“Out of the Frying Pan…”
[\ Play Phantom ‘Peep’ Recording Y-007-Q-445: Celestia / Foxtrot-12]

Laying on the wrecked couch, surrounded by debris and nose-to-nose with Celestia, Rigel knew full well he was thoroughly fucked. And nothing he could say would un-fuck him; so he made the most of it.

“This isn’t where I parked my car!”

To his credit, Rigel made it off the couch before Princess Celestia’s magic caught him and forced the phantom into the cushions again.

In a panic the alicorn tore strips of fabric from the couch’s backrest with her magic and in the blink of an eye bound Rigel’s wrists and ankles together, keeping his arms suspended above his head. He was immediately stuck in place staring at the grand white pony now looming over him with a manic smile.

“Gotcha!” the princess shouted proudly like she’d finally caught he filly running circles around her in a game of tag.

“I guess I’m it now? Good game. Now you run and I’ll chase.” It didn’t work, exactly as Rigel expected, but he wasn’t one to not try.

“I knew there was an invisible creature sneaking around the palace,” Celestia stated as she pinned her hooves into the couch either side of Rigel’s body.

She was practically straddling him, staring into the phantom’s goggles and trying to figure out what he was. At least… he hoped she was trying to just figure out what he was and not doing anything else. Although the way she dropped her lower body against his and was gently grinding back and forth made it abundantly clear she was thinking about other things rather than his identity.

“You’ve been watching me.”

Rigel gulped. “Well, not you specifically. And not twenty-four-seven if that’s any comfort.”

“Ohhh… that’s a pity.” There was an unreadable kind of fire in Celestia’s eyes Rigel had never seen before. And he didn’t much like it. “The idea was starting to turn me on.”

“Well that’s… uh… wait what?” Rigel was frozen as he looked Celestia up and down.

He’d been expecting her to tie him up and what not should he ever be caught. But this was rather strange. He’d never expected to be pinned underneath the alicorn with her breathing hard down his throat. What was up with that anyway?

On top of all that she looked different. Her eyes were wider, as was her usually calm motherly smile. Her expression had turned perversely manic, and her mane didn’t waver the same way it usually did. Instead of glowing like a cloud of summer colours, her mane and tail hung more like regular hair with a light shade of pink showing through.

“At least I have you now,” Celestia whispered as she lowered her face into Rigel’s neck.

It tickled in the creepiest possible way as she nuzzled her way up and down, breathing in his scent deeply. To make it worse she ran her tongue all the way across Rigel’s cheek causing him to shiver.

“Aww, yuck! C’mon!”

Celestia ignored him, savouring the taste and smell. “Ohh, you smell like the Everfree Forest. Is that where you’re from?”

Rigel didn’t answer, fearing Libby more than he feared this oestrus driven pony.

“What are you anyway? What do I call you?”

For some strange reason that escaped his immediate comprehension, Rigel’s first instinct was to run around the place flapping his arms like a maniac while yelling; ‘I’m a vampire, I’m a vampire!’

Thankfully he didn’t follow his instinct and let common sense prevail.

“I’m a phantom,” the human replied simply.

Technically he wasn’t lying, and it wouldn’t mean much to her anyway.

“Well, my delicious little Phantom. What brings you to my room at such a late hour?”

“Just thought I’d drop in, y’know? Introduce myself.”

Celestia gave a smirk, running one hoof over the human’s lips. “You’ve got a smart mouth. I should try and put it to better use.”

Rigel scoffed at the dirty suggestion in the princess’ voice. “Oh, you know what you can suck, ‘ya freak.”

Her smile confirmed that she knew exactly. “That sounds like a good idea.”

Rigel’s eyes widened wondering if this was going good or horribly wrong.

Normally speaking Rigel wouldn’t hesitate to PLF a female eager to let him in like that. But this was a little more complicated than the hussies he’d hit on at the ol’ watering hole back home on Earth.

Firstly; she was a friggin’ horse.

Secondly; SHE WAS A FRIGGIN’ HORSE!!!

Thirdly – and this was the important one – the mare shot napalm out her snatch when she creamed! And that essentially means any kind of sexual contact would end in (try to follow along because the science gets pretty complicated here) Rigel’s junk being burned off.

Celestia slid down his body slowly, her hooves busying themselves with his belt and zipper. She spoke as she worked in a low sultry tone more suited to a young porn actress than a motherly goddess of the sun.

“I have been fantasising about this for quite a while now,” she whispered popping open the button on his pants.

“Good for you.”

“In my fantasy there was some foreplay,” Celestia described flirtatiously. “Unfortunately our time may be precious. I hope you don’t mind if we keep it short.”

“Why would I mind? I’m not consenting to anything here.”

