Medicine

I felt smart, like I could think. It felt good. Not good, no, it felt great.

"Thank you, pony!" I waved and made my way to work.

The post office lay just ahead, a lantern in the midst of the dark fog that lay over a bastardized, corrupt version of Ponyville. The cobblestones never looked so grimy. The walls were coated with a mottled, whipping black moss and I could hear ponies whisper. I heard them all the time. And they whispered sad things.

The ponies sounded like me.

"You've let your yourself depend on your helpless child."

"She's carrying things across the streets of Ponyville that even grown mares shouldn't. Things to get arrested for."

"How do you think she manages to pay to keep you both alive?"

"Your job hardly pays minimum wage."

"You plan to support a child like that? You're pathetic."

They weren't sad. They were mean.

I ran to school, making sure my muffin was okay.

I felt sad.

All the things that my voice kept saying about myself. All the things my voice kept saying about Dinky.

A dark, rotting school house creaked as I pounded on the door, eyes wide in panic.

My daughter's teacher was at the door it wasn't my daughter.

"Where's Dinky? Is she okay?"

"She's here, Miss Derpy... Do you want to talk to her outside?"

"Yes! Now."

My baby child walked out of the dreary schoolhouse, her beautiful periwinkle coat standing out against the monochrome world that I was seeing.

"I fixed it, baby."

"Mommy, it's okay. The table isn't ruined..." My child kept talking, "You don't need to be sad."

"Oh, I can't help it now. Mommy's going to be sad for as long as she cares for you. But that's okay. Because you'll be happy. You won't have to be sad."

"Muffin, what did I find in your saddlebags 5 days ago?"

My child's ear perked up and drooped down, her eyes would not meet mine. I finally understood why the words "sapphire" and "dust" were in the same sentence together.

"Baby, mommy isn't stupid anymore. I fixed it. I fixed it, baby."

"I can work now..."

"I can buy food..."

"I can clean..."

"It's okay, baby. It's all fixed." I ran my forehoof through her hair, cuddling her under my wing.

"It's dark out, you go back inside and get smart, just like mommy did."

I watched my little muffin trot back into the abandoned school house and stared at the door as vines crept out of the lock. Love you...

I had been smart for 6 days now. I even showed up on Saturday to work extra. It was always so dark and gross, everywhere. It kept getting darker and foggier, and I even tried to blow it away with my wings once.

It didn't work.

I got money and I paid for food.

The food didn't taste as good as I thought it would. The apples tasted like stale, moldy bread and my cereal tasted like flintstones dipped in spit. The toaster wasn't shiny anymore. The bathroom was never clean, no matter how much I scrubbed.

The lights weren't bright enough.

Dinky's mommy wasn't smart enough.

I'd been clear-minded for over 2 weeks.

I woke up this morning, calculating each hoofstep with refined familiarity. My daughter lay in her bed, sprawled out and sleeping soundly. I left my lips upon her forehead lightly, but for only a moment, as not to wake her. She lay in her bed still, unmoved and still sprawled out. She was practically dead.

I walked down the stairs, wondering if I would ever fall down them and not get back up.

The cereal tinkled into my ceramic bowl, emblazoned on a side with a crudely drawn portrait of myself. I poured my milk in, the thick, white substances filled in the mouths of the donut shaped cereal bits and began choking them with the viscous substance. I stabbed my spoon into the mixture and ripped out a large portion of the being and stuffed it into my mouth, grinding the remains between my teeth and sealing their fate with a strained gulp.

I checked Dinky's bag after I had finished eating the the entire corpse that I called a breakfast meal. No narcotics were to be found, and her 13 pencils served a bitter reminder that these pills were a turning point in my life, from a stupid, incompetent pegasus to an intelligent mare, capable of holding her own and support a well-beloved child.

"Dinky, you have school. You should get up." I called out to her sleeping figure as I passed her door on the way to my room. As soon as I heard her rouse from her slumber and land her small little hooves on the carpet, I lay down on my bed, ready for a nap. I closed my eyes and tuned out from the dark, dirty world.

Derpy Hooves woke up in a cold sweat.

Derpy Hooves. Yep. That's... that's me. I woke up.

I had a nightmare. I didn't like it.

I got up to see my baby girl, my little muffin. I walked into the hallway and looked at the cute little painting she made.

It was a small, dinky petunia in our front yard that had been there for years. It was such a pretty, hot pink. I told her one time that it reminded me of her.

She was so happy.

I was happy that she was. I walked down to the bathroom and opened a little cup. I picked it up and opened it with my hooves and pulled out a white little button. I don't really remember why I eat them, but they make me feel smart and not stupid.

I'm a stupid mommy so I make myself a smart mommy.

I ate one and I wasn't smart yet.

I'm still a stupid mommy. I walked to the kitchen and found a mop in the sink and a bowl and spoon with dried milk on it. I ate cereal. I don't remember when.

If I was smart I would remember.

I went to the bathroom to eat my pills. That's why I got up. I filled a cup up with water so I could swallow another.

I gulped down the cup when I put a pill in my mouth.

I swallowed all of them in the cup.

I'm such a stupid mommy.