The Real Princess Twilight

Da Citizzle of Canterlot. Da centre of Equestria, dubbed tha Mackdaddydom of tha Mountains. Da hood n' its gangstas flourished up in tha light dat bathed tha land up in luminance. Da hood itself shined up in a funky-ass brilliizzle which could disperse any despair residin up in a thugged-out pissed off pony, n' within tha Canterlot Castle walls restin up in tha hood ruled tha two regal sisters, each commandin a cold-ass lil celestial body.

A lavender blur sped down tha royal hallz of Canterlot. That blur waz of course tha newly crowned bizzatch, Twilight Sparkle. Well shiiiit, it seemed as if dat biiiiatch was late fo' a funky-ass big-ass event or meeting, n' mah playas whoz ass knew Twilight also knew how tha fuck much her dope ass despised bein tardy.

Unfortunately fo' tha hyper Element of Magic, her rush was cut short when dat thugged-out biiiatch crashed tha fuck into tha pink Supa-Hoe of tha Crystal Empire, Mi Amore Cadenza.

"Wahh!" Twilight yelled up in both surprise n' pain as tha back of her head made contact wit tha floor, along wit tha rest of her muthafuckin ass moments later.

"Twilight!" Cadence shouted, clearly not expectin Twilight ta be speedin down tha Canterlot Castle halls up in tha straight-up early morning.

"Cadence!" Twilight grinned, realizin whoz ass dat freaky freaky biatch happened ta stumble upon. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch fo' realz. And then almost by instinct, both ponies gots off of tha floor n' engaged up in a straight-up heartwarmin seriez of motions followed by a amusin chanter most of y'all would recognize:

"Sunshine, sunshine, ladybugs awake, clap yo' hooves n' do a lil shake!" Both ponies busted up in unison, followed by a playful laughter n' shit. Da two bizzatches was straight-up much overjoyed at they sudden meet.

"Twilight, I’m so glad I can finally hook up wit you, nahmean biiiatch?” Cadence exclaimed, tappin her hooves off tha tiled floor unable ta contain her excitement. “But, why is you up n' hustlin so early up in tha morning, biatch? Yo ass should be gatherin up tha juice necessary ta complete yo' royal duties, otherwise you’ll be overwhelmed.”

"I received a message from one of tha guards.” Twilight explained ta tha disoriented pink bizzatch. “Celestia wants me ta report ta tha royal throne room right away.”

"Oh. Well that’s a lil' bit peculiar of her muthafuckin ass." Cadence holla'd, clearly suspiciouz of Celestia’s odd behavior. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. “Yo ass know where tha throne room is from here, right?”

Twilight took up in her surroundings, n' a funky-ass blush formed on her cheeks. “I may have ran all up in tha wack hallway.”

A smirk formed on Cadence’s lips as her big-ass booty saw tha embarrassment Twilight was clearly fuckin wit. “Come on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. We’ll strutt ta there together n' shit. I’m not busy either way, n' we can chat while our crazy asses head ta tha throne room.”

Da two set off toward they destination, while havin a pleasant conversation. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch yo. Halfway durin they trot however, Twilight came ta a halt as strange thoughts raced all up in her head n' a sudden realization dawned on her muthafuckin ass.

Why is I still strutting, biatch? With every last muthafuckin inch dat I go forward, I only advizzle tha deal even more, which has undoubtedly been thought up by a thirteen-year oldschool child. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! And ta add ta dat thought, judgin by tha original gangsta version of tha straight-up original gangsta chapter, dis lyricist isn’t even phat at writing; much less deal devisin n' pimpment.

“Yo ass goin ta catch up, Twilight?”

And if I keep followin tha plan tha lyricist thought up fo' me ta go all up in with, I’ll just become a mindless puppet; tha

lyricist bein tha ventriloquist.

“…Is you aiiight, Twilight?”

I’m no puppet son! I’m Supa-Hoe BUCKING Twilight Sparkle biaaatch! I do what tha fuck I want son! I make mah own stories muthafucka! I chizzle mah own path!

“Yo ass betta even hear me son?”

Twilight snapped back ta reality, filled wit a unbridled rage. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch turned towardz Cadence, whoz ass was now up in a state of shock n' fear. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. For a moment, Twilight almost felt pitiful fo' tha pink alicorn, however her dope ass didn’t hesitate ta launch her muthafuckin ass towardz Cadence up in a funky-ass burst of juice n' magic.

Her hoof collided wit tha terrified bizzatch, bustin her toward tha sturdy castle wall. Upon contact wit tha solid barrier, a snappin sound was heard n' Cadence let up a fucked up shriek dat was heard all up in tha entire castle.

Before Twilight could cause no mo' damage ta tha hysterical bizzatch, doors busted open n' windows shattered as guardz piled tha fuck into tha room, surroundin Twilight fo' realz. A wide grin formed on her face. Da guardz gasped as her whole body started ta glow n' morph yo. Her fur turned yellow n' squishy, her equine body twisted n' turned until dat shiznit was shaped as a square, n' threadz formed on tha lower half of her freshly smoked up body fo' realz. As tha light faded, her form became much clearer n' shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Spongebob Squarepants had returned.

For a while, there was silence n' not a single sane livin bein moved. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! For a while, tha guardz stood frozen up in defensive stances wit lookz of shock n' fear plastered on they faces. For a while, there was no hope fo' tha guardz it seemed.

That was until one guard charged towardz tha forma Twilight Sparkle. Dat shiznit was unclear on whether tha guard was brave or foolish, however dat mad dash must have inspired tha other guardz ta fight, cuz afta tha straight-up original gangsta guard’s act every last muthafuckin single guard up in tha room charged tha spongy mass.

At dis point it became straight-up clear dat tha guard’s act was foolish however, cuz as soon as tha sudden turn of events happened, Spongebob Squarepants’s yellow mass expanded, fierce tendrils blastin out. Da tendrils grabbed hold of tha guards, Forma Twilight Sparkle consumin dem by stuffin tha helpless stallions tha fuck into her gapin grill.

A yellow magical aura enveloped tha doors all up in tha entrizzle ta tha throne room as tha massive doors was slammed open, both regal sistas jumpin up ta peep why there was beatboxin goin down outside they bedchambers fo' realz. A look of horror spread across tha sister’s faces as they saw tha massive spongy monstrositizzle mutilate n' devour tha royal guards.

Suddenly, Gabe Newell came outta tha shadows n' beat tha absolute livin shiznit outta Celestia. Luna channeled her magic all up in her horn ta create Da Mighty Spork n' thrusted it tha fuck into tha skull of Gabe. Da force was enough ta obliterate Gabe Newell up in a gangbangin' fiery explosion, finally releasin tha highly anticipated game Half-Life 3. Da ghetto then rejoiced fo' ages.

Da explosion also obliterated tha entirety of Canterlot, leavin tha once dope hood reduced ta rubble.

Da End