Celestia's New World

August 25

I felt anxious. Anxious and... bored. I shouldn't be bored right now, this was exciting. Maybe I should do something to get my mind off of this.

"Hey Celestia, I'm gonna head downstairs." I said to her, "I'll be back eventually."

"Hmm? Oh, ok. We'll be here."

She turned back to her guards and continued her conversation.

I opened a game and leaned back in my chair, sighing. I wanted to relax to a simple game. Team Fortress 2 fit the bill.

I always just played the PvE content in TF2. It was simple, quick, and I knew the ins-and-outs of just about every mission. I chose the easiest mission, my favorite one.

A short while later, I heard footsteps. Someone was coming downstairs.

"That sure looks a lot different than this." Celestia stated, noting the differences between my laptop and my gaming computer.

I looked at her mid-wave, pushing my headset off my head. I still heard the hit-sounds of my sentry as it rested around my neck.

"What'd ya figure out?" I asked her.

"Nothing important, I suppose." Her voice was soft. Smooth. It was pleasant to hear. "What are you doing? What is that?"

"It's a video game. It's called Team Fortress 2."

"This is a video game? Interesting."

I chuckled. "Yeah, I kinda forgot to tell you about them, didn't I..."

"It seems violent."

"Yeah, a bit. You know, I used to play this game all the time before you showed up."

"I don't need to be watched, Phil."

I shrugged and turned my attention back to the game.

"What... is this?" she asked again.

"It's fun." I replied.

"That doesn't answer my question."

"Well... It's gonna be hard to explain. Really, it's just... a movie that you can control."

She just stared at the screen. "Well, if you can't tell me what it is, can you tell me what you're doing? Tell me what that thing you're hitting is. What does it do?"

"That's a little easier to explain." I gave her a brief runthrough of the engineer and his tools, as well as an even briefer explanation of the game's setting. It was a little difficult talking to her while playing, but I managed to pull through.

"Oh, you won!" She was happy for me. She didn't understand what winning meant. She didn't understand how easy it was to win. Still, she was happy for me. She really was just like a kid.

"You wanna play?" I asked her.

"Play? You... You mean, this?"

"Yeah." I got up and set my headset on the table. "Here, sit."

"Oh! Ok..."

She took my place in the chair and faced the center screen. She looked to me, curious for more instructions.

"Grab the mouse and put your hand on the keyboard like I did."

"The mouse is... this?" she asked, taking it.

"Yep. And for the keyboard, you'll want your hands on the W-A-S-D keys."

"Um... Like this?" she asked.

"Mmm... Close. Here, let me show you." I started manually moving her fingers to the correct keys. "And you can use the bottom bar to jump, so you'll want your thumb over that."

"Ok, I think I have it."

"Looks good." I said, taking my hand away.

That was... unexpected of me. It's like my body moved automatically to correct her. Well, if I don't mention it, it isn't weird.

She pressed the keys down a few times, but since we were in the menu, it did nothing. "This feels strange. You made it look so easy." She moved the mouse back and forth on the table, watching it move on the screen, learning how to use an actual computer mouse instead of just a touchpad.

I told her what to click on and lead her to the bot training mode. She looked over the instructions at the beginning before starting the round on attack.

"Ah! What's all this? This is so different from what you were doing."

I gave her some basic tips for the start of the round. She seemed to take my information to heart. As she listened, she practiced her mouse aiming in the spawn room. Her first pick being Soldier, she accidentally damaged herself quite a bit.

"And one last thing." I said, picking up the headphones. She watched as I brought them to her and sat still as I slid them onto her head.

She reached up and adjusted them so they fit properly. "Thank you."

For her first round, she played exactly as a new player would. Stopping to aim, missing shots, dying often, that sort of thing. However, she must've been enough of a distraction to the enemy team because before long, her team captured the first point.

She gasped. "What happened? Did I do good?"

"You did great, Celestia! You just won the first point."

She was smiling proudly. "Now what?" she asked me, ready for combat.

"Now you have to capture the second point. Try switching to Heavy. He's easier to play. Easier to aim."

