The Adventures of Max Charming McWonderSteed
It was another stereotypical day in Ponyville. The brightness of the sun, much like its caretaker, caused blindness to those who dared to gaze upon it directly. Birds screamed their songs of discontent, waking the ponies to a day of shopping, lounging, and other miniscule activities. As was the norm, six locally famous ponies were also currently following their daily rituals. Twilight Sparkle frantically ran around town, distributing books to illiterate ponies and books in braille to those who challenged to power of the sun; Fluttershy continued to defy nature by caring for animals that should have the ability to care for themselves; Rarity fashioned clothes for beings that would never need them, locking herself in a spiral of redundancy; Applejack harvested crops in ways that would make any environmentalist cringe; Rainbow Dash slept, paying no attention to the incoming summertime blizzard; and finally, Pinkie Pie produced sugary mayhem with her cavity causing treats. This day was shaping up to be much like the day before as well as each day that would follow, but the goddess of fate had different plans; plans that would forever change the lives of Ponyvillians.
Unbeknownst to the residents of this backwoods village, a strange figure emerged from the depths of the Everfree Forest, creeping slowly toward the village inhabitants. As the unknown traveler passed by each individual, he was greeted with dilated eyes, gaping mouths, and squees of delight. The reason for such odd behavior is due to the citizens having never gazed upon such beauty in their lives. What lay before them could only be described as walking perfection. His beach blond hair seemed to flow in unnatural motion even though not a single gust of wind was scheduled to blow that day. His eyes shined a shade of green that would cause a stone of flawless emerald to cry in shame. His coat was the color of freshly fallen show, and radiating from his body was the pleasant smell of pine and lemons. The cutie mark that he bared on his flank could not be described for it glowed with such brilliance that no being could view it. Although he took the form of an Earth Pony, this stallion was surly a god walking among ponies. As he wondered through town, spectacular occurrences seemed to follow him wherever he went. When he passed Roseluck’s flower shop, each flower instantly bloomed, revealing colors that before this time did not exist. A foal in a wheelchair was granted the ability to walk after receiving a simple wink from this grand stallion as he walked past the Ponyville hospital. He cleared away all traces of the incoming blizzard with a single stomp of one hoof, generating cheers from the entire weather team.
At this time many miles away in the royal city of Canterlot, laid a castle housing the two royal sisters of the land. One of the sisters, who possessed the power to raise and lower the sun each day, was discussing the day’s political objectives with her most trusted captain and newly acquired nephew. “Tough it has taken many days for the figureheads in the northern nation to finally reach an understanding; we can finally beg-” Celestia paused as though being hit with a ginormous weight in her chest, leaving an expression of shock throughout her figure.
“Are you okay, princess?” replied Shining Armor.
“It is a presence I have not felt for many a year. One that can only belong to one individual, Max Charming McWonderSteed,” Celestia blushed as the name exited her lips.
The actions that followed would have left Shining Armor speechless if he had not mirrored the actions that followed. After placing one hoof on her forehead, Celestia fainted.
“I have heard tales of this pony, though I would have never thought the tales to be true. Truly he is a pony of legend,” Shining sighed after regaining consciousness.
Back in Ponyville, chaos was spreading for in the distance, a ship of grand scale sailed toward the village at an alarming rate. This would not have been seen as an unusual sight if it was not for the fact that no body of water existed for hundreds of miles in any direction. The ship ripped through Sweet Apple Acres like a hot knife through butter, leaving in its wake a very baffled Applejack. After many miles of destruction, the ship dropped anchor just a few feet from the front door of a hollowed out tree, leaving a gaping hole and drastically dropping the real estate value of the house. The captain of the vessel, a darkly feathered gryphon sporting a beard of ebony, gracefully flew down to the entrance of the offended home and softly knocked on the wooden door three times.
Opening the door was a pony of pure fury. “Do you have any idea what you have just done? You caused injury to countless ponies, caused millions of bits in damage, and most importantly, you have interrupted my reading time!” yelled the irate purple pony.
“I care not for what harm my actions may have caused,” responded the gryphon in a slight British accent, “for I am Captain Blackbeak, most feared pirate captain of the Equestrian Sea, and since this world is made up of only one sea, that makes me the most feared pirate in all the land. I have traveled far, challenging many foes and claiming the land of those of whom I defeat. I have come here to challenge the great Twilight Sparkle and her friends to see who the greatest fighter in the land is.”
