KV-2:Equestrian Boogaloo

Potylitsin was a very brave man. He had kept his crew alive and well through several engagements against the Wehrmacht, who were, at the time, the most brutal military in the world. When he was following the convoy to the Kursk salient, he believed himself to be ready for anything the world could throw at him. What he didn’t expect, however, was an entirely different world throwing him for a loop.

The commander’s mind raced, trying to think of something to say to this exotic being.

“I a-am a human being” The commander stammered, his brain still attempting to recover from the wave of disbelief. “Are you a talking horse?” Potylitsin finally managed to blurt out.

Twilight’s face lit up with recognition. That’s why he looked so familiar! Humans were some of the oldest recorded Equestrian myths! Heck, some of those myths had been uncovered in Maresopotamia, the site of the first Equine civilizations! Twilight realized that the human was waiting for an answer, and she broke from her trance.

“Pony, actually” the purple creature stated factually. “My name is Twilight Sparkle. Do you happen to have a name as well?” the pony asked slowly, as if talking to a child.

Most of the other ponies were trying to get a better look at this strange sight. Their minds raced with questions, and they were all fighting back the urge to run. The Mayor then stepped forward.

"Twilight,is everything under control?" The Mayor asked cautiously.

"Aside from the crowd, I think so. Can you get everypony to go about their business?" Twilight replied.

"I think so." Said the Mayor.

She faced the crowd. "Everypony calm down! Twilight Sparkle is taking care of our visitor, and I have faith in her abilities. Now, let's get back to work and rebuild our little town!"

The Mayor's speech seemed to work very well. The ponies began to dissipate and get back to rebuilding the village. With the crowd thinning, Twilight's friends were able to finally reach her.

"So, what is your name?" Twilight asked once more.

“Nikifor Potylitsin. Nice to meet you, Ms. Twilight Sparkle.” The commander said, gaining a slight grin at his ability to form coherent sentences again.

“It’s nice to meet you too, Mr., uh, Polytosin? Poylistin? How do you pronounce it again?" Asked Twilight as she fumbled around with the foreign name.

"Po-Tea-Lits-In. Potylitsin." The commander repeated, slowly.

"Potylitsin?" She asked. Potylitsin nodded.

"Well, would you mind coming to my home so that I may properly archive your arrival? And maybe ask you some questions?" Asked Twilight optimistically.

“Sure. Lead the way and we’ll follow.” The tanker stated as he popped back into the steel behemoth.

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“We? I didn’t see anypony else around.” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Surely he was talking about that….thing.” Twilight said smartly.

“Uh Twi, that thing didn’t look very 'alive' when ah saw it.” Said Applejack

“It had to have been! I heard it purring when I got close to it!” Twilight retorted.

The six ponies started walking down the road, and all jumped in near-perfect unison as the behemoth behind them groaned, beginning to follow them.

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“Kizhevatov, follow the purple one.” Potylitsin ordered. “It turns out that the ponies are the main inhabitants of this village. They can speak, and from what I can tell, are rather friendly. Let’s try to not piss them off.” Potylitsin stated.

Kizhevatov pressed down on the pedal, and chuckled as the horses jumped from the sound of the behemoth lurching forward.

“So, they can talk? Is their vocabulary similar to ours?” Gurtyak inquired.

“They speak English. Come to think of it, they sound just like humans with the exception of changing words like 'anybody' to 'anypony'.” Potylitsin replied.

“They’re friendly, right? Are you sure they aren’t just afraid of 'The Dreadnought'?” asked Skvortsov

“That’s a possibility, but they aren’t openly hostile. I think we’re safe for now.” Potylitsin said

“They said they wanted to meet us in a house, right?” asked Kleymyonov

“Yeah. Twilight Sparkle, the one we’re following right now, wants to document our arrival and what we say.” Potylitsin explained.

“Perhaps we should bring our Papashas inside with us. I know I would feel a lot better that way.” Kleymyonov suggested

“Seems like the best course of action.” Gurtyak stated

“Alright, we’ll bring the guns in with us. Keep your safeties on unless I specifically order otherwise. We don’t want any trouble if it can be avoided.” Potylitsin ordered

“I think we’re here. The other five went inside that tree, and the purple one is standing outside.” Kizhevatov said.

“Let’s go make a good impression.” Said Potylitsin.

