Chapters You walk up to your mirror. A nice blue vanity mirror gifted from Rarity, how generous. Your house isn't too shabby either, in fact it looks just like home. Furnishing was difficult, considering you're twice the size of a normal pony. You did manage to find a perfect sofa, but for some reason it came with a barrel of quills...
The reflection reveals just how sexy you are, forcing you to run a hand through your hair and grin. You see the beginnings of a neck-beard forming, but you make a note to shave later. Feeling a little cocky, you start posing and showing off those manly muscles from all the hard exercise you do every day (you do exercise, right?). Flexing your bulging bicep nearly tore off your sleeve, but you didn't care.
"Damn tiger, you're sexy."
Now with that small bit of narcissism out of the way, it's time for that date.
Fortunately you haven't wasted any time at all, so a steady pace is all you need. Grabbing your coat and a hat (please tell me it's not a fedora), you leave the house. The sun feels nice and warm as you step out, reminding you how competent the weather team is. Or Rainbow Dash. You know she does all the work anyway, in ten sec- No, no jokes. Stop it. That isn't even funny anymore. Not even 20 per-
Damn it.
On you way to Fluttershy's cottage, you pass by the marketplace. Roseluck and a couple ponies are tending to their stall, selling tulips, roses, and other delicious pretty flowers. You briefly consider buying some flowers for your date, but decide against it. Fluttershy would just eat it; that's like bringing a bag of Doritos to a date, right? Shrugging, you wave to the friendly ponies and leave the market.
Sugarcube Corner catches your eye as you make you way through town, the sweet scents forcing you to salivate at a single whiff. Finding yourself unable to resist a little peek, you find yourself at the window and looking inside. Images of calorie-filled snacks fill your vision. Thank goodness you exercise and don't constantly snack, otherwise you'd get fat. You do, right?
More buildings caused you to fondly reminisce as you pass by. Rarity's Boutique, where your first tuxedo was sewed. The marshmallow pony was delighted*, to say the least, to fit Equestria's newest sentient creature with their first outfit. Twilight's library (whose actual name you couldn't remember), where she performed inhuman experiments on you to unlock humanity's secrets. You survived, and she learned her lesson and apologized, but don't worry too much about it. Plenty of humans can live with a single kidney, you'll be fine. Next, you passed by Lyra's home. Cozy, with a mailbox decorated with her and Bonbon's cutie mark in the front yard, the house appeared like any other. It was where you and Lyra spent time talking about Earth and human culture, and the place you'll always remember as where you first lost your virginity**.
Shaking your head, you pull yourself out your memories and continue your journal to Fluttershy's cottage. Once at the outskirts of town, her cottage in sight, you take a last breath, pop in a mint, and prepare to take your final steps.
Forget the date and get out of there, spineless plebeian.
Knock on her door.
Wow, what a jerk. Going through all this trouble to ask a nice girl out to a date and you're just going to blow it off? Way to leave a mare hanging, dick. She's way out of your league, mate. Hero of Equestria, best friends with a princess, and a former model, and you're just going to stand her up?
Well too bad. She opened the door as soon as she heard your footsteps outside.
Dick.
Greet her.
There she is, her door open and peeking out of it ever so cautiously. Her pink mane hides her face as she walks outside to greet you. You can't help but watch her hips sway as she walks, your eyes would rip out of your skull if you turned away as she lifted her hind-leg to kick her door shut. The bestial instincts inside of you want to do nothing else but sink your teeth into that plump, delicious pink cutie mark.
Your date looks up, revealing a slight blush and a tender smile filled with kindness and purity. Her eyes are lightly decorated with mascara for your date, a touch most likely added by Rarity. Fluttershy squeaks your name and greeting you before moving in for a hug. You gratefully return it, feeling a light nuzzle against your chest.
You are one lucky bastard, don't screw it up.
Screw it u-
No, stop it. Just go on the date already.
Fluttershy breaks the hug and stares up at you. You return it for a moment, blinking, until you realized you hadn't said anything in your stupor. Well, tiger, time to shine. What's your line?
"Hey beautiful. Perfect day for a date, eh?"
"Konichiwa, Shy-sempai!"
"Hi Fluttershy! Nice to see you again."
"Konnichiwa, watashi no kōhai," Fluttershy proudly chirped, her eyes sparkling with anime sparkles. You noticed her puff out her chest in pride; you mentally patted yourself on the back in return.