“It is true that no other is stronger than my friends and I. To protect the citizens of this village from your recklessness, I accept your challenge on one condition. If we win, you must give up your life of piracy and promise to live a life free of evil,” Twilight answered.
“Fantastic, gather your friends and meet me on the deck of my ship; we will hold the battle that will determine the fate of this land there,” Blackbeak smirked.
Sometime later, on board of the pirate’s grand ship stood six ponies, the only barrier keeping the surrounding land from falling into the grasp of the gryphon standing before them. “Because I view myself as a proper gentlegryphon and wish to end this as quickly as possible, I will grant your group one attack, if it fails, I deem myself as victor, will this rule suit you?” the gryphon spoke with a knowing grin that this battle was already won no matter what the answer.
“This will be fine,” replied the groups’ self-proclaimed leader, “with the elements on our side, this will be a breeze.”
Forming a line in front of the captain, each of the ponies placed around their neck a piece of jewelry engraved with a stone in the shape of each wearer’s cutie mark. The leader placed a crown which also beards a stone representing her cutie mark on top of her head. As the last piece of jewelry snapped in place, each began to glow, emitting a light that matched the stone’s color. Stepping forward, Twilight began to lift off the ground, causing a look of confusion to spread across the gryphon’s face. She continued her ascension into the air until at least four feet of air was occupying the space between her and the ground. When her ascent ended, the light emitting from each stone turned to a prismatic beam, creating a bridge from one necklace to the next before transferring to the top of the floating pony’s crown. The gryphon could only watch in awe as the rainbow light exploded from the crown, blasting forward toward the pirate at a blinding speed. When the rainbow of light connected, it bounced off the gryphon and few off into the distance, forming a new multicolored star.
“What happened, the magic of the elements have never failed before, how is this possible?” came a heavy breathed statement from the exhausted purple leader.
“By any chance was that little performance of yours magic based? Do you not know that magic has no effect on pirates?” Blackbeak said with a hearty chuckle.
Twilight facehoofed, “I cannot believe I have forgotten such a widely known fact.”
“I guess you have no choice but to surrender everything to me for I-” Blackbeak’s words were cut short by the sudden appearance of a new presence.
“That will not happen if I have anything to do with it,” came a voice from the mysterious being.
“Surly you, an earth pony, do not believe you can fight me after witnessing the failure of the greatest heroes this land possesses,” Blackbeak laughed.
“I do not need the power of magic to be able to defeat you for I have something much more powerful than magical trinkets. I shall defeat you with the power of charisma,” McWonderSteed smiled, revealing glistening teeth which reflected and enhanced the power of the sun, blinding the gryphon into submission.
“I give up, there is no fighting somepony of such brilliance, I promise to never use my pirate powers for evil ever again,” Blackbeard whimpered while bowing in both respect as well as attempting to shield his eyes. After vowing to return the land he had taken to their rightful owners, Blackbeak quickly fled, never to be heard from again.
“Now that I have saved this land from tyranny, I must take my leave,” McWondersteed heroically proclaimed as he summoned beside himself a contraption that has never been seen in the land of Equestria, a motorcycle possessing dual exhaust, rainbow tassels, and a roaring engine that could be heard for miles around. Popping a wheelie, he said his farewells to the citizens of Ponyville, wishing them a pleasant life and expressing his desire to visit again someday. McWonderSteed rode off into the sunset, displaying a scene of majestic style that could only be rivaled by the one of which he arrived by.
It was an early morning in Ponyville. The flames of the street lamps were dying down, foretelling the coming of the sun that would soon rise. Off in the distance, a single light shined from the second story of the town’s library. Found within was Spike, staring at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. As he wiped away the recently applied water from his bloodshot eyes, a single thought passed through his mind. ‘Man, what a crazy dream. That is the last time I ever eat a dozen chili dogs before bed.’
The Adventures of Max Charming McWonderSteed
The skies of over Equestria have always been one of calm and clarity. An everlasting scene only changed by the close monitored actions of various pegisi weather teams. Although not a single cloud sailed across this vast ocean of blue, one black speck dared to deface the pegisi masterpiece. Flying through the sky was a single bird of determination and purpose, guided by the knowledge that failure was no option. His movements were of shadows, flying faster as his destination came closer into view. Before him was what many classified as a forest of nightmares. A place where nature did not bow down to civilization, but deemed itself free from all rule. This freedom became the core characteristic for which this place was named, the Everfree Forrest.
