Maid For Chaos

“Hey, yoo hoo!”

Eris, the Goddess of Chaos, tapped against what felt like glass and cleared her throat.

“Anyone there? I would really hate to be talking to myself, especially since what I have to say might entice you. You care to listen?”

Eris didn’t wait for the crowd to respond back. She snapped her fingers, sending a cushion on top of a fish bowl. She sat down and crossed her legs, smiling widely.

“Well, since you’re all being such wonderful guests, allow me to explain why I’m here! You see, I’ve been awfully bored recently, and I need something to do. This poor girl gets a little lonely sometimes, and I want to be able to contribute to the better good of society. I mean, what good am I sitting around, wallowing in the worthlessness that I have become? A reformed shell of my former self.”

She pulled a handkerchief out of nowhere and blew her nose, sniffling lightly. “I’m sorry. I tend to get a little emotional sometimes. But like I was saying, I want to do something nice for the little town of Ponyville, if you would hear me out.”

“Um, who are you talking to?” Dusk Shine glared at Eris.

“Oh, just the eager crowd over there!” She pointed into the distance. Dusk Shine and her friends, despite knowing nothing was there, decided to look at where she had pointed.

“There isn’t anypony there,” Applejack stated, glaring back at Eris.

“Ah, but I assure you, there is a crowd out there,” Eris said, holding a claw out and forming it into a telescope. “To the naked eye, there is nothing but blue, blue skies and empty streets. But when you look closer, and you look past the horizon, you might notice there are others out there, listening to every word we’re saying right now.”

“Oh, oh! Is this like one of those games where you’re supposed to find the hidden group of ponies or something?” Bubble Berry asked, trotting in place. “Those are fun! Can we play? Can we, can we?”

Eris blinked, eventually brushing off the nature of the pink stallion. “Anyway, that’s not too important right now. Today, I just want to introduce a little service I wanted to do, as a token of my appreciation of our ever growing friendship.” Eris formed her hands into the shape of a heart, visible representations to float through her hands. The group, with the exception of Butterscotch and Bubble Berry, all glared at her, unconvinced about her intentions.

“And just what exactly are you trying to pull, huh?” Rainbow Blitz snarled.

“Oh, I’m not trying to pull anything! I’m just here to help out this wonderful, little town of yours.”

“How so?” Dusk Shine questioned.

“I thought you’d never ask.” Eris took the handkerchief that she blew her nose with and shook it out. The fabric instantly turned into sleek paper with her mucus turning into ink. She levitated the paper towards Dusk Shine, who was reluctant to take it. “Well, Prince Dusk Shine, would you do me the honor of reading my proposition?”

“Um… oookay?” Dusk Shine brought the paper closer to him with the other five bunching together to read the scroll.

To anypony who would read this,

I, Eris, have been a real pain to you all in the past.

“That’s putting it a little lightly, don’t you think?” Rainbow Blitz said.

Elusive brought his hoof against his mouth, silencing him. “Quiet. Let Dusk Shine concentrate on the scroll.”

I would like to make it up to everypony in Ponyville by making an offer that you would be insane to refuse. And that’s coming from me, the looniest of the loons! This proposition I give you, is the maid of Ponyville. All yours, for the incredibly low low price of… get ready to have your mind blown….

FREE!!

The entire groups eyes rose. “Free?”

That’s right! F-R-E-E: Free! No bits! No cost! Not a single catch to it… except for one.

Dusk Shine turned towards Eris, raising an eyebrow. “And, what is this catch?”

“Is it lunches?” Berry Punch asked. “I could do free lunches!”

“Free food is always nice, yes,” Eris said. “However, that is not my request. You will find out what it is when you read a little further, my friends.”

Dusk Shine continued reading the scroll, a frown growing on his face as he read down.

In order to receive the free services from me, all you have to do is let me have a little fun while doing so. Just a teeny weeny, itty bitty amount of fun. Just enough so that I don’t get bored.

Applejack looked towards Eris. “Um, no offense, but your idea of fun isn’t exactly what we would consider fun. In fact, it’s kinda irksome.”

Eris frowned, poking her lips out a little. “Are you implying that I’m a troublemaker?”

“Yes!” The five said in unison.

“Well, to be fair, Eris, you can be a little bit annoying,” Butterscotch said, carefully crafting his words. “Just a little bit. Not that I mind though, but others might not like your… style of expressing yourself much.”

Eris’s eyes began to water, and she turned around, huffing in frustration. “Well, fine. You don’t have to take my free services. Here I was, trying to be a good citizen to society, and you shoot down the favor because you don’t like my idea of fun! If that’s the case, you can always take the other route, and do the one with the fee!”

Dusk Shine rolled his eyes and continued reading.

