The CMC Listen to Diamond Tiara

Ah bedtime, one of the only parts of the day where peace and quiet and genuinely found. And likewise, it was the bane of all children. However, Diamond Tiara was told that the antithesis of this idea was true as well, and that going to bed when she was told was a very mature act to follow, and like clockwork she always fell asleep at the same time every night. Tonight would have been no different, yet as she lay in bed in a light slumber she was awoken by a sudden draft followed by the feeling of hot air against her. She opened her eyes slightly which beheld three figures peering at her from beside her bed. She let out a yelp and backed against the wall, scattering covers as she did so in her fright.

One of the figures turned on a nearby lamp which showed that the three creatures of darkness were, in fact, the Cutie Mark Crusaders. This just made Diamond Tiara scream for five minutes straight. Though she remained outraged and terrified, she calmed down enough to speak clearly. “What are you doing in my room?”

Applebloom, given that she was in the middle of the trio, elaborated. “Well ya’ see, we tried to become Nazis like that paper you gave us said, but that didn’t work out so well. So we thought you might help us out a bit more!”

Diamond Tiara knew at that moment that she must do everything she can to try and get rid of these three ruffians. It’s not as though she exactly needs her beauty sleep, but it’s still nice to catch some Z’s. As such, she said “Alright, how about you three try to tame animals? But instead of dogs, cats, or ducks, you should try and tame Snakes, Lions, and Bears. Now please, get out.” And she pointed at the door. With a cheer and various forms of agreement the CMC left. With the intruders gone, she straightened out the covers and snuggled back into the cozy land of dreams.

After a well deserved rest, our noble crusaders ventured forth to gather up the animals necessary to obtain their cutie marks. They opted with the hardest to find first, and went ahead to straight up jack a lion from the Everfree Forest by luring it into the open by using meat steaks, which were in great supply after some train flew off the tracks yesterday. This only worked for so long, because as soon as the lion noticed that the steaks led to a stool with Applebloom ready to crack the whip at any time it just totally bailed. In all fairness, many animals would run from a filly with a whip, not because of the whip but because of the cops.

The next animal that they tried to add to their menagerie was a bear, which were not as difficult as you’d imagine because bears are pretty common inhabitants of the nearby woods and stumble into town more often than you’d think but less than you’d hope. The fillies led the bear using one of the meat steaks until it was on a giant metal plate, and once it was fully on the plate they threw it the steak which it ate happily. This was until they threw a nearby switch and the plate became red-hot and the bear started stepping from one foot to the other to try and not burn itself. Bears may be pretty dumb, but this one at least managed to find out that getting off of the plate was the best idea, so it did just that and now it’s running around Ponyville totally going nuts.

It was evident that they would have to start small and work their way up, so then they went to snakes. They had to be careful though, because if they messed around with a poisonous one things could end up bad for them. They went past the obvious deadly ones: rattlesnakes, corn snakes, water snakes, black mambas, ball pythons, trouser snakes, chocolate snakes, and death adders given their inherent unsafety and went with just a plain old spitting cobra. Because how’s a snake supposed to kill by spitting? That’d just be silly. But the winged orange pony, the white unicorn with a fluffy purple mane, and yellow ginger pony that compose the Ponyville branch of Cutie Mark Crusaders forgot to bring a container so they just left it on the side of the road while in search of a pot. It left the moment they set it down.

After the incident yesterday, the train system encountered many difficulties. Yet, trains still managed to run both from and to Manehattan, which turned out to be very good for the visiting Babs Seed, as her parents thought it would be nice to let her spend a winter with her cousin Applebloom and their family to celebrate the latter part of the year for a more cultured experience. Really this was just an excuse to get her out of the neighborhood because some stuff was going to go down in Manehattan, something big. Regardless, the trip was still a good idea as it gave Babs the best way to break the news that the Manehattan branch of the CMC was not going over so well as most of the younger ponies in her neighborhood were finding a vested interest in pasta and crack cocain. Still, maybe her cousin made some progress that she could apply to her tactics in the city.

This would not happen because as soon as she got off the platform a snake came by and lifted it’s head to stare at her. Babs stared right back at it, learning from various reliable sources like that foreign pony who works at the local linguini joint that if you stare at a snake it’ll totally freak out and go to sleep. Although staring open eyed at it was probably not a good idea because it spit venom right at her corneas and just slithered away, leaving Babs writhing on the ground, yelling in pain.

Babs managed to get back on her hooves, and guessed that it would be best if she tried to find some help. However, all her screaming attracted a lion from out of nowhere that pounced on her and knocked her onto her back. It was about to eat her face off, exclusively, as lions are one to do, but it filled up on raw steaks left on cold ground which did not sit well with it so it just fled the scene. Coincidentally, this incident was related to the great lion cholera outbreak of that year. Nopony can say exactly how many ponies died, because it’s not exactly a disease that crosses species but the Canterlot officials mark the toll somewhere in the hundreds. They’re never wrong, right? Just ask Princess Luna.

Blinded, bruised, and landing in a pile that should’ve been covered with hay Babs decided she should just go back to Manehattan, because it is clearly one of those days. She was right for the most part, because a bear went up to her and picked her up by the nape of her neck with it’s huge maw, but did not necessarily bite down hard enough to break the skin, and it dragged her to a cave on the outskirts of town. It laid upon the cavern floor which was covered in the remainders of whatever the bear could find to build it’s bulk for the winter, and held the pony close to it with one enormous paw which prevented her escape.

Try as she might, but every time Babs lifted the paw even the slightest the bear would roar briefly and strengthen its grip on her. Escape was impossible, and so Babs spent the rest of the year in that cave living off of being scraps she could scrounge off the floor and condensation from dripping stalactites. Amazingly, this treatment was a lot better than what she got at that pasta restaurant down the street, so when she managed to get back to civilization and then went back to Manehattan she didn’t complain all that much.

When the Cutie Mark Crusaders returned to the spot where they left the snake only to discover that it was now missing, they were quite devastated.

“Well great.” Said Scootaloo, who hung her head down in failure. “Looks like another bad idea.”

Applebloom, who was similarly disappointed, offered the most logical option for her companions. “Welp, I suppose we ought to head back to Diamond Tiara on account of this didn’t work out.” They both agreed with her, and trotted about Ponyville for the sake of finding the one who started them on all this.