A Lonesome Dreamscape

Should have made Luna take us back...

Eight Hours. An eight hour fucking train ride back to Canterlot. Don't get me wrong, it's nice to see the countryside, and just plain more of this place, plus get to watch Luna sleep. (may sound creepy but lets see you not watch a cute pony princess sleep in your lap as her legs randomly kick out. Most adorable thing I could imagine), but fucking eight hours? Not really anything to do for someone who doesn't sleep that often...

We eventually got back to Canterlot; I chose not to wake Luna, sliding her on my back and walking through the train cars and out into the streets of Canterlot. I really stopped giving a shit about all the looks and hushed whispers I was getting, giving Luna a piggyback ride as she was passed out, up to the castle. What ever, not like they should be surprised THAT much at this point. I mean they probably saw the paper that Celestia (the shining golden bitch as I've come to refer to her as) sent out yesterday, so ponies should already know who the fuck I am.

Making my way through the castle halls, I felt Luna stir, and move a foreleg.

"Mmmh. What time is iiiit?" She asked, rubbing her eyes with a hoof before slumping back down on my back, hooves dangling over my shoulders.

"Not sure. Train got in about ten minutes ago." I said, flicking her ear. "Why didn't you tell me it was an eight hour ride?"

"I was tired..." She pouted. "Also, I thought you would get some sleep. The countryside is wonderful this time of year. Did you get some, per chance?" She asked, ruffling up my hair and blowing it back down.

"Nah. Couldn't take my eyes off you long enough for them to close. You're seriously just adorable when you sleep."

"Eeeehehe." She started giggling like a filly, randomly moving around on my back before stopping all her motions and giggles.

"Luna? You alright?"

"Yes, fine, dear" She let out a long and happy sigh. "Just think I know how Sweetiebelle feels being called adorable now."

"Heh, feel like breakfast, 'dear'?" I said, mimicking her.

"Hmmmm. We do feel quite peckish... But don't you need some rest?"

"Nah, that's not going to happen for another day, tops. Might as well stay up anyways. Who knows what would happen if I left you and Celestia alone for the day..."

"Hmmmph... Tia starts it." She pouted.

"Yeah and I always get to finish it." I chuckled, remembering how many times I've already had to step in on the sister rivalry. "Wonder how she's going to react when we show up at the table."

Luna's ears shot up, eyes going wide. "We... may wish to avoid sister at the table this morn..." She said, sounding a little scared.

"Come on, Luna. She can't be THAT pissed off. She tried marrying us without informing us first. Rightful cause in my book."

"Not sister's... we can't promise she'll be, well, understanding?" She tapped my head, turning it. "Make a left, here."

"Thannnnk you." I told her, taking a left instead of a right (I WAS going to take). "But she won't hold a grudge, will she?"

Oh god, walking into the dinning room, Celestia was sitting there, a death glare never leaving her features. "Welcome, Lulu. And, Seth." Her ice cold voice is creepy as fuck...

"Good morning to you to, Cel..." I said, lowering Luna off my back and onto her seat. I sat beside her. (Mainly because I didn't want to walk by Celestia to get to the other side, and walking the other way would take too long. The fucking table is huuuuge.)

"A good morning, is it? Where did you two go after sending me over the castle, yesterday?"

"Pffft, aha..." Oh, Christ. Why, Luna?

"Something funny, sister?"

"No, no. Mhmp. Nothing at all." She said, clearing her throat.

"Good. I happen to get an interesting letter in the early hours of the morning. From Twilight." Uh oh... "Yes, quite interesting indeed. Says her magic stopped working and has absolutely no idea why. But that's not the strangest part; or most horrific." What did Luna do to Twilight's dreams? " Says she's been having a terrible time adapting to the ways of an earth pony; having to use her hooves and mouth for everything. I believe it's a good lesson for her to learn. Just not the most appropriate way as to do so. A magic dampener, I'm guessing, Lulu?"

"I have no clue, what are you are talking about, Tia."

"It also depicts a rather horrible nightmare she encountered last night, when passing out from exhaustion." GET TO IT. "She listed off what happened. Care to hear it, sister?"

"I don't see why not." Luna said, pouring me and herself a cup of coffee. Yay! Liquid, energy!