In the event that somepony doesn’t want to let me have fun (which makes you a sourpuss), then you can opt out and pay a fee. The fee shouldn’t be anything that’s too impossible to handle. All it is is the low price of 400 bits. All decisions are final and binding. If you don’t like the results (and I guarantee you will), then I will pay you fifty bits if free, or your money back if paid.

“My goodness! You call 400 bits a low price?” Elusive called out. “That is absolutely outrageous. I mean, I could afford it if I wanted to, but this isn’t exactly the richest town.”

“Well, that’s the price of not letting me have some fun, now isn’t it? I gave you an alternative, but you all decided against it. I’m sure everypony else in the town won’t be so mean about my offer!”

“Everyone else?”

As it turns out, Eris had been spreading the news of her maid services throughout the town. How would that be possible when she is at one place at the time? Simple. She duplicated herself in order to go to multiple places at one time. She passed them out to every pony in town, giving similar speeches about how she had been reformed wanted to help out. Both stallions and mares received the request. No one was spared from the good news that Eris was bringing to them, and she stated her case in the best way possible.

“Thanks for the explanation, cutie! It would have been a hassle trying to say it all myself.” After giving her thanks, she blew me a kiss, which somehow landed smack dab on my flanks (yes).

“Wow, that guy is really nice!” Bubble Berry exclaimed, turning towards seemingly nothing. “Thanks, nice guy!”

Elusive blinked and moved closer to him. “Um, who exactly are you talking to?” he whispered in Bubble’s ear.

Bubble Berry turned towards Elusive and gave a wide, toothy grin. “I haven’t a clue!”

Elusive slapped his hoof to his face and sighed.

“I don’t buy anything that you’re saying, Eris!” Rainbow Blitz flew up to Eris, staring her down. “You? Trying to be a good citizen out of the blue? Who do you think you’re trying to fool here?”

Eris crossed her arms. “Why, I’m offended! I would think that the so called Elements of Harmony would be a little more trusting of their friends!”

“Have you given us any reason to trust you?” Dusk Shine asked. Eris opened her mouth, but then paused, failing to find anything to retaliate with. “That’s what I thought. No offense, Eris, but your services seem kind of superfluous, and quite frankly questionable.”

“B-but—”

“There aren’t any buts to be said, Eris!” Rainbow Blitz interrupted. “You can take your maid services somewhere else! We aren’t interested.”

Eris’s lips quivered violently, her eyes welling up with tears. Rainbow Blitz rolled his eyes, believing it was just one of Eris’s manipulative reactions. Most of the group considered that the case too, and brushed her sobs off as her trying to get a hand of the situation.

“Aww, don’t be mean to her,” Butterscotch spoke out, flying closer to Eris. “She might have done wrong in the past, but you should never mistreat friends, and always give them a chance to prove themselves.”

“We’ve given her chances, Butterscotch,” Applejack said. “A number of times, if I’m correct. This fugitive ended up messin with mah apples and turned them all brown!”

Elusive huffed. “The ruffian switched my mane with Applejack’s! Applejack’s of all ponies. No offense, of course.”

Applejack just glared at him, not responding to his statement.

“She ended up changing the weather to freezing hail when I was on weather duty!” Rainbow Blitz exclaimed. “And I got in trouble for it!”

“Oh, but she did make it rain apple cider that one time!” Bubble Berry said.

“Yeah, but that nearly flooded the entire town, remember?” Dusk Shine reminded.

“Oh yeah.” Bubble Berry put his hoof against his temple, and stuck his tongue out, thinking long and hard about the situation. Before long, he gave up and shrugged. “Then I got nothing.”

“Butterscotch, it’s not that we don’t want to trust her,” Dusk Shine began, “it’s that we can’t trust her, especially since some of her past shenanigans were quite recent.”

Butterscotch frowned and shook his head. “I’m very disappointed in all of you. I thought we were past this. Eris is here, pouring her heart out for us, and all you’re doing is berating her because of some mistakes she’s made in the past. Noponies perfect, but you have to believe that there is some goodness inside of them.”

Eris nodded, smiling. “All I ask is just one chance. I can be a good girl. See?” She pointed towards her head to prove her point, however what was on her head wasn’t too reassuring. Two red, curved horns were sticking out of her skull. “Woops! Those aren’t supposed to be there!” Eris tapped her head, making the horns vanish and replaced by a golden halo. “Ah, much better! Sorry about the other one. That was going to be saved for something else.” She rocked in the air and whistled, which didn’t help her case all too much.

Butterscotch patted Eris on the back, causing her to purr lightly. “If she wasn’t trying to make up for her mistakes, she wouldn’t have come here offering her servitude to us. She just wants a little room to have fun and breath. Afterall, you can’t change somepony overnight. They need love and support in order to thrive.”

