Inspector Origins, Joey Bonk

          Welcome, in case you couldn't already tell, I like to break the forth wall. I thought I should personally invite you to read as this dumb-ass of an author makes me suffer.(God help us if he sucks!) Now what's your name? ……… You have a nice name, I like you. Now where were we? Oh yeah! We were diving into the hellish nightmare that is me. Enjoy my suffering.

"But I swear, it wasn't me! I wouldn't even think of hurting any of you, much less killing anyone, er, anypony! I swear!" I tell him to no avail.

"Beg and plead all you want,but YOUR fingerprints were on YOUR scattergun, you have no one to back you up on your alibi besides Miss Dash, and she is in a coma, and Miss Sparkle claims she saw a humanlike figure in YOUR clothes running from the crime scene, so Joey, you gonna come clean, or are we going to railroad you in court next week?!" He yells at me for the whole world to hear.

It's like they had everything against me, but Doc Legend is the only other human alive here, but he would never betray me, he is the only friend who hasn't been targeted and can hold his own in a fight with only a stick and some flint, and besides his signature weapons are a crossbow and a bone saw. "Officer, I will go to court." As I finish Twilight or whatever her name is bursts through the door apologizing and saying she only told them the truth, not know that this would happen or something. Funny how I didn't figure it out sooner, friends are just going to backstab you, die because of you, or lie to you.

"Joey, I am soooo sorry! I thought they were just going to ask you a few questions! But Joey, why! Why did you do it! Glimmerflight never hurt you!" At this point, I flip my sh**.

"FOR THE LAST TIME I DIDN'T F**KING TIME IT WASN'T ME! WHY IS THIS SO HARD!" I screamed. Realizing my temper got the best of me I apologized profusely, stating that I get like that sometimes.

The guards escorted her out, and scolded me. "You shouldn't talk to a princess like that. You're lucky she's your friend, otherwise you'd be roosting on the sun right now. Now as much as I'd like to see you gone, there are more pressing matters at hand. Now try not to snap at anyone else."

At this point I had calmed down. I hope I didn't upset her, I have seen what happens when emotions cloud one's judgement. "Yes sir." I told him as he walked- er trotted away. I will never get used to this place. Now on to more important things, finding out who framed me.

Pinkie or… yeah Pinkie could of done it. Something's off about her, but I can't quite put my finger on it. Oh wait no, she doesn't have fingers, so she couldn't shoot, that rules out orange girl with lovely hat, and the pegasi. Doc is my only friend, so he couldn't have. Twilight could send anyone- I mean anypony out to the sun with the flick of her wrist, or hoof or whatever. The white tailor couldn't stand getting her mane dirty, let alone bloodying up herself. That freaky hand-obsessed girl said "No, burnt ones won't do, they'd flake too much." She still gives me the creeps. This is a classic whodunit, no motives, good alibis, all the evidence points to me, but I wouldn't hurt a hair on any of them. And they consider themselves friends of mine. In fact, Twilight had offered the aid of an excellent defense attorney but I told her I don't like lawyers.

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                                       *Meanwhile, with Doc Legend*

"Dammit!" I screamed out in anger, "Oh sorry but are you sure he will get off scot free? He is a friend of mine."

"I am certain, the only reason we have him detained is we don't want him meddling in our plans. If I wanted him dead, he would be a bloody mess just like that pony you killed. You did kill him did you?" He asked.

"I did, used his clothing, ran with the special shoes, and made sure no one got a good look at my face. I even used his special bullets that no one in this dimension can find. Everything points to him. But don't you think we went a little overkill here? I doubt he will win the case with just about every f**king thing possible against him?' I was doing my best to keep from yelling.

"Do not worry, but now I need you to get the hypnosis potion from the zebra or enroll the help of that.... Draconequus Discord.

I believe he would be easier, just mention causing some chaos for the ponies. He'll jump right on board. The only problem is I do not know where he is. Talk to Twilight, the purple one." he said, before babbling out another lecture on trust and decommissioning.

"Ok, but if joey doesn't make it I WILL kill you." I muttered as I left.