Soaring high above the forest, the messenger scouted for the one whom he was told would be of great importance for the task the letter contained. Though the forest was riddled with trees that made searching difficult for the small bird, it would not be long till he arrived at the location which held the one he searched for. Lying before him, in the deepest depths of the forest was not a den of shadows, giving home to the worst creatures of the Everfree Forrest, but a haven to those who wished to find safety within the forest.
Light shined through the small clearings, bathing each of the inhabitants in a warm embrace. Trees, filled with an unimaginable bounty of apples, oranges and pineapples, surrounded the clearing. Flowers of blue, pink and red filled the air with scents of lemon and coconut. Cool, crystal clear water flowed down each side of the location, forming a small pond at the southernmost point of the clearing.
The fauna of which this wondrous place housed was just as marvelous as the flora. Birds of every kind and color flew from tree to tree, feasting on the different kinds of fruits each tree had to offer. Red jays, blue jays and green jays all flew together, creating a rainbow of color wherever they went. Pink flamingos scattered throughout the pond, giving way to a majestic synchronized dance. Even the buzzards seemed to be singing along to the song of the forest with their harmonized buzz.
Finding the area both monotonic and sickening, the messenger bird decided it would be for the best to quickly deliver the letter and leave, forgetting everything he had seen here this day. Luckily, relaxing on the edge of the pond, drinking a mango smoothie, was the individual he was tasked to find. As the messenger hopped toward this strange pony, he began to study him in order to get a better understanding before making contact. His confidence in himself gave the impression that he has lived in this location for some time. His physique and drink of choice told him that this pony must be a health nut. The lawn chair in which the pony was sitting showed that this pony was probably a bit on the spoiled side. Seeing as there was nothing else to do, the messenger perched himself onto one of the arm rests, grabbing the sitting pony’s attention.
“So I see we have a new visitor today in paradise, what brings you here my feathered friend,” WonderSteed spoke as he removed his overly large sunglasses.
Rolling his eyes, the bird untied the string which attached the small letter to his leg, causing it to fall into the lap of the so called hero.
“What’s this?” remarked WonderSteed as he unraveled the letter. Without reason, he began to read aloud the parchment.
“Dear McWondersteed,
I have received word that the castle my sister and I once shared has been taken over by a mysterious being. Although under normal circumstances I would not see this as a problem due to the castle having not been used for thousands of years, my sister and I have agreed to begin using the building once again as a summer home. With this in mind, the mysterious being is now considered trespassing and I wish to send you to the castle in order to remove them. I would send Twilight and her friends to take care of this delinquent, but Luna has reminded me of Twilight’s threat of turning this land into a monarchy if her vacation with her friends to Fillydelphia was interrupted. With summer drawing near, I do hope this problem can be solved soon for Luna has been dying to take me on what she refers to a “Forrest Safari”. For the past week, she has paraded herself around in a strange tan hard-hat and speaks of “harpooning an ursa”. I do not lie when I say I am a tad worried as to what this could mean, but I digress. I wish you luck on this adventure and hope to hear of your success soon.
- From the desk of Celestia”
Looking up from the paper to find the messenger bird staring blankly with one eyebrow raised, WonderSteed finished his drink, raised himself to his hooves, and began walking into the forest toward the castle of which the letter spoke.
“I really need to find a new employer,” spoke the small messenger as he once more took to the skies, flying toward places unknown.
Setting out on his new adventure, WonderSteed boldly went into the darkness of the Everfree forest. With his head held high, signaling to the inhabitants of the forest the bravery that can only come from a skilled adventurer. Although all eyes throughout the forest focused solely on the passing wanderer, not one dared to challenge this prestigious pony.
Ever so slowly, his journey seemed to pass from minutes to hours. Though time followed a non-repetitive dance, the scenario did not. His stale surroundings seemed to follow him in an everlasting pursuit. Becoming bored with this uneventful place, Wondersteed began mentally listing off objects as he passed them.
‘Tree, tree, rock, tree, squirrel, tree, manticore,’ WonderSteed paused, backtracking over the list as he viewed each item. Though the squirrel seemed to be missing and the manticore now chewing an unknown object, WonderSteed was now sure that he had not been mistaken when he first viewed the mythological beast. Seeing the grotesque scene that had just played out in front of him, WonderSteed’s mind filled with thoughts as to what a manticore would be able to do with a much larger victim. Although his survival instincts attempted to send messages to his legs to escape, the thoughts of his approaching demise easily overpowered each of them. All thought began to focus only on the inevitable, causing WonderSteed’s breathing and heartbeat became rapid. His sight became blurry, causing him to lose focus. The last thought to pass through his mind was of the hardness of the ground as it collided with his unconscious body.