“Try not to cum too quick though. I do want to have my fill.”

“Well… shit. No pressure then.” Rigel wiggled to check if there was any play in his bonds. There was not, and the golden glow of Celestia’s magic was keeping him pinned, as if her weight couldn’t. “Oh, hey! I got an idea! Why don’t we not do this?”

“Because you are already ready for it.”

The human coughed disbelievingly. “Bullshit!”

Looking down, Rigel had barely enough time to register seeing the golden glow of Celestia’s magic and his pants gathered around his ankles like restraints. Three guesses as to who had woken up.

“Traitor,” the human seethed at his crotch.

Celestia unwrapped his shorts like she was unwrapping a Christmas present. That is to say, she tore off the clothing as quickly as possible and stared with surprise at his alien anatomy.

Not much liking the way she was looking at him, Rigel said, “What? Not big enough for ‘ya?”

“It’s… it’s…”

“Well?”

“It’s perfect.”

Rigel deadpanned. “What?”

“Oh, it’s just the right size,” Celestia crooned, very carefully touching the human penis like it was a rod of uranium. She testily played with it for a moment, watched how it bobbed and felt his pulse trapping it between her forehooves. All the time her nose was close enough for Rigel to feel her hot breath wash over him. She even took a few sniffs as if testing a perfume. “I bet it would fit perfectly.”

Rigel doubted that, not that he’d ever had any complaints with the ladies back home (other than being an asshole). He just figured since Celestia was a horse and all his human anatomy would be a little inadequate. So either Celestia was being her usual kind self, or she was plain crazy.

His money was on the latter.

After a while Rigel grew sick of Celestia’s playful batting and pawing. “Well? You gonna do it or you just gonna talk about it all day?”

The princess licked her lips, unsure for a moment. “I’m gonna do it.”

“I’ll believe that when I see it.”

“Give me a moment!”

“What, you never done this before?”

“I am a princess.”

“I’m assuming that means no.” Rigel sighed with a little relief and let his head rest back. “You’re not gonna do anything. I’ve seen your type before, all big on the talk and then when it comes to doing the deed you flutter away shyl-CHINKIES!”

Rigel’s whole body reacted almost violently as he felt a hot wet tunnel engulf his most sensitive parts. A tongue slicked his length all the way from the head right down to the base before her lips clamped down to secure an air-tight seal. What followed was a light suction as Rigel looked down with surprise and panic.

The view of his throbbing erection was replaced with the top of Celestia’s head. Her eyes were shut with focus as she began bobbing up and down, raking her wet lips over his length and at the same time being mindful not to stab her pet in the gut with her horn.

She went on like that for a while before lifting her head until she was just suckling the tip like a lollipop. Opening her eyes she let his member flick from her lips with a wet pop, then smiled.

“How do you like me now?” Celestia smirked naughtily.

Rigel gulped trying to keep a straight face as her hoof continued to massage up and down his shaft. “H-h-hah! Th-that a-all you g-g-got?”

Rigel wished he hadn’t asked, because Celestia took it as a challenge – she ran her tongue from the base of his erection all the way up at a snail’s pace before she swirled the head, then engulfed the whole thing in one gulp again.

The human twitched and pulled a face like he was being electrocuted. Just like before Celestia practically worked him like a puppet. He was helpless against her assault of licks and slurps. And after just a few minutes of her merciless ministrations Rigel could feel something building up. Something he ashamed to admit he was beginning to enjoy.

“O-o-oh-kay! I-I give! I surrender!” he squirmed trying to wriggle free, but only succeeded in thrusting his hips to meet the bob of her head. He felt her bottom out as he poked the back of her throat, but instead of retreating Celestia swallowed, massaging the head for a moment before gagging and continuing happily. “F-f-fuck woman! You never heard of the Geneva Convention?” Though Rigel couldn’t help but think this was a little better than waterboarding.

Then she did the worst thing imaginable.

She opened her eyes and locked her gorgeous magenta eyes with his.

Rigel stiffened and clenched as hard as he could, but he was only postponing the inevitable. “Oh, Christ; I can see the music.”

He released a second later, unloading ropes of thick alien semen into the alicorn’s mouth. Celestia didn’t bat an eyelid though. For a girl who was doing this for the first time Rigel was surprised she wasn’t a little more grossed out.

Only instead of running to the bathroom to throw up the princess lapped it all up and swallowed wave after wave. Even the little that escaped out the corner of her mouth and drooled down Rigel’s shaft; she scooped it up with her tongue and like a good girl cleaned up after herself.

The human was speechless for a moment as Celestia hummed contingently and smacked her lips.

“Mmmm. I needed that tasty treat.”