It was her deepest, darkest secret. Fluttershy is an otaku. She loves her anime. The usually shy, reserved pegasus quickly becomes an outgoing* geek whenever she becomes involved in such things. Mardoka Magica, Attack on Threstral, and Maruto are her favorite shows and, wow , are they violent! She has every single dvd (don't ask) and movie reel ever made for her favorites, and nearly every manga she could find. Not even Twilight could keep up with Fluttershy's mad obsession with manga, rivaling even Twilight's love for thermodynamics and magic. She even cosplays** from time to time. She doesn't talk about it in front of her friends for some reason****, but revealed her secret to you after you let it slip that you watch anime (You do, don't even deny it).
You quickly shake your head, pulling out of your thoughts. A beautiful mare is in front of you and it's time to take her out, sweep her off her hooves, and make sweet, sensual love with her. That is, of course, if you can make it through the date without screwing it up somehow. Considering how you managed to destroy a castle tower by forgetting to tie your shoe one day, chances are pretty high if you don't keep on your toes. Speaking of which...
"Um, I made you a treat, your favorite. I h-hope you like it." Fluttershy reached into her saddlebag with her muzzle and pulled out a tiny box just as you finished tying your shoelace. Once you looked up from your kneeling position, she places the box in front of you and pushes it forward with her nose, a small blush on her cheeks. Your heart tightened as you picked up the box and pulled off the lid. Inside was... jellied toast. Your favorite.
With a shaking hand, you wiped away your single tear. "T-thank you sempai. Thank you for noticing me."
Fluttershy beamed at you, her eyelashes fluttering in her lovely smile. A strike of boldness flashed through you. You put the toast in your mouth and reached a hand out. Fluttershy blinked at it, dropping her smile and a stone in your stomach. However, instead of commenting, she took a deep breath and placed her hoof onto your hand.
Slowly, you begin to stand up as Fluttershy flaps her wings to keep herself level with your waist. Hand in hoof, you take the lead and make your way back into town. Dinner, maybe a walk in the park, and "coffee" at her place is in store for tonight.
Surprisingly, she dominates the conversation talking about her animals, work, and your relationship as well. She never expected to be romanced by a male*****, let alone a strange creature never before seen in Equestria. In all honesty, she admits that she expected to have an arranged marriage with her foalhood friend or something similar. Her original plan was to live alone, sheltered and isolated from the other ponies except for grocery trips, but that changed after she started making friends. And then she met you.
To be fair, you couldn't really talk if you had toast in your mouth. It was delicious though, it even had your favorite jelly.
Ponies walking by couldn't help but smile and wave at the lovely couple passing by. Fluttershy squeaked, but waved back without you even needing to encourage her. Times like these, when shy Fluttershy grows, makes your heart swell with fond pride. You squeezed her hoof, non-verbally praising her, and took a turn on the road.
And a turn for the worst.
Everything turned black for a moment, thought it felt like eternity. Pain coursed through your body as shadowy tendrils tore into your brain and engulfed your consciousness. In other words, a concussion.
Colors began to rush back in your vision as your pulled yourself up from the ground, your temples throbbing and body aching. Distant sounds of Fluttershy's worried voice pulled you out of your daze as you shook your head and looked up. Fluttershy, as far as you could see in your swimming vision, was frantically defending you as some pony helped herself up.
"You!" the mare shouted and pointed a hoof at you. Bread crumbs flew out of her mouth as she wordlessly screamed in anger. She flared her wings and growled. "You! You ruined everything! Now I'm going to be late for school!" she continued to shout as she tried lifting her bike, the one she hit you with, only to have it fall apart. "And now you broke my bike! Jerk!"
You rubbed your eyes, not believing the sight before your eyes. A cyan pegasus, wearing a schoolgirl outfit and sporting a mane-bun, was busy fixing her bike and eating her toast after crashing into you.
"R-Rainbow Dash?" you couldn't help but ask, hardly believing she would be caught dead in public in that get-up. Not that you minded, of course. If you were a pegasus, your wings would be erect right now.
In response, Rainbow Dash blushed. "I-idiot! Not so loud! I don't want anypony to see me!"
This only caused further confusion; you scratched your head. "Then what are you doing in Ponyville? Everypony is going to see you."
"Because I lost a bet!" Rainbow Dash spat at you, taking a moment to wipe her mouth before continuing. "I have to bike through Ponyville in this... dress because Applejack beat me in a wrestling match, okay?"
"Why would Applejack want-"
"Why is she looking at me like that?" Rainbow Dash's wings snapped back to her sides as she took a step back, interrupting your train of thought. Rainbow's face was nearly completely red, having been thrust into the spotlight against her will. Curious and confused, you turn your head toward Fluttershy.
Fluttershy had a blank expression as she stared at Rainbow Dash. An ominous shiver of dread ran through your spine as you began to connect the dots. Before you could say anything, do anything, think of anything, Fluttershy pounced.