"How do I..."

"Right. This button." I reached over her and tapped it for her.

She switched to the Heavy and made her way onto the battlefield. Being a Heavy, the Medic bot on the team began pocketing her almost instantly. What I wouldn't give to pocket Celestia...

Her new role put her into a better position to do damage. These easy bots didn't stand a chance. I noticed that her aim was actually decent for a beginner, which helped her out some. Her reflexes were incredible. She was very dexterous for someone who had spent the past few thousand years with hooves.

"I did it!" she exclaimed, "I won!"

"Great job, Celestia."

"Can I do it again?"

"I don't see why not."

I led her through her next game. With her assistance, her team successfully defeated the enemies.

"This is really fun! I can see why you do this so often."

"It really is fun. And this is just a single game. There are tons of games out there, some of them more fun than this."

"Really? Maybe you could show me. I wanna play again."

She started up another game. I just watched her from behind, enjoying myself almost as much as she was.

She was focused on the game, trying out new characters every so often.

Celestia...

Say something. Say something to her. Tell her that she looks cute with the headset on. Tell her how beautiful her smile is. Come on, you've done this before... We're alone, this is your chance...

I was having trouble talking. I was hesitating.

Just as I mustered up the courage to say something, she spoke first. "So you can do this with other people?"

"Ah... Y-Yeah... Yeah, all sorts of people. From all over the world." Smooth.

"I can only imagine how such a thing is possible... We ponies are far less advanced than you humans."

"Oh, don't worry. It'd probably take you eighty years tops to get to where we are."

"Eighty years? Is this merely a guess?"

"You've been looking stuff up, haven't you?"

"Well... That is not... entirely true..."

"Hmm?"

"In truth, my spare time has been consumed by... Oh, this is embarrassing for me to say... I've been looking at... silly videos of cats."

I chuckled. "Really, Celestia?"

She started to giggle. "There's just so many of them!" Her face was getting red. She pulled her hands from the keyboard mid-game and placed them onto her cheeks. "They're all so cute! I can't stop watching them!"

I laughed. "Yeah, I used to do the same thing all day long."

"Oh! The match!" She returned her hands to the keyboard and continued, short giggles escaping her lips.

I sighed, soon realizing that the reason I came down here was to use my computer. Now she was on it. Still, being with her was nice. Just a little while longer...

"Would you like this back?" she asked me, "You've been hovering around me for quite a while."

"Hmm? Oh, I..."

"It isn't a problem." She stood. "Here, take it."

"Uh... Yeah, alright. Thanks."

I took my place on my throne once more. She gave me my headset. I just set it onto the table.

"Show me how you would do this." she said to me.

"You got it." I replied.

Unlike her, I had an in-depth knowledge of how the game worked and knew the best ways to defeat the enemies. The first minute of the match had barely gone by and I was already on my way to the second point.

Celestia started talking again. She asked about different types of games and computers. I had some trouble explaining, but I did my best.

We were downstairs for a long time. I'm surprised that one of the guards hadn't popped in to check on us.

We had gone quiet for a while. I started speaking, this time. "Hey, Celestia."

"What is it?"

"I don't know if I really feel comfortable with your guards staying here."

"I understand, Phil. The three of us have barged into your life and taken over your home. I wouldn't be comfortable, either. It's very kind of you to give them a place to stay."

"I appreciate what you're saying, Celestia."

She sighed. "I'm sorry about them. I know that I put you into a position that you couldn't refuse. It wasn't right of me."

"We didn't have another choice."

"I know." She sighed again, then surprisingly, let out a chuckle. "Looks like we may have to postpone our next date."

"It wasn't..." I let out a frustrated groan.

"Yes it wa~as. I remember you saying that it was."

I shook my head. "Well, postponing it won't change anything. You'll be leaving when they leave."

"Maybe I'll come back for a visit. It's always nice to see friends."

"That..." She'd what? "That'd be nice." I turned to face her. "Celestia... That'd be nice."

She just smiled that same smile she always smiles. What a nice sight...

