1
Portrait
When the bell fell, so did her heart, the weight crushing her chest and forcing a long, somber sigh. The students began to flood out of the room deep brown room, dodging around easels and talking amongst themselves, the room exploding into a harsh cacophony of voices. I'll miss those sounds, she remarked, as the voices soon faded. She supported her head on her hoof, staring longingly out the high-lying windows to the scene outside, the sun's orange light filtering in weakly. Her students all marched around outside, almost in step with one another, farther from the school and from her, leading a mass exodus, eager for their final summer to begin. Even the lush green trees danced in the wind, as if they, too, were filled with jubilation.
She wished she could join in their excitement, but the weight in her chest held her feet firmly on the ground. How many years had she taught that batch of kids? Seven? Twelve? The years had all blended together, the past a blast of colors and ecstacy, until it all ground to a halt today. She had been dreading this moment for two years now. I just wish they would stay... she wanted to scream. I just wish...
A small cough brought her back to reality. She turned and was greeted by a forest green face that she recognized as one of her students. Before she could say anything, the student placed a blue parcel, some sort of box tied up with a handkerchief like a piece of baggage that runaways tie to the end of a stick as they walk their lonesome road. They were both staring, her at the present and the student at her, the student wearing an apologetic smile. It took her a while to realize the student wanted her to open the present. Hesitantly, she untied the knot, the handkerchief unfolding at once and revealing the present.
Inside was a picture frame, and inside that was her own picture, smiling with an open mouth, as if laughing at a joke some figure nearby told her. But there was no figure nearby, and she wasn't really happy or laughing. She could tell by the creased lines on her face that it was all just her posing for the picture. Along the frame were notes, written by her students, but the pottery had cracked repeatedly in the kiln, and the words were hard to make out. In her current state of mind, it looked like the cracks were far worse than they actually were; it looked like the present was broken, which only made the picture feel even more lonely and pathetic.
"Good-bye, Ms. Shine," the student said, before walking away without another word. Ms. Shine wanted nothing more than to say something, anything, give one of the students that she taught since they were little fillies just learning to write the proper good-bye, but the thought paralyzed her. Good-bye... She had heard that word all too much, and it killed her every time. This day was inevitable, and she had always known that, but it still killed her. Her broken present should've been happy, seeing the kids she had helped raise go out into the world, them caring enough to say some final words to her. Instead, it made her feel worse, knowing full-well she would never see them again.
Enough was enough. She put down the chipped and broken present and ignored it and her mind for a while, needing to clean up the room before she could leave. She got up from her desk, walking down the aisles of easels, the sound of her hooves echoing off the deep brown walls that were tinted orange from the light of the setting sun. She picked up half-empty tubes of paint and pallets that students left behind in their haste, walking in a set path, trying to distract herself as much as possible.
But some students left behind their canvases, the paintings on display for her to see. Remember kids, she had told them, the worst fate for a piece of art is to be ignored. Regardless of how you feel about something, remember to always take the time to give it a chance. She had to look at each one; how could she face her students if she ignored her own advice now? Not that she'd ever face them again regardless, but she allowed herself to think she might. She was tired of being sad.
She could tell who painted what simply by looking at it. The uneven lines and discordic colors each had their own distinct style that she had come to know from each of her students. In a way, each finished piece gave her a bit of closure; not much, but a bit. Any good those did, though, was erased when she found an unfinished piece. They would never be finished. Their creators had left the paintings behind. Them, and her.
Her path eventually led to an easel near the back of the room. It caught her eye when she saw it from the other side of the row; the light was more intense there, the orange much more vibrant, molecules of dust floating in the air above it, almost like the light was drawn to it. When she reached it, she looked at the painting, which was the only thing there. Whatever was there drew the light, and her, to view it.
The canvas had a somewhat thick layer of paint on it, creating a background of orange and deep purple. The orange ran from the top left corner to the bottom right, creating a thin parabola that covered about a fifth of the canvas; the rest was the deep purple, almost like the night sky. There were even stars visible in it, tiny light blue dots that seemed to shine and shift as her eyes scanned the canvas. It was expertly made, she realized; before she even looked at the centerpiece, she could tell the artist had talent.
When she laid eyes on the centerpiece, however, she had to sit down and cover her mouth to stifle a sob. In the light of the orange lay a pile of bodies, smiling and shining briliantly. Each one was beautifully detailed and individualized, giving each a distinct personality. Even the way they lay was different; some sat normally, some laying down, some even on their back, their faces looking out towards her upside-down. They all were smiling or laughing, their faces genuinely happy, unlike her present, and they were all hugging. It looked like a photograph, a portrait, capturing better times. She even recognized each of the ponies in it, though it wasn't hard with the level of detail poured into it.
They were all her students.
"Do you like it, Ms. Shine?"
The voice was small and innocent, but it was amplified in the empty room, causing Ms. Shine to jump out of the stool and stare defensively at the pony behind her. She recognized the blue face, even though the white and blue mane was long enough to cover her eyes, though she couldn't remember her name. Maybe it was the shock of someone else being there, but she doubted it; she knew this student was notorious for being reclusive. Out of all her students, this one was the only one that Ms. Shine had never gotten to know.
