Out of Place

Chapter 6

The Frayed Ends of Sanity

“…And that’s a wrap!” Percy exclaimed as we finished recording a new song. “Good job everybody!”

“Sophie, I would suggest you take a glass of water, singing isn’t easy when you lack proper experience and suddenly have a shit ton of lyrics in front of you.” I said, putting my bass on the stand.

“Excuse me!? What do you mean I lack experience?!” she glared at me with a death look. “I’ll have you know, I sing all the time!”

“Singing in the shower doesn’t count, Sophie. I learnt that the hard way…”

“How- how do you know I sing in the shower?” she asked blushing. Lance raised his head at this.

“My bedroom is right next to the shower you use, and this place doesn’t have the thickest walls…” I said patting the wall next to me.

After we finished that strange conversation, we then proceeded to repeat the song from the computer, over and over again just to notice any mistakes. Then I heard it:

[Hello, Kirk!]

At first I thought it was my mind playing tricks on me. Then it happened again.

[Kirkie!]

I looked around the other three and say nothing but them concentrating on the music so I ignored whatever it was that was calling me.

[Kirk! Hello! Kirkie! Helloooooo! Hallo! Helo! Bonjour! Salve! Ciao! Look I’m talking in different languages! Kirk! Don’t make me go all annoying or your ass! …Kirk, Kirk, Kirk, Kirk, Kirk, Kirk, Kirk, Kirk-]

“WHAT?!” I shouted angrily at the others. “WHAT DO YOU WANT!?

They just looked at me confused and shocked at my sudden outburst, except Lance, he just cocked his head at an angle.

“We didn’t say anything…” Percy said, slowly. “You feeling ok? You don’t look so good…”

“I’m fine-”

[You’re not fine-]

“-I just need some time alone-”

[-you have a voice in your head-]

“-to think about things-”

[-how can you be fine if you have a voice in your head?-]

“-I have a lot on my mind at the moment-”

[Are you even listening to me?-]

“-WOULD. YOU. SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP?!” I screamed at the top of my voice, staring upwards and breathing heavily.

“We didn’t even say anything.” Sophie said, angrily. “Look, I don’t know what’s got into you but there is no point shouting at us for it!”

“I’m not- I’m not shouting at you, it’s just… I just… I just need to be alone!

***

“What do you want?” I spat alaoud as I closed my bedroom door behind me.

[Moi? Oh, nothing much…. Just a little chit-chat]

“Like the ‘chit-chat’ we have about me being responsible for my parents death?” I ask mockingly.

[No, no. this is a completely different topic…]

“Well whatever it is, spit it out!”

[Weeelllll… its more than just ‘chit-chat’ to be honest, this time it’s a bit more serious] the voice said with a more mature tone than usual [You need to know the truth kirk! The truth you’ve denied for so long!]

“What truth?” I asked

[The truth about you and Luna…]

“…”

[Lets just set the mood first and lead up to the main point of this chapter!]

“Chapter? What chapter?” I asked, confused.

[Oops, probably shouldn’t say anything like that. I’ll end up spoiling the story!]

“Story? What the fuck are you going on about?” I asked again even more confused.

What did it mean by story? I knew for certain that I was not just some words in a book (or on a computer screen for that matter, as a lot of modern stories are these days).

[Nothing, nothing! lets get started then, shall we? You and Luna, you might as well be siblings with the way you act around each other… her company is one of the only living creatures you actually enjoy (apart from your pet spider)…  you spend more time with her than any other pony in this household… you stare at the moon and think of her… you can’t help but drop your jaw whenever you see her as a human… when you’re not having ‘The Dream’ you dream of her-]

“-I don’t remember any of this!” I interrupted.

[No, probably not. You’ve most likely repressed them. Oh, I remember something: what was that song you wanted to write? ‘Beauty of the Moon’ was it?]

“Cut to the fucking chase already!”

If a voice could smirk, my God, it would have the biggest one you would ever see.

[You.]

“…”

[Love.]

“…wait-”

[Luna.]

“What? Why would I-”

[You cannot deny it any longer, Kirk! You love her!]

“where did you get such an idea?”

[Have you even been listening to me? Do I need to repeat it all?]

“No! I heard you the first time. Just explain why you think that’s true.”

[Kirk, I’m the voice in your head. I know everything about you, I know everything you know, I know everything you think, you feel, you taste, you smell, you touch, you see. I. Am. You!]

“No! No, you are not me! You may be a voice in my head but that doesn’t mean you’re me!  If you were me, you would sound like me but you don’t. You sound like ‘him’. You sound just like the man who killed my parents 30 years ago, I recognise the voice from my dreams!”

[Seriously? I’m a voice in your head that has adopted that sound. Lets just get back to the original point, shall we? You’re in love with Luna.]

“I’m still not buying it…”

[How about some images of Luna that you accidentally thought up and then repressed almost instantly?]

Then image after image was forced into my mind. I understood why they were repressed because some of them needed to be censored. But with each image, a sharp pain in my brain.

“Ok- ah, ok ok ok! Ah! Stop! I get- ah, I get it! Ah! STOP!!” I begged.

[Now do you believe me? You can stop being in denial now! Ever since that night on the balcony, you’ve had feelings for her and they’ve grown!]

“Ok, ok. I understand! I’ve fallen in Love with her… is that all you wanted to say?”

Again, if a voice could smirk…

[Oh, no. I’m not done nurturing you yet! The thing is, she is way out of your league. She is a PRINCESS, a royal princess, a co-ruler, a Goddess. And what are you? A bassist for a silly little band. Nothing more! And because of this, she will never love you back! She will never love you, Kirk! No one will!]

“Stop!”

[You’re alone in this world. You have always been alone and you will always will be!]

“WRONG! I have my friends!”

[What friends? Oh, those people you live with? They’re not your friends. They may say they are but they just feel sorry for you! All they see is a lonely, pathetic excuse of a man!]

“SHUT UP!”

[NO! Face it Kirk! No matter what you do, YOU ARE ALONE! AND SHE WILL NEVER LOVE YOU BACK!]

“SHUT UP! SHUT UP!! SHUT UP!!!”

[YOU!]

“NO!

[ARE!]

“SHUT UP!

[ALONE!!]

“GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!” I screamed at the top of my voice, almost pulling my hair out!

[AND SHE WILL NEVER LOVE YOU BACK!!]

Before I could reply I heard my door creek open. Then a small voice was emitted from it.

“Uumm, Kirk? Are you ok? I heard you- EEEP!” It squeaked before the sound of hooves running away could be heard.

I opened my eyes to see my arm stretched out in front of me as if I had just thrown something. Then I saw it. My fathers balisong knife stuck in the wall next to my door. It was the last thing he gave me before he was murdered. I walked over to it and found a small chunk of pink hair stuck to the blade. I must have thrown the knife in anger when I heard the gentle voice talk.

“Fluttershy, no!” I whisper as I fall to my knees, holding some of the pink hair in my hands. “What have I done?”