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Twilight Sparkle stood outside the door of her tree home, wondering how she was going to accommodate the massive beast sitting just a ways in front of her. She saw Mr. Potylitsin crawl out of the top of the animal and stand to his full height. He had to have been near Celestia’s height! She also noticed that he was clutching an odd item made of what appeared to be wood and metal. Much to her surprise, another human climbed out! And another, and another, and another… until there were six humans walking towards her, Potylitsin leading them. Twilight made a mental note to ask them what they were holding once they were all inside.

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Potylitsin made his way towards the purple mare with his five comrades at his side. He stared at the odd looking tree in front of him. It was humongous, standing taller than the nearby houses with windows and balconies everywhere. Potylitsin noticed that the top balcony had a telescope mounted on it.

“Is this your home? It’s quite large.” Asked Potylitsin

“Well, it was originally a library, but I have been living in it for a while now.” Twilight stated. “Come on in!” She said enthusiastically.

Potylitsin opened the door, and the mare walked in, followed by his comrades, and then himself. The door was fairly short, so he had to duck to enter the house. The first thing he noticed was the massive collection of books. What could they possibly hold? History? Geography? Wait, what would their fiction be like? Potylitsin pushed these thoughts aside for the moment in order to focus on the task at hand. Looking around the room, Potylitsin noticed the five ponies that had been with Twilight earlier. The purple mare quickly returned with a piece of paper, a quill, and an inkwell.

“Alright, we’re ready to start! You don’t mind if we ask you some questions, do you?” The pony asked respectfully.

“We don’t mind as long as we can ask some questions too.” Potylitsin replied.

“Alright, it’s a deal. Go ahead and take a seat. Make yourselves at home!” Twilight said. Twilight grabbed her paper and writing utensils then walked over to her friends. The tankers sat opposite of them.

“So, where are you from?” Twilight Sparkle asked.

“We are from the Union Of Soviet Socialist Republics” Potylitsin stated factually.

“Union of what now?” Asked an orange pony with a hat on her head.

Twilight grabbed a book from the shelf and quickly flipped to the back. She studied it for a moment, and then closed the book.

“According to the most recent maps of Ikkos, our planet, the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics doesn’t exist.” Twilight said with a hint of concern in her voice.

“Ikkos? May I see the map?” Potylitsin asked

“Sure.” Twilight Sparkle said as she floated the book over to him.

“How do you do that?” Potylitsin said as he looked at the unicorn, confused.

“How do I do what?” Twilight said innocently.

“How are you levitating things?” Potylitsin asked.

“Oh, I just use my magic. It’s one of the perks of being a unicorn!” She stated as if it was the simplest thing in the world.

Potylitsin was stunned. Magic? Seriously? How does that even work? He continued to blankly stare at the unicorn.

“Is there a problem?” Twilight asked, breaking Potylitsin’s stupor.

Potylitsin shook his head. “No. It’s just that we’re not very familiar with magic. It kind of doesn’t exist where we’re from.” Potylitsin said, thumbing through the geography book until he got to the world map. Yeah, this definitely wasn’t earth.

The purple mare was shocked and appalled. “A world without magic? That sounds awful!” She said.

“It’s not that bad. Come to think of it, I don’t think we were ever in need of it.” Potylitsin replied.

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Twilight Sparkle’s mind was sent into a flurry of questions by this answer. Her entire life, including all of her goals and achievements, was built on her mastery of magic! How could you never need it? How could you say that you don’t want it? How could a civilized world even exist without magic?! Yet, these 'Humans' were obviously civilized. They were capable of speech, wore clothes, and even rescued the entire village! She would get to the bottom of this eventually, but it would most likely be better to stick to simple questions for now.

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Potylitsin spoke, snapping Twilight back into reality.

“This map doesn’t resemble our planet at all. We’re from a planet that we call “Earth”. On our planet, there are six continents. On those continents are smaller countries. We come from a country known as the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics, Which is the largest country on our planet.” Said Potylitsin.

“Interesting.” Was all that Twilight said as her quill began to move, copying what Potylitsin said word for word.

