Bacchus and Benjy

*Author’s Note*

I’m dumb, that is all.

Chapter 8 ~ Puttin on the Ritz

I gaze around the warehouse.  The Tesla coils are prepped for the procedure.  Large devices loom ominously against the wall; they have large blinking sets of lights that seem to make horrid, judgmental faces when you aren’t watching.  I’ve set up big whirring devices that look like a combination of a butterfly net, an anemometer, and an eggbeater to counteract the wibbly wobbly timey wimy stuff.

The warehouse appears as though all the color has been dragged, kicking and screaming, out of the room.  The weather team looks like it has done well conjuring this storm.  It’s… Magnificent.  Gigantic cumulous clouds loiter about waiting for exact moment at which to strike!

There are half filled glasses of Celestia knows what peppering the room.  I say glasses but I’ve pretty much filled up anything that would hold a liquid.  There is, of course, tankards but there are also odd things like bowls, a ladle (we don’t have a ladle), a gourd or two, there is even a discolored sock tacked on wall that I used for… straining? Maybe?  I don’t remember.  I’ll worry about that later, back to the experiment!

I hear a rumble from above as the clouds become impatient.  Almost complete, and then we’ll be ready for the spark!

“PINKGOR!  Prepare… the subject.”

“It’s pronounced Pie-gor.”  She touches a hoof to her head in salute.  She hobbles to a large metal table with a large barrel of the most evil liquid of all time waiting and listening; biding its time till it can be free.  Pie-gor attaches the giant metal diodes to the cask and attaches the long wires to… the machines.

“Ready Master!” she croaks out as she completes her task.

The first bolt of lightning crashes off in the distance.  The thunder reverberates unapologetically throughout the warehouse, shaking the random glass instruments around the room.

Gooooood goooood.  This storm sounds absolutely perfect.

“Pie-gore!  Prepare to throw the switch!”  She nods her head as she shuffles her way to the cartoonishly large throw switch.

The second lightning strike hits much closer to the warehouse.

“IT’S TIME!”  I point to my loyal assistant as she grips the throw switch and, with much great effort, throws the switch.

Time seems to slow down as the machines prepare themselves for the change.  Strange noises from every direction begin trying to contest for the loudest.  The buzzing from the lightning rod on ceiling wins that contest hooves down with barely any resistance from the feeble competition.

The third bolt hits the lightning rod, I can see the extra electricity jumping from metal parts to other metal parts, passing through the diodes, and finally getting into the barrel.

The lights go out as this all happens in an instant.  An indomitable silence envelopes the warehouse.

A flame appears to the side of me, Pie-gore sidles up to me and brings her candle up to the cask.

“Well Master, it’s completed.” I nod to her and tap the keg. I grab a tankard and fill it to the brim with what used to pass as grape juice.  I look at the end result.  A clear liquid bubbles evilly and angrily in it.

Well, you only live once.  I bring up the tankard to my lips and my sense of self preservation kicks in.

“Pie-gore, drink this!”  I hoof her over the tankard.

She inspects it a bit before chugging down most of it.  She drops the tankard causing it to shatter as a screech of pain exits her mouth.  She doubles over in pain as the transformation begins.  In her scrunched ball of agony, the changes seem small yet with every change she is wracked with a new pain, or so it seems.

It’s over within a minute, she’s breathing heavily when it’s done.  She slowly stands and I can see the differences immediately.  Her mane and tail have been straightened; her clothes (which used to be a simple cloak) are now a full three piece suit, she’s now wearing a bowler, and I’m fairly sure she didn’t have that pipe before.

“Pie-gore?  How are you feeling?”

She draws herself up to her full height, in her new splendiferous attire and fixes a glare on me filled with pure, unadulterated disdain.

“The name is Dr. Pie!  You cur!”  She says in the most posh accent I've ever heard.

She lets out a loud audible *A HUFF* and strolls out of the warehouse in her huff.

…Well, that’s odd…

Odd/Interesting same thing basically.  I fill another tankard with the cruel liquid.  FOR SCIENCE!

I close my eyes and bring the tankard to my mouth draining the tankard before the nasty brew can take effect.  Lots of things happen all at once.  Things become bright and more animated.  It seems as though the world has become a happier place as soft piano fills the air with its dulcet tones.

And then the cracking began, It began with my back legs breaking into a weird straight angle.  Pain wrenched through my body as bones bent in ways that nature never intended.  The disgusting sound of the breaking bones continues, this process isn’t finished with me yet.  I can feel almost everything about myself elongating.  I curl into a little ball of pain, tears, and fear.  Please let this end soon, I hope my body can take it.  I keep my eyes close with my hooves over them in an attempt to lessen the pain, Celestia knows it didn’t help.

It seems like ages as the cracks start to lessen in frequency and in pain.  Eventually, the warehouse becomes completely silent.  Not wanting to jinx anything I stay in my fetal position for a good 10 minutes waiting for a sign from who knows where.  My eyes open hesitantly to find my hooves still blocking my vision.  Something’s not right though, my hooves they’re different.  They’ve got five digits attached to each of them and they’re much softer than I remember.  OH SWEET CELESTIA WHAT HAVE I DONE!  I try and rush to find a mirror to see what I’ve become.  I gallop as fast as I can on my new extremities, which isn’t fast at all.  I’ve got digits on my back legs too, but they seem totally useless.  The biggest mirror we have is in Benjy’s room and I come to one of my biggest obstacles yet…

STAIRS!

I try a few times to take the stairs only to fall down and hit every step of progress I’ve made. (Literally and metaphorically)

Using my new front hooves to lean against the wall, I balance on my back legs and make my way up the stairs.

With moderate success and a lot of time, I finally make my way up the stairs.  I rush into Benjy’s room so I can get a look at my form…

…

…

I’m still balancing on my back legs as I get to the long mirror.  Well it doesn’t look to bad.  My height has at least doubled, my mane is about the same color but my body is a dull peach color, I kinda look like a naked weasel ape.  My eyes continue the inspection of my new body, they finally reach my *ahem* lower region…

“WHAT HAS SCIENCE DONE!  AHHHHHHHHH!” A scream is dragged out of my throat.

“Ahhh!”  My conciseness slaps me awake.  I’m sitting at my bench in my warehouse.  Several different grape products litter the table as I remember what I was doing.  A sigh of relief escapes my throat.

“Well that was a weird one.”  A smooth, cocky voice chimes in.

“Yeah… wait what?”