Legion's Plague

Alexis shot up angrily. This stallion was practically running around calling her mother a whore? Unless she was sold way back when (which wouldn't count, even now), this.....great big flaming bazooka of a cockhead was all sorts of wrong. She put her staff down firmly into the ground and held her fists before the stallion's face, making sure the knuckles of her right were pointed up and the ones on her left facing downward. She moved her left hand as though she were cranking a jack-in-the-box. Lazarus had a music box version of Pop Goes the Weasel playing and, on cue, Alexis' middle finger shot straight up and was quickly thrust into the stallion's left eye. He bled and screamed like he traded places with Oedipus right then and there. Immediately, a flash of emerald green magic send both necromancer and scythe flying quite a ways back. Alexis crashed into a door that held firm. She stood up without so much as a wince of pain, let alone a mere second of stalling.

"I WILL KILL YOU!" Shouted the stallion as he reared up on his hind legs and clutched his wound with his forelegs. Strangely, another flesh-stick quickly emerged from its sheath. Lazarus was yet again turned on by the sight.

"Punch me, Lancelot." Lazarus practically begged as he spoke those words. The red-haired lance-master did as he was told, being extra-sure to punch his friend right into his...problem point. The God of the Winds yelped in a sort of pained pleasure as his ass landed onto the ground. The member dropped down obediently, and Lancelot punched again to make sure it would stay down for once. Lazarus yelped again.

The other stallion helped the first to the pedestal. "What you've done to my brother Flam wasn't exactly the best course of action to take, missy," Snarled the stallion, Flim, in a feral growl, "And the same goes for Lancelot and Lazarus," he soon added as his horn flared a sickly green.

Lancelot and Lazarus suddenly recalled everything. Something about a cider-making contest in which they lost.

Happy times, no?

They knew it was happy times for them...but about the infamous cheating, no-good scumbags, overzealous Flim-Flam Brothers? Oh, they knew that, for said Brothers, it was an entirely different story.

But they didn't know how the Brother's story exactly played out in the years after the God and Dragoon were integrated as a sort of branch to the very famous Wandering Heroes (or infamous, depending on who you asked.)

Kaleb raised an eyebrow at the mess quickly unfolding before him. In fact, he couldn't even comprehend why Flam got hard after literally having his eye poked out. "Eros must've cursed these poor siblings, but one very clearly has it worse than the other..." He murmured under his breath, shaking his head sadly. And then there was Lazarus, who also got turned on in in turn from merely seeing Flam's unhealthy-looking, twig-like penis. Then again, it was considerably healthier than the Guards running amok, so Kaleb really couldn't say much on the issue. Poor Lazarus, also being cursed by Eros. It was a safe bet that the god of unfair love (whose counterpart is Cupid, mind you) was playing pranks on absolutely everything on this fine and dandy evening due to boredom.

No, literally, that could explain it all, according to Kaleb. That was his logic.

Wing could not help but blush through her black fur. It was a mixture of appalled confusion and sheer demand for the meat-stick. If she were a unicorn with the 'Want It, Need It' spell on hoof, she'd use it instantly. Sadly, she couldn't in the battlefield. A sharp pang hit her furry nethers and she yelped in surprise. Her wings shot out to full length and remained stiff as boards. Kaleb looked at the werewolf and raised his other eyebrow. His face then curled into disgust. He was frowning, his eye was twitching, and it stayed that way. "Not her too..." He whispered with a sigh.

Now this was getting too out of control. It seemed as if even Zeus wouldn't do anything about it.

The funnel of the machine whirred to life again. It sucked up several barrels at once and then fired them at the party like bullets from a gun. This caused everyone to literally scatter quite a few feet away from one another in order to avoid the barrels, which spontaneously exploded into a horrid mixture of burning flesh and wood. The next round of barrels were aimed right at Alexis, who quickly shoved the foot of her staff down into the ground and inexplicably cast a spell that caused hollowed-out, golden stars to rain onto the volley of barrels and deflect them away. More explosions occurred, and thankfully, nobody was hurt.....

.....Yet.

"If only we knew how to stop them!" Fang shrieked in complete surprise as he was outrunning a machine-gun volley of barrels. He ran in circles around the machine, but it didn't spin like he had predicted it would. Rather, that damn funnel was spinning like it had a hawk's eye on him. It was firing barrels seemingly non-stop, and Fang was getting a bit tired.

"You can't stop us, horrid mix-breed!" Flam bellowed in response with a sinister grin on his muzzle. He was enjoying this sight alright. "Just because I have one eye doesn't mean that I am finished!" He added.

Wing yelped again, this time in disgust. This stallion sounded like he was jerking off to the sight of her brother being hammered by exploding, corpse-filled barrels. Even his foreleg was moving in that fashion. If Rarity were here, she'd bitch to high heaven and back. Breathing in deeply and exhaling over and over to calm herself, she felt her wings loosen a lot.

And now, they were functional.

She started flapping them and suddenly shot into the sky like a rocket. Her wings flared down the length of her backside and didn't flap again until she was just under the clouds. She opened her mouth and a white glow sat between her jaws, getting larger and larger.

All grew dark and thunder clashed whilst lightning danced in the sky.