“So, what is that thing you used to kill the Ursa with? Is it your pet?” Twilight asked

Potylitsin chuckled. “No, it is a machine. It is a Kliment Voroshilov model two heavy assault tank. The main gun was originally made to destroy fixed targets like pillboxes, but it works against other things just as well. Oh, and it weighs fifty-three tons.” Potylitsin listed what he could remember about the tank off the top of his mind.

Twilight had seen illustrations of tanks before in history books, as they had been used in the Solar Wars around one thousand years ago. This creation was very different from those ancient war machines. The Equestrian tanks were made from wood, were circular in shape, and had wheels on its undercarriage. They were a far cry from the behemoth that Potylitsin described. It was then that a sudden realization hit Twilight.

“Wait, a tank?” the purple mare asked.

“Yes. You’re familiar with the term?” Potylitsin inquired.

“Equestrian tanks were only used in a series of massive wars that happened around a thousand years ago. They’re nothing like your tank, though.” Said Twilight. “If I may ask, why exactly do you have a tank?” Twilight worriedly asked.

“We’re soldiers. Our nation was invaded by people who wished to eradicate us so that they could take our land. We were in the process of pushing them out of the USSR when we were brought here.” Potylitsin stated.

One of Twilight’s worst fears had just been confirmed. The exotic species that she had been the first to come into contact with was more than likely from a very warlike society, of which they were the ones doing the killing. Well, maybe they were forced to fight. After all, he had said that they were the ones who were attacked. She could definitely hope that they weren’t bad.

Despite her optimism, she started to breathe faster and her eyes dilated.

“So, what are you carrying?” Twilight inquired, with a suspicious air to her voice.

"Are you okay, Ms. Sparkle? You seem panicked." Potylitsin said with a look of concern.

"That's not what I asked. What are you carrying?" Twilight demanded.

Potylitsin remained silent. Was she frightened because they were foreign soldiers? Should he tell her that he had brought his crew in here armed to the teeth? Would she take that as a sign of aggression?

"Answer me!" Twilight yelled.

"Twilight dear, I think you need to calm down a bit." Said the white unicorn beside the purple mare.

"There's obviously something he doesn't want us to know about that thing he's holding! Who knows what it could do?!" Twilight shouted.

Kleymyonov pulled back the charging handle on his Papasha and switched the safety off. Gurtyak looked over to him and shook his head, making Kleymyonov switch the safety back on.

"It is a firearm." Potylitsin finally stated.

“A fire…arm? What's that?” Asked Twilight.

“It uses gunpowder to propel a projectile out of the barrel much like our tank’s cannon, except on a much smaller scale. No offense, but we aren't really quick to trust total strangers.” Potylitsin stated.

The ponies began to slowly back away from the humans, realizing that Twilight may have been right. The image of the hulking Ursa being killed effortlessly by the tankers was still burned into their minds.

Potylitsin realized the flaw in his speech, and quickly tried to rectify the situation.

“Make no mistake, we don’t mean any harm. We're just a tad... nervous.” Potylitsin said, attempting to calm the equines. They seemed to relax slightly, but they were still eyeing the weapons nervously. Gurtyak propped his weapon up against the wall.

“Here, as a sign of trust, we’ll put our weapons down.” Gurtyak said, before turning to his commander.

“Commander, I do not believe that these ponies mean any harm to us.” Said Gurtyak with his usual calm demeanor.

“I suppose you’re right. I guess you can't earn someone's trust without giving them some of your own.” Potylitsin admitted. While he was still somewhat afraid of this new world, he had to admit that shooting these innocent creatures wasn’t exactly an appealing idea.

Twilight opened her mouth to speak again, but was interrupted by a rather awkward looking creature racing down the stairs.

“Twilight, Twilight! Princess Celestia replied, she said she’d be here as soon as possible!” The peculiar creature managed to say through its panting.

“Good! She’ll know a lot more about Humans than I do.” Twilight said.

Twilight noticed the looks of confusion on the soldier’s faces.

“Oh, this is my assistant Spike. He’s a baby dragon.” Said Twilight.

The humans seemed shocked at first, but then Potylitsin stepped forward. He knelt down to Spike’s height, and stuck out his hand.

“Hello Mr. Spike, I’m Potylitsin. It’s nice to meet you.” Potylitsin gave a warm smile at the end of his introduction, and stepped back once he shook the dragon’s claw. The dragon puffed out his chest, obviously very proud of being greeted by a foreign species.

