KV-2:Equestrian Boogaloo

It was a bright, sunny day on the road to Kursk. A Column of trucks, field guns, and tanks were chugging along towards the Red Army Salient. The convoy was armed to the teeth with some of the finest Soviet equipment of the time, including Katyushas, T-34/76 tanks, and ZiS-2 anti-tank guns. The exception among these highly-mobile death machines was the hulking dreadnought of a tank trailing shortly behind the convoy. Being outdated even before it was built; this KV-2 tank had to have been issued to one of the least lucky crews in the history of the Union.

Sticking his upper body out of the commander’s cupola was none other than Mladshiy Leytenant Potylitsin, the commander of the 53 ton beast. Nikifor Potylitsin was a tall, dark haired, very serious looking man. He had, along with his comrades running the tank, joined the Red Army as a tanker to avoid being drafted into the infantry. He popped his head back down into the turret to talk to his crew. He looked at his gunner, Starshina Gurtyak, and his two loaders, Starshiy Serzhants Kleymyonov and Skvortsov.

“Tracks getting stuck again?” Gurtyak asked casually.

“Yeah, it’s getting hard to even see the tail-end of the convoy.” Replied Potylitsin.

Potylitsin dropped down into the crew compartment, and nearly tripped over the radioman, Starshiy Serzhant Matveyev, who was asleep.

“Matveyev! What the hell are you doing!?” Shouted Potylitsin.

“Sleeping. Not like I have much else to do, since they took the radio and put it on one of the T-34’s.” replied Matveyev.

“Well, do something more productive than sleeping, at least.” Sighed Potylitsin. With the radioman sorted out, Potylitsin made his way to the driver, Starshina Kizhevatov.

“Kizhevatov, stop the tank. It’s getting bogged down.” Ordered Potylitsin.

“Uh, wouldn’t that just make us sink more, commander?” At that moment, a loud CLUNK was heard, and the war machine stopped moving. Audible sighs echoed through the tank.

Potylitsin crawled back through the tank and out of the commander’s cupola to get a closer look at the tracks. He looked off in the distance. Scanning the seemingly endless grasslands, all he could see of the convoy was their dust trail. Well, they wouldn't be missed. Hell, they were probably pointing and laughing at the KV when it started to get stuck. Potylitsin crawled off the hull, and kneeled to look at the track. About half of the left track was sunken into a muddy part of the road. Damn, they hadn’t even been issued a shovel!

“Kizhevatov! Try the engine again!” Shouted Potylitsin, stepping away from the track in order to not get mud thrown all over him.

The engine revved, and the track started moving. Mud spewed everywhere, and the track remained firmly stuck in the ground.

“Do you think we could lift it up enough to get it out of the rut?” Asked Matveyev.

Potylitsin stood still for a moment, except for a subtle eye twitch. “Matveyev, this machine weighs fifty-three tons. There’s no way we could lift it.” Potylitsin hissed.

“Guess we wait.” Said Gurtyak, the ever-unfazed gunner.

Three hours later, the sun had made most of its way across the sky, and the tankers still hadn’t found a solution to their problem. Gurtyak, Kleymyonov, and Skvortsov were playing cards on the rear hull, while Potylitsin and Kizhevatov were cleaning up the interior of the tank.

“Hey Gurtyak, do you hear that?” asked Skvortsov. A buzzing noise had started in the background.

“Yeah, sounds like a plane.” Gurtyak replied coolly.

“Sounds like it’s getting closer” said Kleymyonov.

Potylitsin looked up to see an Li-2 transport aircraft flying rather low to the ground, and heading towards them.

“Think they’re coming to pick us up?” Asked Skvortsov.

“No, I don’t think the brass cares about us THAT much.” Potylitsin replied frankly.

The buzzing grew louder as the plane kept drawing closer and closer to the tank, and by extension, the ground.

“Uhh, Commander, I don’t think he’s going to pull up any time soon, what should we do?” Kizhevatov asked worriedly.

Just then, the transport began to move erratically. The plane bucked from side to side and rolling back and forth.

“What the hell is he doing?” Potylitsin said frantically.

“Maybe we should mov-“ Kizhevatov stopped mid-sentence as the plane started glowing blue. Instinctively, everyone dove inside of their (semi) mobile bunker of a vehicle. There was a loud explosion, then the tank began to glow blue.

“COMRADE, WHAT’S GOING ON?!” shouted Kizhevatov. The Tank began to lift into the air, and spin.

“Hey, we’re out of the ditch now!” Matveyev optimistically stated.

“SHUT UP MATVEYEV” Shouted everyone in unison.

“ I am not feeling...so…well…comrades” Stated Kleymyonov, shortly before he passed out.

“Kleymyonov!” shouted Skvortsov, shortly before passing out himself. One by one, the crew blacked out, right before the tank seemingly ceased to exist.

When everyone came to, they were inside their KV-2 on a seemingly harmless ridge.

“What happened?” Potylitsin asked.

“No clue.” Responded Gurtyak, expectedly.

As the crew returned to their positions, Potylitsin slowly raised his head out of the Cupola. He saw a village just a short ways away, and a rather large and dark looking forest a short ways away from the village.

“There’s a village a short ways from here. Let’s check it out, maybe someone can tell us where we are.” Ordered Potylitsin.

“Roger that!” Replied Kizhevatov.

“Gurtyak, Kleymyonov, Skvortsov, make sure the gun is ready to fire just in case something goes wrong.” Potylitsin said nervously.

