Day of Shining Armor’s Death

Dear diary,
Today is the day of Shining Armor’s funeral. How I hated watching him get carried from the hearse all the way to his designated grave. I don’t believe there was a second in which I was not crying at all today. I mean, even now while I’m writing this, I’m crying. I know he would want me and everyone else to move on but I feel that I will never be able to move on without him. He was the reasons in which I lived. At least all the way up until the day I met all of my wonderful friends.

I thank them for being here for me. I know Applejack with her honesty; will never lie to make me feel better. She will see the good inside the deep descent of this hole into my never ending sadness. Rainbow Dash will be loyal to me and never try to use this to her advantage to hurt me. Fluttershy with her kindness can make each day pass with her support. She is there for when I need her most. Pinkie will be there to make me smile. I do not know if it will work but I am happy with her trying. Rarity will be generous to me and help me in trouble times. I know that if we are in any trouble, she will not hesitate to help. In fact, all of them will try to help as best as they can.
Sincerely,
Twilight Sparkle

2 weeks after Shining Armor’s death

Dear Diary,
Today has been exactly 2 weeks since we held Shining Armor’s funeral in his honor for living such a wonderful life. It’s been so hard living on without him. Honestly the only reason I can find to keep living is Spike. He gives me the hope that I feel will get me through the day. I haven’t been a good teacher to him lately however. Lately, I’ve been in my room, alone, crying my heart out. Whenever he asks if I’m ok, I simply state that I am still sad. He then proceeds to tell me that he knows exactly what I mean.

However, he does not know 100% what I mean. I have been cutting myself to make the pain go away. And to tell the truth, it feels good. Whenever I get the blade into my hoofs, I feel in control of something for once in my life. The blade, hungry for my skin and wanting to tear my skin apart. It’s horrible, but it pleases me so much. I cut, not deep, but deep enough to feel satisfied. I know that I am taking my chances doing with Spike in the library. But I do not care. As long as I am able to make the pain go away, that is all I care for anymore.
Sincerely,
Twilight Sparkle

One month after Shining Armor’s funeral

Dear Diary,
Today I am going to go to the tombstone and weep my heart into pieces. I am making Spike stay home for I do not want him to see me in the state I will be in. I am taking my brother’s favorite things to the grave. His football, his wife, and his dreams.
I still remember the day that he got that football. We had gone to one of the school football games and he got the crazy idea of running onto the field and intercepting the ball. Well he ran out onto the field, and caught the ball. He proceeded to run down the field and was being persuaded by both teams. It was so funny. He was running as fast as he could, scared for his life. That’s how he ended up getting that School nickname, Shining Runner.

I am taking Cadence with me to Shining Armor’s grave for she has not been to see him since the day he was buried. It will be very hard on her. But I shall be there to support her as best as my abilities will enable me to.

The day that they got married, I was so happy and joyful for him. I mean, my foal sitter and my B.B.B.F.F. were getting married and were going to spend the rest of their lives together. All of my friends were there to see it as well, That made the day even better for me to know that my friends were going to be there to celebrate a wonderful time in my life. This showed that they really loved me and my family no matter what happened.

His dreams. I do not exactly how I am going to take those. But I know that I will get them to him somehow. He was so young and most likely wanted to accomplish many more things in his life before passing on to the next world.

I wish I knew how Cadence is reacting to all of this. She is probably not as bad as me however. I still care for her and I will always see her as family whether or not my brother is alive.

Well, I do not want to be late. I shall set off now.
Sincerely,
Twilight Sparkle

2 months after the death of Shining Armor

Dear Diary,
I can’t take it anymore. I feel so lost and I hate this feeling. I can feel the monster inside of me that wants to be released from its cage to wreak havoc. However, I do not want it to hurt any pony that it does not need to hurt. I know that today is they day. The day that I end my suffering and join my brother again underneath the light of the queen.

I know exactly how I am going to end up taking my own life. I will send Spike out to run some errands and to gather all of the girls together. I want them all to find me to support one another. Especially to support Spike. When he is out, I shall get the rope that I have been hiding in my room for about a month now, and tie it to the ceiling. From there, I shall tie it around my neck while standing upstairs. If tied right, and with the right trajectory, I should end up tearing my body in two. Hopefully it happens that way it is a quick, clean, and recognizable suicide. I will be able to hold you in more hoofs again.

Just hold on Brother. I am coming to you. Then we shall play and fly kites like we used to when we were younger. You’ll be teaching me all over again. You will show me how this new world works and what I can do to make my keep. I’ll do anything to meet you again and hold you in my hoofs.

I shall be coming in a few minutes my brother. I love you,
Sincerely,
Twilight Sparkle

“Sincerely, Twilight Sparkle,” Spike said with tears in his eyes.

Everyone was crying, confused, but mostly crying. They still did not understand why their friend did not come to them and ask them for support. They just wish that she never killed herself and instead of resorting to irrational decisions, would have thought about her well-being and the well-being of everyone before doing something so irrational. It was so unlike her. However, everyone understood her motives and just cried together.

Author's Note

So yeah this chapter, kinda wrote this one in a dark time of my life but i hope you guys enjoy it alot. And please if you enjoy, recommend it. Thanx.