“Doesn’t look like a dra-“ Matveyev was stopped mid-sentence by Kizhevatov elbowing him in the stomach for his rude remark.

Seemingly out of the blue, Potylitsin remembered one of his main concerns upon finding out that he was on a foreign planet.

“Hey, you wouldn’t happen to know where we could get petrol, would you? Diesel specifically?” He asked the purple mare.

“What’s that?” She asked in reply.

“It’s our tank’s fuel source. It has a very strong smell, is very flammable, and is purified from black oil found underground.” Potylitsin explained.

“Oh, you mean Sabatonium! It’s really cheap and is pretty much everywhere. I think it’s about two bits for a gallon.” Twilight stated. She drew another breath, and began to talk again. “It’s a real nuisance for gem miners. The extraction process is rather easy, but can go horribly wrong if not done by a professional. The biggest problem is trying to find a use for the stuff!”

That statement brought yet another question to Potylitsin’s mind.

“I’m assuming that bits are your currency. I’d like to ask if there are any jobs available for us so that we can make enough money to survive our stay here.” Said Potylitsin. He hadn’t given up hope of returning home yet.

“I think you could get a job fairly easily around here, although that would have to wait for a bit. We still need our Princess to approve of you and your people staying here.” Explained the bookish mare.

Potylitsin’s smile dropped. “What is your Princess like?” He asked.

“Oh, she’s really nice. She can be firm if she needs to be, but never outright mean.” Twilight said.

As if on cue, the door opened and the ponies all bowed. Potylitsin and his men stood at attention. A tall white mare walked into the room, flanked by armored stallions carrying spears. The white mare’s mane had an ethereal quality to it. It was perpetually flowing, even without the presence of wind. The ponies in the room all bowed. She turned to look at Potylitsin and his men. Potylitsin, not wanting to offend the royalty of this foreign land, gave a salute. His crew members followed suit. The white mare seemed pleased by this, nodded, then turned to Twilight.

“Twilight, have you found anything out about our 'guests'?” The Princess inquired.

“Yes, your majesty. I’ve discovered that they are from a completely different planet. Their planet doesn’t have magic, and they have very advanced military technology. These particular members of the “Human” species are soldiers, as I’m sure you have noticed. They are very well mannered, and even saved the town from an Ursa Minor.” Twilight recounted the events that had taken place that afternoon to the Princess. The Princess, apparently under the name of 'Celestia', turned to look at the tankers.

“If I may ask, how did you get here?” She said with a calm and regal tone.

“We really don’t know. There was an explosion, then we were engulfed in a blue glow” Replied Kizhevatov, who was the last to pass out and the first to wake up.

“How exactly did you defeat the Ursa Minor?” She asked.

“We used one of our machine guns to get its attention, then fired the main cannon into its eye when it looked at us. “ Gurtyak explained. He quickly went back through Potylitsin’s explanation of firearms to make sure the Princess understood what he meant by 'gun'.

“I would like to see this 'tank' of yours.” She requested.

Potylitsin thought for a moment. Did he really trust these creatures enough to tell them the secrets of 'The Dreadnought'? Then again, he didn't really have a choice. Keeping secrets wouldn't get him very far here, especially when he was under suspicion about the intended use of these creations. He decided to be open about the machine.

“Alright. We’ll give you a tour.” Potylitsin replied.

The humans filed out the door, ducking as they went, followed by the ponies. The crew took up positions on the outside of the tank, ready to explain the various mechanisms and workings of the mechanical beast. The night air was warm and inviting. Armed with a lantern, one of the guards followed Potylitsin to illuminate whatever was being explained.

“Our tank has two main parts. The hull is the bottom piece, and the turret is the top piece. The turret can rotate around to give the gun a shot at whatever it is that needs to be killed.” Potylitsin explained as he pointed at the hull, the turret, and the gun respectively when they were mentioned. Skvortsov and Kleymyonov, who had been in the turret, popped out holding a 152 millimeter shell. “The gunpowder is stored in the brass part. Where it stops is where the projectile starts. This particular shell is a High-Explosive round, which carries seven kilograms of explosives!” Said Kleymyonov.