"It's... It's getting a little late, don't you think?" I asked, nervously changing the subject.

"Perhaps..."

It's funny... I came down here to relieve my stress with video games, but after spending all this time down here with Celestia... I didn't feel any stress at all. However...

"I gotta... I gotta set your guards up with a place to sleep. And... And get them...

She nodded. "You did have extra bedding for them, correct?"

"Yeah, yeah, I did."

"Good."

The two of us returned upstairs to her guards. They were both sitting on the couch, waiting patiently for us. The mere sight of them reminded me why I went down in the first place...

I set up places for the guards to sleep downstairs. The couch offered one bed. They would have to argue amongst themselves to see who slept on the floor. I had toothbrushes and the like for them as well. My supply was running low...

With the guards' beds being downstairs, I wasn't able to stay on the computer for much longer. I made sure to turn it off before I finally went upstairs.

I had told my boss that I wanted tomorrow off, but right now, I was kinda regretting it. I didn't need to stay home. I was just being a drama queen.

I sat on the couch with my laptop in my lap. Celestia sat beside me and watched what I was doing, invading my privacy with the innocence of a child.

I just accepted it. Thankfully, I was sure that I could find something to keep us busy for the next hour or so. Cat videos were plentiful.

I yawned. It had gotten late. I turned to her and said, "I think it's time to go to bed, Celestia."

"Yes, I suppose you're right. You'll be needing the couch, then."

"Yep."

She stretched her body out before standing up. "Well, goodnight, then." She started towards my room, then paused. "Hey..." She turned to me.

"Hmm?"

She kept quiet for a small while, then said, "No, it's nothing. Never mind. Sorry. Goodnight then, Phil."

Was something on her mind? "Goodnight, Celestia."

August 26

Today, I got to sleep in. Maybe staying home from work was a good idea. I could stay in bed as long as I wanted.

Or, at least, until someone wakes me. With my bed being the couch in the middle of the house, it didn't take long.

My eyes lazily followed Shining Armor as he walked upstairs and to my room. His footsteps woke me. I blinked slowly. He glanced at me before raising a hand to knock on the door

I heard a quiet, "Hmm?" from beyond the door.

"Princess, it's Shining Armor." he announced himself.

"Leave me be, I'm sleeping." she replied.

He was surprised by his Princess's laziness. He started saying something, but the Princess cut him off.

"We can speak later."

He took a while to respond, but finally said, "Very well, Princess."

He stepped away from the door, then looked to me. I lifted my hand an inch or two as a wave.

"Um... Food?" he asked.

I gestured to the kitchen doorway. "Whatever."

He nodded and left to the kitchen. Not too long after, Soulfire came up and joined him.

I turned away and closed my eyes again.

They were being considerate but no amount of politeness would silence them completely. I wouldn't be getting back to sleep. Should I sleep downstairs? I'd be out of their way. They wouldn't have room, then. Hmm...

I laid still in my makeshift bed hoping to fall asleep once more. I quickly realized the futility of it and simply enjoyed the rest.

Celestia would wake up to eat, soon. Shining, Soulfire, Celestia, and myself... Food, water, electricity... Mmm...

Shining and Soulfire had finished their meal by the time the bedroom door opened. Celestia walked out and yawned. A shirt that was too big, messy hair, tired eyes... She was cute...

"Hey, Phil." she lazily said to me.

"Hey."

She lazily blinked at me before moving to the kitchen. The guards were still out there. I heard familiar cereal sounds. Celestia complained to them about letting her sleep. I didn't pay attention to what else she said.

I should've just gone to work...

Footsteps. I felt someone poke my shoulder. "Hey, wake up." I heard her say.

I opened my eyes and looked to her.

"Take me into town, again. I wanna see more." she said to me. Her voice was far from demanding, but something told me that this wasn't a request.

"Maybe later." I grumbled, turning away from her.

She poked me again, her finger becoming insistent. "Show me more of the town."

"You got the laptop, just look it up."

"Not the same. Get up."

"Um, Princess..."

"Quiet, Shining."

"We'll go later." I said.

"But I'm bored now."