"I was enjoying a nice quiet dinner with my family who I hadn't seen in years, when a biscuit I happened to bite into, became rotten from the inside out. Spitting it out, I heard a blood curdling scream from across the table. My mother and father's eyes were melting out of their skulls; insanely slowly, in fact." Holy-mother-fucking-Christ. "After seeing such a scene, my brother berated them, saying he never liked them, then leaving and laughing as he did so. I was held there by some-"

I tuned Celestia out, my mind only thinking of one thing, over and over.

'Luna's metal as fuck!'

'Brain, we finally agree on something.'

'So can we marry her now?'

'Jesus, you too?!'

'Stop being such a pussy!'

'Just when I thought we would get along...'

"Next, after watching them turn into a pool of blood and rotten flesh, Nightmare Moon asked if I wanted to play a game of tag and began chasing me, shooting lightning at me." Metal. As. Fuck. "She hit me with a painful spell, causing myself to convulse and feel as though my veins were being pinched by lightning and my nerves were on fire. After she had toyed with me enough, Nightmare shot a death blow down my horn an into my skull; destroying my mind instantly and forcing me awake from the sheer amount of pain."

She deadpanned at us. "What is it, Tia?"

"Care to enlighten me, on where you two were the other night?"

"Well w-"

"We were playing on ways to taunt you, after you landed." Luna grinned. "I had a great idea of painting your stuffies-"

"YOU DIDN'T!"

"Care to be enlightened on the subject?" She smirked.

"You-you-you're, evil!" She clenched her teeth, then a thought seemed to bust it's way in. Her gazed softened as she smiled.

"Can I go no-"

"Seth, did you know, Luna bought a saddle the other day?"

"Really?" I turned to her, tilting my head.

"SiStEr. You're pushing it, again..."

"Oh, I'm sorry, Lulu. She always wants you to tie her-"

"Too far, Tia!" Luna screamed, tackling her to across the table, and out of her chair.

"You started it!"

"What, how?!"

"You two messed with Twilight's dreams!"

"You're the one, who sent out that fake engagement!" Luna yelled, getting her mane pulled by Celestia.

"Ugh, I need new clothes. I'm walking around Canterlot to see if anypony can make me some. Have fun, beating each other. AGAIN." I said, getting up from my chair, and walking away.

A golden wall stopped my path rather fast. "Oh no you don't! I know for a fact, it was YOU who put the pepper in my cake! IT WAS MY FAVORITE!"

"Holy fuck!" I screamed. Her voice was hellish!

"Run, Seth! Run!" Luna told me, as her magic enveloped me. No! Not this shit again! I screamed out, getting teleported out of the castle, for my 'safety'.

"I'm gunna find a way to get to him, you know!" Celestia screeched, as Luna yanked her hair back while they rolled around the table, making the maids and waiters almost laugh.

"Nuh-uh! I'm not letting you go, until he's back here, done with what he needs done!"

____________________________________

"Fuck youuuuuuuuu princesses!" I yelled out, to the spinning void of colors around me, as my head felt dizzy, before going straight and making me land back-first on the 'oh so very, very, soft rocks' of Ponyville. Ugh...

"At least it's somewhere semi-familiar." I said, looking around the town.

"DUCK! DUCK!" Somepony screamed out.

"Goose! Wait, shi-" Oh my god, I think my back's broken... Something just smacked straight into my spine, sending us both flying into a wall, across the street. "Ten...Fucking...Seconds, I've been here..."

"Ow... I told you to duck, buddy!" Bitch, don't get mad at your landing pad!

"Maybe try looking where you're going!" Getting up, the pony flew up to me, prodding my chest with a hoof.

"Try getting out of the way, fast-. Oh, hey, Seth." She landed and retracted her hoof.

"Yeah, sup, Rainbow?" I said, dusting my clothes off, and cracking my back. (Something is definitely out of place, now...)

"Nothing much; doing tricks, working out, being totally awesome. The usual." I swear, she's a female, pony version of Jake.

"Nice. I've been-... You know what? You really don't want to know how my mornings been. Know anywhere I can get some new clothes? I've been wearing the same ones for like a week!"

"Dude, Rarity, duh? It's her special talent, man! And trust me, she's good at what she does." Hmmm... Fairly confident in the prissy bitch.