Rigel frowned. “Yeah, it shows.”

While Celestia had been enjoying herself she hadn’t noticed how her new favourite toy was receding. By the time she realised Rigel had softened down to a deceptively pathetic puniness. The princess immediately shot him a miffed glare.

“Hey. What are you doing?”

“Oh, you think any of this is voluntary?” Rigel cried incrudiously.

“I haven’t had my fun yet.” She tried rubbing his flaccid appendage with her hooves and licking it back to life, but other than elicit a ticklish giggle from Rigel, it didn’t move or harden. “That’s not fair!”

Rigel grinned quite proud of himself for one upping the princess intent on raping him. “Life ain’t fair, Sunshine. Suck it up… wait, you just did. Nevermind!”

Several more minutes passed of Celestia trying everything in her power to arouse the human under her but nothing worked. Eventually Rigel squirmed and asked her to stop hurting him.

“That’s it?” Celestia cried with obvious disdain. “You’re a super mysterious, athletic, young stud of an alien and that’s it!?”

“Whoa, hey. I never said I was any of that. You made that shit up in your own head.”

Through gritted teeth Celestia seethed; “What kind of phantom are you!?”

“One that hasn’t been laid in almost a year only to be raped by a fucking horse! That’s the kind of phantom I am, apparently.”

Sighing Celestia calmed and centred herself. “That won’t do. Not to worry. I have potions and ointments to remedy this exact kind of problem.”

“Yeah, I’m gonna rain-cheque on that.”

Celestia didn’t give him much of a choice. Releasing him from her magic she dropped him in the couch and slid off his lap. Turning she trotted over to a dresser on the far side of the room to search for something. Rigel in the meantime lunged for his tac-vest.

His hands and legs were still bound, but he could reach the front pockets at least and quickly found his multi-tool. Flicking open the serrated blade he started sawing at the binds on his ankles first.

Celestia’s rummaging stopped eliciting a look from the human. She hadn’t turned to catch him escaping yet, busy levitating a large dong shaped to simulate draconic anatomy out of a drawer. His eyes widening, Rigel returned to sawing more frantically now.

“Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck…”

In the meantime Princess Celestia was engrossed in her task. Placing aside her various toys and lotions she finally levitated a large bulb-shaped bottle full of light blue liquid. The powerful Everfree aphrodisiac swirled like liquid fire inside the bottle and made Celestia smile. She hadn’t used it in years, but remembered the fun from her younger filly days.

“This will do nicely,” she said turning. “Are you ready for the night of your life… Phantom?”

She turned to face an empty couch with the binds she’d used to restrain Rigel laying on the floor. She just about caught her bedroom door slamming shut as the human slipped out.

“Darnit!” Celestia cursed giving chase.

By the time she exited her bedroom Rigel was down the hall doing up his belt while prying open another room to duck into. He lifted his eyes from the door handle and spotted the frantic princess charging her horn with energy.

“Come back here! You still owe me at least for breaking my couch!” she cried unleashing a stunning bolt of magic.

Rigel flattened himself against the wall and the bolt of magic sizzled past and out an open window only to zap an unsuspecting bird.

“Fuck your couch, Sunshine!” Rigel shouted back. “Buy another one, ‘ya rich bitch!”

Slipping out of her line of fire, Rigel bolted the door behind him and looked around. He was in some sort of guest bedroom, the balcony doors hanging open ahead of him. He really didn’t want to do what he had to do next, but saw no other choice.

Taking a knee, Rigel double checked his gear. His backpack was zipped up, invisibility cloak safely rolled up inside. All his pockets were velcroed and buttoned shut. He secured his cam-rifle diagonally across his back, balancing it out as best as he could before he pulled a set of drawstrings from his hip-pockets.

As he did a magical force blew the door behind him off its hinges. The pile of crap metal and wood splinters slid to a halt at Rigel’s boots, and looking up he saw the frantic princess of molestation breathing heavily, glaring at him while levitating a bottle of liquid Viagra beside her.

She smiled realising she’d cornered him.

“Nowhere left to run. Now what, my little Pet?” she hummed proudly.

Rigel surprised her with his confident reply. “Cue the soundtrack!”

Whipping around Rigel sprinted out across the balcony, planted a foot on the banister and threw himself into the air. Celestia was stunned watching him go. One second he hung sprawled out in the air, flailing his arms and legs; the next he dropped out of view entirely.

“No!” Celestia cried, dropping the aphrodisiac and galloping forward with wings spread. Her sudden desire to make sure the phantom was unharmed overrode her desire to jump his bones.

She made it as far as the banister, planting one hoof in an attempt to leap after him when something suddenly rushed up through the air and cut her off. Celestia watched in amazement as her little phantom seemed to have sprouted a set of wings, suspended between his body and each arm as well as between his legs.

