The CMC Listen to Diamond Tiara

The Cutie Mark Crusaders searched high and low through Ponyville. This is to say that they climbed to the higher points in town, looked around, and then fell to the ground on a consistent basis. After a while they eventually spotted Diamond Tiara inside Sugarcube Corner, but she was dressed up in a rather ridiculous looking robe that mostly concealed her except for her tail which stuck out oh so obviously. Given the inconspicuous nature of this outfit, they did the most sensible thing and approached her, loudly, saying “Hi” all at once.

Diamond Tiara’s spine chilled, her entire form became rigid, and every hair on her small frame stood up in fright. In other words she was totally freaking out. Nevertheless, she regained her composure and nonchalantly turned around and said “Oh, it’s you three again. How did you find me?”

“Well you see.” Began Applebloom. “We jumped off a roof to try and fly, but that didn’t work out. So now we thought you’d give us another thing to try out!” Her two companions both noded in agreement. “By the way, what are you doing here?”

Diamond Tiara started loudly sweating. “Well uh, you see, I just came here to, um.” She looked around but saw that she could not totally bail out of this situation, so she did the honest thing and lied. “I just came here to laugh at all you neanderthals who would bother to stuff your mouths with this filth, ha!”

“One milkshake for Diamond Tiara! Here you go!” Said Pinkie Pie, placing a tall glass filled with oh so delicious ice creamy goodness on the counter. As always, the local baker had impeccable timing.

Her mouth was practically glued shut. She silently took ahold of the glass with her magic and held it near her head, her mind drawing a complete blank as her body acted on it’s own. She would need to invent something grand to get her out of this mess.

Suddenly all the lights in the bakery began to flicker, mostly due to Pinkie Pie turning on the strobe lights. “Hey everypony, let’s all go to Berry Punch’s place! She’s been sober for a whole five hours!” With this, everypony left the building to observe this miracle leaving behind the Cutie Mark Crusaders and Diamond Tiara who was still holding the milkshake.

All this commotion, however, gave her the time to come up with an idea. Adopting her usual airs, Diamond Tiara held her snout high. “I only bought this so that I could make a point of how it is only suitable for the dirt.” She said. She then poured the milkshake on the floor until it was mostly empty and placed the glass back on the counter. “Anyway, I believe I may have something for you. Here, take this.” She lifted a pamphlet from her robe and passed it to the three. “It came from some angry guy with a tiny mustache speaking some weird language. Now please, study it away from my presence.”

Sweetie Belle took the pamphlet and the trio begrudgingly fled the premises, leaving Diamond Tiara alone in the bakery. There, she remained, staring at the mess on the floor, regretful of the choice she had made. A single droplet of water fell from her eye, and she left the building to return home. The shop, however, did not remain empty as the crowd from earlier flooded back in because, as Pinkie Pie put it so eloquently, “False alarm!”

The Cutie Mark Crusaders on the other hoof were in their treehouse headquarters, looking over the pamphlet. The title of it was “Nazism for Kids!” and it had a predominantly red color to it with a large white circle emblazoned on both sides which held Swastika. Because it was not schoolwork, the three fillies studied the pamphlet with great fervor and by the end of a few minutes they were capable of reciting it’s entirety back and forth.

“Okay, so basically we need to ‘persecute the jewish threat’ for the sake of our country?” Scootaloo announced. “Sounds easy enough. Let’s go!” And the three left the building and ran along the road blindly.

Their journey, however, happened to be postponed when Sweetie Belle asked “Wait, what’s a jewish threat?”

The trio halted abruptly and began to ponder with hooves to their chins as to decipher the meaning of the message. However, they could offer no solutions. Although it seems that Applebloom had an idea “Let’s ask my sis, she might know.” And they headed off to Sweet Apple Acres.

The apple orchard of Sweet Apple Acres is almost as eventful a place as Ponyville, what with the zap apples, cider season, that giant black death rooster, the apple milk controversy. Actually, when you think about it, Sweet Apple Acres is kinda a terrible place. But hey, they got cheap fruit so whatcha gonna do? Don’t answer that. Anyways, the CMC found themselves there soon enough and went up to Applejack who was violently assaulting innocent trees to force them to release their grasp on the fruit that they bore.

“Hey sis!” Said Applebloom. “We got something we want to ask you.”

Applejack stopped kicking the trees, literally, and turned to face the three fillies. “Well howdy there. What’s it you wanted to ask?”

“What’s the jewish threat?”

Applejack’s face lost most all it’s color, her jaw dropped, and she just stared open eyed at her younger sister. “Applebloom! Where did you learn such language? Jewish people ain’t a threat!”

The younger apple pony began to cower as Applejack raised her voice. “I’m sorry Applejack. We were just curious is all.”

Applejack calmed herself and returned to her usual tone of voice, which was still rather obnoxiously loud. “It’s okay I guess, you ain’t got the knowin’ about that sorta thing I guess. Anyways, remember that Adam Sandler fella who visited a while back? That human was jewish.”

“Oh, thanks sis!”

“Not a problem Applebloom. Why did you wanna know, anyhow?”

“Oh, well we’re gonna be Nazis! Seeya!” Applebloom and her friends seem to be satisfied and ran off leaving behind a thoroughly shocked Applejack who fainted from this concept. Dinners are now going to be very weird at the Apple house.

With the core of their new pursuit shaken like a foal, the Cutie Mark Crusaders returned to their base of operations which was located in a treehouse to discuss the matter. Scootaloo was the first to announce their concerns. “Well that was a bust. What else do Nazis do?”

Sweetie took the pamphlet that was left on the floor from earlier and looked it over. “I don’t know, it just says ‘persecute the jewish threat’ over and over for two pages.”

“Well that’s just nuts. Adam Sandler was pretty cool!”

Sweetie Belle was about to object when an intruder entered into their headquarters unannounced. The Cutie Mark Crusaders quickly got into fighting stance, however were confused when the human dressed in a suit and tie spoke. “No need to panic, my name is Barack Obama. Have you three seen a german man with black hair and a tiny mustache running around? His name is Adolf Hitler.”

Applebloom took charge and proudly stated “We haven’t seen anyone like that, now leave!”

Ashamed, the gentleman was about to just book it when he glimpsed the pamphlet on the floor and picked it up. “Have you youngsters read this yet?”

They all nodded, which was rather difficult while they remained in their epic fighting stance.

“Well let me tell you something about the Nazi’s…” And the gentleman went on for several hours. It seems that he used his super secret attack, lecture, a common threat that all adults happen to have under their belts. The Cutie Mark Crusaders were immediately put to sleep, as they learned to do thanks to years in the educational system, however they also learned to wake up at the end and manage to catch “So as you see, you should stop all this Nazi nonsense.”

“Well gee” began Scootaloo, “Thanks for telling us this. We’ll never be Nazis again.” And the two other crusaders solemnly agreed.

“Alright, well I’ll be off. And watch out, Hitler can be anywhere.” And with this last statement, the man left. The CMC looked out the window and luckily found no sign of him, unluckily they did manage to see that it was now the late evening and the sun was starting to fall. However, today has probably been the most productive of all, so they decided to continue the streak and look for Diamond Tiara for another chance at finally getting their cutie marks!