"You're so kawaii, Rainbow Dash!" Fluttershy cooed as she nuzzled her blushing friend in a death-grip hug. "I didn't know you loved dressing up too! We're going to have so much fun! We're going to go to conventions, draw comics, and write fanfiction together!" Her wings flapped and brought the two into the air, with a squirming Rainbow Dash in her hold.
Fluttershy, in her excitement, flew off with her dolled-up friend while gushing and fangirling about everything anime under the sun. You sighed and stood up, brushing yourself off. A few sympathetic ponies frowned and gave you their condolences, but you waved them off.
Sighing once more, you turned toward home and began to walk back. "At least sempai noticed me."
Wow, you're pretty nerdy, huh? Try again.
~Weird End~
Wow hot-shot, you sure are confident. Perhaps all that apple bucking* with Applejack and cider drinking with the girls have done wonders to your confidence. Why, just the other week you managed to best Rainbow Dash in a drinking contest. Poor girl, she might love the stuff but she can't hold her liquor. If she's not careful, Applejack is going to make her do something ridiculous like wear a kinky dress in town or something.
Regardless of where your courage came from, liquid-form or not, it had a noticeable effect on your date to be. Fluttershy blushed and feigned fanning her off. Damn, you're good, tiger. One last lightning strike of courage surged through your nerves; before Fluttershy could react, you reached down, picked her up, and slung her over your shoulders. She giggled and pumped her forelegs in the air as you gently held onto her hind-legs.
Without further ado, you made your way back into town with Fluttershy riding** your shoulders. Your first matter of business was dinner, and possibly another activity before "coffee." Romance, especially for a human in Equestria, wasn't an exact science. Fortunately you had a dinner reservation at The Salt Lick, so there wasn't any hurry to find a place. Perhaps you could take a walk in the park afterwards, or stargaze in a grassy field together. You know, cheap and cheesy things to do on a date that girls love for some reason. Maybe serenade her or something.
Wait. You froze in your steps, confusing and worrying poor Fluttershy. After the date? You look up, above Ponyville's buildings, and at the sun. The sun that's nowhere near the horizon. It's two hours early! In your euphoria after asking out the adorable mare, you messed up the details and picked her up early! Props on the confidence, but you need to work on your execution.
No matter, no matter, you had a plan.
"Hey Fluttershy," you asked, continuing to walk as if nothing had happened. You were going to play this off cool. You were in control, nothing could ruin this date. "You want to go see a movie?"
"Oh, I would love to!" she softly cheered into your ear. You swore you felt her muzzle tickle the side of your head. Such tease. "But... What about dinner?"
"..." You froze again, unable to conjure a coherent response. "Uh... the reservation..."
"You forget when the reservation was, didn't you?" Fluttershy mused, an oddly smug tone in her voice. You mentally face-palmed. Of all ponies, only Fluttershy knew how forgetful you were. Like most most humans, you tend to forget the important details whenever you're excited. Like that time Rarity bent over and you reached for a boiling pot of water, or when Twilight nearly drowned and you started squealing with Pinkie Pie about your first kiss, forgetting that Twilight needed mouth to mouth resuscitation. You know, common human errors
"Well, uh..." You try to find a good response, but your mind is drawing a blank. Come on man, she's giving you a chance. What's your save?
"So I hear there's this new Maredoka Magica movie..."
"Want to go see Planet of The Humans ?"
Well damn, aren't you a chooser? That's like Fluttershy suggesting you cuddle on the couch and watching something stupid like My Little Pony . Either that or you just really miss home. Or have a streak of narcissism for the true* master race.
With two hours until your dinner date, Fluttershy reluctantly agrees to the idea. You catch a small, sad edge to her voice, but shrug it off as sympathy. Equestria is your home now; who cares if you had a life, family, and people who loved you back home? You have miniature ponies as friends now, and that's all you need.
Fluttershy fluttered off your back and you two made your way to the theatre**. You bought your tickets, paid for snacks, and made your way to the showing post-haste. The two of you chatted during the loud advertisements before the movie as other ponies gathered inside and took their seats. After a few minutes, the lights dimmed and the movie began.
The movie started out simple enough. A few ponies were selected for some space exploration program, went into cryogenic sleep, and crash landed on some foreign planet. Basic sci-fi shtick. Two scientific mares led by a much more competent stallion with a romantic subplot developing since the moment they woke up. It reminded you of Earth's movies, but with the genders swapped. Instead of scientists, Earth would have dumb males who liked sports and scratched themselves whenever nobody was looking. Oh, and they were in movies too.
It was just like a movie from home, but with ponies. You absent-mindedly fondled your popcorn as you ate it, your tongue savoring the delicious butter and salt. Your hand brushed against something, causing poor Fluttershy to retreat from your peripherals. A shame, really. Your popcorn could use more butter. Oh well, at least you were enjoying the movie.