"Cool. Thanks, Dash. These things are probably reeking by now." I said, sniffing my shirt.

"I don't even know why you wear them all the time. Ponies only wear them for certain occasions, or if their all 'hoity toity'." She stared blankly at me, like she was trying to figure out why I wore them.

"If I take these off, everypony gets to see my dick, flopping around. Not a big fan of showing it off to everypony I see." Her wings shot out, and her face flushed. " Did. Did you just blush?" I asked surprised, a small grin forming.

"Uh-um, sorrygottago, byeSethseeyalater!" She said in a speed of rainbow and smoke that lead into the clouds. Hah! Got Rainbow all flustered.

"Now, where's Rarity's shop?" I said aloud in the street, looking around for anything that would point to Rarity. Hmm... Lucifer no, am I asking Twi... Carousel Boutique, eh? "Fuck it, searching for hours it is!"

Walking through the small town, I saw a bunch of little foals playing in the roads, circling each other, and trying to grab the other one's tail. Ah, childhood. Anything's entertaining.

"Come on, girls! Pinkie said it's half off milkshakes at Sugarcube Corner!" Huh? Oh shit, that's right! I'll just ask Pinkie where the hell the place is. Pretty sure I could just follow these fillies to the sugary tower of SUGAR.

Running just behind them, they galloped into the door, its bell ringing, as they all ran inside hoping to get their treats. That's when the bell rang again and I saw a little yellow filly with a-

"OH MY GOD, LOOK AT YOUR BOW!" I said a little louder than I thought I would, as the filly jumped slightly, then looked up.

"Golly, sure didn't think I'd see y'all again, so soon!" She said, shocked.

"Hah, yeah I bet. Applebloom?" I said, not too sure if I got her name right.

"Yup!" She smiled up to me. "So why'd y'all come on down here from that castle?"

"Looking for Rarity's Boutique. I need a bunch of new clothes, and Rainbow said she was awesome at it."

"Y'all lookin for Rar's?"

"Trying, but I have no idea where it is." I admitted. "Think you could help me out?"

"Hmm... I was sapose ta bring this here cupcake to my sis... But I think I could help ya out!" Hurray, for illogical thinking!

"Great! Tell you what. You help me and get me to Rarity's, and I'll buy you entire box of those cupcakes. I'm Sure Applejack wouldn't mind if you showed up with a dozen instead of just one."

"Shucks, really?!" She said, super surprised and excited.

"Sure!" I said with a warm smile. "It's the least I could do for you helping me out. I really need clothes you know."

"Golly! You must sure, need pants!" She giggled, her bow bobbing around. I WANT IT.

"That I do." I laughed, as she galloped inside the store, dropping off her cupcake and smiling brightly. "Ready to lead me there?"

"Sures!" She said, running down the path, leaving my in a cloud of dust, blinking. How is she so fast? "Well are y'all coming, or what?" She yelled down at me.

"Adventure~!" I yelled, running after her.

"Yeah!" She yelled back.

___________________________________

You, know. I'm not sure about a lot of things that happened to me in my life; meeting Jake, getting into college, sleeping, and transporting to a world or talking ponies. But this is just the cherry on top, the most random thing to ever happen to me...

"Here we are, Seth!" Applebloom said innocently, as she pointed to a large building-... It's shaped like a fucking carousel. How did I not find that! It's like two hundred feet away from the bakery! Look, I can see the top of Sugarcube Corner! I swear to Zeus and his all mighty bolt, this isn't happening, and if it is, I'm about to scream.

"Yes... Here we are..." I said, spitting out a few feathers.

"Heh. I'm real sorry 'bout that..." She said, rubbing the back of her head with a bright blue hoof.

"I'm just confused by the tsunami of like forty litre's of paint and where it came from! Seriously, it's mind boggling."

"That's what y'all are wonderin 'bout? I'm thinking about where the heck the crates of chickens came from! There was at least a few hundred of those feathery varmints flapping at us. And why were they so mean?"

