The Rock, the Dress and the Unicorn
Tom the Rock is a rock. A rather large rock. Rocks are inanimate objects with no ability to feel, think or do. So, Tom just sat there, being a rock. Still. Stationary. Motionless. Unmoving. Solid as a rock. It was a boring lifestyle choice, but being a rock, Tom hadn’t actually chosen it. To him, it wasn’t boring, because it was nothing. Tom the Rock is still a rock.
Rarity is a Unicorn. She likes fashion. Self-employed as a dressmaker, Rarity would have nothing to do with Tom. She once thought Tom the Rock was actually Tom the Diamond. Rarity had still not forgiven Tom for lying to her. The foolery had embarrassed her. Even after all that, Rarity still looked out at Tom when nopony else was looking. Like now; Rarity stared hard at Tom the Rock.
Tom the Rock is a rock. He cared not for the stares, as he could not see them, or feel them on the back of his neck. Rocks don’t have necks; they’re rocks. As a rock, Tom did not know how to care. He did not know how to know. Rocks don’t know things; they’re rocks. Tom had never lied to Rarity. Tom the Rock is not a diamond.
Rarity is a Unicorn. She can use magic. Her magic helped with making dresses. There were no outstanding orders. Rarity could make whatever she wanted. She looked back out at Tom the Rock. He looked wrong. Rarity didn’t like that. So she began to make a dress. A dress for Tom the Rock. It would be a beautiful dress. It would shine. It would shimmer. It would rock; hard.
Tom the Rock is a rock. It has been established that rocks don’t know anything. They don’t feel anything. They cannot like or dislike anything. Tom would not complain about the dress. Tom would not compliment the dress. Tom would not ignore the dress. Tom would not notice the dress. Dresses are not worn by rocks, and Tom is a rock. Tom the Rock is not a dress wearer.
Rarity is a Unicorn. Her horn lit up with magic. The light of the magic helped Rarity find her way through the dark. The new dress for Tom the Rock also glowed with magic. Rarity was levitating it. Rarity stood in front/beside Tom, and lifted the dress over him. She pulled it down. It fit snugly. Rarity admired her work in the moonlight. The clouds made it hard.
Tom the Rock is a rock. His reaction was perfectly stoic. Yet he was also frozen in awe. The dress made him speechless. Tom could not voice his sheer disappointment. The criticising words Tom want to say escaped him. Tom remained silent. Rocks cannot talk; they have no mouths. Rocks cannot display emotion; they have no faces or limbs. Tom blushed. Tom the Rock is not a normal rock.
Rarity is a Unicorn. Unicorns are smart, like most other ponies. All ponies were taught that rocks were just rocks. Not sentient. Never alive. Rocks should not be able to blush. Rarity gaped at Tom the Rock. The blush faded. Perhaps Rarity had imagined it. Maybe she was so proud of her own work that she imagined Tom blushing. She had not. It was just too hard to believe.
Tom the Rock is a rock. A rock that blushed. He did indeed appreciate the dress. He had felt naked. It was hard to pretend to be a normal rock when everypony could see his little rocks. Tom had felt ashamed. Public indecency was a crime. Tom was expecting the royal guard to arrest him soon. Tom wasn’t ready for prison. Tom the Rock is not a prison rock.
Rarity is a Unicorn. She could sense no magic trickery. Tom the Rock had just shivered in front of her, as if afraid of something; or cold. Since Tom was a rock, Rarity would never know which. She decided to act on the idea of Tom being cold. Rarity galloped back to her boutique and quickly made Tom a coat. It wasn’t hard to match it with the dress.
Tom the Rock is a rock. A rock that now wore a coat over his lovely dress. Tom was confident about his sexuality, so the dress and feminine coat did not bother him. The coat was warming. The additional love and care put into it made a rock feel comfortable. Tom glowed with joy and happiness. Things were now better. Tom the Rock is not cold and alone anymore.
Rarity is a Unicorn. She tried to communicate with Tom the Rock. She knew she would get no reply. Rarity did not need one. Tom would simply listen. Rarity had now forgiven him. He was not responsible for the Diamond Incident. It had been Discord, using Tom against his will. It was a pity Discord was reformed. Rarity would have made Discord suffer hard for his actions against Tom.
Tom the Rock is a rock. He felt guilty. Rarity was a nice mare. She was getting too attached. Tom was dating a cliff face near Appeloosa. Her name was Tiffany. Tiff the Cliff. His old friend Bloomberg had hooked them up when Bloom had moved there for the Apple family. Tom had no way of telling Rarity about Tiff. Tom the Rock is not a cheating scumbag rock.
Spike is a dragon. He liked Rarity a lot. He had coincidentally been unable to sleep that night. He had felt a disturbance in the force. He was now watching Rarity speak sweet nothings to Tom the Rock. Spike was most displeased. He waited them out, until Rarity returned to her boutique to sleep. Spike ran up to Tom and spat the most hateful words. Then he pushed hard.
Tom the Rock is a rock. Rocks are heavy. If pushed down hills, they will roll fast and far. Tom did just that. He rolled through into the dawning day. Eventually, Tom bumped into Tiff the Cliff. They hadn’t met in the stone flesh until now. It was a happy surprise for both Tom and Tiff. Spike was best man at the wedding. Tom the Rock is not ungrateful.
This story was short, as were the sentences. The end was happy. Rarity did not take long to get over her loss, and Spike went back to his pining. The wedding was magnificent, and Bloomberg got off with the bridesmaids. Yes, all three of them. Oh, and have you noticed yet? The little thing about all these paragraphs? The word total for each is that funny number: Sixty Nine.
Author's Note
I also slipped the word 'hard' into every last sentence of the paragraphs not starting with Tom the Rock. Anyway, my need to write something that doesn't need any attention is satisfied. I'm not normally a romance sort of writer. Live with it, and toodlepip!
