Pinkies

“Elias and I changed into, for lack of a better word, Pinkie Pie,” Dan said in his lecture voice. Damn grad student should have totally been Twilight. “And you did... too. How widespread is this? Is everyone on the planet changing into... Pinkie Pie?”

“Oh no,” John assured him. “Everyone I walked by was totally still human.”

“You walked by,” Dan said flatly.

“Yeah, on the way here,” said John, smiling brightly.

“You walked here,” Dan didn't seem to be comprehending.

“I went up 3rd to main, and then down that until it turned into 11th and then it was just a few side streets here.”

“You walked here in full sight of everyone?!” Dan boggled.

“Well yeah, what was I supposed to do? Not like anyone crashed or anything!” It was then that they looked toward the front door and noticed the flashing of red and blue police sirens. “...oh,” John finished. “That's right, people call the police. Shit.”

Dan looked like he wanted to bite his tongue, or at least John's tongue, but he just spit out the words, “Find somewhere to hide. Nobody is here!”

“But we're here...” Elias said confusedly.

“Nobody. Is here.” Dan said firmly. “You hide in the closet upstairs. You hide in the front closet. I will find a hiding place in the garage.” He then went wobbling over through the kitchen to the door to the garage which obediently swung open for him and shut behind with a click. Wait what?

The sound of boots made the other two remaining ponies scatter. Elias going up the stairs absolutely silently and John practically leaping into the front closet, where the jingling of coat hangers he was sure would no, no they can't have heard anything from way outside. That would be the worst thing ever. Snerk.

He slid the closet door shut and hoped for the best. Which was a good idea it turned out because the police just walked around the house, checked behind side gates and in backyards, but how were they supposed to know that animals had figured out how to open doors? A heartwrenching knock at the door snapped him to attention, but John didn't budge no not one inch. It repeated as he chewed on his hoof nervously. Then the police just walked away.

John hid some moments more. Were they gone? Did he screw up royally? Were they just lying in wait?  Or were they sneaking up on him?! His butt smooshed against the closet wall as voices approached the closet door. He gave a silent prayer that they wouldn't find him in here but then with a rattle the closet door began to open.

“I'm so sorry guys!” he screamed, charging forward to bowl over the policeman who no doubt was peering inside. Perhaps this would buy them time to escape! John reared up ready to do a damage to some blue suited menace's face when he noticed that it was Pinkie Pie Elias below him, not an angry police officer, and there was nobody in the room besides Elias whom John had pinned to the ground, and Dan somewhat off to the side looking entirely nonplussed.

“Just as planned.” John said later after they'd assembled in the living room again. Dan clubbed him over the head, which thankfully seemed to have grown harder along with their hooves. “OK OK maybe walking around in public isn't the best idea,” John agreed, “But it worked out right?”

“Who else is a pony though?” Elias asked in that calm peaceful tone that would be better coming from Fluttershy than Pinkie Pie. It seemed to fit him though, John thought. Something about the eyes maybe. They shone with the kindness in his... soul?

“The deli,” Dan said in a note of realization.

“The deli?” John repeated confusedly.

Dan waved her hands—hooves. “Everyone at the deli must have had that dream. It was prophetic! So now you and I and Ricky and...”

“Dawn?” John offered.

“Maybe she was too far away to catch it,” Dan muttered.

“You mean like a virus?!” Elias asked, alarmed.

“No not like a-” Dan stopped with an “Uugh. I don't know what caused... it, but that's the only idea I have. We all had a dream about being Pinkie Pie and--”

“You said you don't remember your dreams!” John protested.

“I lied, OK?” Dan said in a more subdued tone. “It was too weird to say at the time.”

“Um... actually, I only remember a dream about the Fluttershy poster,” Elias offered.

“Uggh!” Dan threw up his hooves, “I have no idea what's even going on!”

“The deli is probably still important though!” John pointed out. “It's the only clue we've got.”

“We should go over there,” Elias suggested. Dan nodded and then looked at John somewhat askance.

“Are you wearing a.. backpack?”

Dan peered at John's crude attachment, head turning sideways. It looked like a backpack. Kind of cut up though.

“Of course I'm wearing a backpack,” John cheered, then coughed and added in a more even tone “Just to carry my phone and um... tools... just in case.”

“Why are you still wearing it then?” the pink pony Dan asked curiously. “We've been here for an hour now.”

“Oh yeah,” John blushed, putting a hoof behind his hair. Sitting on their fetlocks as they were it looked about, well it looked exactly Pinkie. “I can't figure out how to unclip it.”

“Let me see that,” Dan told John, leaning in to look at the clasps with an unusual sense of concentration. “Yeah I can get that!” With a flourish the clips fell away and the sideways bag slid off a grateful Pinkie Pie I mean John.

Dan backed up beaming with a little more than her normal proudness. It wasn't everyday that a pony clipped, much less unclipped a canvas bag! “Thanks so much!” John cheered, wrapping Dan up in a big hoof hug without even thinking about it. Dan stiffened surprised at the sudden contact. John wasn't exactly the touchy feely type much less the grab you in a bear hug and give you a noogie type. Wait—hey! “Hey!” Dan squeaked, scooting back and furiously unruffling her hair.

“Huh, you got something in your hair,” John mentioned, pointing at Dan's volumnuous mane.

“What, like dirt?” Dan asked, reaching a hoof up to tug at her mane.

“No like a lump or something. Did you hit your head?” John clarified worriedly.