"Celestia, you sound like a kid."

She stopped poking me, grumbling.

"Princess, what are you..."

Is she gonna drag me off the couch, or something? She probably could if she wanted to. I should jus- Holy fuck!

A massive weight started pressing down on my back. I looked up to see what it was. It was her. She was sitting on my back.

"Get off me!"

"Oh, you're awake."

"Yeah I'm awake, you're crushing my ribcage!"

Celestia's bottom weighed heavily on me. I couldn't take in full breaths. Even so... It wasn't entirely unpleasant.

She gave me a smile. Her smile. "You know, I was wondering when you would get up." she jokingly stated.

"It's hard to breathe under your big butt."

"Oh? Is my butt really that big?"

Yes, it's huge and amazing. "C'mon, get off of me."

"Alright, but you have to do something for me."

I just laid there and accepted defeat. "You don't have to pin me to my furniture every time you want something from me."

"Oh please, you're having fun."

"Yeah, and how would you figure that?"

"You haven't tried to push me off."

"That would be rude."

She gave off a light giggle. "Take me around town again."

"There isn't any more stuff."

"I don't believe you." she said in a childish, singsong tone.

"Can't a guy sleep in for once? I'm gonna poke you."

"Hmm?"

I stretched upwards and poked at the side of her head with a finger. "Poke ya right in the noggin."

She stifled a giggle. "So, where are we going to go today?" she asked.

I gave her an annoyed groan. "Fine. Somewhere. I'll think of something."

"That's what I wanted to hear."

I waited a few moments before saying, "Will you get off me now?"

"Maybe later."

"Oh, ha ha..."

I struggled to free myself from her bottom, though quickly gave up. Breathing soon became an unimportant part of my life.

Celestia moved atop me. I watched as she picked the laptop from the coffee table and placed it onto her lap. Shoulda just kicked her off, now she's got precious cargo. As if her butt wasn't precious enough...

She knew what she was doing. She had to. Why else would she do this? A woman doesn't forget hundreds of years of social grace and maturity in a week.

My back hurt...

She got off me after a few minutes and moved into the kitchen, humming a tune to herself, leaving me with the task of figuring out what we were going to do. Very little came to mind. Fewer still seemed fun.

Fuck it, let's just get wasted.

It was about time to introduce some more of my friends to these ponies. What better place to do so than at a bar?

I wasn't that big on drinking. I'd have some with my friends, but rarely drank alone.

"Hey Celestia, do you drink?" I asked.

"Drink? As in alcohol? I enjoy a glass of wine every now and again. Why do you ask?"

"Let's head to a bar tonight. I'll invite some of my friends and we'll all have a sort-of party or something."

"I don't know if that's a good idea." said Shining.

"Are bars here any different than in Equestria?" she asked me.

"Not by much, I wouldn't think. Drinking, eating, playing darts, shooting pool... Typical bar stuff."

She gave it some thought before responding with, "A bar... Sounds fun!"

"Are you sure about this, Princess?" Soulfire chimed in.

"If he thinks it's a good idea, then I'm fine with it." she replied, "Besides, if anything goes wrong, I have you around to protect me, don't I?"

"Oh, nothing's gonna go wrong." I said, "I got a nice place in mind for ya. You'll love it. It's... not gonna be a fancy place, though. I doubt the place even has wine."

I told her that it would be a while before any of my friends were out of work. I wasn't working because I thought that some time off might be beneficial. Maybe it was. I eventually invited three of my friends, Tristan, Trevor, and Timmy. Thankfully, they were free.

It was about 6:00 or so before we left. I had to keep Celestia entertained until then with more computer questions. The bar in mind was somewhat close to my house, so the drive wasn't unpleasant.

I saw Trevor's car, but the other two weren't here yet. A familiar smell of cigarettes and alcohol filled the air as we walked in.

Trevor waved us over when he saw us. I led us over to him. The bar was somewhat full, but it seemed calm enough.

Trevor looked over my posse. "Hey Phil. What's up? Who're these fine gentlemen? Am I getting mugged tonight?"