Gliding on his built-in wingsuit, Rigel angled to one side and fluttered out of view, diving down the valley over Ponyville and making a bee-line of the Everfree Forest canopy.

Celestia had him now though. She smiled wondering what he was thinking. Of course she could catch him in the air… and then she realised that maybe she shouldn’t.

She slowly folded her wings as she realised what she had done. First contact with another species and instead of start relations warmly she violated him? The heat between her legs prickled at her, but she managed to override the urge for attending her nether-region.

“What have I done?” she murmured before sombrely retreating to her chambers.

[>> F-fwd >> F-fwd >> F-fwd >>]

Back at Phantom HQ Jared was trying to keep his head down. Hard to do on any day because the facility was relatively small with a small staff. Most everybody knew each other and bumping into someone you’d rather not see was pretty much inevitable.

Unfortunately for Jared bad luck bumped into him.

“Stand fast, Foxtrot-Thirteen!” came the terse voice of his boss and the little marine in Jared forced him to freeze and stand to perfect attention.

Laura Benson, Phantom-Actual and otherwise known as Libby behind her back (or to her face when Foxtrot-12 was involved) was scarier than all the drill instructors Jared had put up with in boot camp. She had this calm, stone faced expression and deep, piercing, supernatural gaze that dug into your soul in such a way that made you want to do everything in your power to stay on this woman’s good side.

When she marched over to him Jared was surprised he hadn’t heard the click of her heels before the ambush. She must have been in stealth mode; the fact she was able to do that made her scarier.

“H-hey, boss… w’sup?” Jared asked, failing to sound casual.

Libby breezed past Jared ordering, “Walk with me,” as she did.

Swallowing Jared jogged to catch up and matched her brisk pace. Now he was going to get it. Phantom-Actual was going to yell at him in a terrifying passive-aggressive way and kick him off the Phantom Programme for compromising them on that debacle with Fluttershy. He’d been trying to avoid Libby for this very reason…

“I read Foxtrot-Actual’s report and gave the comms-logs a listen. Good work with Fluttershy,” she suddenly said.

Jared coughed. “Good work?”

“Is there something wrong?”

He shook his head, then reconsidered and nodded. “I was half expecting you to yell at me.”

“So that’s why you’ve been hard to find.” Halting outside the door leading into Phantom Control, Libby turned to face him. “You may have been compromised, but thanks to your quick thinking you haven’t compromised our presence on the planet. As far as the Equestria population is concerned there may just be a new creature called a Ghillie Dhu wandering around the Everfree Forest. Best case scenario Fluttershy convinces herself she just had a very wet dream.

“In fact, I’m toying with the idea of teaming you up with Foxtrot-Twelve and sending you in again to gather detailed footage of another encounter.”

Libby was impossible to read and Jared honestly couldn’t tell if she was being serious.

“Are you joking? I can’t tell if you’re joking.” He waved his hand over his face. “You’ve got one of those faces.”

Libby didn’t answer, and that in itself was more ominous than Jared could handle. She merely turned on her heel and moved through the control room’s sliding door.

“So I’m off the hook?” he called down after her.

“You were never on a hook,” Libby answered without even turning her head.

The door suddenly slammed shut in Jared’s face. “Well, that’s awesome.”

Backing up, Jared was about to head for his quarters for some shut-eye. It had been his original mission when Libby ambushed him. Trust officers to mess with mission parameters the way no enemy or bad planning could.

He was still relatively new to Phantom HQ and had to think a moment to orient himself. Eventually he found his way out of the operations command sector and headed through the rec-sector towards living section of the base.

He was pretty much on the threshold of his quarters when he noted something. Looking up and down the bare concrete corridor Jared noted the area was abandoned. He frowned and scratched his head. This was unusual, as mentioned before how most phantom personnel were sardine-canned into the headquarters. There was always someone somewhere in your path when crossing the base.

Even getting up at midnight to visit the bathroom Jared was guaranteed to bump into someone.

Not the case as he stood outside his room staring down the corridor. Jared couldn’t shake the feeling something was off. He wasn’t sure what it was but he figured it had something to do with a flash of unusual light down the hall.

His eyes caught the tail end of the flash as he turned his head. With a frown the man stepped off his room’s threshold and gingerly moved closer.

It happened again, bright enough this time to leave multi-coloured spots in his vision. Blinking, Jared quietly leaned around the doorframe and looked into the room the green lights were coming from.

The moment he looked in his eyes widened. “That’s less awesome.”

Green light filled his vision before it all went black…

Author's Note

This is slowly becoming less about clop, more about being plain silly.