Some Letters to Celestia

Dear Princess Celestia,

I know you have been waiting for your dear Twilight Sparkle to respond to your many heart warming and somewhat worried letters, but I regret to inform you that she will not be able to respond to you, at least not a very long time, or ever for that matter. She has been in my home within Manhattan for the past few days now, and I thought I owed as much as to tell you how she died. Allow me at least one spoiler it was slow and painful. Even now I fantasize about eating the leftovers from the final blow, but allow me to be more specific about what happened.

It was quite dark, I have never been much of a fan of having lights on when torturing. Did you know Twilight had quite the colorful vocabulary. She was screaming profanities, and that's all she did, well at least when she wasn't begging for mercy. Oh look at me getting off topic again. Alright I am being serious now it was quite dark and she tied up with some chains they were rusty mind you I couldn't let her be to comfortable. She was laying on a little wooden board perfect for her size, and had to trim her horn, well I didn't trim it as much as I took a bone saw and slowly slicing through the bone. Her screams were invigorating and there was a small amount of blood. I wish I could tell you the pain she was feeling, but I do remember something she said and I believe it was about you.

"Princess Celestia will have you killed, you piece of villainy." She said. Calling me villainy, oh she is delusional, well maybe I am a villain, but I do not feel like talking about psychology in this letter, but maybe another time. I believe she also said something about me being tortured for my crimes, I don't remember the exact words all I remember is finally slicing through her horn and smashing stub with a hammer. It looked it caused some tremors in the little mare.

She started screaming again so I stitched her lips shut, now that is a funny story. While I was stitching her lips shut, so she would be quiet you actually sent a letter to her. I read it and it had something to do with you coming to Ponyville and checking her because she had responded to any of your letters in the recent past, so I decided before I finished stitching her lips shut I would chop that scroll up and make her eat it. She refused at first but after a few strikes from the trusty hammer she ate it. The paper cut her tongue and she started crying again, so I started stitching again. It took me about five minutes to finish the job, and it was bliss their was no noise. Their were tears, but at least their was no noise. Oh and the blood, she was bleeding quite extravagantly and it was getting everywhere. I had to punish her for bleeding of course, so I took out my ball point hammer and broke her nose. She started bleeding more, but I decided not to punish her, for it would be in vain at this point. I believe she vomited inside her mouth. Not just a little spit up; she was full vomiting like you would if you had the influenza, and of she ate of it. That disgusted and I am the one who caused the travesty.

I bandaged her up to help stop the bleeding, and then I was just staring at her. I don't know the prospect of a unicorn is amazing to me let alone a talking one. I believe I sat there for about ten minutes, when I decided to make a sandwich. I didn't have any meat so I took some of the flesh off of Twilight's flank. Essentially I ate her cutie mark a side of cream cheese and earl grey tea. I am not a barbarian, although you think that from my mannerisms, but I am not. I was kind enough to off her a little salad, to which she refused. It probably had something to with her inoperable mouth, but I would have used a knife and cut the stitches so she could eat, and my have let her keep her mouth open. It is so rude to deny something when you are a guest in someone home, but I forgave her, for I could she was in pain.

After I finished my sandwich, and drank my tea which was very good by the way. I believe I took a new tool I had only recently obtained from Canterlot of all places! It was telescope from Luna's observatory, and I started to beat her with it. Now, I didn't smack it across  her face I have sense of imagination. I believe I shattered the glass and glued the shards down the sides of the telescope and hit her in the freshly skinned and raw flank with it. Oh she was sobbing by that point, I can't believe she is so weak, but never mind that. She started to bleed even more on my nice carpet; your student is so rude Princess Celestia, how could you ever teach a unicorn like this. I was forced to once again bandage her wounds and then clean my carpet, which I then had to put some towels down so she wouldn't bleed all over the place.

I was getting bored by this point so I stuck her leg to a portable heater, turned it on max, and then took a nap. It was only a catnap mind you I was up in about an hour, but by then she had broken her stitches and was screaming. I guess I was slightly less nonchalant than I would like to admit when addressing this. I took the heater away of course and looked at the would. Easily third degree burns, which was exactly what I was looking for. It looked like she had been bathing for a long time that is who wrinkled she was. The fur was completely burned of course leaving only charred flesh which is how I know this.