"It won't be a mugging if you give the money willingly." I responded.

"So who are they? And the woman, is she also with you?"

"The woman?" asked Soulfire, stepping towards him. Celestia put her hand on his shoulder.

"Well, she is a woman, isn't she? Although, knowing Phil..."

"Yup, they're with me." I said to him, "You guys take a seat, I'm getting myself something to eat."

"Get something for me!" said Celestia.

"Alright. Whadda ya want?"

"Surprise me!"

I blinked, then shrugged and walked to the counter.

Trevor followed me. "Uh, Phil? Is it ok to be scared right now?" he asked.

"Don't be a bitch, bitch."

"Who are they?"

"Ah, just some friends I wanted to introduce to the gang."

"So we're a gang, now?"

"Yeah, The Bitchy Bunch."

He chuckled.

I ordered some onion rings for myself and the Princess.

Trevor was staring at the three of them, confused.

"So... So how much did he pay the three of you to do this?" he asked them when he knew I could hear.

"You’re not the first guy to say something like that." I replied.

"Yes, I have... heard it before." said Celestia.

He looked to them, then to me, then back to them. "Well... whatever."

Timmy arrived after a few minutes. I introduced them to each other. Timmy was surprised to see two extra people around me.

I retrieved my baskets of food from the bartender, ordering few beers for the group as I did. This would give me some much needed stress relief. Even when it was just Celestia, I felt like I had too much to deal with, and now there were three of them.

I opened my can and took a drink. It wasn't a pleasant taste, but it was cheap and easy. Without asking, Celestia grabbed the next can. She looked at me and opened it.

"Princess, are you really sure about this?" Soulfire asked.

"What did I say about calling me Princess?" she said before taking a long drink. She didn’t give any reaction to it, but set it down on the table.

"They’re staying with you?" Trevor said with a sigh, "You guys enjoying yourself at Phil’s house?"

"It’s pleasant, if a bit boring." Celestia stated.

Shining shrugged. Soulfire didn’t react. They haven't been there long enough to say.

I grabbed some onion rings and finished my can. Trevor took the next can. Celestia tried an onion ring.

"My, that was very... greasy." she said after she had finished it, "I don't eat much deep fried food. That may be the most unhealthy thing I have ever eaten." She proceeded to grab another.

The guards were slowly coming to terms with their Princess's attitude.

After she finished her own basket, she reached towards mine.

"Hey, order your own food." I said, pulling the basket away as her hand reached out for it.

She looked to me with exaggerated puppy dog eyes. I glared at her as I slowly pushed my basket back towards her. She smiled at me. I just sighed as she took one.

The door of the bar opened and Tristan walked in. He saw us and walked over.

"Hey, man." I said.

"Hey. Who's the new guys?"

More introductions.

"Do they pay rent or something? I know you're a cheap ass, you wouldn't let them stay for free. She clean the hose or something?" asked Trevor.

Celestia chuckled. I'm pretty sure she knew exactly what that meant.

"Knowing you, it’s probably one of the other two who does the dirty work." he said.

Timmy let out a poorly concealed snicker.

"I'll fukkin' pay your rent, boy." I said to him.

"What?"

"What?" I grabbed another beer. "I'm hungry."

"We're all hungry." said Trevor.

"I'm not actually that hungry." said Tristan.

"Statistically, we're all hungry." I said.

"That's not statistical at all." said Timmy.

"You're not statistical." said Trevor.

"Well... I can't argue with that." Timmy replied.

Both of my other friends grabbed the beer I got. We had already run dry. This was going to be a long evening.

Seven people sitting in the corner of a bar, slowly getting drunk. I ordered some more food and some more beer. Living the dream...

I didn't come here to talk. I came here with the intent of getting drunk, so that's exactly what I did.

I remember playing some pool a lot. Celestia was definitely a ringer. The dartboard saw some action, too.

Eventually, as is typical with alcohol, things became blurry. I don't remember much, but I know that we had a great time. Even the guards joined our little party after some convincing from their Princess.

All in all, I think this was a pretty idea.

How much money did I spend...