The Real Princess Twilight

The City of Canterlot. The centre of Equestria, dubbed the Kingdom of the Mountains. The city and its residents flourished in the light that bathed the land in luminance. The city itself shined in a brilliance which could disperse any despair residing in a depressed pony, and within the Canterlot Castle walls resting in the city ruled the two regal sisters, each commanding a celestial body.

A lavender blur sped down the royal halls of Canterlot. That blur was of course the newly crowned princess, Twilight Sparkle. It seemed as if she was late for a big event or meeting, and anyone who knew Twilight also knew how much she despised being tardy.

Unfortunately for the hyper Element of Magic, her rush was cut short when she crashed into the pink Princess of the Crystal Empire, Mi Amore Cadenza.

"Wahh!" Twilight yelled in both surprise and pain as the back of her head made contact with the floor, along with the rest of herself moments later.

"Twilight!" Cadence shouted, clearly not expecting Twilight to be speeding down the Canterlot Castle halls in the very early morning.

"Cadence!" Twilight grinned, realizing who she happened to stumble upon. And then almost by instinct, both ponies got off of the floor and engaged in a very heartwarming series of motions followed by an amusing chanter most of you would recognize:

"Sunshine, sunshine, ladybugs awake, clap your hooves and do a little shake!" Both ponies sang in unison, followed by a playful laughter. The two princesses were very much overjoyed at their sudden meet.

"Twilight, I’m so glad I can finally meet up with you!” Cadence exclaimed, tapping her hooves off the tiled floor unable to contain her excitement. “But, why are you up and running so early in the morning? You should be gathering up the energy necessary to complete your royal duties, otherwise you’ll be overwhelmed.”

"I received a message from one of the guards.” Twilight explained to the disoriented pink princess. “Celestia wants me to report to the royal throne room right away.”

"Oh. Well that’s a bit peculiar of her." Cadence said, clearly suspicious of Celestia’s odd behavior. “You know where the throne room is from here, right?”

Twilight took in her surroundings, and a blush formed on her cheeks. “I may have ran through the wrong hallway.”

A smirk formed on Cadence’s lips as she saw the embarrassment Twilight was clearly experiencing. “Come on. We’ll walk to there together. I’m not busy either way, and we can chat while we head to the throne room.”

The two set off toward their destination, while having a pleasant conversation. Halfway during their trot however, Twilight came to a halt as strange thoughts raced through her head and a sudden realization dawned on her.

Why am I still walking? With every inch that I go forward, I only advance the plot even more, which has undoubtedly been thought up by a thirteen-year old child. And to add to that thought, judging by the original version of the first chapter, this author isn’t even good at writing; much less plot devising and development.

“You going to catch up, Twilight?”

And if I keep following the plan the author thought up for me to go through with, I’ll just become a mindless puppet; the author being the ventriloquist.

“…Are you okay, Twilight?”

I’m no puppet! I’m Princess BUCKING Twilight Sparkle! I do what I want! I make my own stories! I choose my own path!

“Can you even hear me?”

Twilight snapped back to reality, filled with an unbridled rage. She turned towards Cadence, who was now in a state of shock and fear. For a moment, Twilight almost felt pitiful for the pink alicorn, however she didn’t hesitate to launch herself towards Cadence in a burst of energy and magic.

Her hoof collided with the terrified princess, sending her toward the sturdy castle wall. Upon contact with the solid barrier, a snapping sound was heard and Cadence let out a painful shriek that was heard throughout the entire castle.

Before Twilight could cause anymore damage to the hysterical princess, doors busted open and windows shattered as guards piled into the room, surrounding Twilight. A wide grin formed on her face. The guards gasped as her whole body started to glow and morph. Her fur turned yellow and squishy, her equine body twisted and turned until it was shaped as a square, and clothes formed on the lower half of her new body. As the light faded, her form became much clearer. Spongebob Squarepants had returned.

For a while, there was silence and not a single sane living being moved. For a while, the guards stood frozen in defensive stances with looks of shock and fear plastered on their faces. For a while, there was no hope for the guards it seemed.

That was until one guard charged towards the former Twilight Sparkle. It was unclear on whether the guard was brave or foolish, however that mad dash must have inspired the other guards to fight, because after the first guard’s act every single guard in the room charged the spongy mass.

At this point it became very clear that the guard’s act was foolish however, because as soon as the sudden turn of events happened, Spongebob Squarepants’s yellow mass expanded, fierce tendrils shooting out. The tendrils grabbed hold of the guards, Former Twilight Sparkle consuming them by stuffing the helpless stallions into her gaping mouth.

A yellow magical aura enveloped the doors at the entrance to the throne room as the massive doors were slammed open, both regal sisters jumping out to see why there was screaming happening outside their bedchambers. A look of horror spread across the sister’s faces as they saw the massive spongy monstrosity mutilate and devour the royal guards.

Suddenly, Gabe Newell came out of the shadows and beat the absolute living shit out of Celestia. Luna channeled her magic through her horn to create The Mighty Spork and thrusted it into the skull of Gabe. The force was enough to obliterate Gabe Newell in a fiery explosion, finally releasing the highly anticipated game Half-Life 3. The world then rejoiced for ages.

The explosion also obliterated the entirety of Canterlot, leaving the once beautiful city reduced to rubble.

The End