The dual, crimson half-moons appeared. Just below, a rather thick layer of glass followed. The moonlight was divided into seven colors of the rainbow, and these bits of light danced in such a way spirals were being formed.

Alexis covered her ears as the funnel stopped firing volleys at Fang. The male werewolf had a pair of earmuffs on his head.

The Brothers looked up at Wing. A white circle appeared underneath where she had been flying. It shot a beam and so did the scattered rainbow prisms which quickly became a part of the main beam. Wing let off a scream of anger and agony mixed together that broke the glass layer underneath the moons as everything went dark.

More screaming of anger followed. And the sounds of things cutting other things.

It quickly ceased.

Then, light was restored. The funnel had been sliced off with a piece of glass. The machine had been sliced cleanly into eighths. The Brothers, having had a magic force-field which ate half the glass, remained unaffected.

The machine was repaired good as new in two seconds by the Brother's magic. Now, their horns flickered with red, sparking arcane energy. The engine whirred to life and the funnel began firing more barrels at the rest of the party.

One hit Kaleb smack in the face with such force he landed flat on his back. He stood up roaring like a soldier in ancient Greek times. He then drew two swords, one turned into a spear and the other into a Spartan shield as more ancient armor, complete with decorated helmet, cast of beautiful silver appeared to replace the armor he already had. He roared once more and charged straight towards the machine as fire imbued the spear with the hate of Hades. Again and again he stabbed and smacked the machine with the damn thing whilst roaring non-stop. He even pushed the Brothers aside as though they were but twigs.

Everyone watched as the apparently Spartan soldier wrecked the machine into its most basic components...and then turns those components into ground ash. The armor and weaponry soon reverted to what they had been before the barrel hit him.

"That explains his bulk." Alexis scoffed in shock. "He's a goddamn Spartan, and mom said that goddamn Spartans weren't to be fucked around with!"

Kaleb soon turned to the Brothers, rage still quite evident on his face. The Brothers repaired their machine quick as a whip.

"Come here and pound us, you sexy meanie!" Flim taunted, actually shaking his flanks in a suggestive manner towards Kaleb.

"I envy our machine because you punished her, not us." Flam teased, doing much the same thing as his flesh-stick smacked his belly.

"AW MY GAAAAWD. NO. THEY DIDN'T!!" Lazarus shrieked in complete jealousy, arousal, and shock. His hands went and grasped the sides of his head as though he were going to rip some hair out.

One thing leads to the next with him, don't it? Lancelot thought, glaring at Lazarus with a contorted expression.

Everything suddenly went dark again. The moons returned and more lightning danced. This time, the howl of a man stuck in World War II sounded not too far off in the distance. Metallic wheels sounded soon after, but this time these wheels sounded as though they were attached to a tank--that is to say, much smoother and more discernible.

A masculine, low-singing chorus singing in unison faded out and bells started to toll.

Dong.

Dong.

Dong.

Dong.

Dong.

Dong.

Dong.

Dong.

A sinister organ began playing, and a feminine chorus soon joined in for reasons unknown.

A shape drew closer...and closer....and closer until a huge but slim gun's barrel stared down the Brothers at point-blank range. Two machine guns, another set of huge drills, and lots of spikes had decorated what was a tank.

But not just any tank, for this was the Valkyrie. And sitting on top was a half-pony man in a Nazi suit. His scarlet-brown mane reflected so dully in the moonlight that it nearly became black, save a small silver vein. His piercing red eyes shot right into the souls of the Brothers with malicious intent. Pony legs of a dark grey-orange color that ended in dark red hooves were crossed, and on his flanks was a nuclear bomb painted red and grey with an inverted swastika. Metallic wings with steel joints and copper feathers spread out full length, and tufted pony ears were on the sides of the man's head. Other than that, he was indeed human....wasn't he?

Lightning danced, further revealing his darkened form. A black hat of Nazi origin sat between his ears and a long, black trenchcoat of the same era of sorts covered most of his otherwise-nude body. A black loincloth covered his essentials, thus keeping them hidden from the eyes of all in the immediate area. His human features showed a lack of health and pale skin, but he did seem to be recovering. A tail the same color as his mane wavered in the breeze, and it almost seemed as if it were ghostly, given the poor moonlight reflection.

The Brothers instantly recognized him, despite his obvious changes. "It's the Nazi who plays Yahtzee!" They taunted, pointing rather accusingly at said Nazi with smiles on their faces.

The man drew a black, thorned sword very similar to the earring Kaleb had found. In a single motion he jumped to the Brothers, who soon found themselves screaming in agony and hatred. Their foreheads were bleeding, and their now-detached horns were tossed to Alexis, who snatched them out of the air and put them in her pocket. The funneled machine became the same ash Kaleb created only moments before. Both stallions hurriedly backed into a corner as the Valkyrie drew closer to them.

Closer....closer....and closer still, stopping short of their hind legs. The man's shadow loomed over them, his face plastered with sinister intent.

"Forgive us, Lance!" Cried the Brothers fruitlessly, shielding their faces with their forelegs.

"Were you saying you'd do bad things to my son and little siblings, you sick bastards?" Lance asked, almost hissing each word out in demonic fury. His face curled into a snarl.

Darkness returned. And the Brothers screamed so loud it echoed in the town for what seemed to be an eternity.