasn’t going to die. Not on that night anyway.

“Dammit boys!” Shark yelled, and threw the malfunctioning saddle off his back and took a deep calming breath. “Looks like we’re doing this the hard way.”

I blinked, then tried to smile. It seems Lady Luck does have a thing for me after all. One sharp movement later, I could plainly see the switchblade that Shark curled his hoof around. What’s worse is that he was slowly walking towards me. Okay. Never mind. Lady Luck hates me. Fucking bipolar bitch…

Ha. Bipolar bitches. I thought you loved those?

Yeah... Anyway... Where was I? Oh! Right. Fatty was trotting up to me with a switchblade held low to the ground, so low it scratched the clumpy dirt as he dragged it along. Was he trying to make a point? Be scary? Whatever it was, it’s hard to do when you’re as pudgy as he was.

The next second was filled with pain. No, it wasn’t a short, pinch or other booboo. My whole body convulsed as I tried to let out a scream. Nothing left my muffled muzzle and the left side of my vision went dark.

“Hurts, don’t it?”

The piercing pain grew until it was utterly unbearable and I felt my head jerk forward. A wet feeling oozed down the left side of my face as I slowly looked up; crimson droplets hit the ground like tidal waves. Everything seemed to slow down as I watched them slowly explode on the dirt.

I fought to hold onto consciousness. I made it clear I wouldn’t die without looking into Loan Shark’s greedy eyes. He wore that same smile he had back at the poker table. His green face was spattered with a few red dots and he shook his head disapprovingly with his knife dancing on his hoof. It was handle-deep with blood...

I can’t recall much else, other than the merciless beating I got from Loan Shark’s boys. Bats, bottles, and even a fucking taser. All the pain was lost in transmission as I closed my eyes and felt the numb beatings. The pounding against my back and head eventually stopped and I took what I thought would be my last breath.

---

I squicked a little at all the blood and stared at the body that I figured was dead. I then poked it in the side with one of my talons, because I wanted to make sure it was dead before I looted the corpse for spare caps. Waste not want not, right?

The body stirred a little.

Dang. Not dead.

I warred with myself for a bit, thinking on whether or not I should help the guy. I mean… He was just a random pony… And he was bleeding everywhere…

“...guh…”

Then I felt something deep inside of me. Something I hadn’t felt in a loooong time. There was something to that voice.

Plus… I guess that the unicorn was a little handsome… Especially if he wasn’t so bloody.

I stared at his form for a little bit longer. Hm… Could I use him as a body guard? Maybe as a money maker…?

I walked over to his face and booped his nose with a talon.

The partially dead stallion looked up at me and I think he smiled. Too bad I wasn’t watching his mouth. His left eye was about as mangled as any idiot who tried something with me I didn’t like.. “And here I thought a demon was going to come and take me to hell... Hello angel.” He said weakly.

That was probably the sweetest thing that anyone had said to me in years. Decades, maybe. “Shhh… You’re not going anywhere just yet… Go back to sleep.”

He tried to get up, but slipped in his own blood and went back down with a thud. He stopped moving, but he was still breathing. It’s a shocker that he’s still alive. He must’ve lost at least four liters of blood.

I rolled my eyes. “Moron. Let’s get you all patched up, alright?” I looked at my pack and sighed.

I was about to waste the last of my medical supplies on a half-dead stallion.

---

Turns out, once you get the blood and grime and whatever the hell else he was smeared in out of his coat, he was the handsome sort. Like, an actual handsome stallion, not one of those roided up freaks you see bouncing around like they own the place. He had muscles that made sense, and a horn that showed he knew how to take care of himself…

To a point.

I mean, he did end up in an alley with his eye gouged nearly out.

I had a great opportunity to examine him while I patched him out and kept him knocked out with some nappy weed I took from the outskirts of town. Stuff’s almost like catnip, only it knocks anyone the fuck out.

His eye, however… I hadn’t had the supplies to deal with any kind of serious injury since I quit The Talons-- A group of griffin mercenaries I ran with for awhile. So I had to get creative with my potion supplies.

Let’s just say I was glad the pony was not in the realm of the living when I did the surgery.

Having potion poured into your eyes suuuuucks.

I mean, I was the one who was doing it, and it just LOOKED like it hurt. It made the most disgusting hissing and slurping noise, and watching his eyes knit back together reminded me of the few times I had had to dig out bullets from my old squad.

… Luckily enough, he somehow managed to have no infections. Considering he was bleeding out in an alley, which is sort of like swimming in a volcano as far as chances of getting out alive…

He’s quite the lucky bastard.