A distinct lack of pants

I was running home, trying to get back before dark. A turn down an alley saw me that much closer when I was accidentally blindsided a stallion, sending us both to the ground, "Oh shit!" I quickly picked myself up and went to help the stallion, "Are you alright!?"

"No! Jesus, you prick!" He sounded vaguely British. "Do you realize how much that hurt!?" He leaned on the alley wall to steady himself, "Ya just- ya just- BAM-" he threw a punch into his hand, "Right outta nowhere!" He gave an angry grunt, "God damn...I've been trying to find you for days and this is how you fucking repay me?"

"Hey sorry man-"

He waved my off, "Ya know...I came to tell you about your future, about how you'd end up, but fuck it! That fucking hurt. Oh my fucking head...do you even know who I am!?"

"Grey stallion with a Jason Brody haircut...should I know?"

He lifted up his glasses, dark black circles sat heavy under his eyes, "I fucking hate you...oh you're a prick..." He pushed off the alley wall and started stumbling off.

I looked around as I patted the dust off, guy forgot his hat... "Dude!"

"Fuck you!" He yelled back.

"You forgot your hat you jackass!" I yelled at the stumbling stallion.

"Oh fucking keep it...god damn...my fucking head..." He kept grumbling angrily.

That guy really needs to get laid...actually... "Hey wait up!" I ran after the Stallion, "Hey...listen...I...I'm not saying we should, but we should totally go find some mares."

He stopped and turned to me with an annoyed look. He stared for a moment before one of the lenses popped out, revealing a death stare.

"I'm...just saying...I've been getting more sex than I can handle thrown at me...and you...you seem a little pent up..."

He took his glasses of, Dear Odin the guy looked so pissed off, "Of you've been getting laid a lot? I wonder fucking why! Ahhhhhhh!" He yelled in my face, "Now go away! Need some fucking aspirin or something..."

He started off again, "Wait! At least...who are you!?"

He started walking backwards, "Your fucking dad!"

"...that's fucked up man...my dads dead..."

"Spoiler Vincent, he's not! Now go home, you don't hurry Rose is gonna shove a butt plug up yer ass...and I really don't want to write that..."

"Wait what!? How the hell do you know my name!?"

"Go the fuck home! God damn you make me want to commit vehicular homicide on your face!" He turned around and started running after me.

"Oh shit-" I started running away. I might not be a stranger to a fight but I knew not to tango with rage incarnate. He was yelling obscenities as I ran, something about getting plugged in uncomfortable places by someone named Mac...

I just kept running, he was probably right about Rose and I was net a top hat so this was still a win for me.