“Along with our thirty-six shells for the main gun, we carry around three thousand rounds of ammunition for our three machine guns. The MGs are located at the front of the turret, the back of the turret, and on the hull. In addition to our offensive weapons, our tank is protected by at least seventy millimeters of armor at any given point.” Potylitsin stated, pointing to the tank’s armaments as he went along.

“Your machine boasts incredible strength.” Celestia noted with a hint of wonder. “May I ask how it moves?” She asked.

Kizhevatov stepped forward, eager to answer the question about his station.

“Our tank uses diesel, known as Sabatonium to you, to power its engine. To put the process very VERY simply, air is brought into a chamber, compressed, the fuel is introduced, and it ignites. This increase in pressure drives the pistons down, supplying power to the crankshaft. This, in turn, powers the road wheels which turn the treads. The tracks allow for our tank to have less of a chance of sinking into the ground due to it being so heavy. It still happens sometimes, but we usually manage to get it out somehow.” Kizhevatov babbled on.

Celestia and the other ponies looked quite lost. Kizhevatov gradually stopped talking, so everybody assumed that he was done.

“Twilight, may I talk to you alone for a moment?” Celestia inquired.

Twilight nodded, and the two mares went back inside the tree. Potylitsin noticed that he had not yet spoken to the other five ponies. He decided to break the silence.

“So, what are your names?” He asked casually. The orange pony wearing the hat was the first to speak up.

“Ahm Applejack!” She exclaimed. “Mah family owns Sweet Apple Acres, Ponyville’s number one apple supplier! If yer ever in need of some grub, ah can fix ya up real good! She spoke with a very thick accent, the likes of which he had never heard before. Before he accidentally offended the farmer by inquiring about her accent, he took a moment to think. He decided to not ask, as he realized that he probably didn’t sound any clearer to them.

“I’m Rainbow Dash, fastest flyer in all of Equestria!” Said the second pony, who was a blue Pegasus.

“And I’m Pinkie Pie!” Shouted a pink pony. She began to bounce around the tankers and other ponies.

“Are you okay?” Skvortsov asked with a nervous laugh.

“It just makes me want to throw a party! A welcoming party, that’s it!” She began to bounce higher and faster. Potylitsin was sure that she would eventually bounce into space. The blue Pegasus grabbed her, mid-jump.

“Pinkie! Calm down!” She shouted. The pink pony only smiled wider.

Seeing that the ponies had taken the initiative to introduce themselves, Kizhevatov decided to lead the tankers in doing the same.

"I'm Kizhevatov. I control the tank's movements." The driver said. Not being the types to stay quiet, the other crew members spoke up.

"My name is Matveyev. I control the tank's communications. Actually, I WOULD if we had a means of communicating. Other than that I help with just about everything." Matveyev boasted.

"I'm Kleymyonov and this is Skvortsov." Kleymyonov said, pointing to his friend. Skvortsov gave a brief 'hello'. "We load the tank's main gun, but we're also the best with the machine guns." Stated Kleymyonov, competing with Matveyev.

While some of his crew members were attempting to out-boast one another, Potylitsin noticed that there were still two ponies left who had not introduced themselves. An immaculate white unicorn was seemingly trying to calm a yellow Pegasus, who was shaking and crouching, trying to make herself as small as possible. Potylitsin leaned over to Gurtyak.

“Work your magic” He whispered.

“Got it, boss.” Gurtyak replied in a hushed tone.

“So, what about the two of you?” Gurtyak asked in his casual tone.

“Oh, I’m Rarity. I own the Carousel Boutique in town.” Said the white unicorn.

“What about your friend?” Gurtyak inquired.

The pale yellow Pegasus squeaked, and started to shake more.

“This is Fluttershy. As her name would imply, she’s not very extraverted.” The unicorn stated.

Gurtyak knelt down until he was about eye level with the cowering Pegasus. He gave a friendly smile and stuck out his hand.

“It’s very nice to meet you, Ms. Fluttershy.” Gurtyak said very warmly.

Fluttershy stopped shaking, and looked at Gurtyak. He didn’t sound threatening, and he was no longer towering over her. She reached out and shook his hand.

“It’s nice to meet you too.” She uttered, almost silently.

“What do you do, Ms. Fluttershy?” Gurtyak asked very slowly.

“I take care of the animals.” She muttered.

Gurtyak nodded in approval and stood up.

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“Twilight, I’m going to let them stay in Ponyville for now.” Celestia declared.