Well, you were. The humans in the movie initially treated the "silly talking ponies" with interest and intrigue, but their treatment began to worsen and worsen to the point of cruelty. Talk about assholes. It was like you were back in high school.
Fluttershy sniffed beside you, bringing you out of your thoughts. Turning around, you saw her face illuminated by the reflected picture's light. Tears dampened her cheeks as she wiped her eyes, a steady stream of pity flowing.
"F-Fluttershy?" you whisper, as to not disturb the other movie viewers. "What's wrong?"
Fluttershy wiped her muzzle. "W-why are they so mean? What could possibly drive humanity to be so mean to these kind ponies? What if they starved, or ponies poached in the past? Why do they resent us so much?!"
You couldn't help but snort. So naive, but it was part of what made her so adorable. Of course Fluttershy would worry more about the oppressive animal race than her own brethren. Well cry me a river... wait a minute.
Okay, enough with the puns. You shake your head clear and look at the clearly distressed mare. Only one thing to do in her time of need...
Comfort her.
Leave her be. It'll pass.
Wow, you insensitive prick. You go on a date with a girl, take her to the movie, and leave her alone when she's crying? You're dating her, for f
But no. You sit there, twiddling your thumbs as an overly-sensitive mare balls her eyes out. Dick. As you reach for your soda pop, you hear something from behind you. Something that makes chills run down your spine as your blood freezes.
"CUTIE MARK CHAPERONS YAY!" screamed the fillies that seemingly popped out of nowhere. You didn't even have time to scream as four fillies pounced on you. Every pony in the theater glanced at the spectacle before returning to the movie, completely ignoring you.
You were pushed into the aisle, on your back, by the weight of the four fillies. Apple Bloom and Scootaloo pinned down your left and right arm, respectfully, as Sweetie Belle clung to your head and obscured your vision. You gave a mighty struggle, flailing with all your strength, but ponies were strong. Even little fillies like the Crusaders. You tried kicking your legs to flip onto your feet, but Babs quickly put an end to that.
Whump! Whump! Babs brought down a metal baseball bat* onto both your shins, breaking the bone and ending the rest of your resistance. Tears streamed down your face as searing pain shot through your body. You tried to ask, to plead, to beg them for forgiveness, but you lost consciousness with a final swing at your skull.
You woke up on the hard floor, cold and damp. You tried moving, but found your arms and legs bound by tight rope. Small hoof-steps approached you, somepony ripped off your blindfold and forced you to look at them.
Babs, smoking a cigar, sneered at you. "So you're the sc
"What the hell?" you grunted, tugging against the bonds. For some reason, it sounded like she was censored or something. "What the hell did you just say?"
Babs scoffed. "You're asking me about my language, m
Yeah, it was going to be one of those nights. Oh, and they brought out the taffy machine. Too bad they didn't get torture cutie marks, but they sure tried.
You only screamed once.
"F
~Bab End~
You can't believe it. You finally did it. You asked out Fluttershy and she said yes! Well, not exactly... it was more of a combination of squeaks, whine, blushing, and a short trip to the hospital when her bunny beat the shit out of you. But hey, you got a date with her!
You've really earned it, after all. Being the only human in Equestria was difficult at first. Racism, sexism, and even vegetarianism (dear lord, that was awful) was everywhere, but you kept pushing forward to get to where you are. Now you're the seventh element of harmony, vanquisher of evil, wielder of the master sword, seven inches, dating best pony Fluttershy, and assistant manager of the general store. Life is good. Life would be perfect, but you forgot your porn mags at home. Oh well!
Now it's time for that date, tiger. All dressed up, wallet full of hard-earned bits, and rearing to go. You have a few minutes before the date, so what are you going to do?
Talk to the mirror to wind down. Got to get those nerves calmed down.
Leave early. It's Ponyville, something is bound to happen on the way.
The sight of crying Fluttershy drives you to comfort the poor mare. How dumb of you, taking a sensitive mare to such a cruel depiction of wild animals lost to old mares' tales... except for you, of course. Shame on you. Regretting your implausibly dumb idea, you wrap your arm around Fluttershy's shoulder and pull her close in a moment of daring.
She sniffles for a moment, her tears beginning to slow. Your heart stops as she briefly looks up, her blue eyes reflecting the light from the projector. She blinks, her eyelashes accentuating the sapphires that stared into your soul. Newly born heartbeats pound your chest as her lashes slowly rise, returning her gaze to you. A smile touched on her lips as she closed her eyes again and brought her face to your side.
Your cheeks burnt red as she rubbed her cheek and muzzle against your chest, nuzzling you.
Here, let me try that again: Fluttershy, the most adorable pony in all of Ponyville, is nuzzling you.
You go, stud.
