Ponyville Bachelors' Club

"Come on Mac, focus," hissed Noteworthy.

"You got this. You're the champ; no way he can beat you," encouraged Caramel, urging the red draft horse on.

Mac eyed his target through white-rimmed sunglasses, graciously provided by Snowflake's fraternity years. He flicked his blonde mane out of his face and found his tongue protruding from his lips in concentration as he zeroed in on the prize. From the other side of the table, Doc coached Snowflake, who also wore a pair of white-rimmed glasses that screamed 'single'.

"If he messes up, you've got to seize the opportunity. Don't let him get away."

"Yeah," whispered the pegasus in quiet determination.

"Come on brother. I'm trying to give you some luck right now," said Lucky from behind the meathead as he patted his shoulder.

Macintosh's concentration was unbreakable, and sweat beaded on his forehead in unyielding focus. He took a deep breath in, and all present held their breath as he reared back from the table's edge, leaned forward, and released.

The ping pong ball bounced on the table with a satisfying *plink*, and arched over its target. The white plastic moved in slow motion as it drew nearer and nearer its destination, until finally, it landed in the last red cup on the far side of the table.

"Yes!" shouted Caramel as he jumped on his much larger friend, who had thrown his hooves over his head and adorned a look of nonchalant confidence.

At the same time Snowflake pounded the table and Lucky and Doc sighed in disappointment, and Thunderlane, who was wearing a white hat and aviator sunglasses, and seated on a bar stool adjacent to the table blew a whistle, raised a green flag and declared, "Match point! Big Mac is the undisputed cider pong house champion!"

The charcoal pegasus looked to Snowflake, and most likely due to his two losses that night, said, "Now drink up bitch!"

The white Pegasus's eye twitched, but he only slammed the drink down, crushed the cup against his skull, and bellowed, "YEEE-AAAH!"

"Calm your tits Snowflake," advised Lucky, "You lost. Don't act like you won."

Meanwhile, team Mac, consisting of the champ, Noteworthy and Caramel continued celebrating and cheering, practically hanging from the jungle gym that was Big Macintosh as he held his forelimbs above his head in triumph. They were barely able to keep their balance after the close tournament of cider pong. Eventually, they stopped horsing around (pun intended) long enough to talk.

"Alright," started Doc, "We're all a little tipsy, except in the case of Thunderlane, who is utterly plastered. I vote that to be the last game of cider pong we play tonight."

The others agreed, and retired the ping pong table.

"But we can't end the night yet. It's only eight," argued Noteworthy whose amber eyes had been corrupted by the redness brought on by drink.

"I've got an idea," said Lucky, a bit too gleefully to not raise suspicion.

************

"If I'm gonna play poker with Lucky, I need to sober up first," said Thunderlane as he retreated from the table to retrieve an energy drink and a bottle of water from Snowflake's fridge, "Don't deal me in yet."

"Whatever ya say Lane," agreed Noteworthy as he started passing out cards around the table, two per player.

"Big blind's ten bits, small's five," stated Lucky, comfortable in his domain of expertise.

He was the only stallion at the table that had chosen to continue drinking cider; the others were going thirsty. They knew that in order to have any kind of a chance against the gambler, they needed their wits sharp and their eyes clear. Lucky however, didn't need to take extra precautions; his friends weren't total failures when it came to gambling, but they were nothing compared to the world cup tournament players he was used to beating.

Each of the stallions slyly peered down at their cards, and checks went around the table.

"The flop is..." said Noteworthy in anticipation as he laid down the first three cards, "jack of clubs, three of diamonds, queen of hearts."

Caramel looked down at his cards; the three of hearts and the ten of spades. He had a pair, and his heart rose a bit in excitement. He checked himself suddenly, and looked up to see Lucky staring at him, an evil grin across his face.

"Dammit," he grumbled under his breath.

He had practically told the shark his hand.

"I raise," said Lucky brazenly as he pushed ten more coins to the center of the table, prompting everypony but Caramel to immediately fold.

The stallion eyed his opponent closely, trying to determine what his blue friend had concealed beneath his hooves. Internally, he took his time debating his next move.

"He's probably bluffing me. But I only have a low pair. No, ten bits; he wouldn't bluff with that much when he bought in with fifteen. He's got a queen. Yeah that's it, he's got a queen."

"I fold," said Caramel, flipping his cards to the center of the table.