Potylitsin's stomach dropped as he finally had a chance to contemplate what had just happened.He had no idea where he was, no idea if he was in friendly or enemy territory, and he had no radio to call for help. Potylitsin felt the engine start and the tank lurch forward, down the hill. Hopefully he’d get some answers soon.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………

Twilight Sparkle was exhausted. She had been running for her life for the better part of an hour now. Ever since Trixie had been defeated for a second time, Snips and Snails had started to idolize Twilight. One thing led to another, and in their brilliance, the same Ursa Minor from before had been provoked into attacking the village of Ponyville. Twilight and her friends had been trying desperately to get the Ursa to retreat back into the woods, but this time, it was downright pissed. The ursa had made its way into the town, while Twilight and company were attempting to push it back.

“Hey Applejack! Think you can wrap his legs together with one of your lassos?” Twilight called.

“Ahm not sure, but ah can try!” Applejack called back.

The farmer pony twirled the rope above her head, and got as close as she could to the oversized bear without being squished. “Here goes nothin'!” She shouted as she flung the rope at the monster’s legs. The rope flew around the legs, and came back to Applejack who managed to tie the two ends together. As expected, the Ursa came tumbling down. Twilight knew it wouldn’t stop the beast forever, but maybe it could give her enough time to come up with a plan. Twilight heard a faint sound of metal clanking on metal, and… No, that wasn’t important right now. The Ursa Minor needed to be dealt with before it could hurt anypony.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Kizhevatov was flooring the pedal, and with the help of the hill, the massive war beast had reached is astounding top speed of…35 KM/H (Or 21 MPH). At this incredible speed, Potylitsin had his head popped out of the cupola as usual, and he was scanning his surroundings. They were coming up on the village rather quickly. Finally, they would get some answ- wait, is that a giant bear?

“Uh…Kizhevatov? Are you seeing this too?” Potylitsin asked in disbelief.

“Yeah, I see it, but I don’t believe it.” Replied Kizhevatov in shock.

It was then that Potylitsin snapped into action.

“Gurtyak, prepare to fire! Kleymyonov, Skvortsov, prepare to reload if necessary! Let’s stop that overgrown bear before it tears down that city!”

Perhaps this bear was somehow related to how they were transported here in the first place. After all, it DID have the same pattern as whatever it was that engulfed the tank when everyone blacked out.

By now, the armored behemoth was making its way farther into the city, trying to get an angle to attack the giant.

“Kizhevatov, can we go any faster?” Gurtyak asked.

“We could, but there’s too many damn horses around here!” Kizhevatov replied.

Kizhevatov was somewhat right, as there was a sea of equines who were trying to escape the Ursa, yet were also trying to avoid the odd, smoke belching beast that they had discovered in the direction opposite the Ursa.  It was then that the Ursa suddenly tripped, and toppled several buildings that were keeping it away from the tank. The KV’s hull MG burst to life as Matveyev squeezed some rounds off into the Ursa to get its attention. It worked, and the beast immediately perceived the contraption as a challenger. Gurtyak took careful aim at the bear’s eye, as the creature got on all fours. Kizhevatov used some debris to put the tank at an angle, giving the gun enough elevation to hit the Ursa’s head. The giant bear roared, attempting to scare away this new challenger.

“Firing!” Shouted Gurtyak.

The war machine roared back with all the fury that a 152 MM howitzer can offer, the 53 ton beast rocking from the recoil. The HE round hit its mark dead on, penetrating through the Ursa’s eye, and exploded. The giant dropped dead, never to terrorize another village again. The ponies looked at their strange steel savior with horror, unable to anticipate its next move.

Potylitsin popped his head out of the cupola. Surely somebody had to have heard the commotion and come out to see if the giant bear was still around. Much to his amusement, the equines all gasped when he stuck his head out of the machine. He saw nothing but horses, rubble, and what was left of the village as he scanned his surroundings. Wait, did that one have wings? Hey, that one had a horn! Potylitsin found himself speechless, mouth agape in disbelief at what he was seeing.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Twilight Sparkle and her friends raced to the town square where they had heard the report come from. They had seen the Ursa get up after Applejack tripped it, heard a BANG, and saw the Ursa fall, blood pouring from its devastated eye socket. The ponies stopped dead in their tracks, appalled at what they had seen. What happened to the giant bear? Did that noise pop its eye somehow? They hadn't seen anything attack the ursa. Confused and slightly scared, the ponies knew that they needed to get to the bottom of this, and make sure that whatever killed the Ursa didn’t choose them for its next snack. The six mares raced to the crowd of ponies who, seemingly in unison, gasped. Twilight Sparkle saw the beast at that moment. It looked so… cold and lifeless. It was unnaturally still. From its looks, it had a long, somewhat wide bottom half, with a large head and a giant snout attached to it. How did it move? It had no legs and no mouth. Then, she looked up and saw the head open at the top, and something popped out of it. What? Was that another creature? Is that where its mouth was?  Twilight studied the newcomer for a moment. It definitely wasn't a pony or any other equine. It looked familiar, but she couldn't quite remember why. Perhaps she should investigate further. As she drew close to…whatever this thing was, she could hear it purring.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Potylitsin was probably near passing out from sheer disbelief at this point. One of the equines, a purple one no less, had started making its way toward the vehicle. It stopped at the front of the tank, and looked straight up at him.

“Hello, my name is Twilight Sparkle. I don't mean to be rude, but what are you?”

This was getting freaky. The tanker could’ve sworn the horse just talked. Albeit, it wasn’t his native language, he could at least make out broken English from having to read the manual on the Lend-Leased M3 Lee that his crew had before the KV. Maybe he just heard wrong.

“Can you understand what I’m saying?” the equine asked.

Potylitsin broke from his stupor enough to speak.

“Uh, I think so?” Potylitsin said, not even sure himself.

The horse’s jaw dropped, as it backed away a little bit. Huh. Guess this wasn't exactly a common occurrence for them either.