“Princess, don’t you think that might be a bad idea? They killed an Ursa Minor effortlessly! Who knows what would happen if they decided to attack us?” Twilight exclaimed.

“Twilight, think about this from their perspective. They’re in an unfamiliar world surrounded by countless members of a new species. They’re outnumbered by more than a thousand to one. I don’t think they’re dumb or mean spirited, so there is no reason for them to attack us. Besides, as far as they know, we’re the only ones who could possibly help them get home.” Celestia explained.

“Princess, I still don’t think this is a very good idea.” Twilight said.

“Don’t you want the chance to be the first pony to study humans in over more than a thousand years? They could hold information that could help all of Ponykind, you know.” Celestia tempted. She walked around the room, then spoke once more.

“If anything, their sudden appearance helps a lot, especially with that tank of theirs.” She stated.

“What do you mean, Princess?” Twilight asked.

“Relations between Equestria and Saddle Arabia have been strained for a long time now. They’ve always coveted our vast grasslands and forests, but they have only ever attacked once. Ever since they were defeated a thousand years ago, they’ve tried to get some of our lands through more diplomatic means. Their new leader, King Saladin, has been speaking about “bringing back Saddle Arabia’s former glory” and  “expanding into new lands”. He knows about the Elements of Harmony, and I believe that Ponyville would be their first target. They would go through the White Tail Woods on our western border, and come straight here to capture you and your friends. Having the Humans and their tank here, coupled with some of the Royal Guards would create a very formidable defense.” Celestia revealed.

Twilight took a moment to think about all of this. She shuddered just thinking about what the tank would do to ponies. She couldn’t fathom Equestria at war. But, Celestia had more than a thousand years of experience with this kind of thing, so Twilight couldn’t really argue.

“Alright. I understand.” Twilight said.

Celestia nodded. “Let’s find somewhere for the Humans to stay.” Said Celestia.

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The door to the house tree opened, and Twilight emerged with the Princess. Celestia smiled.

“You are allowed to stay in Ponyville for as long as you please. May friendship flourish between our races.” The Princess said, much to the surprise of the tankers.

“Thank you very much, your majesty.” Said Potylitsin.

“There is, however, one catch.” Uttered the Princess.

Potylitsin was taken off guard very quickly by this statement. He caught himself, and went back to standing at attention.

“If Ponyville comes under attack again, we would like for you to use your machine to take care of it.” Celestia explained.

“We can do that.” Potylitsin firmly stated.

“Applejack, if it’s alright with you, could they stay in your barn?” Inquired Celestia.

“Sure thing, yer majesty!” The farmer pony exclaimed.

Potylitsin and his men hopped back into the KV-2. Kizhevatov put the headlight on as the tank lurched forward to follow Applejack, the Princess, and the guards. They traveled to the outskirts of the town and onto a small country road. They passed a gate labeled “Sweet Apple Acres”, and came to a stop when they reached the barn. Potylitsin popped his head out of the Cupola. He saw applejack open the barn door, and he went back into the tank. He gave Kizhevatov the signal, and he slowly backed the tank into the barn. The men got out of the war machine, and waited for Applejack to return. She came back with a small yellow filly, a red stallion, and an old looking green mare.

“This is mah family. Applebloom, Big Mac, and Granny Smith.” She said.

“It is very nice to meet all of you.” Potylitsin stated.

“Oh man, wait until Sweetie Bell and Scootaloo hear about this!” Applebloom exclaimed, pretty much jumping for joy.

“Nice ta meet ya.” Macintosh said flatly in a deep voice.

“Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit, didn’t think we’d have guests in a long time! Lemme get you dears some blankets!” Granny smith…said? Her expression left an impression of obvious confusion on the tankers.

“Just wait here fer a moment.” Ordered Applejack.

She disappeared into the house after Granny Smith, and soon re-emerged with six pillows and blankets.

“Thanks. I think we’re all set.” Stated Potylitsin.

“Goodnight!” The family shouted, before returning to their home.

After a quick meal of canned rations, the Russians settled in for the night. Potylitsin chose a corner of the barn near some bales of hay. He laid his head on his pillow, and covered himself with the blanket. After the day he just had, he was in desperate need of sleep. His eyes closed, and he quickly drifted off to the world of the unconscious.