A name burst into her mind. "Starlight..." she murmered.
"Yes, Ms. Shine?" Starlight giggled and gave her a small smile, one so innocent and cute that Ms. Shine felt like melting and covering Starlight with a tarp. She was the type of cute innocence you see in animals, and Ms. Shine wasn't sure something so innocent could ever truly exist.
"Why are you still here?" It was the only question she could get out. The question itself confused her, though; wasn't Starlight in her first class?
"I've been here all day," she said with another infuriatingly innocent giggle. She stepped past Ms. Shine and sat on the stool in front of the painting, crossing one of her legs over the other, pointing towards the windows that were still dumping intense orange light on her easel alone. Ms. Shine looked up at the high-lying windows to see what was causing the light to be amplified here, but she couldn't see anything to explain it. "I started painting during first period and had an idea, so I'm staying after to finish it."
"You painted that?" Her disbelief was impossible to hide. Starlight had always been too afraid of expressing herself to ever really paint, and Ms. Shine suddenly felt very sorry that her talent had ever been hidden. "It's... It's incredible, Starlight!" She stood next to Starlight as she took a paintbrush in her mouth, dipped it in orange, and went to the center of the left side of the canvas. There, she drew a small semi-circle, about a fourth of a full circle, being cut off by the edge of the canvas. "You can stay after, but you'll have to show me the final product."
Her heart twinged in pain as she said that. More time spent with a student meant more pain when they left, and Starlight would leave too, just like all the others. Was she really willing to take more pain?
"Thanks, Ms. Shine!" Starlight turned from the painting and smiled widely at her, the light reflecting in her eyes and causing her whole face to light up. She turned back to the painting. "Done with that one!" she said, removing it from the easel and placing it next on the floor, leaning in a pile of 6 other canvases. "Only one more piece before I'm done!"
Ms. Shine looked over at the pile of canvases. "You painted all those?" The edges were tinted purple and orange, just like the piece she just placed. It took her a day to paint 6 of those?
"Yeah, I just kind of wung it." She smiled apologetically, then pointed to the stool in front of her. "Hey, do you think you could pull that stool into the aisle and sit there? I don't want you to see what I'm making while we talk."
Talk? Her brain revved and her legs began moving before she could think. "Um, I- I don't really have anything to talk about... I think I'll just sit at my desk while you work." She had to get out of there; they were getting too close. She could already feel the pain in her chest that would inevitably come when Starlight left.
"Then why are you crying?"
She stopped. Blinking her eyes and touching her cheek, she realized she was crying. Starlight had noticed? "Um..." The quiver in her voice made her cringe. No hiding her sadness now. "I... I don't..." Think of something, damn it! She wanted to scream. I can't take anymore pain... "I don't want to distract you from your painting!"
"I do my best counselling when I'm working and do my best work when I'm distracted." Even without looking, Ms. Shine could feel Starlight's grin. "You don't need to if you don't want to... I just don't like seeing my friends cry..."
Friends...?
She closed her eyes tight, thinking hard. Here was one of the few students she hadn't gotten to know, saying they were friends and wanting to help her... But it would only hurt more when she left if she were to open up now... But she might be able to give the good-bye she wanted to, at the very least...
In the end, she couldn't say no. No longer able to hide her tears, she pulled the stool into the aisle and began to talk while Starlight silently worked on her piece. Ms. Shine found herself saying more than she even knew she could say to Starlight; telling her how alone she felt, how she was hurt by the students leaving, how she dreaded whatever new batch of students she'd get, because they wouldn't be the same. She talked for an hour, the sun getting lower but the orange light only growing more intense around them both, warming Ms. Shine up even as the cold tears rolled off her cheeks.
When she finished, she sat there, her head in her hooves, crying. It felt good to say all those things, but it didn't solve anything. Maybe it made her feel less alone, but she knew when Starlight left, it would only get worse. She felt like a failure, sobbing in front of this student, who was clearly too traumatized to speak.
"Ms. Shine?"
She looked up to meet the face of Starlight, but she was looking up out the window.
"Did you know they say our sun is a star?"
The question threw her off, and all she could do was nod. "Seems a little unfair, doesn't it? I mean, there are so many stars in the universe, yet only this one here is the one giving us light. For a while, I kind of hated the sun, because it made all those other stars just seem small and pointless." Then she turned to Ms. Shine and smiled. "But then I realized, maybe those stars out there are suns too, just as bright and briliant as ours."
Ms. Shine sat there, her mouth open, her brain trying hard to comprehend what she was just told. Starlight wasn't done, though. "Even if they're not, we can still see their light. They even say some of those stars are gone now, but we can still see them, still feel their light at night. So, even though we love our sun, and even though it might go away for the night, we still have all those other little stars to keep us company while they heat up their own little planets." Then, finally, without another word, she turned towards her canvas and drew one final circle.
"I'm done."
Wiping tears from her eyes, Ms. Shine's confusion gave way to excitement; her brain went blank in anticipation to see what Starlight had made. She no longer thought of what Star said, no longer felt sad about all her students leaving, no longer worried about the future. They took all seven of canvases and brought them to the patch of empty floor in front of Ms. Shine's desk. Ms. Shine looked away while Starlight set them up in order, then turned and looked at the final piece. Then, she began to sob, only this time, they were happy tears.