'God, I love kids. I asked to be led two hundred feet to get new clothes, and ended up almost getting swept off the face of Equestria by chickens, having a tsunami of paint fill and chase us down the streets, have a snow cloud decide it would be perfect to only shower ME, with a blizzard everywhere I walked. Well that is, until a pegasus stallion flew it out of town for me. Cloud Chaser is now a close friend... then got chased through the forest by a herd, that's right, a fucking HERD of bunnies and even somehow failed to notice we passed the this place like four times... I can see my foot prints.

Ah, I miss being a kid. but truth is, I still don't were ever going to grow up, fully. Well I'm at least going to grow up more than the royal ten year old's...

"Well, at least we made here in once piece. Thanks for the help. Head back to Pinkie and tell her I'll pay her when I'm done with Rarity. Won't be long, so I'll be there pretty quick, ok?"

"Sounds great!" She said, almost like her life was now complete. "Thanks a bunch, Seth!" galloping away in a hurry, as she said this.

"I want onnnnnnnnne..." I told myself, knocking on the door.

It opened a second later-

"Huaaah! Seth!" She screeched, with a little 'eeeeee!' at the end. Half surprised, half embarrassed.

"Sweetiebelle? What are you doing here?" I asked, mildly confused.

Her voice instantly went quiet. "Rarity's my sister..." Rarity just jumped to the top three of my 'best ponies in the universe' list. "I stay with her a lot... She's fun, sometimes.............. Did you get my letter?" She blushed a little after this.

Hnng! Too cute!

"You are so adorable it's not even fair!" I said, reaching down and picking her up. "And yes, I got your letter."

"Eeep!" Her blush deepened as I picked her up. "S-so... You wanna b-be, close friends?" Friends?

"I would take you home in a heartbeat if I was allowed too!" I tickled her as I said this. She let loose a torrent of giggles.

"Ehehehehe, really?" She sounded excited.

"Of course! You're the cutest thing in existence!"

'Oh my god, I want her!'

I put her down, she smiled sweetly at me, jumping up and down, before crawling up my leg and on my shoulder, flipping onto my back and flopping onto my head, giggling, as she dangled her hooves over my face.

"Why'd you come here, anyways?" She pondered, poking my cheek.

"Need some new clothes. Been wearing these since I got here, and that was a whiiiiiiiile ago. Rainbow Dash told me Rarity was great with a needle, so I came here."

"So you didn't come here, just to see me?" She smiled. Please, please, can I have her?

'Dude, stawp it!'

'But she's-'

'Seth, this is a time you should really listen to me.'

'Oh ya, and why's that?'

'Because kidnapping the element of generosities little sister and taking her back to the castle where the kingdoms rulers live is a terrible choice.'

'... You ruin everything.'

"No, but seeing you is definitely a HUGE bonus!" I said honestly. "Where is Rarity, by the way?"

"She's in her inspiration room. I'm not allowed in there anymore, so I was making myself something to eat, then you showed up at the door!" She said, happily, as she fiddled with her hooves in front of my eyes.

"Cool, which way is it? Never been here before, remember?" I said, playfully.

"Just go into the kitchen and take a right. I'm not moving." She said, sternly, burying herself in my hair.

"Heh, fine with me, just don't block my view. Still need to see." I said, moving her hooves out of my face, walking through Rarity's place, coming to a door with a rather large sign across it, reading: 'Rarity's Inspiration Room. NO SWEETIE ALLOWED'.

"Told ya." She said, fiddling with my shaggy hair.

"I see... and what did you do to accomplish that?"

"Set a few of her dresses on fire while I was trying to practice my needle stitching."

"..." What? "What, how the heck did you manage that with a needle and thread!?" Seriously, this is hurting to think about.

"I'm not sure... Stuff just happens with me and fire a bunch." I love this kid...

"Interesting..." I said, pushing the door open.

"Hmm, hm hmm~" Rarity was humming to herself as she worked on a white dress with gold and silver trimming on her machine.

"Ohhhh, Rarity!" Sweetie called from atop my head.

"Sweetiebelle, what did I tell you about coming in he-, Seth?"

"Hey, what's up? Like my new hat?" She looked up and covered her mouth with a hoof to stifle her giggles.

"I-I'd say it's giggling a tad much, darling." She laughed as I grabbed Sweetie.

"Come on, Sweetie, off you go." She flailed her hooves around, trying to make me let her stay on my head.