The burnt flesh started to smell so I decided to give her a little bath. With a small of course! I couldn't let her enjoy some peace, I filled up the tub with some citrus acid and threw her in there with her above the water so she wouldn't drown. I had to stick a rag in her mouth so she didn't bite off her own tongue and choke on it. I believe I let her soak for a few minutes and she did smell much better although I believe may have been in slightly more pain than I expected, for she was passed out when I dragged her out of the tub. I guess that is why she was so quiet.

I dragged her back down into my basement and tied her up of course, for if she was loose alive today. You know what I may as well tell when I received her. It was actually in Canterlot I was the strange creature in your throne room assisting you carry a few things around and handle some errands in the castle. I believe your words were that I was quite intelligent and strong, and I thank you for that compliment Princess Celestia. I saw Twilight with and I thought wouldn't it be fun to kill her I mean it would bring physical pain to Twilight and Emotional pain to you. A win win situation in my book. So I started talking to her and you at the same time actually you sent us to Manehatten on an errand, and we went of course. I would like to say though we did make the errand on our way in, but then I drugged her and carried her into my home. Now you are caught up with the events of how she ended up here.

Now, what I did next you are probably going to find somewhat cruel and possibly disgusting I can't put words in your mouth. I mean you probably have servants for that. See, I can be funny to. A murderer, an errand boy, and a comic who would have known. Oh look at me getting off topic again, I chopped her tail off and drained the blood into a large gallon bucket, before welding the wound shut so she wouldn't bleed anymore. I proceeded to put the blood in two wine glasses and took a small sip. It was sweet like cherries, but yet it was bitter like alcohol. Would it be safe to assume you bleed cherry wine? In all seriousness though I started drinking and I offered her a sip, and she refused. I was done with her refusal of my generosity I forced it down her throat. Glass after Glass of her own blood going down her gullet, and it was quite the site to see her squirm as I poured it down. She started crying and vomiting again, but I couldn't let her start vomiting again so I drove a nice large iron bolt through her lips so they could not be opened. She ate her vomit once again, but there was not nearly as much of it as the first time which was a relief for me, and think a bit happy she didn't eat a ton of it again. Then again however the emotions were conflicted with iron spike being driven through her lips which I proceeded to remove as she screamed more.

After that fiasco I decided to practice a new art I had learned. I am not much of a drawer, but I decided to have some fun, and try to draw your precious Twilight using a small scalpel as my pen and her chest as my paper. It was going well till she started squirming and screaming again. What is with Twilight and screaming she hadn't her fate yet is quite hilarious considering how intelligent she is. I may have distorted her nose making her look like somewhat of an alien, but oh well the rest of it looked well and good. I decided to keep my little art piece and use the scalpel and skin her chest. I started by making a small incision around the top of her chest and slicing ever so slowly around the carving. I actually managed to do it without her squirming, to which of course she was praised with the option of picking her next torture.

Twilight picked the all popular breaking of bones, which is fun for me and painful for her. This was when I got to show her my sledgehammer and started by shattering her leg into hundreds of pieces. The look on her face was priceless a mix of pain and surprise because told that it was more than likely I would just smash her mouth, but honestly I don't understand how having your jaw broken is worse than your leg. I continued to break the rest of her limbs, and she looked strange and distorted as if she was a plush toy with the broken pieces of bone being her stuffing.

I then told her that she was nearly done, but I would have to remove her eyes. I produced two of my favorite little toys two needles. I lightly and carefully stabbed her eyeballs with them and took them out like meatballs. The only problem was the muscle connecting the eyes to the brain which I cut with a small blade I had on the moment. I was feeling tired at that point and decided to it would quite hilarious if I started pouring salt into her eye sockets. She squirmed and screamed, but you understand she is a weakling.

I was tired of her to be perfectly honest, so I decided to be generous, and take blade and slit her neck. She bled out shortly after.

So Princess Celestia, I have killed your student and you are partially to blame for trusting someone like me. I know I am likeable, but you shouldn't trust just anyone you see. I hope you have fun finding me, we could make a game of it, but that is for another time.

With all due respect,

The Human You Hate.