Even the sweet embrace of unconsciousness seemed to not be enough to soften the path to death. A sharp piercing pain ran through WonderSteed’s side, followed by another located mere inches from the previous. Though no record has been made as to what Manticore venom does to its victims, WonderSteed was sure to soon know. The piercing continued, making its way to WonderSteed’s head, leaving a trail of pain with each contact. The manticore seemed to enjoy toying with its victim, for when the piercing reached WonderSteed’s cheek, it seemed to jab repeatedly into one spot.
Rather than the pain dragging WonderSteed towards the eternal sleep, it seemed to be dragging him back to the realm of the living. Dreading the image WonderSteed knew would be welcoming him, he slowly lifted one eye, allowing it to focus on what would soon throw him back into death’s embrace. First focusing on the cause of his pain, WonderSteed did not find the end of a manticore tail, but the end of a stick, poking him repeatedly. What became more shocking was seeing a manticore holding the other end of the stick, poking him curiously while watching for any reaction. With the thought of being eaten alive quickly returning to his mind, WonderSteed let out a mighty shriek, causing the manticore to do the same. Each of the screaming parts darted into opposite directions, hiding behind trees before peeking out to see if the other had given chase. Seeing the other mirror their actions caused each one’s fear to subside in knowing the other’s action was not of offense.
“I am shocked your plans did not involve eating me,” called out WonderSteed.
“Manticores in this forest aren’t really known for eating either sentient or cute creatures,” replied the manticore, “I thought playing dead was some kind of pony tactical maneuver.”
“Don’t expect me to believe your lies, I saw you attack that squirrel earlier,” proclaimed WonderSteed.
“Squirrels are jerks, always throwing things at others,” replied the manticore.
“Fair enough,” shrugged WonderSteed as he walked back toward where he had awoken.
Seeing as the time of hostilities had passed, the manticore walked out from behind his hiding spot. Having never seen a manticore before, WonderSteed was marveled at the sheer size of the creature that stood before him. WonderSteed could only marvel at the manticore’s size as the approached him at the small clearing. Even while standing at full height, WonderSteed only reached the manticore’s shoulder. This would have left a feeling of intimidation if it was not for the events that led to this encounter. After exchanging introductions and explaining as to why WonderSteed was traveling through the forest, the manticore decided to offer his assistance as a guide. As the two traveled, they shared stories of past glories, spoke of families and friends, and discussed various vacation spots each must travel to.
With each deeply engrossed in conversation, it did not seem long before the castle came into view. With night drawing near and one final mission to complete, it was time for each to go their separate way. “Farewell Bob, it was great meeting you. If by any chance you are in the Manehatten area, come visit,” WonderSteed waved as the manticore vanished back into the forest of which he called home.
Though the castle was still in much need of repair, it was obvious that something or someone had attempted to fix the place. Holes riddling each side of the castle seemed to be filled with mismatching rocks stuck together with a combination of mud and grass. The glass panels that once decorated the castle windows were now replaced with red and gold checkered glass. The once beautiful gargoyles that lined the roof-top were now of monsters too misshapen to tell what they are meant to be. Shuddering at the handiwork of whoever laid inside, WonderSteed entered the castle, knowingly walking toward the one location the intruder would be.
Entering the castle was a shock to the visual senses. What horrors were found outside the castle failed to prepare one for what laid within. The horrors seemed to worsen with each room WonderSteed passed. Along the main hall, streamers of every color imaginable hung from the chandeliers. Within the dining room, broken tables seemed to be nailed back together in random arrangement, giving some tables an extra leg or two. Upon each table were plates of scorched food, bathing the air with scents of burning flowers and mustard. The reading room seemed to have been the only room untouched. Books, still covered in centuries dust, aligned the shelves, sitting pillows, falling apart from years of neglect, littered the floor, and the hearth, cold and empty, laid unused against the far wall.
Finally arriving to the throne room, WonderSteed prepared himself for what would obviously be the main focus of the intruder’s repairs. Swinging the doors open confirmed what WonderSteed had feared. The walls seemed to have been repainted with whatever colors the intruder had found, causing WonderSteed to recall Picassoesque painting he had once seen. The tapestries that once proudly hung behind each throne were replaced with banners of purple, orange, and red. Walking toward the center of the room, WonderSteed saw, atop the left throne, the menace that was responsible for this handiwork.
“I was not expecting guests so soon, for the coordination ceremony isn’t for a few more hours, but if you wish to stick around till then, you are more than welcome to stay.” spoke the mysterious figure as it descended toward the ground below.