The full piece was one big picture, the two sides of it mirrored off each other with one center. They all held orange and purple backgrounds, with a familiar pile of smiling, hugging bodies in the orange parts of each section. As they stretched further to either side, the pile got smaller, until it thinned out to a small strip at the edges. In the center was the peak of the pile, with a large orange sun in the center.
And, in the center of that, was Ms. Shine, crying and smiling while she hugged all her students, each one clearly identifiable in one of the sections at some point.
"'Good-bye, Ms. Shine.' That's what I titled it." She turned to look at Starlight, who leaned against an easel behind her and smiled warmly. "Though we were all sad to be leaving, we all piled into one big group hug to help keep you warm, while you shine on us to keep us warm as well. It's to show a memory that none of us will ever forget."
It looked like a photograph, as if it had actually happened; and, indeed, she could feel the warmth of the hugs and a circle of pure, happy heat radiating behind her. Her tears were coming in full force now, but she was smiling, laughing even. She no longer felt sad.
Starlight came up from behind her and hugged Ms. Shine tightly. "I need to go now. My parents'll want to spend some time with me before I leave tomorrow. You can keep the portrait, though."
Ms. Shine pivoted around and faced Starlight, the student she didn't know very well, but who she loved the most out of all of them. She scooped her up in a tight hug, both of them giggling wildly and excitedly. "Thank you so, so much, Starlight. It's briliant. I love it!"
"Aw! You're welcome, Ms. Shine!" They sat like that for a while, hugging, before Starlight squirmed away and walked to the door. "Remember, we may not be here any more, but we'll always remember you."
"And I'll always remember you guys." That was enough for her. She looked at the painting one last time, but noticed something quickly. "Hey, Starlight... Where are you in this portrait?"
Starlight chuckled softly. "Dang, I was hoping you wouldn't notice that." She smiled apologetically at Ms. Shine. "I'm not in it. I was never really part of the group, so I thought it would be lying if I added myself in. I gave you a hug beforehand, then left when everyone else group hugged you."
"Oh..." She couldn't say any more. It made sense, but filled her with sadness; she vowed to never forget Starlight, if she couldn't be seen in the portrait.
Suddenly, Starlight reached into her bag, producing a letter and handing it to Ms. Shine. "I want you to have this. You can read it, if you want; maybe you can remember me through that." She smiled, but, as she was walking away, Ms. Shine noticed one final oddity.
"Starlight... When did you get your cutie mark?"
Why hadn't she noticed it before? Displayed proudly on Starlight flank sat the picture of a ten-pointed star, one that radiated, like the stars in the night sky in the picture. She could even see that some of the stars in the background were shaped just like her mark.
Starlight chuckled. "Oh, that? It just showed up when Apus convinced me to start painting and expressing myself. Turns out my talent lies in art! Can you believe it?"
"No..." And she couldn't.
"Well, Ms. Shine, it's been nice knowing you. It's time for me to go, though maybe I'll visit again some day."
"I'd like that..."
It was quiet for a while, neither of them making a move. Then Starlight smiled again, and Ms. Shine smiled back.
"Good-bye, Ms. Shine."
"Good-bye, Starlight."
And, with that, Starlight left. It didn't hurt to say the words or hear them any more, only gave her a small feeling of sadness. No more lonliness, no more wishing, no more worry about the future or the present or the past. She sat there, smiling, looking at the letter Starlight had given her, a red silhouette of a bird of paradise sealing it, thinking of the student who gave her the perfect portrait of the past. She looked up at her present, which now looked back at her, not seeming to be as broken or sad as she once thought; everything was OK again.
With one movement of her hoof, she carefully removed the seal and read the letter inside.
__________________________________________________ ______________________________________
Dear Apus,
My mark finally appeared! You were right; artistic expression is my talent! My parents were so impressed that they bought me a mini-easel, a typewriter, and all the supplies I could ever want. They even said yes to me wanting to travel around Equestria! Thank you so much for helping!
I think I've decided I want to find you again. I know you said not to look for you when we last met, that you said you only come to people who need some good fortune, but you've helped me so much and everypony needs a friend! You taught me that... I refuse to let you be by yourself any longer! Thanks to you, I know not to hide any more, that friends are a good thing and that expressing yourself with those around you isn't as scary or as bad of a thing as I used to think. I owe so much to you, and I will pay it back, if it costs me my life.
Remember that star you showed me a while ago? The ten-pointed one that was named after you? Well, that's my mark; it's my destiny to travel Equestria and find you! Knowing you, you'll just think of this as a game; well, me and whatever friends I make along the way will take you on head first!
I was so sad and lonely before you came and helped me out. I refuse to let anypony feel like that, and that includes you. I will follow your star until I find you, and I will do your work of helping those in need along the way. You'll be proud of me, I promise!
Until then, though, I hope you're watching the night sky, because right now, with the stars above and around me, I'm coming for you. I'll help you like you helped me.
Love,
Starlight