"Ha ha," cheered Lucky as he collected his bounty, allowing all to see his hand, which consisted of a pair of twos.

"What?!" yelled Caramel in disbelief upon seeing the turned over cards, "What the hay, I thought for sure you had queens. How'd you win with twos?"

"Deuces never loses," said Lucky slyly grinning at his friend, who's jaw was still hanging loosely beneath his glaring brow.

****************

"Alright, I can walk straight now," declared Thunderlane triumphantly ten hands later, "Deal me in."

The black pony took a seat, brushing a hoof through his crested silver mane, and Noteworthy passed out the cards once again.

The flop came down without any bets, as did the turn, but the river, consisting of the king, queen and ace of hearts, and two nines, one of spades and the other of clubs, prompted bountiful bits to hit the table's green felt. Apparently, all had some sort of hand.

Lucky raised the bidding from ten bits to thirty, which he had accumulated quickly in the first few hands, and all but Thunderlane were able to make the check.

The black pegasus looked down into the faces of his cards; he had a nine and a two, which appeared to be much better of a combination through his still tipsy eyes.

"All in!" he said confidently as he pushed his whole ten bits to the center of the table.

"That's not enough," explained Doc, "You're still twenty short."

Thunderlane lowered his muzzle in thought, but then he climbed onto the table, laying over the jackpot like a model.

"What's this?" asked Lucky, gesturing at the prostrate stallion before him, "What are you betting?"

"My dignity," responded the Pegasus as he caressed his own flank.

"Can you do that?" asked Caramel.

"Why not? It is something after all, and you could argue that he's worth at least twenty bits," said Doc, prompting Big Mac to scoot his chair a bit farther away from him with an uncomfortable expression.

"Not like that!" the brown stallion tried to explain, "I meant..."

"Oh, but it is like that," said Thunderlane seductively, maintaining eye contact with Lucky the whole time.

"Dude," began Snowflake, his voice weak and a bit shaky, and his face pale, "you forgot to call no homo."

"Exactly," he hissed, lustfully looking into the eyes of his opponent.

Lucky looked down into his hooves; he had an unbeatable hand, his own jack and ten of hearts matching the river's trio to make a royal flush. He glanced back and forth between the pile of money and Thunderlane, who he would have to accept alongside the coins if he won.

"Come on big boy," said Thunderlane, making eyes at the stallion, "You know you want it."

The pegasus patted his own flank, and just as his tongue started to slowly wet his lips, all the others folded in unison.

"Yes!" roared Thunderlane, gathering an enormous sum out from beneath himself and turning his own cards over, "You were right Lucky. Deuces never loses!"

The stallions exchanged worried glances with each other while Thunderlane amassed his winnings. Their friend's moment was almost unbearable, but being as drunk as he was, they tried to dismiss the act as harmlessly frivolous. After all, he had won the game, so the strategy, however unorthodox, worked.

"That's quite enough of that," said Doc as he retired the remainder of his money to a saddlebag and retrieved a glass of cider from the counter.

"Get back here you pussy!" yelled Snowflake, unwilling to let the game stop before he won his money back, which Thunderlane was vigorously hugging.

Noteworthy began dealing another hand, and all bought in, except for Big Macintosh, who also resigned his money for another time when the outcome would be more certain.

"Come on you guys, why won't you play?" asked Caramel disappointedly.

"Because I prefer intellectuality over barbaric behaviors like gambling, no matter how fun or lucrative it can be at times, and I'm bleeding money to that shark," he said, pointing to a grinning Lucky, "and I'd rather have some funds for food next week. Besides, I find talking to you blokes much more satisfying; it's what I look forward to most in these nights."

The others chuckled a bit before Thunderlane asked, "And why's that Doc?"

"Well, living here is great. I have consistent work and everypony is nice, and the stallion to mare ratio is very favorable, but that's a blessing and a curse at once. It's hard to be a guy when you're constantly around girls."

The others laid their cards down and forgot about the game for a second while they listened at tentatively.

"I can't go to a mare with half the things I keep bottled up inside. I don't have a release for most of the things I keep locked up within. I can't go to hardly anypony in this place save you six to talk about desire, or anger, or half the things that come with being a stallion. They don't understand, they can't understand. That's why I treasure our little therapy sessions."

All present nodded upon his conclusion, and the card game gave way involuntarily to talking.