“I have been sent here by the Princesses to remove you from-“ WonderSteed began before his voice became lost in a sea of laughter.
“So the Princesses believe they can send their little messenger boy here to convince me to leave? After all the work I put into restoring this castle, they believe they can just come in and take it over? It will take more than someone like you to make me leave,” taunted the mysterious pony now standing before WonderSteed.
As if on cue, lightning flashed across the sky, casting off the shadows and revealing the intruder. The intruding moonlight from the damaged roof caused her coat to shine in darkened brilliance, mirroring the color of the night sky. Her silver mane contrasted against her coat like a crescent moon, forming a portrait that was her own personal night. Her eyes reminded WonderSteed of spring fields filled with the greenest grasses known to Equestria.
“Darkness Vampony, I should have known you would be the one behind this!” shouted Wondersteed as the memories of their last encounter fresh in his mind. “You know you can never win against me.”
“Fool!” Replied Darkness with a voice of venom, “The last time we met, I was much weaker. This time will be much different.”
Flaring a pair of enlarged bat wings, Darkness quickly took to the sky, flying higher with every flap of her powerful wings. WonderSteed could only watch as Darkness flew further away, leaving no chance of attack from the flightless pony. Knowing there would be little time before Darkness gained the upper hand from a surprise attack, WonderSteed needed to stop her now. Spotting the shattered remains of one of the throne room’s many columns, an idea formed in WoderSteed’s mind. Darting over to the pile, WonderSteed gave the pile of rubble a mighty kick, sending shards of stone flying into the direction that Darkness had flown.
Feeling the presence of pursuers behind her, Darkness turned to find the slabs of stone closing in at a rapid rate. Seeing as there was no time to dodge the incoming attack, Darkness gave a high pitched scream, shattering the projectiles into dust.
“Dirty tricks won’t do you much help,” Darkness growled before diving back toward Wondersteed at full speed. As Darkness descended closer to WonderSteed, she let out another piercing scream.
The sound was nothing like WonderSteed had ever heard before. The deafening sound in his ears soon escalated to physical pain. If WonderSteed didn’t act fast, the pain would force him to either retreat or submit. Knowing Darkness was still too far for a physical attack, he resorted to the only power that would be useful, charm. Smiling, WonderSteed shot a shining beam of light directly toward Darkness, blinding the flying vampony. Now flying without sense of direction, Darkness collided headfirst into WonderSteed, sending them both skidding across the floor before slamming into the throne room wall. With both now temporarily subdued, each could only wait for their condition to pass.
“I’m telling mom you blinded me,” Darkness yelled while still unable to move.
“Well you started it,” responded WonderSteed with his ears still ringing “and your decorating taste is terrible.”
“Want to call it a truce then?” asked Darkness, growing bored of fighting.
“Sure, it’s getting pretty late anyways,” answered WonderSteed.
With the worst of the ringing finally passing, WonderSteed rose back to his hooves before helping his little sister do the same. Walking back toward the castle entrance, each gave the castle one last inspection, doubting either will ever return.
“I will have my revenge someday,” Darkness glanced over toward her rival, giving him a playful glare.
“I’m sure you will,” WonderSteed smiled while looking upward toward the descending moon, “I’m sure you will.”
The clock tower chimed thrice through the cold air of Ponyville, calling out to only empty streets and darkened houses. With morning still hours away, each citizen slept peacefully in their warm beds, but not all were sleeping so soundly. In a library located in Ponyville’s town square, sat a single purple dragon, unable to sleep yet again due to horrendous nightmares. “This really needs to stop,” Spike said to no one in particular as he rolled over to try yet again to doze off back to the land of dreams. Though this night, Spike would not be the only one with troubles sleeping. In a small two story house across town, came an echoing screech from an upstairs room.
“I will get you next time, WonderSteed!” yelled out a voice of evil.
As the house finished shaking from the booming voice, the door leading into the room slammed open, revealing a single, angry pony.
“Sweetie Belle, it is three o’clock in the morning. Will you please stop shouting and go to bed,” called out a very exhausted Rarity, her eyes bloodshot from the previous day's work and her sleeping mask crookedly hanging from her face.
“Sorry Rarity, I’ll be good.” Sweetie Belle said with a smile before pulling the covers back over herself, pretending to sleep. The door slowly shut, leaving her once again alone. “Till next time, WonderSteed,” Sweetie belle whispered again to herself before falling fast asleep.