I swear I don't know what will happen if he goes. Why doesn't being like a freakin super hero mean anything to anyone! At least he is friends with Twilight so he probably will get sent to the moon if he loses. I know what I'm doing is for good but backstabbing my friend? Hell has a special type of torture for traitors, as a wise man once said. I'm just glad this place doesn't do, "Swift Sovereign Justice!" like that one place we were. Times like this make me think about all our adventures into other dimensions. My favorite two were the one that has the people who can watch other dimensions, read stories about said dimensions, and sometimes alter the fabric of reality. And everyone just thought they were TV shows! My second would be the one with the guy who can't die, self-proclaimed "Merc with a Mouth." Ah! Here already. My knocks on the door were answered by Spike, I could hear sobbing in the background.

"Hi... uh Doc is it?"

"Who else!" I replied, dear god I'm so vain.

"Well Twilight is not available right now, she says she was yelled at by a friend. What do you want? Please whisper." He whispered

"I need to borrow Discord, recent events have made me ponder if he had a part in this. I whispered on over to him. He went over to twilight, who was out of my sight. Though they were whispering I still could hear Twilight:

"This is too organized to be Discord, plus he wouldn't kill anypony" She muttered softly while fighting back tears. I couldn't make out what spike was saying.

"Sorry dude, Twilight says no." At that point I walked off. Time to go on a safari.

Halfway through the forest I encounter a little shed. It was not Zecora's though. After that little horrorshow that I will speak of again, I find the hut not far from the shed from hell. I knock on the door and my knocks were answered by none other than cute little applebloom.

"Hey there tiger!" my notorious reputation with children... gah! I'm horrible with kids! How am I confusing myself in my own mind! She remains silent. I fail horribly with my next sentence. "So, do you watch cartoons! My favorite is Tom and Jerry!" Wrong dimension, wrong timeline, wrong animal. God can I be any worse at this.

"What's a cartoon?" she innocently asks.

"Nevermind that was my stupidity talking, where is your zebra friend?" I deflected the damage hopefully.

"Out getting plants. We're healing a sick bird! Wanna see it?" She asks, eagerly.

"No thanks, I have seen enough sick animals today. You don't happen to have a hypnosis potion do you?" I asked innocently enough not to cause suspicion.

"What's a hypnosis?" she replied in her southern accent.

Of f**king course an elementary school student wouldn't understand. "It's a potion that makes your eye all swirly and black and white, then whoever drank it does whatever you want them to."

"OHHHH! Why didn't you say so? It's right here!" she hands it over with her mouth. "I like you, even though you're a little weird."

For the first time in the history of the universe a kid likes me. Maybe I'm not the worst when it comes to children. "Thank you, tell your sister I said hi!" I happily reply.

"Will do! Tell Joey I said hi!" she yells.

Poor kid, she would understand the amount of trouble Joey's in. At least she doesn't know what's going on. At she is safe. I wonder if her family knows she just wanders off into the most dangerous place in Equestria alone. I bet that... my thoughts were interrupted by a single smack to the face. I woke up several hours later in a quaint little cottage. Dazed and confused I got up.

"Oh good, you're awake." a quiet little voice stopped me, "you'll have to forgive my alligator here, we were strolling too far from the swamp and he stepped on a thorn, I think he knocked you out with his tail, I'm sooo sorry!"

"Hey at least it wasn't his mouth right?" I searched for the hypno-serum, but I couldn't find it.

"Oh your backpack fell off you, let me give it to you" she quietly replied.

"Thanks, you know I never really got a chance to meet you, what's your name? And also, what's with all the animals?"

"I'm Fluttershy, I take care of animals who are sick or hurt." she told me.

"Well you certainly do a good job, I have yet to see a sick creature around here." Makes sense she would do a good job, she is an animal too, after all. "Well, I must be on my way. Stay safe!" I yell to her.

If only the human race wasn't so horrible. Why can't we be more like her? Why do we have wars? Because the old and greedy trick the young and energetic to fight for money, or for land. I should not be thinking these things, I should be thinking about how what I'm gonna say to my boss for being so late.