Dan felt around and got a look of realization, “Oh that. Yeah.” Her face contorted in concentration, which would not have looked entirely silly if it had been on any other pony's face. She went on after a pause as John tried not to snicker, “You know how we all changed into Pinkie Pie?” Dan explained, “Well that's not exactly”

The screeching of tires outside cut off the convenient exposition, and Dan shouted “Hide!” again before darting back into the garage, the door closing behind him.

The car door outside their house opened, and then there was a sound of hooves clip clopping up the porch again. Oh good. Wait. Oh no.

“Ricky!” floating through the door came Pinkie Pie's voice, “I know you're in there! What did you do?!”

Dawn was at the same time both furious and terrified at the strange eldritch forces which had undoubtedly warped her body last night. There was only one she knew who could have dreamed up such an insanity. One of those who watched... that show. When the door opened there were three Pinkie Pies staring back at her. “O....K....” she said, the sound of a pony returning to a drawing board echoing through her head.

Dan gulped a bit nervously. Maybe they should have waited for her to come in the house first? Well it turned out to be a non-issue, because Pinkie Pie came right in on four unsteady hooves and stuck her nose right in John's face. “Who are you? Where's Ricky?!” She seemed right properly peeved. Like, straight hair Pinkie peeved. She had straight hair.

“You're... Ricky right?” Dan asked unsteadily, voice quavering in an unfamiliar yet familiar way. Unfamiliar from the first person sense, but familiar from the “Oh god dammit that was right out of the show” way. Talking to Pinkie Pie as Pinkie Pie wasn't high on the list of things that Dan wants to do, or even things that Dan expects he's going to have to do, or for that matter things that are even physically freaking possible!

“No I'm Dawn,” Pinkie said turning to the left to face Dan, much to John's relief.

“Then where's Ricky?”

“He left a note!” Dawn said pulling a piece of paper out of ...somewhere. On it was scrawled and I do mean scrawled “AM SR Wnt 2 Dns” the last part was barely readable, but readable.

“He never came to my house!” Dan protested, “Or even called!” Pinkie Dan paused a bit before adding, “So why did you come here first?”

“I didn't,” Dawn said through clenched teeth. She seemed to be calming down though. “I managed to get my car working...” it sounded like she was going to elaborate about glued together bookends or twin periscopes, but she just said “...somehow. When I went to your house,” she chided to Dan, “There was no note!”

“Sorry about that...” Dan said scratching at his ear. Dammit that probably appeared in the show too even on three legs. “I had to help Elias he was in serious trouble.”

“Well that's what I figured. And that's why I'm here. Now where's Ricky?”

“We told you he's not here!” John protested.

“Where is he then? I know you guys are friends. I know he likes the... the pink pony. Holy fuck is he the one changing everyone into ponies?!”

“I just woke up this way,” Dan shrugged, sitting down again. “Finding Ricky might be the key to bringing this puzzle together though. He's not exactly the 'evil mastermind' type.”

Dawn sighed flopping down splayed legged. “Why did you have to drag me into this?”

Dan put a hoof up, pontificating “It must have had something to do with that deli we last met at. We should investigate there!”

“So you mean Alice too?” she moaned, “And what about the other customers?”

“Hey guys,” Pinkie John said motioning to the empty spot to the right of him. “Elias went into the TV room uh...”

The three followed Elias there with varying degrees of dexterity. Dan was actually kind of envious that John had walked all the way here. He practically owned that body the way he was moving. Hopefully it would be that easy for the rest of them.

Elias had the remote beneath her hoof, staring expressionlessly at what turned out to be the news. They could see the police sirens flashing in Elias's eyes before they could see the TV itself. Dan stopped, then John. Then Dawn ran into their butts “Hey!” shoving them aside to push through. Neither of them reacted though, and it become obvious when she muscled her way in to see the television set.

“Police are standing by” came the boring nasal newscast, in contrast to the stark gory scene laid out before them.

“I wonder how Ricky got that much whipped cream,” Dan mumbled.

“I didn't think trucks could stack that way,” John added.

There was Dan's house, or at least what was left of it, the front liberally covered in what looked like foam confectionary. Discounting the hole blown through the center with boards sticking out everywhere along the edge. The entire place looked like a madhouse really. The trucks were leaning on each other like dominos. It was almost comical if it wasn't Dan's goddamn freaking house!

With head in hooves Dan moaned, “Why,”

“...animal spotted fleeing the scene some form of pony with...” the rest of the newscast droned on, reporting like it was a kitten rescued from a tree. Dan didn't even listen to the rest, too worried about his property values plummetting. Something about a whipped cream delivery van fire hydrant, whatever.

“Elias, turn that off,” Dawn sighed, looking at Dan concernedly. “You OK Dan?” The John Pinkie next to him said worriedly, laying a hand on Dan's flank.

“I'm going to kill him!” Dan screamed the dust blowing off the floor as a reddish aura surrounded the pony. John jerked his hand back saying “Woah woah, Dan! You're glowing, stop it! You're uh... hot-blooded?” Dan's head jerked toward John then a tired relaxation covered it, “Yeah it's not that. I... I do that sometimes.”

Dan was still glowing even relaxed. It didn't go away for about a minute last time. Pushing aside those bouncy curly bangs Dan revealed what he had discovered about the pinkies. Coming from his forehead was a bright pink unicorn horn.

“Oh,” John said stunned. “So... you're not Pinkie Pie?”

“I don't know,” Dan chewed on his words, “I think we all are, but... not quite. It's like that episode with the oh for the love of god my house!” For the first time since the precipitous transformation, Dan started crying. Over such a silly thing too. But it had equity! Equity!