Eris rang a bell over Butterscotch’s head, causing her to jolt. “That’s what I like to hear! I’m pretty sure that you won’t mind me proving myself by doing having you my first customer, right?”

Butterscotch’s eyes widened and he gulped. “Wait, what?”

Eris grabbed Butterscotch and squeezed him between her arms. “You’re the Element of Kindness, my sweet Butterscotch. You were the first one to defend me and my services when those big meanies shot it down. Surely you, the kindest of stallions in Equestria, could help me prove my usefulness, and bring a good name to myself.”

Butterscotch looked up at Eris, and then back at his friends. Rainbow Blitz shook his head, a scowl apparent on his face.

“Butterscotch, you don’t have to do it,” he said. “Just say no! She can’t be trusted.”

Biting his lips, he looked back at Eris, whose eyes were gleaming. It was soul crushing to watch her look at him with those pain filled eyes. With a sigh, Butterscotch turned towards his friends and stated his decision.

“We have to give Eris the benefit of the doubt,” he began, “and if that means that I will have to be the test to see if she is being honest, then I will do it.”

Eris twirled around in the air, looking happier than ever. “Oh, thank you Butterscotch!” She planted a wet kiss on his cheek, causing him to blush. “You don’t know how happy you’ve made me.”

And just like that, Eris vanished, dropping Butterscotch on the ground. Funny how he forgot to fly. You’d think that a pegasus would remember they had wings. Guess Butterscotch isn’t the most coordinated of fliers, not that that would surprise anyone.

But just as soon as Eris left, she came back, in an all new attire. Man, you should have seen it. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a maid rock an outfit quit like Eris did. Frills as far as the eye could see, traveling up to a low neckline, revealing her tight, slim chest. A myriad of black and white covered her curves. She also had a hemline that ran high up her legs, which were short enough to get a little blood flowing down under, yet long enough to leave some room for imagination.

The white frills at her skirt’s hem fluttered in the wind, teasing any passerby with a fleeting glance of her luscious, multicolored rear. Even her tail was laced with the nice, black and white frills, making it more seductive to anypony who crossed her.

“My my, you’re getting awfully descriptive there! Like what you see?”

She knows this old soul all too well.

Applejack raised his eyebrows and cocked his head to the side. “Ah’m just going to assume that she’s completely bonkers and she decided to start talkin’ to herself.”

“Yeah, like that’s hard to believe!” Rainbow Blitz scoffed in a very rude and unnecessary manner. Maybe she never considered that there might be others sitting here, listening to their conversations. Maybe if she considered that, he wouldn’t be acting like a complete dick to Eris. But I digress. That was very unprofessional of me.

Eris pulled up the blouse, leaving just a little cleavage showing, and floated in the air. “Well, Butterscotch, lead the way. I am, as a servant to a prince would say, at your service.”

Butterscotch nodded. “Well, okay. Whenever you’re ready, there is a lot to do in the cottage, if you don’t mind.”

Eris pulled a feather duster out of her cleavage, causing the group to flush a bit. “Oh, I can handle that easily.”

“A-are you going to clean it with… that?”

“Why of course,” Eris answered. “What else would I clean with?”

“S-something that didn’t come from, there,” Butterscotch said sheepishly, pointing at Eris’s perky breasts.

“We’ll discuss that later in detail,” Eris said, rushing Butterscotch off towards his cottage. “But for now, we should get going. I have a looot of work that needs to be done!”

“Well, um, okay.” Butterscotch didn’t resist and allowed Eris to carry him to his cottage.

Dusk Shine watched the two leave, growing more suspicious of Eris’s intentions. “I don’t trust her that much,” he said.

“I don’t either, Dusk,” Applejack agreed. “Ah personally think we should tail them, and see what she’s up to.”

Elusive nodded. “I agree. I would hate to leave Butterscotch with a scheming character such as Eris.”

“Yeah, and while we’re there, we could see how good her services actually are!” Bubble Berry exclaimed, receiving glances of confusion. “What? I’m the only one who was actually considering it? I mean, duh! Free cleaning for just letting her have fun? I practically live for fun!”

“Regardless, it would be best if we kept an eye on her, and made sure she didn’t do anything she isn’t supposed to,” Dusk Shine said, leading the group. “Come on, guys. We’re going to make sure that Eris’s maid service is everything she says it is.”

With that, the crowd trotted, and in Bubble’s case bounced, to Butterscotch’s cabin, to make sure that Eris was on her best behavior while she provided her first day of her services.

Oh, and there was just a little information that Eris forgot to mention in her little letter: She doesn’t do windows. I probably should have reminded her to mention that before we she left, but oh well. It’s not that big of a deal. I’m sure they’ll figure it out.