Sweetie Belle jumped from the sudden rapping at her bedroom door, and she carefully put down the quill and letter that she had been preparing.

"Yeah?" She called, her elder sister Rarity wasting no time in entering as quickly as possible.

Rarity dropped a large red envelope before Sweetie Belle, and said "This just came for you."

"Oh. Tha-"

"From Canterlot." Rarity deadpanned.

"... Uh oh."

Sweetie Belle slowly tore open the red envelope, pulled out a folded lettet, and began to read.

To my concerned subject,

Shut the fuck up before I fuck YOU up.

I am a mother fucking princess, and when I find your parents, that will be doubly true. You arrogant, snot nosed little twat waffle. Do you even know who I am?

i'm the goddamned princess. I killed a lot of fillies to get this title, and I demand to be referred to as such.

For your information, since you are obviously an uneducated peasant, those rumors of Equestria revolving around MY sun are kust that - rumors. Learn the difference, you pint-sized cunt knuckle. It's my goddamned country, and I'll run it how I fucking want to. Celestia is not afraid to smack a filly.

And of course, it never occurred once to you that maybe keeping the Everfree Forest right where it is was part of a fucking plan, you shortsighted dimwit. It's not like having a forest full of flesh-eating abominations so close to a packed settlement is some kind of punishment, or something, regardless of whatever Twilight Sparkle might have implicated me with. That bitch needs to learn to shut her trap, or she's going to wake up with your head in her bed, Godpony style.

Also, those demons are your own fault. Not the citizens of Ponyville, but you, personally. All those rampaging demons escaping from Tartarus and tormenting innocent townsfolk are all your fault, Sweetie Belle. It's the same reason foals die early and the dinosaurs went extinct. It's because you touch yourself.

And you're going to pony hell for it.

I know. I'm fucking GOD.

P.S.

Tell the Apple family that the shrine that they built in my honor was obviously misspelled. My name is not 'Molestia'.

"Oh, that is the last straw!" Sweetie Belle stamped the letter into the floor, dragging out more paper. "Ti-Ti wants to fight? Well, she just got a full-blown war!"

Author's Note

Becauth I'm dethpicable.