"Awwwe! But I liked the view!" She fake pouted.

"Yeah, and I like clean hair." I laughed, while saying this.

"So, darling, what brings you to my humble abode?"

"Need a new set of clothes for my ever lasting stay in Equestria. These are all I brought; I really didn't think this far ahead." I said, a little embarrassed.

"Why, of course, dear. Would be my pleasure." She said, whisking a measuring tape along with a pad and pencil over to her, via magic. "Be a dear, and step up here." She pointed to a small pedestal.

"Mmmmk." I stepped up. "How long's this going to take? Gotta pay Pinkie for some cupcakes from earlier."

"Just a moment, taking your measurements, darling." She said, writing them down, then poking at my leg. "Can you take these off, please? This needs to be precise."

Meh, what evvvver. I took them off and she poked me again. "What?"

"What are these?"

'What does she mean?'

'Dude, it's a pony, she doesn't know what boxers are.'

'Ah.'

"They're my boxers. Undergarments to keep my junk warm and in place."

"Uhhhh... Can you take them off?"

"Not happening."

She huffed, taking off her glasses. (That she probably doesn't even need. Damn pony optometrists.) "Seth, this needs to be as accurate as possible! they must fit perfectly. TAKE. THEM. OFF." She commanded.

Oh, hell nah. "Nope."

"Take them off! They're in the way of my measuring!" She gripped the hem of my boxers in her magic and yanked them off, tearing them.

"Jesus, Rarity!" I yelled, frowning as her face went bright red.

"I-I-I-I-I-I-I... Didn't know you were so. Exposed, darling." She's staring way too long at my junk, time to end th-

"Why's Seth's, horn down there?" Oh... Fucking... God... No.

"See! This is the shit that happens when you go ripping off a man's boxers!" I yelled at her, covering myself with my hands.

"Out, out, out, out!!!" Rarity rushed the young unicorn out of the room.

"But I wanna knoooooooow!" She whined, the door quickly closing behind her and locking. I looked over to Rarity- Annnnnd, she's hyperventilating with pink cheeks.

"Not having that talk with her!"

"Thank Satan, for child-like innocence. She thought my dick was my horn."

"Language! But, yes. Seems were safe from that for now...." She looked up for a second. "Thank, Celestia she doesn't have my mind..." Now I'm not feeling too comfortable bare naked around her while she fits me for new clothes.

"Can you just finish this shit, so I can get out of your mane?" I pleaded with her.

"Yes, let us do that." She said, picking up the measuring tape and pad/pencil, to my legs, to do my inseam. "Haaaand's~" She said/sang.

"Ugh, fine!" I gave in, releasing my hands and exposing myself to Rarity... That sounds soooo much worse than it is.

Rarity finished the measuring, writing down everything, and tossing me my pants. I want my boxers back... That was my only pair in this entire world! "I'll be done by the end of the day, so feel free to come by anytime in the next five hours." She hummed to herself.

"Wow, really? Damn, you're fast!" I said, zipping my pants up.

"Indeed." She trotted over to her machine, already starting on my new garments. I slipped my shoes on and opened the door. "Oh and darling." I looked back to her. "Very nice equipment." She winked at me, with a devious smile.

"T-thanks..." I said, practically slamming the door.

Turning around and scanning the room, I saw Sweetie on the couch, staring at me. "So, why IS your horn down there?" She inquired. Ugh...

"How about we go to Sugarcube Corner and I buy you what ever you want as long as you never ask me that again?"

"Annnnything I want?" She ask, squinting her eyes.

"Sure, anything!" Just for the love of God don't ask about my dick again.

"Yay! Lets go, then!" She jumped over to me, forcing me to catch her as she crawled up my arm and resting on my head, again. Giggling all the while.

"You're way too adorable for your own good." I told her, looking up to see a bright smile.

"Only for you, Seth!" She said, giggling.

'I swear I'm taking her at some point.'

'What did we just talk about?'

'Fuck off, brain.'

'No! You go to jail, I get the mental scarring of a lifetime!'

'I'm going to marry a princess and co-ruler of the kingdom, and you think I'd go to jail?'

'...You're marrying Luna?'

'Yeah, fuck it.'

'Manning up! I like it!'